Good. WAIT. You ARE going to smoke that pot? Look, friend. That pot you smoke may ruin the best years of your life. The teenage ones. Take it from the apparently VERY STONED Sono Bono and this late 60s anti-marijuana PSA!

Check this out: Girl4GIRL, a monthly dance party just for the ladies in Seattle is headed to Portland! I’m seriously excited about this—this event is massive up north: Think a gigantic warehouse teeming with at least 1,000 women every month (most of the gals are queer—you can get a bracelet at the door if you want to signal that you’re looking to get lucky—but all women are welcome), plus awesome DJs, go-go dancers, and celebrity guests.

Girl4GIRL: One Hot Dance Party

Meanwhile, the woman who puts these monthly megabashes together, Chris Chappon, is a take-no-prisoners pro (I wrote about her in Seattle a few years back), who’ll do whatever it takes to put on the best event in town. Example: At Girl4GIRL’s first night in a new venue in Seattle—a venue that apparently thought an all-women’s event wasn’t going to be needing BOTH bathrooms—I witnessed Chris personally track down the key to the men’s room, throw the door open, eliciting a cheer from the women in a looooong line for the ladies’ room.

Girl4GIRL now serving Portland, Oregon:

It’s no secret that both cities share similarities and many women in Seattle and Portland have become friends over the years. Hundreds of women from Portland have flooded our events over the last couple of years and Girl4GIRL is now trying to bridge the gap between the 2 cities! After much research and many trips to the Portland area, we set our sights on the Wonder Ballroom! Both Neumos in Seattle and the Wonder Ballroom in Portland are similar in styles and have agreed to strongly support Girl4GIRL’s vision and accommodate our guests with the care and dedication the women deserve!

The Wonder Ballroom is a beautifully restored historic building constructed in 1914. With vaulted ceilings, a sparkling refinished maple floor and plenty of free parking, the Wonder Ballroom is a versatile facility for a wide variety of performances and events.

From Wonder Ballroom!
Wonder Ballroom’s General Manager, Howie Bierbaum is thrilled that Girl4GIRL has chosen Wonder for its monthly happenings. “Portland’s ready for something new, exciting and adventurous,” he said. Presently, Portland area women have few nightlife options but Girl4GIRL will surely change that in a big way. We are thrilled to have such a high caliber event at Wonder.”

May 12th, Girl4GIRL Portland @ Wonder Ballroom 9pm / 21+ / LAUNCH PARTY details coming soon!
After May 12th, Girl4GIRL’s Portland PRIDE on June 16th & every 2nd Saturday thru 2007 starting August 11th

Clark Baker—of Los Angeles—wrote in to complain about Matt’s recent coverage of racial profiling, like his piece this week on the 2006 traffic stop data, which shows that a disproportionate number of African Americans and Latinos are still being stopped by cops.

Clark calls bullshit, in a kneejerk conservative fashion:

What the author failed to assess are the demographics of crime and local population.

For example, if Portland’s Latino population is at 20%, but 45 percent of all reported crimes indicate Latino suspects, that is relevant data. If whites are committing 4 percent of Portland’s crimes, racial profiling countermeasures would force officers to either ignore criminal behavior, or initiate random stops. Either way, the only way to level the traffic stop data is to force officers to use race as a significant factor in the development of “probable cause,” e.g., the politicians who force this issue will require that cops use racial profiling.

Translation: Clark thinks it’s entirely possible that whites, which make up 78 percent of Portland’s population, are committing “4 percent of Portland’s crimes.” His numbers are obviously exaggerated, but even if he presumed that whites are committing just 30 percent of all crime, when they make up 78 percent of the population, it stands to reason that cops should pull whites over less, right?. Conversely, the cops should focus their resources on who’s actually committing more of the crimes, according to Clark.

That might make sense, if the system weren't a mess at the back end. For starters, I can't think of any other way to measure the "demographics of crime" than by looking at who's been arrested or convicted (because criminality certainly isn't in your DNA). Cops certainly don't have a suspect description for every crime (I'll call and find out how often they do get a suspect description—I'm guessing maybe half the time, at most. But think of all those car prowls and petty thefts—not to mention traffic crimes, like running red lights and driving like a maniac—that go unnoticed by anyone, or have scant information if a police report is ever filed.

But the stats of who's getting arrested, convicted, or sentenced can't possibly be an accurate measure of who's committing crime—not everyone gets arrested or convicted, and I have a hunch that whites have an easier time not getting caught/convicted than their Latino or African American neighbors do. Oregon's prison population, as of November 2006, was 76 percent white (while Oregon's population is a staggering 90.8 percent white), 10 percent African American (while the state population is a meager 1.8 percent) and 10.6 percent Latino (Latinos make up 9.9 percent of the population).

Does that mean 76 percent of crime is committed whites? I really doubt it. I bet it's a lot closer to 90 percent. But until every person who's actually guilty of a crime is caught and the justice system treats everyone equally, we aren't going to have an accurate picture of "the demographics of crime." And to make up those demographics based on who is caught is simply unfair, and astoundingly naive.

Scott broke it down ever further this afternoon: "How do you come up with the figures for, say, the percentage of crime white people commit? By looking at who gets caught. And how do you get caught? By being pulled over. It's so circular it's mindblowing."

Meanwhile, even if you accept Clark's logic, the data is still flawed: If prisoners are a good indication of "the demographics of crime," then we'll go with that 76 percent number. Whites commit 76 percent of all crime, based on prison populations, in Clark's world. So then why did the most recent traffic stop data show that the driver was white in only 66 percent of stops? Meanwhile, African Americans—roughly ten percent of the prison population each—were pulled over in 14 percent of stops last year. Sorry Clark—your math doesn't add up either way. Because the underlying assumptions are severely flawed.

Clark's sign off:

Racial profiling is the “Global Warming” issue of law enforcement – and just as ridiculous. Clark Baker http://exlibhollywood.blogspot.com www.CaliforniaConservative.org www.CopTalkLA.com

People are constantly asking me “Why so enraged, Lance?” and I don’t really have an answer. Was it the environment I grew up in that yielded my cantankerous disposition? I just don’t know. But an interesting comment on Yakima, WA (which enjoys an 8.9% unemployment rate) can be extracted from watching my friends With a Bullet drip paplpable rage on their song Tastes Like Burning:

They’re playing at the Red Room on Saturday night. Join us in wringing the torture of the high plains out of our souls with some good ol’ fashioned aggro-therapy.

The Clinton Street Theater kicks off their “From the Vault” grindhouse series tonight with a screening of the sinister-sexy Switchblade Sisters. To tide you over until then, I give you seven of the best car chases ever committed to celluloid:

Bullit (1968)
The French Connection (1971)
Cannonball (1976)
Corvette Summer (1978)
Ronin (1998)
The Bourne Identity (2002)
Ong-Bak (2003)

Enjoy!

