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Friday, January 5, 2007

Gossip Christina Aguilera: A Model of Restraint

Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on Fri, Jan 5 at 11:36 AM

Pop star CHRISTINA AGUILERA gets a lot of crap—some of it, deservedly so. But unlike certain celebs we could name (Britneykoff, Pariskaff, Lindsayahem), at least Christina knows how to exit a limousine wearing a short skirt. And unless you want your va-jay-jay flashed on every website in the world, you would be wise to follow “Christina’s Step-by-Step Method of Keeping that Vagina Covered.” Observe”¦

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STEP ONE: Realize There’s a Problem. In this case, Christina quickly identifies the 37 paparazzi standing outside her car door, pointing long lens cameras directly at her juicy bits.

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STEP TWO: Secure the Load. As you can see, Christina deftly reaches back with her left hand to secure her skirt in place as she slides across the car seat. Neglecting to do so will almost assuredly “hike” the skirt, leaving one’s vagina precariously exposed to the elements. HOWEVER! Also note how she discreetly twists her right toe inwards. This is clearly a set up for”¦

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STEP THREE: The Dismount. Right toe turned in, Christina then SWIVELS HER LEFT KNEE TO THE RIGHT, cutting off any possible visual route to her vaginal canal. Meanwhile, her left hand steadies her exit, while her right slides her skirt back into its correct position.
BEAUTIFULLY DONE, CHRISTINA. We score that one a 9.7. (You would’ve gotten a 10 if those boobies weren’t spilling everywhere.)

Comments

Britney beats her to a pulp! Crapstina is such a self centered bitch who thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread, when in reality, she sucks ass! Why else do you think she wears so much makeup??? Cause she know she is DAMN ASS UGLY!!!!! Sure, she has a decent voice, but her nasty holier than thou attitude takes away from it!! HEr fucking "Back To Basics" CD is a LOAD OF CRAP!!!!! Who does she think she is, Jean Harlow with that '40's Old Hollywood look??? Trying to compensate for the whole "Dirty" thing a few years back?!?!?! Look....doesn't matter if she wears long coats, or million dollar jewlery...she'll always be a filthy, sleezy hoebag! Nobody likes her, even though she'd like to think they/we do. No matter how hard she tries, whe will NEVER be as popular, or as HOT as Britney! Britney can dance, sing, act, and has more records out there than that other cheap piece of Euro-trash!! CRAPstina only has, what, three albums to her credit!! Britney's got five, counting her Greatest Hits CD, with millions in between them!! And the chick couls have pig blood covered all over her and enough pimples on her face to play connect-the-dots...SHE IS STILL THE FINEST WOMAN ON THE PLANET!!! I don't care if she blows up like a hot air baloon, or if she takes a big fat dump on the Sunset Strip....Britney is the sexiest woman ALIVE!!!! Jessica Alba, Scarlet Johanson...none of them come close to being nearly as FLAMING HOT as Britney Spears!!! Britney.....come back to us!!! The world needs you!!!

Gabe… you sound upset.

There is no Gabe. Britney wrote that. OH HOW THE MIGHTY FALLEN FALLEN ON THEIR FAT, WHITE, DRUG ADDICTED ASS!

I'm going to need some red circles here.

Britney has come back dear... with her legs wide open and pissed as a fart!

eff you guys; xtina looks hot in those photos. if she was yer girlfriend and you had that set of photos of her you'd be so proud.

Ask any Jr. High school girl. It's a lot easier to prevent the skirt hike and keep your crotchal area from view when you have thin, long legs like Crapstina does, versus the recently fat, sausage thighs and short legs as does Hillbilly Queen Brits.

i hate christina. shes such a bitch. i like her voice, hate her music, despise her attitude. britney may be messed up, but at least shes a nice person and alot prettier and classier than christina will ever be which is why more people love her than they do christina. christina walks around thinking her shit dont stink and she has a bug up her ass all the time about something. and what is with her anti man attitude all the time???

awww look at the poor britney stan. are u mad coz britney is now the biggest walking joke around? her life is a complete mess. she is so obviously this generations whitney/MJ. not in terms of talent (obviously. brit shares a league with Hillary duff) but in terms of her crazyness. biatch needs a makeover. she looks more like a lunch lady than a popstar...

