I’ve been in denial a little bit about this, but now it’s really happening… the senate will vote on the Federal Marriage Amendment the week of June 5. And Bush is, of course, going to present a speech in support for the bill.

Speculation on if it will pass or not, varies from different places/websites/thinktanks (BRO reports that Senator Gordon Smith plans on voting yes and Senator Ron Wyden will vote NO) but the fact that the senate floor will be voting on writing discrimination into the US Constitution gets me nerveous... so I did it, I spent some cell phone minutes and called Oregon's senators asking for their support for equal rights... and YOU CAN TOO!

Senator Ron Wyden, Portland Office: (503) 326-7525 / D.C. Office: (202) 224-5244
Senator Gordon Smith, Portland Office: (503) 326.3386 / D.C. Office: (202) 224.3753

Wolves in the Throne Room. Berbati’s. 9:30 pm tonight. Read what Pitchfork just said about them.

Local guy Dave Allen, bassist for Gang of Four just announced he’s signed a label deal with CD Baby. As says the press release, “Pampelmoose llc, a music, media and management company owned by Dave Allen, bass player for post-punk legends Gang of Four, has entered into an exclusive arrangement with CD Baby, Inc., who recently announced the formation of their own label group, CD Baby Umbrella Label, via a deal with leading distributor Ryko/WEA.”

"The label group, CD Baby Umbrella Label, will serve as the distribution arm for independent bands and labels, allowing them to maintain full control over their roster and activities whilst also gaining access to the vast resources of Ryko/WEA. This unique deal is in keeping with CD Baby's commitment to empowering independent bands and labels, as evidenced by over $27 million dollars paid to 100,000+ artists via the company's online store, and a digital distribution program that allows artists to iTunes and other leading digital retailers.

'Dave Allen's been through it all, as both a musician and a label owner, so when you have an idea that excites Dave, you know you're on to something," says Vice President of Marketing and Business Relations for CD Baby, Alex Steininger. "So, suffice to say, we are very excited to sign Pampelmoose, LLC to a distribution deal and help the label blossom and grow.'

'I can not think of a more satisfying and unique solution for my label's distribution needs,� says Dave Allen, Pampelmoose co-owner and President, "Pampelmoose started less than two years ago and has had great success regionally with its artists and this deal brings us the national reach that we've been looking for whilst allowing us to remain in full control of our activities.'

About Pampelmoose:

Portland, Oregon-based Pampelmoose was formed as a label for independent bands that do not want to sign away their copyrights or master recordings; the company's principals believe that independent artists should own their own masters and copyrights therefore the company primarily enters into licensing deals with artists. The company also offers the following services: Studio Production, CD Manufacturing, National CD Distribution, PR, Radio Promotion & Music Business Consulting. We also build websites and provide the ability for bands to sell their CDs and T-shirts etc through our online store technology - we warehouse and ship their products, provide merchant bank services for credit card clearance and provide customer service.

The company was originally formed to provide label services for its first signing and biggest act, Dirty Martini. The members of Dirty Martini are co-owners of the company. Dave Allen is currently in the studio producing new albums for Dirty Martini and new signees Wet Confetti and Kleveland, all of which will be released this fall. Our latest signing is the Portland band Heroes and Villains. For more information, contact Matt Wright at matt@mattwrightpr.com and visit www.pampelmoose.com.

About CD Baby:

CD Baby sells and distributes music online for independent artists and labels. Founder and musician Derek Sivers was selling his own CD online in 1997, and he eventually asked a few friends if they'd like to sell their CDs there, too. Friends told friends and now over 128,000 artists sell their music through CD Baby. CD Baby has sold over two million CDs to customers worldwide, and paid over $25 million dollars to musicians. CD Baby's Digital Distribution program has deals with all major digital outlets such as Apple iTunes, Verizon Wireless' V CAST MUSIC, MSN Music, Rhapsody, Napster, and Sony Connect, making CD Baby one of the leading digital distributors. For more information about CD baby please visit www.cdbaby.com or contact Alex Steininger, Vice President, Marketing and Business Relations, at alex@cdbaby.com or 503-255-2569."

The Powell’s blog had a great item yesterday. Remember the New York Times’ list of the best American fiction of the past 25 years? The National Book Critics Circle just released a list of the books that receved a single nomination each. There are some good ones on there, including Grace Paley’s Collected Stories and Barthelme’s 60 Stories. John Irving’s Cider House Rules is also on there, nominated by… John Irving.

So this is the Chanko Nabe Unpaid Intern just ate with news ed, Scott Moore. Sumo wrestlers eat it to gain weight in Japan, on average consuming five bowls after sushi, with rice, and two cases of beer. They then sleep for three hours to allow the weight to accumulate.

With just two bowls, we’re going for the “lite” version although hopefully after enough PBR, Scott will still agree to try some of the wrestling…..

So, this was strange.

Scott, Unpaid Intern, and I were waiting for a streetcar downtown. We were also trying that new “coffee essence” infused Coke Blak (some guy was handing out free samples in Pioneer Square). It was awful, but Scott kept sipping it—it was weirdly addictive. Which prompted me to make a comment about heroin “essence.” Totally normal situation, right?

But upon hearing me joke about heroin-laced Coke, a tourist-looking guy waiting for the streetcar sidled up to us, and asked if we knew “where to score some fry.” That’s the super-toxic “sherm” shit where joints are soaked in formeldehyde, dried, and smoked. (Or, where regular cigarettes are dipped and laced with PCP.) And no, I don’t know where you can score that, just because I made a lame joke that included the word heroin.

I love downtown.

There’s a giant trio of yellow tents set up in Pioneer Square, where Scientologists are offering free stress tests. No one’s biting, despite the luxurious couches inside the tents. And Tom Cruise is nowhere to be found.