The Greek Cusina at SW 5th and Washington has been slapped with a $300 fine by the city’s noise control officer, Paul van Orden, who says he has lost patience with the venue’s ongoing noise problems.GREEK: “BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM…”

On Fat Tuesday, the club’s bass was four times as loud as the legal limit, and audible four blocks away on Broadway, according to van Orden, who says the club needs to employ an acoustic engineer as soon as possible to fix its problems.

“They have been warned a ton of times,” he says. “But this is about more than just saying, we can turn it down.”

van Orden says the venue needs to close its windows if it wants to play loud music, and that the next fine they face could be $1000, followed by a $3000 fine, then face $5000 fines, one after the other.

“I’ve been patient,” he adds. “But if I do come back next week and cite them, I’m going to return in half an hour and cite them again. They could be looking at a couple of thousand dollars in a single night.”

We have a call in to the venue’s owner, Ted Papas, to get his side of the story.

Thinking about checking out Reno 911!: Miami this weekend? Read Chas Bowie’s web-exclusive review first. (It screened too late to get our review in the paper version of the Mercury.)

And now, for a Reno 911! clip that is all sorts of awesome.

The Trail Blazers, who are playing fantastic basketball as of late, are at home tonight, taking on the Memphis Grizzlies. Tonight’s game just might be the final Rose Garden appearance of Damon Stoudamire, who wore the Red & Black for eight seasons.

You might remember him as the guy always getting busted for weed.

Known as “Mighty Mouse” for his small stature and an unfortunate tattoo sporting that nickname on his arm, Stoudamire is struggling for playing time on a Grizzlies team that has the NBA’s second worst record, and he might not be back next year.

Damon, you are welcome to return to Portland once you retire. I’m sure after all those years of Memphis schwag you miss our sweet Oregon chronic. Come home, Mighty Mouse.

The front page of the New York Times today (can’t figure out the permalink, sorry) has a really fun, sweet, and hilarious short documentary video about legendary comic artist R. Crumb, and his not-as-famous wife Aline. Crumb is looking o-l-d these days, but he’s the lechy little pervert he always was. Be sure to watch through the end, when Aline gives him a piggyback ride (“I feel so secure,” Crumb says, almost to himself), and check out the part where the two describe meeting each other. Crumb: “I just saw her as another wanton Jewish hippie slut who was quite, uh, you know, easy.” So sweeeeet!!!

Phone pranks are so passè…OR ARE THEY??
Check out this super weird/heeeLARIOSO site in which you input a little information about yourself (or someone else) and romance novel hunk FABIO will make a “personal” call to your home — or that of your enemies. Heh… heh… hehhhhhhhhhhhhh.
PLUS, you can do a test call to see how it will sound. Might as well tell your boss now that you’ll be making prank calls the rest of the day! (Sample name and number? MARK Z. at 503-243-2122.)
HERE’S THE SITE! HAVE FUN (and say hello to Fabio for me)!

This week on 3-Minute Limit—where long songs are long gone—host Lance Chess plays several tracks he ripped from some vinyl he received for his birthday last week. The album? Wire’s Pink Flag. Enjoy life by clicking here.

Some tragic news from the camp of well-respected “punkgrass” band Split Lip Rayfield…

“With great sadness we must announce that our band mate, friend and brother Kirk Rundstrom has lost his battle. Anybody who knew Kirk knew that he had more zest than all of us. He truly had an ethereal spirit. We have been proud and impressed with the way he went out on his own terms. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t fair, and it sure as hell isn’t right, but he was an inspiration. We love him and will miss him.”

Rundstrom was suffering from squamous cell carcinoma, a deadly form of throat cancer. He was 37 years old.

I know, I know—you’re all way too cool (or naturally water repellent) to own an umbrella. But the folks who are filming Untraceable in NW Portland are going to be doing scenes at “Con-Way Inc at 1717 NW 21st Avenue” next Wednesday and Thursday. And here’s the best part:

The Portland Police Department will assist in intermittent traffic control. There will be no stunts, however they will be creating rain. The requested permit hours are from 11am - 3 am on February 28th and 12pm - 4am on March 1st.

Everyone should crash it. With umbrellas.

One of the great tragedies of modern cinema has been that movie posters—which used to be totally badass, well-conceived, hand-painted affairs—have turned into cheesy, too-slick PhotoShopped crap. I can’t remember the last great movie poster I saw, pre-1990. But! Still! God! Look at this! This is great.

Thanks to Twitch.

I know I’ve said this many times before, but particularly from a wardrobe standpoint I am so sick of winter. While most clothing enthusiasts delight at the onset of Fall, the biggest of the fashion seasons, and the part of the year where a greater sheer number of articles of apparel becomes downright necessary, it DOES get old. And because wintry necessities like coats, sweaters, quality hosiery, pants, and boots are genrally more expensive than a sexy little scrap of a summer outfit, it’s much harder to have a varietous winter wardrobe. Which means I am BORED. I am so anxious for Spring that I actually went and got a PEDICURE yesterday. And not some sober dark crimson, either. I got watermelon. And needless to say, it’s difficult to drum up enthusiasm for shopping for anything that comes with sleeves, a fact that isn’t particularly helped by the relatively ho-hum fall ‘07 collections.

Anyhow.

Keeping that in mind, what I’m about to tell you is somewhat embarrassing, and it takes a bit of effort to admit it, but… I started wearing my boyfriends’ sweaters. Wait, no, that’s not the embarrassing part. I just really like cashmere, which is what I like to think of as an “investment textile,” and it’s not often I splurge on them (most of the splurging occurs in the shoe department—thanks, Halo!) Therefore I am chronically short on sweaters, especially sweaters of significant substance. My boyfriend, who is similarly drawn to cashmere and merino almost exclusively, always manages to find cute sweaters at thrift stores. He even found a Costume International one that is so warm you don’t even need a jacket.

OK, but the embarrassing part is that like two days ago, he totally called me out. He said, “I think you should stop wearing my sweaters. They’re so big on you they make you look like Cathy.”

As in the cartoon. The really, really pathetic cartoon character CATHY.

Then, against all common sense, he continued, “I dislike them on you so much that I no longer feel like wearing them myself.”

Putting aside the fact that for some women, such and outburst would render a relationship null and void, when it comes to comparisons with Cathy, you don’t have to tell me twice. Which means I need sweaters badly. Therefore you will most certainly find me tomorrow at Apotheke (1314 NW Glisan) for the winter blowout sale of 11 stores in and out of town: Parts + Labour, So Much Fun, Shoefly, Nolita, Physical Element, Bubble Boutique, Sameunderneath, Pin Me Apparel, Phlox, Moxie, and Garnish Apparel.

I will be purchasing sweaters. Lots and lots of sweaters. Tight ones. The sale goes from 11 am-6 pm. See you there.

[Confidential to my boyfriend: You’re lucky your jeans don’t fit me anymore after all the weight you’ve gained since we started dating. Love, Marjorie]

In the cavernous, windowless basement cafeteria at Cleveland High School last night, 150 citizens—well, probably 100 citizens and 50 city staffers—gathered to hash out the city’s priorities for budget spending this year. For two hours, it was a gigantic game of musical chairs—every fifteen minutes, people rotated between a dozen tables devoted to different bureau’s pieces of the budget pie (there were also a few tables set aside for Commissioners’ budget initiatives, like Erik Sten’s Schools/Family/Housing initiative and Mayor Tom Potter’s Community Safety Initiative).

