You don’t do “sex” very good. BUT THAT’S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. I was really bad at it, too (I mean REALLY bad… like put-a-trash-can-by-the-bed-in-case-you-need-to-throw-up BAD). But do you know how I got better? By reading the Mercury’s 2007 SEX SURVEY RESULTS. Now I know things that will make my “sexing” so much better! For example?

1) 86% of people are turned on by tongue kissing as opposed to the 22% who are turned on by rimming. (Note to self: kiss lips first, THEN move to b-hole.)

2) Almost half of you own a vibrator. (Good to know! That way instead of buying my own, I’ll just borrow my mom’s.)

3) 32% of you claim that it takes you a half hour to reach orgasm. (I can be included in that group, too, if I can count the time it takes me to shower, brush my teeth, shave, change the sheets, disrobe, choose an appropriate colored condom and dial up something sexy to look at on the internet. Oh, and masturbate.)

WANT MORE FUN FACTS? CLICK HERE FOR THE MERCURY’S 2007 SEX SURVEY RESULTS!

“Now sex can finally feel GOOD again…”