Jesus Christ, is nothing secular anymore?

…the latest in ballpark promotions: Faith Nights, a spiritual twist on Frisbee Nights and Bat Days. While religious-themed sports promotions were once largely a Bible Belt phenomenon that entailed little more than ticket discounts for church and synagogue groups, Faith Nights feature bands, giveaways and revival-style testimonials from players. They have migrated from the Deep South to northern stadiums from Spokane, Wash., to Bridgewater, N.J.

Third Coast Sports, a company in Nashville that says it specializes in church marketing and event planning for sports teams, has scheduled 70 this year in 44 cities, and many teams produce Faith Nights on their own.

They are about to become even bigger. This summer, the religious promotions will hit Major League Baseball. The Atlanta Braves are planning three Faith Days this season, the Arizona Diamondbacks one. The Florida Marlins have tentatively scheduled a Faith Night for September.

A helpful reminder from our own Dan Savage. Take it, Dan!

Want Al Gore to run for president? Well, you don’t have to sit there and wait for Gore to jump in anymore—now you can help draft Al Gore. Gore supporters are collecting $5 contributions in the hopes of demonstrating grassroots support.

Today, we kick off the formal formation of the Draft Gore 2008 PAC….

From June 1st through June 30th, when the second fiscal quarter closes for FEC-registered candidates and PACs, DG08 asks Gore supporters to vote with their wallets: While total fundraising amounts are important, our initial goal for our first reporting quarter is the number of supporters we can point to as wholeheartedly supporting Gore, whatever your financial position in life. Can we reach a goal of a hundred, or a thousand, or five thousand individuals within the grass- and net-roots willing to send the message that Gore is the most qualified candidate for the Democratic nomination in 2008? We believe we can.

Go give $5—it’s quick and easy and you just might save the country and the planet.

So last night was the first ever primetime television Scripps National Spelling Bee — which was, of course, AWESOME, and could only be improved upon by making all the kids live together in one house with a case of liquor. However! For reasons that are still galling to me, they actually let a CANADIAN participate in this classically AMERICAN competition which is HORSESHIT, I’m sure you’ll agree. And that little Canuck almost won! Thank god for the word “weltschmerz” or 14-year-old Toronto native Finola Mei Hwa Hacket (who I will agree was nerdy cute) would’ve won the whole shebang. Although it is ironic that a Canadian was defeated in an AMERICAN competition by a German word. Finally! Those krauts are good for something!
Anyhoo, big ups to New Jersey gal and AMERICAN, 13-year-old Katharine Close for bringing home the spelling gold with the word “ursprache” — which originally meant “parent language” and now has a new meaning. U…S…A! U…S…A! U…S…A!

Up yours, Canada!

Holy shit, spelling bees are rad. Did anyone else watch this? From the Times article:

Spellers took to the stage minutes before the broadcast, huddling and chanting ”1-2-3, Spell” before taking their seats.

These poor, awesome little nerdlings. I wish there were televised spelling bees every week.

Until that glorious day, I guess I’ll have to settle for some greatest hits, courtesy of GorillaMask. On a related note, Akshay Buddiga is heroic. And he’s getting his lunch money stolen at this very moment.

If art galleries aren’t your thing, but you still want to party First Thursday-style (read: rub shoulders with the city’s movers and shakers, and drink free wine at the same time), head to City Hall tonight. June’s First Thursday theme is—what else?—Pride. It’s Big Gay June, after all.

From Commissioner Sam Adams’ blog:

Come join us for a night of Queer art celebrating the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer community at Portland’s City Hall. This historic 1st Thursday event is a collaboration with Portland’s City Council and Queer community organizations in highlighting the contributions of the LGBTQ community through art, food, and entertainment.

Back in April, we wrote about neighbors’ efforts in Lents—the SE Portland neighborhood around Foster Road and I-205—to get drug paraphernalia out of the neighborhood’s convenience stores.

The neighborhood’s still working on getting crack pipes and other drug-related goods out of the shops (and getting those shop owners to sign Good Neighbor Agreements), reports neighborhood association chair Kris Nord. It hasn’t been the easiest sell:

A couple weeks after we sent out our official letters and Good Neighbor Agreements to the store owners, I received a phone call from Phan at 88 Market there at 88th/Woodstock asking for a meeting.

Phan expressed concerns that while he would like to help make the neighborhood healthier, he has already paid a great deal for this merchandise and that the vendor would not buy it back. He would like to receive compensation for removing his existing inventory. He would also like a meeting with all of the neighbors and convenience store owners todiscuss the issues. And his attorney advised him not to sign the Good Neighbor Agreement.

But Lents is pressing on, telling shop owners like Phan that they’d “like to help them find merchandise that would benefit the community and provide profit to the store,” Nord explains. “I expressed that the GNA is both reasonable and is backed with the support of the EPNO, the East Precinct,
and the Mayor. I told Phan that the neighborhood would look into some options for the existing merchandise, and that we would schedule a meeting with storeowners in July.”

A second letter is slated to go out to shop owners soon, inviting them to a meeting with the neighborhood association. Stay tuned!

Tonight (a rainy-ass first Thursday) marks the “official opening” of the Portland Art Center at 32 NW 5th. They’ve been using that space for several months now and caling it an annex, so I presume that they’ve spiffed the whole thing up, and this it what it’s going to look like indefinitely.

Read the press release after the jump.

Portland Art Center presents:

This First Thursday, don't miss THE party after
you've gone to the galleries!

Contact: Gavin Shettler@503-236-3322 or
gavin@portlandart.org
Portland Art Center: Now
32 NW 5th Ave. Portland, OR 97209
www.portlandart.org
Gallery Hours: noon-6pm, Thursdays-Saturdays
9:30 pm-Midnight, First Thursday, June 1st, 2006, $5
(members free), 21 and over

Special memberships for $25, includes admmission. It
takes all of us to build an art center!

