Just as PICA’s Time-Based Art Festival season passes go on sale today, so too have they released the lineup for the fifth annual festival (Sept 6-16). And I’ve got to say—it’s the first year that there’s no “holy shit, that’s great” headliner that grabs me. In fact, if I can expose my ignorance, the only acts that I’m really familiar with are Claude Wampler, Nature Theater of Oklahoma, Hand2Mouth Theatre, Andrew Dickson, Gary Wiseman, and Melia Donovan. Of course, every year I’m amazed by at least one TBA act that I was previously unfamiliar with, but I guess I’ve been spoiled in the past with the likes of Laure Anderson, Diamanda Galas, DJ Spooky, Antony and the Johnsons, and the like.

Here’s the rundown:

TBA:07 FESTIVAL ARTISTS
Rinde Eckert—Commission of new work for Portland choirs
Donna Uchizono Company—State of Heads and Leap to Tall
Marc Bamuthi Joseph—The Breaks
Taylor Mac—The BE(A)ST of Taylor Mac
Las Chicas del 3.5 Floppies
Charlotte Vanden Eynde—MAP ME
tEEth/Angelle Hebert and Phillip Kraft—Normal and Happy
Kassys—Kommer (Grief)
Claude Wampler—PERFORMANCE (career ender)
Nature Theater of Oklahoma—No Dice
Hand2Mouth Theatre—Repeat After Me
Andrew Dickson—Sellout
Zoe Scofield and Juniper Shuey—the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t
Young Jean Lee’s Theater Company—Songs of the Dragons Flying to Heaven
Elevator Repair Service—Gatz
Mammalian Diving Reflex—Haircuts by Children
Christian Silvia
Gary Wiseman—Tea Parties
Ryan W. Paulson
Arnold J. Kemp—Daydream Nation (Suspriria Version)
Melia Donovan—The Clandestine Periphery
Guido van der Werve—Numbered Films
Ina Diane Archer—The Lincoln Film Conspiracy (LFC)
Larry Bamburg
Peter Kreider/Marko Lulic
Regina Silveria
Sarah Greenberger Rafferty
Sincerely, John Head—Studio Sessions
Urbanhonking—Ultimate Blogger III
Larry Krone

Next week I’ll be going to a press conference where I’ll undoubtedly get better informed and more hyped up on these artists, so I’ll pass on what I learn then. In the meantime, please feel free to turn me on to any of these acts of which I am so blissfully uninformed.

This week on 3-Minute Limit, host Lance Chess is joined by special co-host James Deeley. Together, the duo kick off a new series that showcases a variety of metal genres. Today, hear songs from Venom, Exodus, Municipal Waste, plus many, many more! Click here to check it out.

Not screened in time to meet our publication deadline, here’s your chance to read all about the (suprisingly) suspenseful film, Vacancy, starring Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale.

There is a GOD, even if he/she thinks it’s a sin to read Harry Potter books!

Amazon.com is having a pre-order sale for the seventh and final book in the Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

The book is guaranteed to be delivered to your home, not by an owl unfortunately, by the 7-27-07 release date or IT’S FREE!

That means you don’t have to leave your home and face the cruel Harry Potter hating world that carries out these types of unspeakable acts-that-cannot-be-named.

Finally, someone makes some sense of this week’s awful school shooting. The reason 32 students were killed was because prayer and the Ten Commandments aren’t allowed in public schools.

God couldn’t help those kids who were praying for their lives because he was kicked out of schools by Madalyn Murray O’Hair.

Of all the troubling outcomes from the shooting, ideas like the following are maybe the most disturbing:

More here.

Oh, since I’ve risked being accused of not providing “context,” here it is: This is disturbing because far right religious groups will use the shooting to argue for what appears to be an authoritarian theocracy with little free speech. Also, all the context you need can be read in the comments of that website.

• Happy Belated Birthday, Buffy! Sarah Michelle Geller has turned 30. (But that’s like 15 in slayer years.)

• Contrary to a USA Today report, Veronica Mars may return next season! YAYYYY!

• Check out a marathon of the beautiful documentary series Planet Earth this Sunday (Discover Channel, 9 am)! (That is unless you HATE the earth!)

• Gillian Anderson (Scully from The X-Files) vows to never return to television. Says Anderson, “My God, I don’t even watch television. I don’t like television. I never have liked it. The whole concept of sitting down in front of a TV feels like one of the things that’s destroying society, as far as I’m concerned.” Ummm… has anyone invited her back on television?

• Sean Penn defeats Stephen Colbert in a “Metaphor-Off.” (Damn it! I just lost 50 bucks.)

• 30 Rock’s Alec Baldwin apologizes for calling his child a “thoughtless, little pig.” But will he apologize for offending all those pigs?

For days I have sat back and watched news story after news story published on-line about the shootings at Virginia Tech. I could put a link to a story, but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about; besides, I couldn’t decide which story to pick out of 53 pages of stories found by searching Google news for “Virginia Tech shooting”.