The format was new—usually, the city holds a public hearing and everyone gets two minutes at the microphone to comment on the budget, as the council’s prioritizing what to add (or, in years past, what to cut). This time, there was no dias or microphone—just a bunch of cafeteria tables, handouts full of budget details, and city staffers poised at easels with giant pads of paper, ready to jot down what people liked, disliked, or thought was missing from bureaus’ budget priorities.

I roamed around for the first round (major disadvantage to this format: reporters—not to mention elected leaders—only get to hear a fraction of citizens’ concerns, when there are 12 conversations happening at the same time), and saw citizens at the “Sustainable Industries/Clean Energy” initiative table (that’s an idea sponsored by Commissioner Dan Saltzman) stumping for “a sweatshop-free purchasing policy.”

Over at the “Community Safety/Emergency Preparedness” initiative table (not to be confused with the Public Safety table, in the opposite corner of the room…), residents had an idea for “a tax on coffee and beer to fund restrooms,” and wanted “another precinct closer to SW [Portland]” which is currently served by Central Precinct. Neighbors also gave a thumbs up to the additional funding for “elder crimes investigators,” and the city’s “Elders in Action” programs (revealing the demographics of the forum), and were into the proposal for $269,568 in additional crime prevention program staffers.

For the next three rounds, I camped out at individual tables. At the Public Safety table—staffed by Fire Chief Dave Sprando and Assistant Police Chief Lynnae Berg, plus a guy from the Office of Emergency Management who piped up after 10 minutes of cop talk to say "I guess I'm kind of invisible"—neighbors were almost singularly focused on Police Chief Rosie Sizer's proposal to shift command staff from the North Precinct to the East Precinct, turning the North and Northeast precincts into "a stressed out super-precinct," according to one frustrated neighbor. "We see this as a loss of uniforms from North Precinct."

Berg patiently explained Sizer's rationale, and admitted that the shuffle is "frankly not an ideal solution," but it's "one that's most workable and logical at this point." She also called it an "interim measure" and hinted that once the bureau's able to hire enough officers to make up for recent retirements, the precinct re-org would be revisited.

On to the Parks & Rec and Transportation table (an odd pairing—transportation really should have shared a table with Commissioner Sam Adams' Safe Streets initiative table, as the budget proposals and discussion largely overlapped), the transportation rep showed off a colorful map of the city, identifying the 40 most dangerous intersections, as far as collisions are concerned. Citizens said they wanted safety improvements—currently the transportation bureau's second priority, behind "balancing a $3.6 million revenue shortfall" thanks to lagging gas taxes—moved even higher. Meanwhile, neighbors clamored for "sidewalks in already developed areas," and one neighbor questioned why the city was looking to spend $100,000 to go for a "Platinum" rating for our city's bike-friendliness. A cyclist who'd just spent time biking in L.A., the guy thought that Portland is already pretty damn bike friendly, and that $100K could be better spent elsewhere.

As for parks, bureau director Zari Santer got a pile of Hershey Kisses from a dozen contra dancers who frequent the Fulton Community Center in SW Portland every Saturday night. The dancers—all dressed in red, toting chocolates and neon flyers that said "Kiss a Commissioner and Save Fulton"—were elated to hear that Fulton was "off the hit list." But the dancers quickly changed strategy and lobbied hard for the Sellwood Community Center, also apparently at risk of defunding (and the site of Thursday night dances—"Some of us will be heading over there after this forum," a sweet woman named Beverly told me, inviting me to come along some time. They offer lessons!). Other citizens urged Santer to continue funding existing programs—and maintaining things like playgrounds—before adding new ones.

Just got word that the open letter to PDC head Bruce Warner from alleged PDC staffers was not, in fact, written by the core group of PDC employees attempting to organize a union.

Instead, that group has called the letter “completely inappropriate.”

The saga continues…

Okay, remember this picture?

And this one?

Well, you can read the story about Britney’s tirade with an umbrella — or you can watch the VIDEO of Britney’s tirade with an umbrella!
WARNING: This clip is NSFW for foul language and violence with a bumbershoot.
WARNING AGAIN: In certain parts the video is distressingly dark—which really adds to the “horror flick” vibe of this film. Okay… mentally prepare youself… and go ahead.

Question: 1) Why are all paparazzi foreign? It sounds like she’s in Istanbul.

As evidenced by this week’s I’m Staying Home, one of the things I keep trying to figure out is why people will go to comic book movies, but flat-out refuse to read actual comic books. I’m a hopeless geek, and thus have no problem venturing into comic book shops, etc., but I can’t quite figure out why no one else I know feels the same way. I’ll have no problem rounding up friends go to see the latest X-Men movie or whatever, and everyone I know loves Batman Begins (even Chas Bowie!)—but mention reading these stories in their original format and everybody acts like you just busted out with an a cappella version of this.

Anyway, I don’t know if this will change things, but maybe: Marvel Comics is putting themselves out there as the first major comic publisher to be looking at online distribution of their comics. It kind of reminds me of the whole “Paper’s going to be obsolete! All books will be online!” scare that proved to be utterly untrue in the mid-’90s, but still. Interesting.

Mercury news editor Scott Moore is off to Wankers Corner today, to report on an Evangelical Christian conference. He is currently on MapQuest, getting directions to Wankers Corner. But he’s having trouble figuring out how to get back from Wankers Corner, when the day is through. Have fun at Wanker’s Corner, Scott!MOORE:Hoping to blend in…

Did YOU steal Prairie High School’s 7-foot falcon costume last Friday night? FALCON: Preyed on by thieves…

The costume, valued at $3000, was stolen Friday night from the car of its wearer, 17-year-old Jeremy Kenny, which he’d left in the parking lot of the Trader Joe’s on NW Glisan.

Kenny tells Blog Town: “I really liked it. It was cool. I was kind of bummed to have it stolen, and I can’t imagine who would want to steal a giant falcon suit.”

Are you kidding, Jeremy, that thing is COOL! We’d steal it in a second, if we were drunk enough. Anyone with information should call Crimestoppers at 823-HELP. And remember: crime is no laughing matter. Heeee heeee heeee heeee.

Or, in case you don’t speak Australian, this is “Good Morning, News!!” Your daily round-up of all that matters on planet Earth…with exclamation marks.

1. CLOONEYES! George Clooney admits to Julia Roberts he’s “had his eyes done,” but does that make him superficial, or deep, for braving to admit it? Meanwhile Robert Redford keeps schtum on the matter, despite looking like a rabbit in headlights these days…CLOONEY: Eyes on the prize.

2. BILL-PAYER! Former President Bill Clinton has made almost $40m in public speaking fees since 2001. He told Blog Town: “No comment,” then asked for fifty bucks.