A party to celebrate the official opening of
Portland’s community center for the contemporary
arts. Portland Art Center unveils its newly
renovated, 10,000 square foot home located in the
heart of downtown Portland, Oregon.….come on out
and celebrate!

Music by Vagabond Opera, and DJ Stylish
Catering by Pasha with a cash bar

Along with the gala, we have five exhibitions
opening on June 1st.
Artist Receptions for June 1st, First Thursday, 6-9
pm, free
Main Gallery
Comutatus
Installation by Barry Johnson
June 1-July 23, 2006
Opening reception: First Thursday, 6-9pm, June 1st

Main Gallery
Gallery Guide Exhibition I
Selection of galleries representing the breadth of
the Portland Art Scene.
This exhibition coincides with the launch of our
first annual, comprehensive Gallery Guide for the
city of Portland. The Gallery Guide is a free
publication with walking maps and a comprehensive
directory of traditional and alternative exhibition
spaces. Our first issue lists 187 visual arts
exhibition spaces.
June 1-25, 2006
Opening reception: First Thursday, 6-9pm, June 1st

Open Space Gallery (second floor)
Oregon College of Art and Craft Post-Baccalaureate
Exhibition
June 1-25, 2006
Opening reception: First Thursday, 6-9pm, June 1st

Sound and Light Gallery (second Floor)
Hexasion II
Video and sound installation
Curated by Jason Frank and Andy Brown
June 1-25, 2006
Opening reception: First Thursday, 6-9pm, June 1st

Goldsmith Buildings Backroom
Entropy and the Arrow of Time
New Paintings on Steel by Jeff Fontaine
June 1-25, 2006
Opening reception: First Thursday, 6-9pm, June 1st

Portland Art Center is a nonprofit organization
dedicated to creating space for Northwest artists
and the community to connect and communicate. The
space offers galleries for the display of
contemporary art and a resource room that is open to
the public. The mission is to cultivate the vitality
of the area by establishing informative, innovative
and provocative interactions between art, artists,
and the community. As a hub for the contemporary
arts, Portland Art Center is the place for artists,
arts groups, visitors, newcomers, businesses, civic
leaders and the local and regional communities to
all interact. As a physical space, it includes a
meeting and resource room, galleries, and
administrative services.

Portland Art Center Gallery
Exhibitions of cutting edge contemporary art focus
on, but are not limited to, installation and site
specific work, and range from individual artists to
guest curators. Our goal is to be a flexible gallery
used to maximize artist’s creativity by providing
a space where local and national, emerging and
established curators and artists are shown side by
side. We feel this creates an important educational
experience for the Portland community, art patrons
and artists and fuels an integral, ongoing dialog of
the Portland Arts scene in relation to the rest of
the country’s established arts communities.

Open Space Gallery
Managed by Portland Art Center, Open Space is a home
of a wide variety of exhibits and is available for
temporary lease by individual artists, art
organizations, educational institutions and art
associations. We view this as a community space for
enhancing and developing creative interactions, by
providing access to alternative gallery space. This
is the only space of its kind in the region.

Light and Sound Gallery
This exciting new addition to our programming is
designed to accommodate sound and video
installation. Portland and the region are rich in
artists working in experimental film and sound. The
Light and Sound Gallery is specifically created for
the highest level of sensory experience.

Resource Room
Located at the entrance to the art center, the
Resource Room is the visitor’s center for
contemporary arts in Portland. In it can be found an
extensive collection of exhibition announcements
from all over Portland, a gallery guide and map, art
magazines, as well as a growing list of art related
resources and services in the Portland area.
Portland art Center is working to build a library to
include art related texts, an artist’s database
and an array of reviews from different art theory
and criticism sources. All of our resource info will
also be available on our website June 1st.
Portland Art Center has been gathering artists from
all art disciplines that are interested in teaching
workshops, curatorial endeavors and managing our
growing number of programs. There are many
opportunities to become involved with our resource
program.

The Portland drag landscape, just got a little more glamorous. A whole gaggle of local queer celebs/promoters are proudly hosting Total Drag, this town’s very own National Drag Competition (meaning dragkings/queens will be here from all over the country?? Coool.)

The who's =
Promoter: DJ Puppet aka the one behind hot queer club night, Booty.
Promoter: Oppenheim Shoshanah, aka, the one behind romantic lesbian night Tart.
Host: Anita Cocktail... Hell yeah, I TOO need a cocktail!
Performer: 3asic, queer dance pop.
Performer: DJ Beyonda, hot ass DJ.
Performer: The 12 best applicants will compete against each other and will be judged by the judges.
Judge: San Fran drag star Max Voltage.
Judge: Lesbian advice columnists Lipstick & Dipstick.
Judge: Local wig connoisseur, Madame Bouffant.
Judge: Queer writer, Marc Acito.
Judge: Performer, actor, Wade McCullum.

June 16, Wonder Ballroom, $10, all ages.

Unpaid Intern is writhing, for financial reasons, in fits of jealousy over Derrick Foxworth, who is reported to have been paid $20,000 since he was placed on administrative leave almost two months ago. Read more here….

Foxworth's lawyers say he is trying to busy himself with volunteer work, such as keeping his church's financial books in order. But if the City stumped up $10,000 a month for Unpaid Intern to sit at home all day, it's a certainty the church's accounts would go untended...

Portland Bureau's deputy director of human resources Anna Kanwit, who has been involved with the conduct investigation into Foxworth's affair with employee Angela Oswalt, confirms that the investigation's report is now complete and will be delivered to the Mayor's office on June 8.

