In an incredible upset that turned out to be not the least bit upsetting, football legend EMMITT SMITH beat out Saved by the Bell’s MARIO LOPEZ in last night’s Dancing with the Stars finale. This is of minor importance, because everyone thought the final two would be Mario and Blossom’s JOEY LAWRENCE, and yet Emmitt came from behind to defeat two far superior dancers pretty much only because the TV audience liked him better.
THAT AIN’T RIGHT, AND YET?

I STILL CAN’T SEEM TO CARE. So much for my “willing suspensiion of disbelief” in reality television.

In a related story, HEY GAY PEOPLE! LOOK AT THIS!