3. I-RAN…AWAY! British Prime Minister Tony Blair says it would be madness to bomb Iran, as his government continues to distance itself from the ailing Bush regime.

4. RATS! A KFC-Taco Bell in New York closes, pound-and-a-half rats run riot. Watch the video!

5. BRITNEYWATCH! Spears attacks the paparazzi with an umbrella. It never rains, but it pours.

6. HARRY POTTER’S PENIS! No, really, it looks like a “grower!” Not safe for work. In fact, not really safe for anywhere. Ooo.

And now, YOUR BAD-ASS PORTLAND NEWS…with more exclamation marks:

1. BAD LIEUTENANT! Portland Cop films schoolgirls, gets in trouble.

2. BAD BOSS! PDC boss responds to mutinous letter from PDC employees accusing him of “potentially illegal business practices” by “opening his door.” He did not, repeat, not, also say, “swim with the shark, anyone?”

3. BAD BUSINESS! Some of Portland’s most powerful business groups have come out in support of Tom Potter’s proposals to make himself more powerful—denying that a strong mayor would, coincidentally, “help us to rake in more cash.”

4. BAD PARKING! No more parking on NW 23rd, anyway. Council votes against yet another parking garage on the street, telling lazy Portlanders to “try walking, you fat fucks.”

5. BAD LANGUAGE! AMANDA FRITZ SAYS THE “F” WORD: Sky falls, lightning strikes in the same place twice, and pigs, also, fly.

Who’s bad? Michael Jackson and Blog Town. That’s who…

On this morning’s KGW news, a reporter is on the scene of a crash on I-5 in Salem. Apparently it’s a pretty bad crash (there was a fatality)—the reporter tells us “it’s pretty unbelievable to believe.”

Those were the words of Bob Ball, the real estate developer who is one of the chairs of the new Citizens to Reform City Hall campaign, which is pushing to reform the city’s charter.

“I’m really happy [the Portland Business Alliance] supports this, but this is a citizen-led campaign,” Ball continued. “It’s going to be led by citizens who want to see these changes.”

The other six campaign chairs all served on the Charter Review Commission. (Its treasurer, though, is a staffer in Mayor Potter’s office who is on temporary leave. Yes, you read that right.)

Ball said he hadn’t even seen the internal poll that charter reform supporters commissioned a couple of weeks ago. The funding for that poll was raised by local businessman (and PBA board member) Sho Dozono and conducted by pollster Patricia McCaig. McCaig is now volunteering for the campaign, but she and her clients refuse to divulge the poll results. (You’d think if the results were in their favor, they would have been slipped to the Oregonian two weeks ago.)

Ball also mentioned that a priority would be building community support for the charter changes, using the term “grass roots.” In 2002, he led a “strong mayor” campaign that lost bad at the polls, largely because it was seen as something that was drafted by Ball and his lawyer, with no community involvement.

This effort, at least, has the existence of a citizen commission behind it, even if 99 percent of the population had no idea it existed.

Remember a couple of days ago, when I posted an anonymously drafted open letter to Portland Development Commission director Bruce Warner? It was allegedly written by some PDC staffers and “concerned citizens,” although they’ve dodged my questions since they sent the email, and there’s reason to believe it didn’t come from the core PDC staffers who are trying to organize into a union.

Regardless of the letter’s authenticity, Warner has responded—and we’ve got the exclusive (I think) peek at it. After the jump. Good news for troubled staffers—Warner is making himself available for open-door meetings for a total of four hours. Should solve everything.

I’d really love to hear responses from PDC employees, either in the comments, at smoore@portlandmercury.com, or at 503-294-0840.

Dear Staff,

I am writing in response to the attached "An Open Letter to Bruce Warner, PDC Executive Director from Selected PDC Staff and Concerned Community Members" which was sent from a Hotmail account to those individuals listed on cc: of this message. This letter indicated it was being sent from me and this is incorrect. This letter was sent from an unidentified individual(s) who established a hotmail account/address under my name. Since this letter has been sent to the media, I want to ensure you have seen it, along with my initial response.

I have read this letter carefully and acknowledge that many of the issues and concerns identified in this open letter are valid and I am working hard to address them. I am responsible for making the needed changes at PDC. As the letter intimates, changes can only be made with my commitment and that of PDC's Management Team, and Board of Commissioners. Each of us are committed to you and the success of PDC.

As you recall, I was hired as the Executive Director to improve our internal and external relationships. I've succeeded in some areas and have a lot to do in others. Audits and process controls have made changes to address problems in issuing and managing contracts and relationships. "Safe Haven" was put in place for our employees to report concerns, improper or unethical actions. If unethical or illegal business practices exist here, please use Safe Haven, call me or talk to your manager or supervisor. If there is a perception, real or otherwise, "Safe Haven" is not working properly, I must be informed so the process can be evaluated and remedied, as necessary. As much as I would like, I can't foresee all problems, envision all obstacles, and fix things that are broke if I am not first made aware of them. I believe each of us want to come to a workplace that is positive, safe, and where we work together, as a team, to make positive contributions and solve issues in an open and quick manner. I commit to dealing and addressing issues that are brought to my attention.

This may sound like jargon and I wish I had a better choice of words to let you know each of you are the most valuable resource here - the great ideas, vision, and the great services, programs, projects, etc. would not happen without you. I recognize this and so does our Board and Management Team. Although our employee turnover rates have improved since last fall, they are still too high. We have conducted exit interviews and done various assessments to allow us to focus our efforts on the most important issues you've identified. While it's true employees have left PDC for a number of reasons -- including opportunities with the private-sector, concerns over negative media coverage, and uncertainty about the agency's future -- I acknowledge this is not an inclusive list of reasons our employees make other job or career choices.

In order to allow you, as well as the author(s) of the letter, a time and opportunity to discuss any issues that were identified in this letter with me or my Executive Team, we have all cleared our calendar for these dates/times:

* Thursday, February 22 3:00 - 5:00 p.m.
* Friday, February 23 9:00 - 11:00 a.m.

I will have an open door during these times and will be open to any individual wanting to share their thoughts, concerns, issues, etc. It is important PDC's employees feel safe and comfortable talking with me in an open and constructive manner. I honestly welcome this. I need to understand your concerns so we can address them together. The Executive Team will be doing the same and also look forward to this opportunity. If you do not feel comfortable talking with me or someone within this Team, I have asked Gar Debardelaben and Steve Hanamura to be available by phone or email. You can go to IRA to find their contact information. Finally, Chair Rosenbaum has also indicated he will be available to meet or talk with any individual. Our doors are always open. I will establish a two-hour time, each week, to be available for you to talk to me about whatever is on your mind.

PDC is a great organization that has great employees who do great things for our community. In order to do this great work, PDC must be a great place to work. Our Board, the Management Team and I are committed to that end!

We have an all staff meeting scheduled for Tuesday, February 27 and would be happy to discuss and/or answer any questions you may have about this issue during this time.