"A decision [on Foxworth's future] is likely to be made as soon as possible, with the mayor reading the report, asking questions of a number of the investigators, and making a decision. I don't think there will be any undue delay in that process," she says.

Too bad for Foxworth, who at the rate things are going must be hoping things drag on a little longer....

Unpaid Intern wonders: what would Mercury readers do with the money?

Hey, have you tried going to Colleen’s (738 E Burnside) recently? YOU CAN’T. Know what I heard? I heard that Colleen herself is stepping down from her chefing duties there (and taking her name with her), and that the restaurant will open under a new name. The good news? Rumor has it that Colleen wants to open a(nother) new place, focused mainly on breakfast. But in the meantime, those of us who’ve become accustomed, nay addicted to the super fresh, local, organic, seasonal, and properly portioned wonders of Colleen’s are fucked. And rather hungry.

I get a lot of emails from out of town bands looking for shows but most of the time I have to tell ‘em I can’t do anything for them. That being said, yesterday I got a cold-call from Steve Gigante of the Austin band W-S Burn, who come highly recommended by people I trust (Weird Weeds, Peter and the Wolf). Their sound is kind of psyche-folk, a little Cat Powerish, nice and pretty, good driving music. They’ll be in town August 24th and 25th. If you can help ‘em with a show, email Steve at steve_gigante@hotmail.com Check ‘em out here.

Last week I brought 2% Majesty into the Mercury podcast room. They played. I watched. They played more. I watched some more. They were great. I felt great too. We were all glad. Being glad is good—and rare. Fuckin’ a.

Be glad and good here.

For those just tuning in, Britney Spears recently fired her nanny for allegedly dropping baby Sean Preston on his noggin, and has hired the beefcake pictured below as her new “manny.” New information is beginning to trickle in about this mystery man, including 1) his name is “Perry.” 2) Even covered with dogshit he looks better than K.Fed. 3) He has boobs, and… wha? Huh? Wazzisnik? BOOBS?? WOW! Only Britney Spears can afford a manny who can actually milk the kid for her!!

Tip o’ the hat to BestWeekEver.com!

If you’ve never checked out Radio David Byrne before, this is a great month to start doing so. Every month, he puts up a new 3-4 hours of music grouped thematically (past months have included Latin Rock, Old School Club Music, Tributes to Missy Elliot, and the Early Days of Hippie/Outlaw Country). This month, he’s assembled a great setlist of Avant Pop, which includes the Books, Outkast, Devendra, Brian Eno, Antony, Tom Ze, and tons of artists I’ve never heard of. It’s like having Byrne DJing your headphones. Check it.

Horrors of fucking horrors! Just when you thought you’d never again have to hear the atonal screeches of American Idol runner up Katharine McPhee, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have asked the full breasted harpy TO SING AT THEIR WEDDING. Why? Because she’s probably the only available singing celebrity SCIENTOLOGIST. Check it from Hollywood.com…

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have secretly asked American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee to sing at their upcoming wedding. Actress Holmes reportedly met McPhee at Los Angeles’ Church of Scientology, where the singer allegedly attended courses with her boyfriend, and has since become a huge fan of the pretty brunette. And, after McPhee lost out to Taylor Hicks in the Idol finale last week, the celebrity couple got in touch with the California girl and asked her to perform at their wedding ceremony. A source close to the couple says, “Tom and Katie have become Katharine’s biggest fans. They think she’s destined to become a singing legend.” And Cruise’s War of the Worlds director Steven Spielberg is also a big McPhee fan—he has set up a meeting with the Idol star to discuss a possible future in films.

A FILM CAREER?? That’s it! I’m calling a goddam ban on any movie Katharine McPhee is part of. (Except for maybe the Iron Man movie… but only because I’m a GODDAM NERD and even she can’t ruin it for me.)

“May I interest you in some Scientology literature? Wait… let me move these breasts out of the way.”

Robert Khasho, a friend of mine who’s graduating from Jefferson High in a couple of days has his senior art show tonight in the student commons area at the PCC Cascade campus at 7PM. It’s free. Robert’s medium is street-style stencil art, borrowing images from pop culture and beyond. He’s good. You should eat a bowl of Pho at Pho Jasmine then walk across the street and support a promising young artist who’s just getting his start.

(His computer crapped out before he could send me a jpeg, so this image is not his work, but you get the idea.)

Next Thursday (June 8) at Apotheke (1314 NW Glisan) local guy Carlo Pearson will be playing a collaborative set with SF breaks producer Kraddy. Carlo usually does an electro/techno set but this time he’s mixing it up by going IDM. Says Carlo, “I’m going to be improvising some IDM using home-built machines on the laptop in tandem with my trusty Korg drum machine. Expect lush pads and soundscapes with tinges of glitch and electro grooves.â€� Gasp and Senor Frio also play.

Seattle’s Shoplifting is playing Food Hole tomorrow, but some asshole stuck a wrench in the gears by ripping off all their stuff. Says Pitchforkmedia.com, “Last weekend (and for the second time in five years), Shoplifting’s second-most all-consuming tour fear was realized.”

"While their van was parked at 17th and Guerro in San Francisco, someone smashed a window and stole the following, according to a MySpace post from Devin Welch:
- Acoustic Control Corporation Model 150 Amp Head
- Acoustic Control Corporation Model 104 6X10" speaker cabinet
- Fender 75 Combo Amp with Celestion Vintage 30 1X12" speaker, green silkcreened grillcloth, Fender logo covered with tape
- Case with pedals: Electro Harmonix Micro Synthesizer in battered condition, Moogerfooger - Ring Modulator, RAT distortion, Boss Stage Tuner, Danelectro Delay
- Yamaha Portasound Keyboard with velcro on speakers
- Bag with hi-hat stand, cymbal stand, 2 snare stands, legs for floor tom
- Green, brown and silver ReLoad messenger bag with books, minidisc, cheap mics, personal items
- Tupperware bin with merch, estimated 100 CDs including EPs, albums and a large quantity of the Zum Audio Volume 3 CD, 50 12" EPs and LPs, a few 7"s
- Personal CDs in a large black CD book and a brown-grey cloth CD book
- Faux tweed suitcase with books

Numbers' Dave Broekema and Eric Landmark, as well as Grey Daturas' Rob Mayson, have loaned Shoplifting enough equipment to finish their current tour. In the meantime, San Franciscans should keep their eyes peeled, and send any leads to yrshoplifting@yahoo.com."