Christina is a real talent. No lyp-synching for this lady. I've been to her concerts and you can hear her voice past the mike. Can't say that for the Britster. She lyp-synchs to all her trakcs. It would be cheaper to stay home and play her album. Aguilera always looks good and you never see her looking trashy, running into a public bathroom in bare feet, or getting married to a real loser.Aguilera will be around long after Spears and others have faded from the scene.

Truth be told: There is ABSOLUTELY no reason why Christina is the least bit ugly. What SPECIFICALLY can you say is ugly about her?

Okay.....Christina is ugly as dirt!! She thinks she's so great, when in reality she SUCKS!!!!! Britney is coming back in 2007 to kick everybody else in the ass!! All the other girls out there are just a bunch of Britney wannabes keeping us warm until the reigning sex goddess makes her big comeback later in the year. Every straight man on earth still wants to bang her, can't really say that about that skanky Aguilera!! I'm even willing to bet that poor guy she married has wet dreams about Britney in her hot catholic schoolgirl dress. Face it, people....Christina may sing circles around her, but Britney will always be bigger, sexier, hotter, more popular and better than Christina!!

OMIGOD!!! Just look at that pile of CRAP looking all "I'm so much better than everyone", while trying to be miss Perfect! F*ck that!!! Give me Britney Spears and her pimpled up face and stained up p*ssy ANYDAY!!! Did you guys know that Christina actually pirced her p*ssy!?? Britney never did that!! Christina's only saving grace is her voice, and even that's starting to suck! Britney is the GREATEST!!! At least Brit doesn't dress like some '40s/'50s reject and her music is actually cool, and you can dance to it and play it at parties!! Play Christina's "Back to Basics" CRAP, and the party is OVER!!!! BTW, did you guys know that whenever Christina's "Genie in a Bottle" was played at clubs, or at proms, the dance floor cleared?!?!?! See??? Christina SUCKS!!! Britney RULES!!!!

Christina is over.Britney's coming back.

Britney Spears is the sexiest woman alive. Every hetero alpha male with a pulse still wants to bang her. She is the most bangable woman on the planet. Britney is sexier that Jessica Alba and Scarlet Johanson combined. Did you know Axl Rose says he still wants to have sex with Britney?!?!?! Britney's always going to be the hottest slice of estrogen on God's green earth...the problem is all the people dissing her are bitter, middle-aged women who don't stand a chance against Britney Spears. All us straight guys still wanna fuck her! Even old men like my 54-year-old dad and my 78-year-old grandad. Britney is the best! No one is better than her!

ohhhhh yeaaaaa.....britneys still got it, man.

Yeah! OWWW!!!!! Britney can show me her v-spot anyday!! She is still HOT!!! Forget Scarllet whatserface, Britney is the BOMB!!!!!

lookit how skinny christina's leggies are. they're like chicken legs. britney's legs are shapely and full. christina is skinny and flat-chested, while britney is full figured and has the best wrack in the business.

you xtina bashers are rather pathetic. if you were secure in the knowledge that brit was better than xtina, you wouldn't have to rant the way that you do. you could just sit back and wait for brit's comeback. and for the record, xtina has 5 albums out. there was genie in a bottle, then her xmas cd, then her spanish album, then stripped, and now back to basics. the reason that xtina only has 3 english studio albums out is because she actually waits in between releasing music so that she actually has something to write about. yes, she writes like 90% of all her music. brit hasn't written any of her own music outside of the one song about her baby, so obviously it's easier for her to drop records like she drops her panties when she's not actually contributing to the writing process. beyond all that, i don't think xtina has a holier than thou attitude. it seems that xtina is a bit more mature than brit and that is why she doesn't engage in those same behaviors and why she speaks out against them. xtina fans are not worried about brit, and neither is xtina. brit's fame is built on her image, which she is currently ruining, and not actual talent. she can dance and look good, but that's about it. her voice, just like her acting, sucks. xtina may not dance like her and may not be as pretty, but she's got a voice on her, and that's what's going to keep her here. notice the lack of curse words and other profanities? that's because i have faith in xtina and am not worried about brit. it's also due to higher intelligence and the ability to form coherent thoughts using words that can actually be found in a dictionary.....

