This just in: An unidentified gunman (or gunwoman) took a shot at former city council candidate Dave Lister as he was driving south on I-5 this morning between 11:30 and 11:45. According to Lister, he was just under the OHSU tram tower when he heard a loud bang, which sounded like something hit his car. When he got to his office in Tigard, he discovered that what his car was a small caliber bullet in the driver door.

“If it had gone all the way through the door, it would have hit my thigh,” he just told me. “If it had been three feet higher, it would have come right through the window.”

Lister called the Portland Police, who told him they couldn’t do anything while he was in Tigard. (This is a good place for your “Sure, Dave, move your business to Tigard so you can avoid paying local taxes, and then the first minute you get shot at you come crawling back to taxpayer-funded police services” jab.) So he drove back in to Portland, where he was met by two officers, a sergeant, and a forensics officers.

For now, the bullet is still in the door, and the police are “investigating.”

Perhaps they might want to start by looking at his former city council opponents. I know that Erik Sten was at city hall until at least a bit after 11, and I also doubt he could shoot a gun. How about Emilie Boyles, who could have learned a thing or two about guns from her time spent in Montana, or with the Russian mafia? (Of course, I’m only kidding. Please don’t sue or murder me.) And then there’s Ginny Burdick, whose long history of anti-gun legislation could just be the perfect cover.

Also, who knew the tram cars would function as sniper posts?

The shooting adds to a pretty craptastic year for Lister, who lost his city council bid and a whole bunch of his own money that he put into the campaign (dude, public financing!), had his house broken into a few months back, and, worst of all, quit smoking. Someone get him a hug, and quick!