On Sundays, I like to play a little game as I read the New York Times. I call it Find Portland—there’s always a spot or two where Portland gets a mention in the paper.

This weekend it was in a piece on straight couples who’re refusing to tie the knot until gays and lesbians can get married, too:

Sam and Fawn Livingston-Gray of Portland, Ore., have the same last name and wear matching white-gold rings engraved with Celtic designs. Still, when someone refers to Sam, 31, a computer programmer, and Fawn, 33, an administrative assistant, as husband and wife, they point out the mistake, even if it’s the guy at the car-rental counter.

“I go out of my way to say we’re not,”� Ms. Livingston-Gray said. “It’s a really important dialogue with people I wouldn’t get to talk to otherwise.”�

Referring to each other as “partner”� usually helps avoid the misperception, but that can be tricky, too. When Ms. Augusto, the sociology graduate student, speaks of her partner, people ask if she’s a lesbian. “I say, “˜My partner is male,’ “� she said. ” “˜We’re not getting married because it’s not a universal right, and I feel that the word boyfriend trivializes our relationship.’ It’s really shocking to the people I tell that to. Probably as shocking as if I were a lesbian.”�

I’m conflicted about couples like this. I certainly appreciate the sentiment and unity. And the “dialogue” they’re creating is valuable, I think (ever since Brangelina announced that they’re postponing a wedding for the same reason, this concept—though certainly not new—has gotten a lot of attention).

But as my “partner” and I are considering crossing the Canadian border to get hitched—as a stopgap, symbolic measure until we can do the real thing at home—folks like these make me feel like I’m not as committed to the cause as they are. Or am I comparing apples to oranges? After all, the guy at the rental car counter is never going to assume that my girlfriend and I are married, when we’re not (hell, most people don’t even presume to ring us up together for coffee). Maybe our no-legal-rights-attached rings will help us start dialogues of our own.