Thank you,

Bruce

Last Monday, local conservative radio talk show host Victoria Taft began blasting away at Portland Public Schools, claiming that school equipment was being used illegally to support a political cause. Her evidence: An email sent to all PPS employees announcing the Presidents’ Day rally in Salem sponsored by Stand For Children, which was an effort to get the legislature to budget more money for schools.

In her typically measured, free-of-hyperbole way, she called the children who were there “human props” who were used to “extort more money for teachers.” She also claimed that kids were “bused from all over the state along with teachers, staffers, et. al. to go to Salem,” and asked, “if they can waste money for use of staff time, computers, mailings, etc to help organize themselves before the event, then why do we need more money for schools again?”

(You can read more about her tirade here and here.)

On her blog, though, she only posted the header of the email, and refused to post the entire email. After the jump, though, I’ve got an explanation from the employee who sent it, plus state law showing it wasn’t illegal, plus the full email. Consider yourself informed, and consider Victoria Taft to be, once again, flat-assed wrong. (She’s also said before that it would be cheaper for the City of Portland to buy every poor person a car than to build the street car, just so you know what her record is like.)

The email, titled "Monday Rally for schools attracts 1,000+ from Portland, 6 School Board members," was sent by Sarah Carlin Ames, the communications person for PPS. She explained to me--in a lengthy email and voice message (thanks, Sarah)--that this was sent on her day off, but even if she'd sent it from work, it was in no way illegal.

State law prevents public employees from engaging in "political campaigning"--but "the law is very clear that public employees' work time (and public resources) may not be used to advocate for or against a ballot measure or candidate," she wrote. "This was neither--a rally to advocate for funding from the Legislature. Clearly entirely legal, if you check the election law."

In case you're curious, the law is explained in this handy two-page guide put out by the Secretary of State's office, which explains that the law is specific to candidates and ballot measures. Of course, a three-minute bit of internet research would have pulled that up for dear Victoria--but using "facts" to back up wild claims isn't exactly her strong suit.

Also, Ames says, no public funds were used to bus the children to Salem--all transportation was donated. She generously chalked up Taft's outburst as an "an honest political disagreement about the appropriate level of school funding."

And now, for those of you still paying attention, here's the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad email, which was sent as a "media advisory":

MEDIA ADVISORY

More than 1,000 Portland parents and students and six members of the Portland School Board will join thousands more to rally at the State Capitol Monday on behalf of all Oregon schools.

The noontime Presidents Day Rally, organized by Stand for Children, will call for a $6.3 billion state budget for K-12 education. The proposed 2007-08 Portland schools budget, based on that level of state funding, allows Portland schools to start adding music, PE and the arts back into the standard curriculum, adds 24 counselors at large elementary and K-8 schools and continues and expands programs to help high school students succeed.

On Monday, parents, students and community members will board buses across the city, with 14 buses leaving from PPS schools and six from Portland State University.

Portland School Board Co-Chairs Dan Ryan and Bobbie Regan and Board Directors Doug Morgan, Trudy Sargent, Dilafruz Williams and David Wynde are participating in the Salem rally. (Ryan and Regan also will be in Salem Sunday to participate in the Oregon School Boards Association’s legislative conference.)

The rally is co-sponsored or endorsed by a roster of 12 business, community and education organizations.

For general information on the rally or to participate, go to www.stand.org/or/2007rally/ or call 503.235-2305.

For more information about the Portland Public Schools budget, go to www.pps.k12.or.us.

Here’s a chance for a Regional Arts & Culture Council grant, so you can put something cool in the Portland Building—where your work will be seen by the likes of the city’s Office of Cable Communications and Management staffers! And Bureau of Environmental Services, Water Bureau, and Transportation Bureau workers! Plus regular folks like you and me heading to a public hearing or paying a visit to the Parks & Rec Department.

Seriously, though, I bet you can come up with something better than that Portlandia statue adorning the front of the building (that thing kinda scares me)… make this building worth going into!

RACC invites artist/teams living in Oregon or Washington to submit proposals for temporary installations in a designated space located in the lobby of the Portland Building at 1120 SW 5th Avenue. Up to five professional artists/teams will be selected for one-month installations between July 2007 and June 2008. Artists selected will receive a $750 honorarium. Deadline: 3/26/07. The RFP can be found on the RACC homepage (www.racc.org), and even more directly here.

Jeff Hawthorne at RACC says “we’re always looking for MORE new talent and fresh artistic ideas.” You heard the man. Apply yourself.

I love, love, love this band name (even though I hate, hate, hate the word “panty”).
PANTY LIONS

Saturday, March 3
Artistery
w/Laura Gibson, Ramona Cordova
8 pm, $6, all ages

20 years ago today, Andy Warhol kicked the bucket. While some criticized his commercial art and general insincerity, without Warhol and his cabal, the history of 20th Century America would be quite a bit less entertaining, in a faux glam, dirty birdie kind of way.

Also, we would not have this creepy Japanese commercial.

Breaking News: After weeks of speculation as to who would actually be campaigning for the mayor’s charter reform package, word comes that a political action committee is finally being filed.

The PAC is called Citizens to Reform City Hall. (The website is here, although it’s currently under construction.) It’s composed of seven of the former Charter Review Commission Members—including real estate developer Bob Ball, who headed up a failed “strong mayor” campaign in 2002.

So far, the public face of the pro-reform camp has been limited to the Portland Business Alliance, Mayor Potter, and the Oregonian editorial board—not exactly the populist face of a campaign that normally rules elections in Portland. Among their many challenges to convince Portlanders to vote to change our form of government, the initial one will be for the Citizens to Reform City Hall to distance themselves from the moneyed power brokers who are influential, but politically unpopular.

The campaign is being billed as citizen-led, and “up against the establishment.”

How “against the establishment” you can be with the PBA and Oregonian on your side is a question that will be fun to see answered.

I am habitually late to work. Like, if I show up by 11, I’m pretty proud of myself. I’m unsure why I’m so chronically tardy; part of it has to do with insomnia, part of it has to do with me being surprisingly confused and flustered by everyday tasks (getting dressed, taking showers, turning on motor vehicles, etc.), and part of it has to do with me listening to nothing but horrible Jimmy Buffett albums for a significant portion of my formative years, which permanently set my internal clock to somewhere between “Doesn’t Give a Fuck” and “Time for Margaritas!”

Nevertheless, I aim to improve. And I think Clocky is just the thing to help me.

Videos of Clocky in action (featuring Clocky’s HOT inventor!) are here and here.

AUGGGHHHH! MOMMY, SHE’S LOOKING AT ME!

Here’s a bit of horror I forgot to mention in this morning’s post about Britney returning to rehab. It turns out the impetus for her return came about last night when she showed up at Kevin Federline’s house, and started beating up an SUV with an UMBRELLA!
Oh, sweet gossip. How I love you so! From ETonline…

A desperate Britney was photographed using an umbrella to hit a car outside the home where her ex, KEVIN FEDERLINE, is reportedly staying. The photos reveal a furious Britney, dressed in white shorts and a hooded sweatshirt, repeatedly striking an SUV with an umbrella.

