In an attempt to bring every half-ass “sport” to our town, the Rose Garden has just issued a press release that Portland is now part of the International Fight League.

On September 9th, our hometown Portland Wolfpack (?) will go against our arch-rivals, those fightin’ mad Seattle Tigersharks. Oooooh, I hate those Tigersharks ever so much! Also, the greatest franchise ever named after an Ice Cube movie, the Los Angeles Anacondas, will go fist-to-bloody-fist with the Tokyo Sabres. Wooooo baby, IFL in PDX!

Wait, I hate fighting. It hurts. I don’t care about this.

Also this “sport’s” league is suspiciously thin, with only eight teams in it, the IFL has no teams in Chicago or Miami, but does have franchises in Quad City (the Silverbacks) and the single most violent city in the history of the world, Columbus, Ohio (the Razorclaws). Ok, whatever, IFL, just don’t beat me up for writing this.

Go Wolfpack! I guess.