According to Brit tab News of the World, celebrity homeless person KEVIN FEDERLINE is entertaining a $5 million offer to sell a four hour sex tape of he and Brit allegedly making whoopee on their honeymoon. Rumor has it that K.Fed is using the tape as leverage to get a hefty divorce settlement and sole custody of the kids. (Did you hear that kids? Run… RUN AND DON’T LOOK BACK!)

The source close to Federline said: “At the time the two of them were in the honeymoon stages of the relationship and couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

“They did nothing all day but have sex—and play the odd game of chess.

“They were insatiable and they believed they would be together forever.

“Britney didn’t think twice about making the video at the time. She mistakenly believed that their love would last.

Did I read that right? “The odd game of chess”? This is going to be the most BORING sex tape EVER!

Battleship? Maybe. Chess? NO WAY.