After reportedly spending 45 minutes outside his residence, Britney’s mom picked her up and eventually brought her to the rehab facility.

Well, it’s not exactly John Cusack playing “In Your Eyes” on a boom box, but it’ll do.
AUUGHHH!
HERE SHE COMES AGAIN!! RUN!!!

For those who are sentimental about this sort of thing (AND THAT WOULD BE ME), the series finale of my fave teen drama in the world, THE O.C. is tonight (Fox, 9 pm). While I’m sure it will be stomach-churning and sappy/morose, it had better include the following things that every good O.C. episode should have:
1) Ryan knocking someone into a pool (preferably at a fancy dinner party).
2) Kiki falling into an alcoholic stupor.
3) Julie boning… let’s see, who’s left… okay, Seth.
4) Summer taking off her shirt one more time.
5) Taylor Townsend taking off ANYTHING one more time.
6) Marissa being killed one more time. ( I really hated her.)
7) And Luke returning to bust Ryan in the mouth, and say, “Welcome to the O.C., bitch.”

Here’s the original scene that started it all! (SOB! They look so young and stupid!)

FINALLY! Shooting begins TOMORROW on the new Rambo movie!

According to the story line posted by the film crew, Rambo is hired by Christian missionaries while working as a snake hunter in Thailand to deliver medical and religious supplies to the persecuted Karens of Burma. The missionaries are captured and Rambo is saddled with the job of rescuing the surviving missionaries.

Rambo? As a SNAKE HUNTER? Rescuing HELPLESS AND DUMB MISSIONARIES? In THAILAND? RAMBO?! Shit yes.

New York Fashion Week is long over, but you can still get in on some of the action. One of the runway events was Designers for Darfur, which banded together designers who collectively showed 60 outfits, which are being auctioned off on Ebay to fund a donation to the Save Darfur Coalition seeking to end genocide there. Well, there are only, like, FOUR HOURS until the bidding closes, and I just went and checked out the Ebay site, and there are actually some bargains there. A Donna Karan dress has the high bid at just over $700, but smaller designer finds are going for far less than retail. It’s expeciallly good news if you look good in yellow:

This cute(sy) Luella dress is only up to $200.

This is a horribly grainy Ebay photo of another little yellow dress, this one designed by Jeremy Laing, a designer who’s on all the cool kids’ “to watch” list, and it’s only at $178.

This is a (also poorly photographed) Mike & Chris leather jacket and dress. Not sure about that dress, but I love their leather jackets, and I’ve seen the jackets alone retail for almost twice the $510 it’s going for now.

Oh, and all of the dresses come included with a pair of Steve Madden shoes, the cutest of which I think are the ones that come with the Luella dress. But yeah, you know, they’re just… Steve Maddens.

I know, I know—it’s a common perception that you can become a better person simply by reading the Mercury. And it’s one that’s largely true—if you read the Mercury, even if you don’t lift a finger to help anyone ever in your life—you’re still a better person than anyone else out there.

But sometimes—sometimes—your fellow citizens could use more than just your superior intellect and political enlightenment. Sometimes, they need you to actually do something to help out.

So I’m here to point you in the right direction with three options. It’s up to you to make a difference. Think globally, act locally. We are the world. Etc.

After being dicked around for years, local janitors have finally had enough, and last night they went on strike. Today at 4pm, janitors at the Union Bank of California will be holding a demonstration outside the building to demand they be treated fairly. The employer, the appropriately named ServiceMaster, took over the building's cleaning contract last year, and summarily informed all janitors that they would no longer have union representation. In one day, they were stripped of their health insurance, pension, and wage increases.

Even more troubling--the same company, ServiceMaster, also has the contract for the Rose Garden and the Memorial Coliseum. You can read about the company's troubling history in Steve Duinn's recent column, and in a post on Amanda Fritz's blog.

Head down, and show 'em that you're not the kind of person who can stand by and watch fellow human beings get shit on.

Jobs With Justice Action
Thursday February 22, at 4 p.m.
Union Bank of California
SW Washington & Broadway

Second, you've heard about the Community Cycling Center getting robbed, right? Friggin' unbelievable, and I'm having memories of last year, when jackasses burglarized Free Geek. Here's why CCC is great: They take in old bikes from people who no longer ride them and then do a helluva job fixing them up. some bikes they sell, others they donate (along with all the gear one could need for riding in Portland weather) to low-income people who need commuting vehicles. It's one of those things that makes Portland the greatest city on earth.

You can read about the burglary at BikePortland.org, and here's what you can do to help--donate online to help them get back on their feet.

Lastly, former Mercury Managing Editor Phil Busse has started a progressive summer camp for college kids called The Northwest Institute For Social Change. Read about it at CommissionerSam.com and at the camp's website.

Here's what you can do to help: Phil's looking for candidates for the camp--undergrad college kids with a passion to change the world. The winning candidates will get a full scholarship--hot damn! Spread the word among people you think might be interested.

Whew. That's enough to get you started. And when you go to heaven, and Gandhi, Jesus, and John Lennon all scoot over to let you sit with them, you'll know who to thank.

You see ‘em everywhere you go. Hot chicks are hanging out with douche bags in the clubs, at the grocery stores, even in the streets. Why? It’s a mystery I’ll never fully understand. Check out an extensive gallery full of hot chicks with douche bags at hotchickswithdouchebags.com.

It’s bad enough this cracked up David Caruso scrote is wearing Elton John ‘bag glasses, but resorting to the meekest shocker in months in front of this dark haired cutie is just relentlessly grim.

His face has that late 1970s “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” decay on it, like it’s about to crumble inward as his douche-clone emerges naked from the nearby pod field. I don’ t know whether to smack him or try to save him from the alien invasion attacking his mug.

I do know that after the middle finger became ‘Bag Handgesture Du Jour for awhile, the Shocker is making a strong comeback. And by comeback I mean chop up this wank into a boal of Choadmeal and serve to a scrum of angry poodles.

Thanks to Dave Helfrey for passing on the link.

Director of the Regional Arts and Culture Council Eloise Damrosch faxed a letter to the Oregonian this morning about that dragon on NW 3rd and Davis. She neglected to fax us, even though we have been covering the Chinese community’s concerns over the dragon in depth. It says this:

The multicultural scope of Brian Goldbloom’s concept necessitated extra outreach. While we reached deeply into the neighborhood, missing was broader community cultural feedback. The lesson learned is that public art with a cultural focus requires extraordinary efforts to communicate in culturally effective ways. We are committed to continually improving our skills in this regard.

We’re not bloody super-heroes! What do you expect, that we’re MIND-READERS? Get off our case. Art is something I understand, it’s something you don’t understand. I’m better at deciding what’s good art than you are, and therefore, while I’ve been forced to fax this letter to the Oregonian, I’m not interested in reforming my organization to incorporate the changes some are calling for, whatever I say about “commitment.”

Last night, Northwest neighbors turned out for an evening city council hearing on a proposal to tear down an old house and replace it with a parking garage, just a few doors up from bustling NW 23rd.