Now you may sense some frustration on my part, and you would be correct to pick that up. Let me say that I am sorry for the lives that were lost at Virgina Tech and I am very sorry their families have to deal with the senseless deaths of their loved ones, however, I cannot stand this media spectacle (which I have now become apart of).

Cho Seung-Hui already has a Wikipedia page! A former class mate has now dug up two plays written by Cho, his roommate came forward to describe him as a loner, and kids in high school said he was picked on. Now if any of this comes as any surprise to you, let me just remind of the Columbine High School shootings.

Meanwhile, the world continued to turn. On Wednesday, four large bombs were set off in Baghdad killing 180-230 people.

Don’t be surprised if you didn’t hear much about it, or the 12 people that were killed by a suicide bomber in Baghdad the very next day, neither story topped the Virginia Tech shooting stories.

Today, there is a top story about how the nation is mourning the lives lost at Virginia Tech, but news of the Iraqi bombings dropped out of the headlines mere hours after they happened. And one must search to find stories about how the U.S. believes it has found a connetction between Iranian intelligence services and Sunni insurgents believed to carry out Wednesday’s bombings.

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like the media is saying one is a more important, or sadder, story than the other one. Why is that? It can’t be due to loss of life, the Virginia Tech shootings claimed the lives of 32 people while more than 200 lives were lost in Baghdad in just two days.

Notice I used a picture of Cho Seung-Hui to accompany this story… Why? Because I knew the image would draw more attention than the same old pictures of blown up cars in Baghdad. Does the media report the news, or exploit certain stories to play on our fears? How many people are scared of suicide bombers in the U.S.? How many are scared of school shootings in the U.S.?

What do you think? Am I totally nuts?

Those who closely follow music—and especially techno-y, rappy, dancey stuff— are already well acquainted with the awesomely Swedish music site Discobelle. And as it turns out, they are in love with the new Mercury podcast, SO HOT RIGHT NOW, hosted by our own Mike Williams and this week featuring a super hot new mix from the legendary Bird Peterson… created just for Portland! You can read all about it here at Discobelle, or cut out the middleman, and listen to it here!
(I can vouch for this podcast’s excellence—I went jogging with it yesterday, and got so caught up in it, I ran an extra mile!)

Thanks to Mercury distribution director Lance Chess, I am no longer in the dark about My Pet Rock:And thanks to Wikipedia, neither should you be.

US$3.95 each. The pebbles, imported from Rosarito Beach in Baja California, Mexico, were swaddled in excelsior and nestled in a small cardboard box, similar to a pet carrier. A “Pet Rock Training Manual,” with instructions on how to properly raise and care for one’s newfound pet (notably lacking instructions for feeding), was included.

Tonight check out the Spring Preview Party at Mabel & Zora’s (1468 NE Alberta) and get 15% off dresses, plus champaign!

Then, Saturday and Sunday find 20% off at Sameunderneath (915 N Shaver), in honor of Earth Day.

The city just sent out a flurry of notices about an event happening tonight:

Come and listen to the niece of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dr. Alveda King, Director of African American Outreach for Gospel of Life and the daughter of the late slain civil rights activist Rev. A. D. Kiing, niece of the late slain Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., is coming to Portland to speak on - “How can the ‘Dream’ survive if we murder the children?”

April 20, 2007
Benson High School Auditorium
546 NE 12th Avenue
Portland, Oregon

There will be a free offering of non-perishable food and hygiene articles that will be donated to food banks in Northeast Portland. Canned fruit, toothpaste, and toilet paper are especially needed.

Here’s the thing: It’s a little weird that the city’s promoting an event by someone as polarizing as Dr. Alveda King—despite her relation to MLK Jr., Alveda’s got her own non-inclusive brand of right-wing politics. Check out Dr. Alveda King’s site, and see for yourself. She’s a rabid anti-gay pro-lifer, who’s toured the country speaking out against gay rights, and against abortion.

Sure, her speech tonight might sound like it could be about combating youth violence, promoting racial tolerance, or any number of things Portlanders value discussing. Instead, here’s the full title of her speech, as noted on her website:

How can the “Dream” survive if we murder the children? Every aborted baby is like a slave in the womb of his or her mother. The mother decides his or her fate.

Her article continues:

Oh, God, what would Martin Luther King, Jr., who dreamed of having his children judged by the content of their characters do if he’d lived to see the contents of thousands of children’s skulls emptied into the bottomless caverns of the abortionists pits?

And I’m not kidding about the city promoting this bizarre, controversial event. It’s listed on the city’s neighborhood calendar of events, and the host is noted as Dennis P LoGiudice, a guy who’s email address matches the Northeast Coalition of Neighborhoods’, one of the city’s seven district coalitions. Notice has gone out over the official city event announcement list, and a crime prevention coordinator has sent out a few notes about it.

