According to multiple sources, teen queen LINDSAY LOHAN has called it quits with her APPENDIX, after a relationship lasting 20 years. Lindsay had been expressing discomfort with the bodily organ for some time now, and the disagreement apparently came to a head today, when she was rushed to the hospital to have APPENDIX forcibly removed by surgeons. Lindsay is now resting comfortably, while the location of APPENDIX is currently unknown. (Has anyone checked eBay?)
In a related story, K.FED text-messaged APPENDIX to ask if it “wanted to hang out.”