you xtina bashers are rather pathetic. if you were secure in the knowledge that brit was better than xtina, you wouldn't have to rant the way that you do. you could just sit back and wait for brit's comeback. and for the record, xtina has 5 albums out. there was genie in a bottle, then her xmas cd, then her spanish album, then stripped, and now back to basics. the reason that xtina only has 3 english studio albums out is because she actually waits in between releasing music so that she actually has something to write about. yes, she writes like 90% of all her music. brit hasn't written any of her own music outside of the one song about her baby, so obviously it's easier for her to drop records like she drops her panties when she's not actually contributing to the writing process. beyond all that, i don't think xtina has a holier than thou attitude. it seems that xtina is a bit more mature than brit and that is why she doesn't engage in those same behaviors and why she speaks out against them. xtina fans are not worried about brit, and neither is xtina. brit's fame is built on her image, which she is currently ruining, and not actual talent. she can dance and look good, but that's about it. her voice, just like her acting, sucks. xtina may not dance like her and may not be as pretty, but she's got a voice on her, and that's what's going to keep her here. notice the lack of curse words and other profanities? that's because i have faith in xtina and am not worried about brit. it's also due to higher intelligence and the ability to form coherent thoughts using words that can actually be found in a dictionary.....

What the hell just happened?

Oh my God, people!!! Comparing Britney to christina is like comparing dog shit to perfume!!! Christina has class, talent, beauty, charisma and staying power!!! All Britney ever had going for her is all now down the tubes, thanks to constantly shoving Cheetos down her throat!!! and how could anyone say Christina is not as pretty as Britney?!?!? Britney has tiny little eyes set far apart on the sides of her fat ugly face, pimples all over, a fat neck, and more chins than one can count on two hands!!! Christina always looks good, and has a great body, because she takes care of herself and doesn't stuff herself with Cheetos and milkshakes and she has great legs!!! I'm a straight guy and I can honestly say that Britney never did anything for me, whereas Christina makes me HOT!!!! She is a million times sexier and more talented than that other no-talent sack of monkey puke will ever be!!!

I actually feel kinda sorry 4 Christina, because no matter how talented she is, and how great she sings, or how classy she is, she will never be as popular as Britney. Mainly because Britney is just tits and ass with no substance. Unfortunately, a majority of the male species only cares about tits and ass, and don't really value substance. Christina is also a strong, determined woman who is not afraid to speak her mind, while Britney's submissive and does what she is told, which is pretty much how she winded up where she is now. I, personally, find Britney attractive, but not drop dead gorgeous. Christina is really beautiful, with great big baby blue eyes and a nice figure, and she does take good care of herself. Britney is a waisted has-been who gets entirely too much press, while Christina is going to be around for a long time.

Britney's coming back in '07!! BTW....did you guys know that Christina's tour isn't selling as good as Britney's did!?!?!?! Because the public still favors Britney over Christina!! Britney is a millions times hotter and sexier than Xtina is!! Christina makes herself up so much she ressemlbes a drunk clown!! Britney's naturally stunning, and even when she has a face filled with blemishes and triple chins and fat legs and hair all messed up, she's still the most stunningly beautiful woman in the world!! She makes all other women look minimal!!

Britney eats like a horse and is a dirty whore! Christina is anorexic and is a dirty whore! Beyonce' is hands down #1!

MY GOD!!! Could Christina's legs get any skinnier?!?!?!

At least Britney has meat on her bones!!

