Last week I offered to “write about your vegan product, shamelessly, for cash,” and was beginning to lose faith in the gods of capitalism, frankly, until this morning the Mercury got 2 million FREE PIES, courtesy of Kris Pinella at the Little Pots & Pans Co. Pinella, who has recently imported herself to Portland from New York, says business is growing, “but I’m a New Yorker—I want it now!” Don’t we all, Kris. Don’t we all:Judging from the rate of their consumption, Pinella’s 2 million free pies weren’t exactly to be sniffed at, despite early skepticism and the mentioning of “rat poison”. They’re currently on sale at World Cup, Whole Foods, and Daily Grind for $4 each. ($4 is precisely 1 dollar out of Ezra’s pie range, he says, but I think, if mine were warmed-up, I’d be prepared to pay that, and Brad Buckner agrees, so there). Read the Mercury’s highly scientific, not at all bribery-distorted opinions, after the jump.

Next week, I’ll be offering to “write about your diamond-mining/yacht-delivery/Manhattan real estate/casino-owning business, shamelessly, for cash.” Offers to mdavis@portlandmercury.com, and it’s first-come, first-served. So get a move on.

The vegan favorite seems to have been the roasted tomato and caramelized onion—a moist, marmaladey mixture, which James Deeley felt "would benefit from a little bacon." Other vegan flavors were curried butternut squash—"it tastes like pumpkin pie" (Ezra again); artichoke and roasted garlic, and eggplant and roasted pepper. The main problem with the vegan pies, judging from a straw poll, is the lack of butter in their pastry. But then, that's what being vegan's all about, right? The crusts also stood up well to microwaving.

The veggie pies all went down well. Katie Lake would put the mushroom, leek and swiss pie "under my pillow, just so I could dream about it," and is even contemplating having Pennella cater her wedding, while the eggplant, roasted pepper and feta one seems to have benefited, review-wise, from the addition of its dairy element. There are also spinach pies and artichoke, roasted garlic and parmesan pies, if you like a bit of variety. Autumn described her veggie pie as "a filling little bastard."

Thanks, Kris!