GreyDay Productions recording artist LKN (Lauren K. Newman) was seriously injured recently. Says Newman’s friend Jason DuMars, “Lauren fell face-first down a flight of stairs and fractured her skull, seriously damaged a major blood vessel, and herniated a disc in her back. Doctors said it’s amazing that she lived. She has indefinitely cancelled all of her shows and is expected to recover, but it will take a long time. People can contact me for volunteering or donations, it’s Jason DuMars, jaydumars@yahoo.com or 503-888-7808.” Stay tuned for details of a benefit show, tentatively scheduled for the 23rd of this month.

Emilie Boyles’ appeals hearing this morning stretched from 9am to almost 12:30. Only three and a half hours, you say? Obviously, you weren’t there.

As Amy relayed, it was a subdued affair. The gray-upon-gray hearing room—in the state worker’s comp hearing center by the convention center—was filled to capacity with about 25 people, composed entirely of media, three representatives from the Citizens Campaign Commission, members of the auditor’s office, and a witness for Boyles.

At the front of the room were Boyles and deputy city attorney Linly Rees, with Administrative Law Judge David Gerstenfeld presiding. The underlying issue: whether the administrative rules—which Boyles received when she filed and agreed to adhere to—were too complicated for someone like Boyles to understand and follow.

Gerstenfeld will reportedly issue his order within the next three business days, perhaps putting an end to one of the strangest sagas in Portland elections history.

More about the hearing after the jump.

While Boyles' campaign is still under investigation by the Attorney General's office over allegations of fraud in the signature gathering process, this morning's hearing only focused on the city auditor's accusations that Boyles violated the Voter Owned Elections city code in the way she actually spent her public money.

The auditor has demanded back all of the $145,000 the city gave Boyles' campaign, plus interest, plus penalties for each of the five violations she's accused of.

Violation 1. Boyles is accused of violating city code by using public funds to lease a campaign office for an entire year, despite the fact that she was only a candidate for the primary election, which ends 20 days after the May 16 election day. She paid $11,400--in full, upfront--for a full year at a former restaurant on SE Powell. The VOE administrative rules only allow money to be used during the election.

Further, on the lease she signed, Boyles says the space was to be used after the election for a food bank program. Under state law, candidates can donate leftover campaign resources to nonprofit organizations--however, under the city's VOE rules, this is forbidden. Since the money comes from the city, and by extension, from taxpayers, any leftover cash has to go back to the public fund.

Boyles, however, claims that this violation discriminates against people with disabilities and people living in poverty. This argument is a little complicated and requires some setup, so bear with me.

Ok, Boyles has epilepsy, right? That means that whatever space she found for her campaign office needed to not have flourescent lights (cause siezures--oh no--the hearing room has flourescent lights!) and needed a space where she could lay down if she had an episode. Plus, it needed to be wheelchair accessible for her volunteers. Plus plus, since many of her "core volunteers" suffer from bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, they weren't comfortable leaving the SE neighborhood where they and Boyles live, so the office had to be nearby.

These physical and geographic limitations narrowed the locations she could choose from for a campaign office, Boyles said. The biggest limitation, though, was financial. Because of medical expenses stemming from her epilepsy, Boyles says she lives in poverty and has a horrific credit rating--so horrific, in fact, that no property managers in her neighborhood would lease her space for an office.

So, finally, Boyles says, they walked into an empty space that used to be a restaurant and offered a year's payment upfront. It was the only way, she said, that anyone would have rented her the space.

That's her explanation.

Unfortunately for her, the city sees it differently. According to Rees and city auditor Gary Blackmer, the landlord of the space never asked for or required a year's rent up front. In fact, Boyles never asked if she could pay month to month and never asked for a shorter lease (one that would have ended just after the election, keeping her in compliance). Rees emphatically denied that Boyles was being penalized for her disability--one that she never made the city aware of, and never requested accomodations for--but was being penalized solely for paying for a space well beyond the primary and general elections, and was intended to be used the majority of the time for a food bank on the city's 11 grand (or "big," as the kids say).

Violations 2 & 3. These both deal with allegations that Boyles paid her 16-year-old daughter and her Russian campaign consultant, Vladimir Golovan (who's being investigated by the state for possible fraud in signature gathering), above fair market value for their work.

Primarily, the central argument was whether young Kimberly Boyles actually earned $12,500 by doing "internet marketing." Her mother says the internet marketing process is "propietary" and a "trade secret." Therefore, she can't actually reveal what her daughter was doing, but said the "process" was handed down from her grandmother to her father to her to her daughter, with obvious changes as technology advanced.

Confused? So is everyone else. Which is why nobody buys the "internet marketing" thing. Here's what it sounds like, though. Kimberly Boyles spent hours and hours online, trolling blogs, chat rooms, and listservs, and then fed the campaign all the new "buzz words" the bloggers were using.

Rees said the only product of Kimberly Boyles work was a letter she spammed out to a ton of local listservs pleading for attorneys to come to her mother's aid. And that letter, she said, "Sounds like the product of someone with her level of high school experience."