Neighbors have been debating and critiquing this proposal for quite awhile (businesses, however, are largely into the idea—they’d like more customer parking). At one meeting in August, residents got together to go over the latest design and craft an argument against it for an upcoming Historic Landmarks Commission (HLC) meeting.

Ten minutes in, one neighbor was already frustrated with focusing on the nitty-gritty design details of the parking garage. “Obviously, what most of us are against is the garage itself,” he said. Others agreed. “This is the best served mass transit area in Portland. What the hell are we doing putting in a parking structure?” the committee chair, John Bradley, said…

“Is it really good public policy to destroy a home and replace it with a parking garage, in an area well served by public transit?” one neighbor asked.

Despite the neighbors’ objections (and smart point-by-point design critiques), the HLC approved the garage design last November. So neighbors appealed the HLC’s to the city council—hence last night’s meeting.

There, neighbors’ anti-garage arguments were much better received—commissioners voted 3-2 against the garage (Leonard and Saltzman gave the thumbs down to the neighbors’ appeal).

“We appealed based on a number of different things, like the design not fitting in a historic neighborhood,” Bradley told this Mercury this morning. “We also had a pedestrian safety component to it. It is an incredibly busy corner, and do you really want hundreds of cars pulling into a driveway? That’s what the commissioners really bit on.”

So the garage proposal is effectively dead, though the developer can appeal to the state’s Land Use Board of Appeals, or start the process over with a new design.

“I think really what we as the neighborhood really should be doing now, is looking at comprehensive parking solutions for our area,” Bradley adds. “I can’t speak for the [neighborhood association] board, but that might be some combination of meters along the commercial street and permit parking in the residential areas.”

Hey dudes, dudettes. My most recent episode of It’s the Jump Off went up yesterday afternoon, and it’s one that I’m really excited for. It’s part two of my look at the Houston rap scene, and in this week’s show, we dig through the bins to check out what was going down in H-Town before the whole Chamillionaire/Paul Wall/Mike Jones juggernaut exploded. In doing so, we bust out some super Deep South classics like “Back Back (Gimme 50 Feet)” and “25 Lighters on My Dresser” as well as primo material by UGK, DJ Screw, Li’l Keke, and of course, the Geto Boys. It’s an extra long show today, so slap on the headphones and ease into it here.

It’s not often we’ll see a blog post entitled “The Portland Mercury Rocks,” but former city council candidate Amanda Fritz has gone the whole hog this morning.FRITZ: Totally in love with the Mercury.

I learned a lot over the course of my campaign for City Council in 2005-6. Some things I would rather still be ignorant about, others I’m glad I know. One of the latter is newfound appreciation for the Portland Mercury weekly newspaper. If you’re like me - over 40, not hip, accustomed to reading newspapers that don’t print swear words - you may be unaware of the excellent news reporting buried in the print version amid the entertainment reviews and “adult” ads.

This may not be a particularly good moment to suggest you try the on-line version, as an easy way to find the topics that interest you while skipping the offensive parts. Their lead story today starts right in with the S word, then below that is a sex survey, and then a music review with the H word in its subtitle. Young People, it is not necessary to use swear words to make your point or be amusing!

Oh… My… GOD. This would be funny if it weren’t so BORING and RIDICULOUS. For the THIRD time in a few days, BRITNEY SPEARS is going back to rehab. Hold on… I’m going to check real quick to see if she’s already left again.
NOPE. Still there. She’s working on a world record, people! C’mon, Britney, all you have to do is make it over 24 hours! BUT HERE’S THE CREEPY PART: Today hubby K.FED had called for an emergency custody hearing to gain immediate custody of the kids — but since Britney agreed to go back to rehab it was cancelled.
Though I may have laughed at the idea of that Cheeto-eating layabout EVER getting control of those kids, now it’s looking like a distinct possibility. As of now, the kids are in K.FED’s care. (All together now… one, two, three… SHUDDER.)

In his 16+ years of coaching, a Phil “Zen Master” Jackson team has never lost more than five games in a row. Oh, until last night that is. The Blazers served up consecutive loss number six to the Lakers, beating them 112-108. Kobe scored a lackluster 25 points and was overshadowed by Jarrett Jack ‘s 30 points and a Portland team that shot 60% from the field.

The team is off today and will be home playing the Memphis Grizzlies tomorrow night.

That’s right, amigos…it’s time for “Good morning, news!!” Your daily round up of all the noticias that matter.

1. BIG SQUID! Fishermen in New Zealand have caught a 990lb squid, giving the world something else to associate with their country, apart from lamb and Lord of the Rings.SQUID: Big, and preciousssss…

2. BRITNEYWATCH: Oh, me, she’s in rehab! Oh, no, she’s out of rehab! Oh, my, she’s hired Mel Gibson’s attorney…can it get any worse?

3. FOR ENGLAND, HARRY, AND ST.GEORGE! The selfish, Nazi-dressing English Royal of oft-questioned parentage, and did I mention, accused exam-cheat, Prince Harry, will go to Iraq after all. The Prince will be granted his wish to be “treated the same way as anybody else,” apart from the crack-team of elite S.A.S bodyguards, guarding him around the clock.

4. UN-COOPERATIVE. The UN continues to believe it has the power to influence Iranian Nuclear policy, and that America might defer to it before bombing the shit out of another Middle-Eastern Country. Third time’s the charm…

And in Portland:Blazers beat the Lakers! Leading some sad, deluded dreamers to start mentioning “the last spot in the playoffs…” Don’t do it to yourselves, guys. All that false hope could crush you. Although Mercury music editor Ezra may have to reconsider whether the team is now too successful to support in an ironic, hipster fashion. He has a chart on the wall for just this eventuality…

MUTINY AT PDC! Council supports PDC’s staffers in their unionization efforts. Whole place set to blow sky high…

Hasta manana! Consider yourself informed…

I can’t quite make heads or tails of this, but Kyle at barflymag.com has “86’d” “ALL future reviews for Outlaws” on E Burnside.

More here from Kyle:

[Ed. note: Therealjosh seems to be the ‘reviewer’ who mucked things up… or it was another guy known just as ‘josh.’ I told you it’s confusing.]

Therealjosh, seriously dude, your entire motivation totally pisses me off. You didn’t mention in your email requesting an account that the only reason you wanted to join was so you could add yet another suspect review to the festering cesspool known as BarFly’s Outlaw’s User Reviews.

I’m totally BANNING ALL future reviews for Outlaws. You guys can purchase advertising if you want anymore attention from this site. When the check clears, I’ll be happy to clean up all of these reviews and wipe the slate clean. Deal? If there is a new owner, advise them to contact me directly about cleaning this thing up.

On January 30, a reviewer called ‘josh’ had written, in response to a bunch of not-very-nice reviews of Outlaws:

Not the outlaws I know!