Why do we have to talk about Britney shittin' Spears everytime we talk about Christina Aguilera?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Christina is in a completely different league. Okay....maybe she started out as a Britney-clone, but she broke that down because she has talent and class. Even back when she was wearing the assless chaps and was all "dirty", she was still alot classier and more talented than that SHITNEY SMEARS!!!! At least Christina didn't get drunk and marry some guy in Vegas for a few seconds, then married some guy who already got another woman preggers, all in the name of headline news. See??? Christina don't have to do none of that because she is actually talented and is a very strong woman and intelligent. I think the whole world is sick of Britney and her bullshit, and would love to be able to pick up a newspaper, or turn on the TV without Brit's goofy smiley face all over. The only people who ain't sick of Brit's crap are the press and Britney herself! I, for one, can't see enough of Christina Aguilera, cause SHE IS HOT!!!!!!

You guys are bashing Christina for no reason. Are you jealous or something. All I am reading is Christina Sucks because she sucks! She's beautiful and talented.

Christina does have a great voice, but let's face it...Britney's still the hottest piece of ass in town! :)

I won't deny that Christina does have some talent and spunk, but Britney is hands down the better of the two. She's a much better dancer, a much better singer, and is a MILLION-ZILLION-TRILLION times better looking! Christina's alright, but she is not in any way "beautiful", whereas Britney isn't just "beautiful"...she is KNOCK-DOWN-DROP-DEAD-GORGEOUS!!!!! Even now, the woman makes men everywhere wet between the knees. No woman is safe from losing her man to Britney. Just thank GOD she dumped that loser, Federline!! BRITNEY'S BACK!!!!!!!

Britney belongs in a toilet!! Christina's hot!!

Christina is just a Britney-clone. She ain't never gonna' be as hot, or as famous, as Britney. Britney's a living legend like The Beatles, only much hotter! I don't care if she's covered in her own vomit and fecies, I'd still do her!

Britney SUCKS, man!! Why can't you people see that?! She's a load of CRAP!!! We're supposed to be talking about the fine Miss Aguilera!! She is as talented as she is breathtaking. Britney looks as if she's been swimming in sewage....I bet she smells like it, too. Never liked her...never fancied her...never knew what other men saw/see in her....Christina is way better looking. And, unlike that other pile of doggieshit, Christina doesn't feel the need to make a total ass of herself just for free publicity.

britney is a diaper stain!

Britney is a FIRECROTCH like Lindsay Lohan!!! Britney belongs with the rest of the Hollywood Boulevard trash along with Paris and Lindsay! Let's focus on Christina! She's a babe!

okay, take a look at the pics of christina at the top of the page, compare them to britney....saying britney is better/finer/hotter/sexier than christina is like saying staying at some fly-infested cheep crappy motel is better than staying at a nice luxurious suite at a beautiful, spacious million dollar hotel. i rest my case.

Britney's better because she is an icon and she's a decent person. Christina is just a judemental beyotch!! She has a real nasty attitude and is a major stuck up bitch on wheels. Britney almost dropped her baby and drove with him on her lap, but those were mistakes. That doesn't take away from how truly sweet and kind Britney is, not to mention how naturally beautiful she is. Christina is all about making herself heard, even though she never has anything decent to say. I personally think her voice sucks because she's trying to be like Mariah Carey, when there can only be one MAriah Carey. And, Britney may have flashed her peepee maker all around the world, but Christina pissed in a bucket while bare naked in a room full of strangers and brags about it!! At least Brit admits that hanging out with cheep trash like Paris Hilton and flashing her crotch were bad moves....while Christina continues to boast about peeing in front of her fans and backup dancers. And she treats people like crap! I see her in interviews, and she's all sure of herself and arrogant. She has this whole "don't look me in the eye" attitude, while Britney is always bubbly and down to earth. Say what you want about Britney, she will always be bigger than Christina. Christina's "Back To Basics" CD crahsed and burned, while Britney's new album is going to be smashing!

Britney puts her bare feet up on tables after prancing in and out of a public restroom sans shoes, nearly kills her baby more than once, dresses like a cheap hooker, hangs out with Paris, marries some backup dancer who already had a pregnant girlfriend, marries some guy in Vegas for a few hours, flashes her nasty scarred and used up crotch in public, airs her dirty laundry on some cheap as crap reality show, has pimples all over her face, looks like the staypuff marshmallow man, and records crappy music, all the while thinking she's the best thing on two legs.