Boyles responded by saying, "The fact that she sent out a letter that sounds like it came from a 16-year-old shows her marketing skills. It was meant to sound like a plea from a 16-year-old" in order to get sympathy.

Violation 4. Boyles had a phone line (and DSL) installed in her mobile home using city funds. This is actually appears to be a violation of state law--campaign phones can't be put into residences. Boyles even admitted that phone was used at least occasionally for non-campaign purposes.

Violation 5. That Boyles used the public funds to pay back debts to consultants (Golovan, Kimberly Boyles, and campaign manager Aaron Minoo)--debts that were acquired before she was certified to receive funding. The VOE rules state that the only money candidates can spend prior to being certified is "seed money" or the $5 contributions. The city includes "incurring debt" as an expenditure. Essentially, Boyles signed contracts with these three people, stating that they'd get their money as soon as the campaign was certified and the $145,000 rolled in. Since that money was "owed" or "indebted" to them for services provided before the certification, the city argues that the contracts and payment violated the rules.

Boyles, though, says she used the definition of the word "expenditure" found in the dictionary, which doesn't refer to debts incurred.

Ultimately, Boyles tried to paint the VOE system as overly-complicated and impossible to navigate for "common" people.

"We did the best we could in the spirit of the law," she said during her closing arguments. "We did our best to comply with a very complex set of regulations."

Al Gore’s movie, An Inconvenient Truth, opens that night—I’m there. But what’s even better than a movie about global warming? Drinking with a bunch of lefties before the show!

From Progressive Happy Hour

Next Friday, June 9 - Party with Al Gore (sort of)

That’s right, we’ve scheduled an extra-special bonus Progressive Happy Hour. Why? Because we can. And, because it’s the opening night for Al Gore’s movie, An Inconvenient Truth.

So here’s the deal:

5:00 Progressive Happy Hour - at Momo, 725 SW 10th (back in the secret outdoor patio).
7:30 An Inconvenient Truth - at the Fox Tower, 846 SW Park Ave.

We’ll walk over together, just three blocks.

I’m reserving my seats now.

Quick, before they inevitably get yanked from the internets, vanishing as if they never existed: Three tracks from Thom Yorke’s upcoming album, The Eraser, courtesy of music blog … good weather for air strikes. Quickly. Quickly. GO.

And… umm… hello? Either a hive of bees took a baseball bat to Ashlee Simpson’s lips — or she just got juiced up with some collagen to go along with that newly clipped snoot. Finally, a successor to the Michael Jackson throne!

Tip o’ the hat to Hollywood Rag.com!

Portand’s hardest working art star, Harrell Fletcher, got a knockout review from Jerry Saltz in the Village Voice this week. (Artnet also runs Saltz’s reviews.)

Fletcher regularly works with students and strangers on projects involving memory, environmentalism, and the art world. As an artist he’s an odd combination of charismatic, bashful, renegade, pied piper, and recluse—a sort of David Hammons by way of Rirkrit Tiravanija. Since graduating from California College of Arts and Crafts in 1994, Fletcher, 39, has placed plywood paintings of local residents along the highway between San Francisco and Sacramento; had kids draw pictures of the exact moment in movies that made them cry (e.g., “When Tom Hanks saw the dolphins in Castaway”); created art magazines on individual artists; and photographed people’s babies to see how parents “decorate their children.” Curators and dealers have been hot for him since his Biennial turn, but he’s kept a low profile..

Read the whole thing here, then await September, when Fletcher’s American War comes to Portland.

I think everyone wanted to know why the hell I chose to pay 50 bucks in the Mercury auction to swap jobs for a day with one of the staff. Mostly, because the “design the Mercury cover” option was way too expensive, and no one else bid on the job swap. Guess there’s not much interest in seeing behind the scenes of Portland’s adolesc… uh, youthful news weekly.

I was told I could choose any position at the paper, so I contacted Steve Humphrey and said I’d go for editor or assistant editor, since I didn’t want my absence of any actual newspaper experience to get in the way of truly crucial activities.

My biggest editorial decision of the day came during the planning meeting at 10 am when the recent decision to add circlejerk as one word to the Mercury style sheet was mentioned.

I wasn't around for the original discussion, but apparently it had something to do with expressing the unity of the experience. Om. Enlightening as that perspective might be, I maintain that "circle jerk" is two words. Not hyphenated, not squished together like little boys sharing a bunk at camp, two words. I have been assured this will be my lasting legacy, and I couldn't be prouder.

This is Wednesday and the paper goes to bed on Tuesday night, so mostly there's a laid back attitude. For example the guys were circled round the TV watching...Alf. 'kay. The girls are working, by the way. Whether this is lack of interest in the Alf ouvre or because they have actual work to do, I'm not sure. (The two guys I'm sharing an office with have been discussing Napoleon Dynamite and the plot points of Chasing Amy and Mall Rats for the past twenty minutes. They have now excitedly found a skybox for And1, which is their fad of the day.)

Since this a job swap, clearly someone should be off doing my job. Steve is conveniently on vacation (which means I haven't actually met him), so Marjorie Skinner, the managing editor, will be called on to step up. I work in corporate cubeland, where no one is allowed in who hasn't gone through all the pre-hire testing, so Marjorie will instead be volunteering at Outside In. http://www.outsidein.org She's here today though (and I think she set me to writing this blog entry as a form of busy work to keep me out of her hair a while) so I will be following up to make sure the swap part happens. Now, off to find Marjorie....

If you haven’t been to the Aladdin to see OPB’s live performance of the radio show Live Wire! you should check out the one coming up on Friday, June 16. Kristen Hersh, of Throwing Muses fame, recently moved to Portland and it looks like she’s celebrating with a performance on the show. Also of immediate interest to me is the appearance of Catherine Coulson—the LOG LADY from Twin Peaks!!! Eeeeeee! I’m so there. She will be talking about her gig with the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. Will the one-armed man make an appearance too? You’ll just have to go and see.