I think this bar is seriously past due for a real review! The review listed is so out of date it doesn’t due any of the new changes justice. Rick and the new management team have worked really hard to change the face of outlaws yet again and I think its time for a better review. Rock shows, karaoke, strippers, new bar menu with the old favorites left as they are, new times and many new drink specials for even the brokest of PDX are just some of the changes with the line-up and the new solid staff. All bars have issues the first few years they are open, Outlaws is still finding its niche and when it does it will be an amazing bar like no other.

But followed that three days later with:

Fuck that!

I retract my previous statements. This bar fucking blows.

Yeah, I don’t get it. Blogtownies—any insight (into Outlaws or the review brouhaha)?

Whole Foods bought Wild Oats today, leading me to wonder what’s going to happen to Portland’s Wild Oats outlets (the one on NE 28th and Burnside is conveniently located within walking distance of our office… but I rarely go, because the deli offerings—lunch!—are underwhelming).

Will Whole Foods convert all the Wild Oats? No idea, but I hope so. I like hitting Whole Foods every so often for their massive deli selection, and to track down obscure higher end ingredients (but trekking to the Pearl to pick up a single item isn’t usually in the cards) . Either way, though, I’ll be sticking with New Seasons for the weekly shopping trip.

So I’ve got a stack of tickets to Portland Center Stage’s upcoming production of The Pillowman just sitting on my desk, waiting to admit a few lucky Blog Town readers into the wonderful world of Portland theater.

The show is about a fiction writer who is hauled in for interregation when authorities notice that his stories are uncannily similar to a “series of grisly child murders” occuring in town. According to the Times review (worth reading), “comedies don’t come any blacker…The laughs elicited by ‘The Pillowman’ are the kind that trail into gulps and gasps, appropriate to a show that concerns a man under suspicion of torturing and killing children with no mercy and lots of imagination. “

Apparently it’s pretty disturbing stuff—PCS sent their season subscribers a warning letter, offering the faint of heart some alternate ticket options (I’ll post the letter after the jump). I’m seeing it this Sunday, and I gotta say I’m pretty excited.

E-mail me at ahallett@portlandmercury.com by 5 pm tomorrow and tell me why YOU deserve a golden ticket.

December 6, 2006

Dear __________,

Are you ready?

In late February, we bring you one of the most exciting projects of the season, Martin McDonagh’s The Pillowman. The play has captivated audiences in London and New York, but it is definitely for the adventurous at heart. If you’re a skier, you know that most of us can navigate comfortably on a green or blue course. Pillowman is a black diamond: thrilling, challenging, and a bit terrifying.

“Now, Jack what does that Chris Coleman mean when he says ‘terrifying’?” (I hear you thinking) After all one man’s rush is another man’s undoing. I distinctly remember watching Interview with a Vampire in its screen version, surrounded by friends who were cackling and eating it up. But after Tom Cruise bit the head off of his third live rat, I headed for the car.

There are no live rats devoured in Pillowman, but McDonagh does take as his subject a series of grisly child murders. And while his treatment of the story is dazzling and hilarious (yes, you heard that right) – it is not for the faint of heart or stomach. “Well, Jack – if this is so intense, why is PCS doing it?” Put simply, it’s one of the most brilliant new plays written in the last decade. The New York Times called it “a spellbinding stunner of a play, appallingly funny and endlessly quotable.” And Lord knows, sometimes the very best stories we share in the theatre involve scary stuff (ie. a guy sleeping with his Mom, then poking his eyes out). We can’t wait for you to see this one – but we want you walking in with both eyes open!

The Pillowman opens with a fiction writer named Katurian being interrogated about crimes in his community—crimes that reflect the plots of his unpublished short stories. As the detectives perform their good cop/bad cop routines, they and the audience enter into the darkly funny and brutal world of the writer’s imagination. With black humor and an ironic bite that mask a deeply serious sense of purpose, The Pillowman takes on some of modern society’s most intriguing issues: What defines art? Is censorship effective? What are the limits of individual rights?

During the thriller’s premier production at London’s National Theatre playwright Martin McDonagh netted the 2004 Olivier Award as well as an Evening Standard Award nomination for Best New Play. The following season the play carried the same dynamic to Broadway, capturing two Tony Awards, two Drama Desk Awards, an Outer Critic’s Circle Award and a Drama Critics Circle Award.

Other plays in Martin McDonagh’s remarkable body of work include The Beauty Queen of Leenane, The Cripple of Inishmaan (produced by PCS in 2000) and Tony nominees The Lonesome West and The Lieutenant of Inishmore. McDonagh won a 2006 Academy Award for his short film Six Shooter.

Full Disclosure: The Pillowman contains disturbing scenes of violence, and is therefore intended for mature audiences only. We invite you to enjoy this visually arresting, genuinely thought-provoking, brilliantly bone-chilling exploration of the role of artists and artistic responsibility in contemporary culture. As London Daily Mail put it: “Brace yourself for a play of extraordinary power and stunning theatrical bravura!”

Sincerely yours,

Chris Coleman
Artistic Director

PS: If after reading this, you think that Pillowman is just not for you, please call the Box Office at ______, and we will happily exchange your tickets for additional seats to either Misalliance or Fences

A while back, I wrote about Al Cabino, the Canadian man obsessed with those sneakers from Back to the Future. he dropped me a line the other day to report that his petition to Nike currently has about 25,000 signatures (up from 19,000 last time we spoke), and to show me the cute commercial for the campaign:

WOW. I really love me some Conan O’Brien—and not just for the Masturbating Bear gags—sometimes he comes up with ideas that could really improve an existing show, such as this hilarious rendition of “Meet the Press… FOR IDIOTS.”

Thanks Lindsayism!

From an anonymous Today in PDX’er, the bomb scare in SE PDX:

No disassemble Stephanie!

It was as close as i could get to the robot blowing up that bomb on hawthorne.

The whole street is closed at 12th. a guy ran out of ‘fish’ claiming to see jesus. he left a briefcase on the porch and claimed bomb.

It’s true—if you look very closely, you’ll see a little robot in the middle of the street just past the intersection, dealing with a suspicious device.

For those who forgot their glasses today, click here for a blown up image, thanks to Leanne in the Merc’s production crew!

todayinpdx@portlandmercury.com

There’s a new European tour poster for the Decemberists and boy, is it sweet! The artist is Emek and the poster fanatics are going absolutely nutso for it. Check out the (550+ comments) discussion on Expresso Beans to get the full scoop on how obsession can make you go a bit nutty.
And because it’s so difficult to obtain, Emek has been fucking with his eager beaver fans. Last I heard he had it (jokingly) listed at $10,000 a print. I’m sure that got some brains a’boiling.

Emek: Maker of Sweet Posters

It had promised to be an all out fight between Mayor Tom Potter and a majority of city council, but in the end, all five commissioners voted to support the efforts of Portland Development Commission staffers to organize into a union—“if they so choose.”

The vote went quickly, with only two amendments—Potter adding the “if they so choose” language and Dan Saltzman adding a paragraph expressing “appreciation for everyone at PDC.” This last bit at first came off as Hallmark-y, but struck a note, leading Randy Leonard to express more than once that his criticism of the ag