Christina has actual talent, keeps herself out of the spotlight, has class, always looks her best even on her worst day, takes care of herself, is mature, and makes brilliant music.

You Shitney fans are as stupid & retarded as she is.. I don't like christina anyway..

Britney Spears is the sexiest woman on the planet!! Why else do you think she topped FHM in 2004?!?!?! She's sexier than Scarlett Johansson, who is a walking joke!! That chick is so ugly it's sad!! Christina doesn't even come close to being as desirable as Britney!! Britney is the best!!

I agree Britney's superior to Christina in so many ways.

Alright, maybe Christina has a much better voice, but she doesn't have half the energy and charisma that Britney has.

Britney is also alot more beautiful. Christina is alright in the looks department, but she has to pile on, like, ten gallons of makeup just to look good. Britney's beautiful on her own.

Britney will go down as one of history's great beauties.

Britney Spears is so hot. I have loved her since "Hit Me, Baby, One More Time" came out in '98. Since then, I have never seen a more beautiful, sexy woman in my life! Not even Jessica Alba could even come up to her. Britney just keeps getting sexier and sexier. She went from being a teenage Lolita-type to being the ultimate blonde sex goddess of our generation! She's the Madeline Monroe of the 21st century.

britney is the icon of all time the world was nothing before britney arrived on the scene she will always be better than everyone else i know i have never been the same since britney came into my life she is so sexy and talented she gives me a major boner everytime i see her even looking all desheveled and getting plastered with paris hitlon britney's still the sexiest woman alive forget all the others britney puts them all to shame there will never be anyone sexier than britney

Britney Spears is still a FOXXX!!!!

Why can't we just put all this Britney Spears crap to rest?!? It is really, REALLY getting old and tired...just like Shitney!! She's an asshole!! All she does is pose with her stupid mouth wide open, making stupid faces!! Maybe we should start a trend here. See if you could try it. You may actually like it and enjoy it. Try talking about how talented and classy Christina is without bringing up Britney! The way I look at it, Britney and Christina, even though they did come up in the same era, are two totally different artists. Well...see, Christina is actually AN ARTIST...Britney is a big fat PHONY!!!! Okay, that being said, let us put to rest all of this Britney CRAP for good!!

Okay, let me put it in a nutshell for you!!

Britney Spears is a fat, ugly piece of shit!!

Christina Aguilera is self centered and thinks she's some reject from the '40s all of a sudden, but is still a skanky hoe!!

Kelly Clarkson beats the both of them to a pulp. Not only is she gorgeous and sexy, she's also a great singer and performer who doesn't rely on wearing next to nothing while shaking her goodies in everyone's face onstage. This girl is, in my opinion, the sexiest woman in the world, because she doesn't even try. She's natural.

And, please, to all those who alledge that Britney's a "natural beauty" *LOL* okay....have you even seen this whore without makeup on?!?!?! Maybe with makeup on, she's somewhat attractive, but take away all the facial cosmetics, and all you get is a junk whore with pimples the size of golfballs on that fat ugly mug of her's!!

So what is Brit had a nice mid-section??? After seven years of shoving it down our throats, it tends to get sickening after a while.

But, Kelly Clarkson, who has the best killer curves in town, doesn't need to show off her bod every chance she gets. She puts Britney, Christina, Beyonce', Hilary, Paris and Lindsay all to shame.

Oh, yeah!! Britney, and her stupid gum-chewing, goofy face making, stinky feet, pantyless, opening her mouth wide open so that everyone can see how nasty the inside of her mouth is, humungous man neck, is indeed the "sexiest woman alive...sexier and more gorgeous than Christina Aguilera"!!

GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!

Britney is trash!! She is CRAP!!! Nothing much going on upstairs with that little piece of horse dung!! Her fat mug is all over the place so much that it is next to impossible to think she is even remotely attractive, because we are all sick of the site of her.

