Peter Pan peanut butter recalled after salmonella outbreak! (We’ve seen the movie… Tinkerbell is one jealous, vindictive bitch.)

11 more Republicans wake up, smell the coffee, and realize that President Bush’s plan to send more troops to Iraq is full of Peter Pan peanut butter.

Rush Limbaugh advises Barack Obama to renounce his race and “become white” in order to better his chances of being elected. Barack responds by advising Limbaugh to get a lobotomy to better his chances of being less stupid.

Former pop star Ricky Martin gives George Bush the finger during a performance in Puerto Rico. Former American Idol contestant William Hung vows to never sing “She Bangs” again.

MTV’s flagship show TRL (Total Request Live) has been CANCELLED, leaving a thousand teenage girls without a place to scream their heads off for Nickleback.

Why choosy mothers choose Jiff.