Me

Still obsessed with the shallow and vapid, huh Humphrey? I am beginning to think you just simply do not have any deeper thoughts within you....

I bet Kevin is a real joy to hang out with.

Kevin, you do know where you are, right?

The Internet is for myspace, sex, and being catty. There is no place for depth here, and it looks like we've got two of three nailed in one post...

Well, I guess if we're curious if Kevin is any fun we can just ask JACE.

Shit, I'm just pissed because she dumped me.

Dear Kevin:
It sounds like you might like to fight me. Is this true? Because not too many people would say what you like to repeatedly say—unless they were looking for a fight. So, would you like to fight me? I would like to fight you.
Sincerely,
Wm. Steven Humphrey

p.s. Any response other than "yes" or "no" will automatically make you a chickenshit.

"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." -- Isaac Asimov

Fighting is a sport, Mister "I like to quote some shit I saw on the underside of a Snapple bottle".

Oh snap, he just busted out an Isaac Asimov quote on you!!! holy shit.

I'm starting to like this Kevin guy.

Tron, truth is usually found in the most unlikely of places--even on the underside of a Snapple bottle. You'll learn this as you get a older.

Now we've moved on to quoting fortune cookies.

Excellent.

Just as I thought. Or to quote Joan Didion, "CHICKENSHIT!!!"

Humphrey, you're a professional writer and this is the best you could come up with? How do you expect to make a name for yourself in this field with such lame replies???

Kevin, I believe Steve asked you a really, really simple question. Do you have an answer? Or not?

Cluck… cluck… cluck… BA-KAWK!!

"Self-Righteous Anonymous Internet Trolling is the Last Refuge of the Douchebag"

I'll fight you, Humphrey. But I'm a chick--so I'll be sure and tie one hand behind my back so it'll be fair.

Love,
Carla

Finally! A worthy opponent! As for you, Kevin…

"Buh-KAW! Buh-KAW!! Cluck… Cluck… BUH-KAW!!!" -- Rene Descartes

What about the celeb in the picture? I say it's Rosie O'Donnell with her new bleach job.

Humphrey, when you have gained some age and wisdom, when you have accomplished a few things, failed at a few others, and perhaps had the love of a good woman or two, you will learn that differences of opinion are not solved by fisticuffs, as if you are some kind of reactionary skinhead. Until then, you may issue your little threats and challenges, believing, as I'm sure that you do, that they make you a most masculine and awesome specimen. Illusions die hard, as I suspect you have been discovering for yourself in these last few years. It's just a shame you've had to go through that in the public eye.

Mr. Humphrey you have been owned. A lot. Surrender at once and your feelings are free to go without being hurt more.

PS - Britney is fat and I think it's funny.

Kevin, are you Wilford Brimley?

Wilford loves his oatmeal. We enjoy a bowl every morning together. Then we chase it down with a fifth of Jack Daniels. Wilford likes to fight too.