What’s a morning news report without some elected official or celebrity spreading a message vitriolic bigotry? Today’s headline comes to us courtesy of Kansas Senator and presidential hopeful
Sam Brownback, who said “I believe that homosexual acts between individuals are immoral and that we should not condone immoral acts. I do not believe the United States is well-served by a policy that says it is OK to be immoral in any way.” He later clarified, “I do not believe being a homosexual is immoral, but I do believe homosexual acts are.” Oh, OK. Whew. As long as he’s not judging anybody.

Another big shocker here: Americans don’t eat enough fruit and vegetables. Only 27% of us eat two servings of fruit and three servings of veggies a day. Since each serving is only half a cup, that works out to barely more than a large apple and a generous salad. (Even juice counts, people.) Another curious finding from the study: “Although Hispanics ate the most fruits (37 percent) compared with blacks and whites, they ate the fewest vegetables, (about 20 percent). Whites, in contrast, ate the fewest fruits (31 percent) but the most veggies (28 percent).”

Iran to the US: Fuck you, we’re going nuclear!

The only thing funnier than regular Michael Jackson stories (like this one, where he checks into a hotel under a woman’s name) are British Michael Jackson stories. “Wacko, 48, is currently holed up in the £3,000-a-night….” “But the staff there weren’t exactly over the moon(walk) to see him…” etc. etc.

This story on the North Carolina castrators features the Pulitzer-worthy line: “Investigators said they found evidence including a scrotum and a testicle kept in a freezer.” (I take it back. A real Pulitzer-worthy journalist would have discovered what happened to the other testicle.)

That’s what happened while I was sleeping, folks. Stay tuned for more local news throughout the day.