Author Karen Karbo, Haiku Inferno, Jackie Weissman, and the High Violets will be speaking and performing. Me excited.

Scott just called from the Emilie Boyles appeal hearing. She is not causing a scene, making a spectacle, or throwing any tantrums, he reports. She is, however, having difficultly answering questions—the hearings officers has had to interrupt Boyles’ diatribes several times to remind her to answer the questions.

Check back here this afternoon for a full report from Scott.

Can you name this celebrity?

The answer and more juicy gossip after the leap!

It's KEVIN FEDERLINE! And he's a MORMON! Okay, fine, he's just trying to be funny in an awkward attempt to promote his new CD -- and yet? Even dressed up like Pat Boone, he looks a thousand times better than his usual skanky hillbilly self. Hilarious, K.Fed. Hilarious. Check out more clean cut pix HERE.
But not even Federline's new image can save him now, because HE'S IN THAT DOG HOUSE AGAIN after purchasing a $300,000 watch without asking Britney first. (According to MSNBC, that's the same amount of money he's being paid to record an album and tour in Japan -- wait. Has anyone told the Japanese how much he sucks??)

White Rainbow’s Adam Forkner fills us in on the YACHT grunge video we posted about last week. Go here to read his take on the whole thing.

Travis from Please Step Out of the Vehicle writes to say his band is down to play your house party this summer, that the group is cool with secret unannounced shows, BBQs, whatever. Says Travis, “we’ve gone acoustic for the summer, since we got a marimba, dobro, and hands to clap. It will be fun as all hell!â€� Also, congrats to Travis and his ladyfriend Amy who were married in a group ceremony at the recent Captured by Robots show. Keep an eye out for the band’s new CD, out in September, and a remix record with help from Wifeswap’s Heather q, Wilding, DJ Animal Stitches, the Merce Cunningham Duo, Quiet Countries, and more.

Just in time for her appeals hearing on the city auditor’s ruling that she misused city campaign funds, Emilie Boyles has issued a tirade about Mayor Potter’s smackdown of the FBI. The Mayor “should be welcoming the help of the FBI to dispel rumors of corruption in his administration and deter the further blemishing of Portland’s name,” Boyles writes, just after implicating Bruce Broussard, Bob Durston (Erik Sten’s campaign manager), and Vera Katz, among others, in organized crime.

Her lead piece of evidence: The Oregonian “reported” (it was actually in an opinion column by the paper’s city hall writer, not “reporting”) that testimony is frequently given “unnecessarily” on ordinances in which the commissioners have already made up their minds.

At the end of her rant, she makes mention of a new “watchdog advocacy group” named after her campaign slogan, “For the Good of Portland.”

Check it and the hilarious comments here.

And in case you forgot, Boyles’ hearing is tomorrow morning. Here’s the info:

Wednesday, May 31, 2006 9:00 AM
Portland State Office Building
WCB Hearings Division
800 NE Oregon Street Suite 340
Hearing Room H
Portland OR 97232

BTW, make sure you pay a visit to her updated website, in which she rips Broussard—her former co-host on Oregon Voter Digest—to shreds. See topic #9.

This just in from creepytown…
Mariah Carey (the scariest woman of all time) just insured her legs for $1 BILLION to represent the Gillette’s Legs of a Goddess campaign. Check out the picture of her with a 16-foot replica of her own legs. God, she makes me nervous.

So Unpaid Intern just got back from lunch at Mio Sushi, at 2271 NW Johnson Ave, and has heard rumor of a sushi war!

Read more here….

For $7.50, Mio's lunch seemed like pretty good value with lots of flavor in the fish, but I couldn't help overhearing a conversation at the next table (nosey....), along the lines of "the pieces aren't as big as at Saburo's". Ah, the American obsession with size, I thought to myself.......how quaint and predictable. How very, very un-European. Well, it sounds like SUSHI OF MASS DESTRUCTION, to me. SUSHI WAR!....with the big sushi picking on the little sushi, just because it's smaller, and can't stick up for itself.....

It's true, the portions at Saburo's, 1667 SE Bybee Blvd, are much bigger, but personally I'd rather fit the stuff in my mouth and not have to pause in mid-conversation with half a trout dangling from my lips. So, my question is this: does size matter where sushi is concerned? Has the Texan obsession with whopping steaks and who has the deepest cowboy boots permeated this far North-West? Or was I merely party to an isolated blip of indginity on Portland's cultural radar? I want to know so I can start forming patronising cultural opinions, fast....

Yeah, this entry is listed under “Food” because Seagal has gotten FAT. He’s big, massive big. I got to the show on Sunday late and only caught the encore, but 20 minutes of fat Seagal was depressing enough for me.

The man's gone walrus on us; all he needs now is a handlebar mustache and he'll look like somebody's dad.

His blues... they were... there's no way around it, they were cheese-ball. And he didn't do much of anything but play slippery little leads, smile every 10 minutes, and squint into the audience. (Is Seagal blind now? He kinda looks it.)

The crowd was full of middleage men with ponytails doing the powerdance, just wild, arms flailing, nowhere near in time with the music, danger dancing. Danger.

Erik didn't get in. (Guest list F-up.) Chas was buried in the crowd. Scott got there late (who knew the show would be over by 10fucking30pm.) So I lone rangered it up front and watching our action hero rock out like a drunken slug. Which is a long way of saying, best show ever. Fucking Seagal, man!

Just in time for tonight’s Smackdown! taping at the Rose Quarter, the New York Times pens a pretty damn good article about Nacho Libre and Mexico’s lucha libre culture.

