Someone emailed us a photo of a gigantic snow penis—think snowman, but in the shape of an 11 or 12 foot erect dick—the other day, but rolled my eyes when I saw it. Maybe it’s because I grew up in MN, or maybe it’s because I had a lot of male friends in high school, but I’ve seen more than my fair share of snow dick. Lame. Tired. Played.

But it sounds like this snow penis—or another one just like it—has an interesting back story. We got this in a separate email just this afternoon. It seems the University of Portland—the Catholic college in North Portland—has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to cold cock. The photo, of what I assume to be the snow dick in question, is after the cut for those of you at work or just as bored with snow penises as I am.

From Patrick H.:

On wednesday with the day off school a couple friends and i decided to go build something in the snow, but not just anything. A giant snow penis, complete with head, balls and veins, it took us all day to make the 11 foot high cock and everyone who drove by our Willamette Blvd house loved it. Most waved some honked and plenty got our of their cars to take pictures, meet us and shake our hands. Hundreds of people saw it on their drive home and most loved it.

Apparently not all did, because around 6 pm campus safety from the University of Portland came knocking. Three of my roomates go to school their and we only live about three blocks from it. Citing neighbor complaints traffic issues and general moral decency, they asked us to take it down. I told em to go suck it and then they started threatening the students of the house with explusion from the school.

None of them were home at the time and they didn’t even know about its construction let alone had a hand in it, i pointed this out to the wanna-be-pigs and they said it didn’t matter they could be kicked out none the less. I said fat chance and closed the door on them.

They came back later saying the cops were on the way to cite us and take it down themselves. I told them about all the squad cars that had drove by and the honks of encouragement that one of the officers gave us, but they didn't care. I told em I'd love to talk to the cops and see what my legal rights really were, called their bluff again and they drove off.

They came back one last time seeing if we would budge, I told 'em I wans't taking it down but not up for a fight to stop them from taking it down. They went at it with pick axes and shovels, what took us 8 hours to build they took down in five minutes. I take solace knowing they broke an axe and actually had to work maybe even breaking a sweat and that literally hundreds of people saw it on their drive home from work.

I think its ridiculous that the Catholic Church would care about a snow penis enough to send goons to shove their morals on three individuals that aren't even associated with them. Overstopping their bounds? I would say so.