Christina Aguilera is the hottest!! She was always the better of the two, looks wise and talent wise. Maybe her music sucked ass back when she started out, because they were all trying to turn her into this Britney-clone, but then she branched out on her own and made two really great records: "Stripped" and "Back to Basics". And, quit calling her nasty and self centered. Christina is a woman with a message and a mission. And, the reason Christina only has three albums out now is because, unlike Britney-Bitch, who just fills her CD's with overused bubblegum trash, Christina puts alot of hard work into what she does.

So, there....Britney is a disgusting trash hoe!! Christina is a classy sex bomb with talent!!

Christina is a decent singer and performer, but Britney will always be more famous and popular, because she is a babe!

britney spears is too famous for her own good. she says she wants to take a break from the media to raise her kids, yet she does everything she can to stay in the media. and dont be crying to us about the press not leaving you alone. you bring it on yourself, moron!! christina is a classy young woman with a voice like an angel and always looks hot.

Christina was doing so great there, with the new album, and was vastly becoming the new queen of pop, and with Britney out of the way, people were actually looking at Christina as a real artist, and not just some clone. Then, all of a sudden, Britney shows up on Letterman, with her stupid bobbed haircut and slinky little black dress with her goodies pouring out, divorced K-Fed, latched on to Paris and Lindsay, flashed her pubes all over the place....and now it's the "Britney Spears has taken over the world again" BS, with poor Christina lingering in her big, fat, ugly, abnoxious shadow!! Britney just needs to go retire to the trailer parks and forget about this "big comeback", because after all the sh*t she has pulled, people ain't going to accept her as a pop singer anymore. She'll just be a walking talking joke!! Christina...I want you to know that you will always have my back, girl!!

Christina does have a great voice, but aside from that, Britney is altogether better than she is.

Firstly, there is no denying that Britney is, like, A MILLION times HOTTER than Christina. Secondly, Christina's music is so boring and maudlin and issue-oriented. Britney's music is fun and upbeat. Even her ballads are fun to listen to. Britney also comes accross as being really approachable and warm...even with all the negative press that is undeservedly hurled her way, she always has a big smile on her face, and that makes people like her even more and feel like she could be your best friend. Christina does appear to be arrogant and stuck up most of the time. Case in point: When Britney hosted "Saturday Night Live", she was carefree and was even willing to poke fun at herself and her image a few times. When Christina hosted, she was downright BITCHY and whining about all her "men can do this, and that" crap, and I sensed some friction there, much like when Paris hosted. And, Britney is a much better dancer and has fun when she performs, whereas Christina actually turns her concerts into one big soapbox.

Bottom line; Britney RULZ!!!!

Britney really just needs to go away. Quit platering you big, fat, ugly, smiley face all over the place, as well as your pussy, and just go home and take care of your two bastard children, alright! This bitch has no talent and is basically recycled trash who needs to be thrown in a murky bog somewhere, along with her two bastards. She is a filthy slob with big smelly, filthy feet, who loves to be in the media, even when she cries about wanting to be left alone, which is why shortly after, she jump-started a massive vomit across the world when she posed naked and pregnant for Vanity Fair. Basically, Britney is just a giant heap of fly-infested CRAP!!!! Christina Aguilera is the hottest woman ever. Why can't people focus on her and her talent instead of waisting precious time obsessing over some fat little tart who made her money by being a teenage slut?!?!?! Britney, please, just jump off a cliff, you fat, overexposed pile of CRAP!!!!

Britney is still hot!!

Christina has a dynamite voice and writes great music...but Britney is still hands down the sexiest woman on the planet!! Even when she looks like roadkill!!

I think Christina's just a big poser! She thinks she is so great. The only time she looks happy is when she's posing for the cameras. The rest of the time, she always looks pissed off. Britney, on the other hand, always smiles and makes goofy faces, making her all the more appealing and girl-next-door. And she is so sweet and bubbly, without all the makeup piled on, Britney is shear physical perfection. She's also got a great body. Jeez......Christina A. could really stand to eat a sanwich every now and then!!

Look.....don't get me wrong. Like most men, I would much rather knock boots with Britney Spears....I can't deny that....but, as for singing abilities, Christina Aguilera wins hands down!

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