In recent years lucha has also become an example of rasquachismo, an essentially indefinable term that describes underdog art containing elements borrowed from other cultures. As an illustration, Professor Martinez mentioned a luchador whose headgear features Aztec and Louis Vuitton designs. There are also luchadores who perform under names like Destructor Nazi (complete with swastika armband), Robot R2 and Ultraman. “Lucha,” Professor Martinez said, “is really an assemblage of a lot of international influences, but the ritual that goes along with it is very Mexican.”

I am so SICK of Angelina Jolie! She does everything she can to thwart gossip whores (like ourselves), and is largely successful. For example? Keeping her baby confined in her vagina until the Memorial Day weekend, when SHE KNOWS no one will be paying attention! And what’s the baby supposed to do during all that time? Work Sudoku puzzles??
Then when we’re winding up to call her the biggest bitch homewrecker EVER, she goes and donates 315,000 smackers to Namibian hospitals to “help others in need”. WHATEVER! You still broke Jennifer Aniston’s heart, you philanthropic trollop! And if I were a Namibian, I’d tell you to donate your money… up your ass!

Here’s a classic Seagal anecdote from karate champ Tom Levak. Thanks for the hee-larious info, Tom!

p.s. Who went to the Seagal show on Sunday? Blog it up, yo!

Eds,

The best Steven story, which is true, though how the confrontation started
differs, concerns Steve and former heavy weight judo champion, “Judo” Gene
Labell, the guy who taught grappling to Bruce Lee, and a guy who was about
25 years older than Steve at the time.

Version No. 1 starts: On a movie set where Labell was overseaing the stunt
men, Steve was trashing them— hitting them too hard— and Labell confronts
him, whereupon Steve kicks Labell, Labell ignores the kick and goes to
Steve’s back, takes him down and chokes him out. Steve wakes up and tells
Labell he can’t do it again and Labell does, and this time Steve pisses his
pants.

Version No. 2: Labell and Steve are on the set and Steve tells Labell that
he can get out of any choke. Labell puts a choke on Steve, Steve attacks
Labell’s groin and Labell chokes him out. Steve wakes up and tells him he
can’t do it again, and Labell does again and Steve passes out again and
pisses his pants.

The New Yorker printed one of those versions. I can’t remember which.

Signed, Tom Levak, aka, “GrandMasterTommy,” a legend in my own mind. Martial artist
since 1964 and 15-time national masters karate sparring champion.

“Mmm… I need to pee.”

The New York Times ran a pretty sizeable feature in their Sunday arts section about the comics industry’s latest push for diversity in comics, and in doing so broke the news that Batwoman’s now a “a lesbian socialite by night and a crime fighter by later in the night”—a description that feels at once kind of offensive and kind of awesome. The piece is worth a read, even if it feels ridiculously outdated; fact is, there have been a number of successful comics featuring minority characters for quite some time—they just haven’t, for the most part, been spandex-y superhero titles. (Check some of them out here and here.) Brian K. Vaughan’s Ex Machina has even handled the gay marriage debate (Vaughan’s other books, like Y: The Last Man and Runaways, feature incredibly well-written gay characters as well), while two of the four founding members of the Young Avengers are gay, thanks to (gay) writer Allan Heinberg. So, okay, yeah, pretty old news—but even if the whole Batwoman thing isn’t really that novel, at least the Times’ story might let those who’re ignorant of comics’ actual content know that them funny books aren’t as simplistic and outdated as they think.

Cue the Batman and Robin jokes!

Maybe it’s this.

Republican Party leaders continue to talk seriously about a continuation of the dynasty, a Bush III administration, with Jeb as a candidate in 2012 or 2016, when the memory of the current president’s dismal poll ratings will be less of a factor. That, at least, is what happened the last time around: President George Bush’s unpopularity at the end of his term in 1992 did not hurt his eldest son when he ran for president eight years later.

Perhaps Mary “I Ate Heather’s Pussy and All I Got Was This Lousy Constitutional Amendment” Cheney can be Jeb’s VP.

Here’s a heads-up to help you avoid a potentially embarrassing situation: If you happen to be at a public event (say, First Thursday) over the next couple of months and see something that looks like an avant-garde public toilet, don’t give in to the urge to relieve yourself in it. Because, see, it’s not a glorified Honey Bucket, but rather Mayor Potter’s newest tool in determining what Portlanders’ visions are for the city.

(Okay, if your vision for the city looks like a stream of pee, disregard my caution and just go with it. The mayor will thank you for your candor and honesty.)

It’s the Vision Vessel and it’s making the rounds all over the city to record your “ideas about the city of Portland as it grows and changes in the 21st century.” It was designed by Public Media Works, the same non-profit firm that created the “Cribs” parody videos for Candidates Gone Wild—the only redeeming part of that whole event.

I know that a pack of rabid pitbulls couldn’t keep me from recording my thoughts on this thing, but just in case you can’t get to one of the locations where the “Vessel” will be appearing, you can leave your thoughts on the “Be a Guest” page. Allegedly, everyone’s comments will be available for view starting today, but the site still says “You’re too early!”

Here’s my entry into Portland’s visioning project, in case anyone from the mayor’s office is listening: Can we pretty pretty please stop turning nouns like “vision” into verbs?

***Update***

Someone just pointed out that it sounds like I’m insulting the Vessel itself, which I’m really not. I haven’t seen the thing in person, but I’m sure it’s rad, just like the other stuff I’ve seen and heard about from Public Media Works. I just think the Mayor’s visioning idea is pretty silly.

If you’re not a regular reader of BlueOregon, you’ve got to head over to this post. City Commissioner Randy Leonard has posted an audio file that he “found” of an FBI agent trying to “pick up” a city staffer to infiltrate city council. This is the silliest thing I’ve ever seen or heard from a local politician. And I’ve seen a lot of silliness from local politicians.