***EDITED TO ADD: It looks like Dennis, the neighborhood coalition office manager, might just be passing the event along. I got another notice about it—via the Gang Violence Task Force—where Dennis wrote “I know this is late notice, but I just received this information, both in e-mail and in flyer form” this morning. He included the flyer, misleadingly introduced as “Today we are so honored to have Dr. Alveda King a great speaker come to Portland to talk about life, family and race issues.”

According to the Catholic Sentinel, her visit actually has something to do with a potential new Planned Parenthood clinic on MLK Boulevard. “She will visit Portland to denounce the MLK Boulevard clinic plan in a speech set for 7 p.m. Friday, April 20, at Benson High School. King will address the Oregon Right to Life Convention that weekend.”

According to the Oregonian, U.S. Congressman Peter DeFazio has announced that he will not be running for senate against Gordon Smith.

The Draft DeFazio blog has posted a message from DeFazio’s staff that was sent to “the netroots”:

I have concluded that I can best serve the people of this state by staying in the House and using my seniority and subcommittee chairmanship to improve federal investments in our critical infrastructure and to fight for the interests of Oregonians. But make no mistake, we need to defeat Gordon Smith and elect a Senator who will fight for all Oregonians and Oregon values every day, not just under pressure of re-election.

Eyes will now shift to Congressman Earl Blumenauer, who’s also been shortlisted for the seat. And, of course, eyes are already on Steve Novick, who announced earlier this week that’s running.

Novick says the announcement won’t change much for him or his campaign.

“I was running two days ago, and I’m running now,” he says. “Two days ago, I said Gordon Smith was for government of the rich, by the powerful, and for the special interests, and that’s still true today. I’m a Peter DeFazio Democrat, so I’ll be running on many of the same things that he would have run on.”

As for the question of Blumenauer—what will Novick do if the congressman steps in—Novick repeated the same answer he gave when asked about DeFazio last week: “That would be a great problem for Oregon Democrats to have.”

Blogger TJ, of Draft DeFazio and the LoadedOrygun blog, says DeFazio’s announcement is “disappointing, but it’s good that he made the decision in a relatively timely manner.”

“The issue here is that Gordon Smith’s position hasn’t changed,” TJ added. “He’s still vulnerable to a strong Democrat with solid backing.”

TJ and his fellow DeFazio drafters have raised over $3,500 in an ActBlue account—that money has gone directly to DeFazio. They’ve already started a poll in the comments of this BlueOregon post to gather recommendations for how DeFazio should spend that money. Of course, it’s all advisory—DeFazio can do pretty much whatever he wants with it.

Update: Blumenauer’s office just called and, surprise surprise, there’s no definitive answer. His Portland aide, Willie Smith, says the congressman’s focus is on legislative work over the next couple of months, and not on any campaign.

“The focus is clearly on creating a new direction,” Smith says. “We have a great opportunity now that Democrats have taken over the House and Senate, and we don’t want to get distracted from that by talking about a campaign that wouldn’t need to start right now anyway.”

Besides, Smith says, Blumenauer’s now on the House Ways and Means Committee (one of the windfalls of a blue majority), and “he’s really excited about that.”

And that’s the trick with trying to get sitting Democratic congressmen or congresswomen to run for senate—they’ve already got a safe seat, plus seniority, and are in the majority for the first time in more than a decade. Who’d risk that for a senate campaign?

Chalked on the side of the empty Wild Oats at SE 30th and Division.

Raise the standard of boredom: todayinpdx@portlandmercury.com

NY Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn made another Portland entry on her blog yesterday, and seemed quite taken with our town, and the stream of commenters attached to it returned the sentiment. My personal take on the talk she gave at the Art Institute, in brief, after the jump.

The title of the lecture was "The Duel Between Art and Commerce in Fashion," the the talk she had prepared was really mostly an autobiographical account of how she got into fashion, which she launched with the admission that she never had any "sartorial ambitions." (Other confessions included owning tented Laura Ashley dresses and wanting the job of fashion critic because it meant she'd get to go to New York for work twice a year.) The Q & A session I thought was richer in relevance (although I did enjoy hearing her low voice in person and got a lot out of it personally). A couple of things that struck me, were that she pointed out that right before fashion started bringing up issues that were of substantive importance to society (environmentalism, labor issues, etc) many newspapers dropped their fashion coverage as fluff. (That made feel lucky, considering how recently I began writing about it, and in a place in which such considerations are already at the fore).

Along that same line, she mentioned that the current fixation on DIY, eco-design, etc, are characteristic of reactions to (big, scary) shifts in the economic world, essentially comparing us to the "back to the earth" hippies of our parents' generation who were drawn to similarly old fashioned approaches. This added a little fuel to the kindling doubt I've been noticing in myself regarding the fashion world's commitment to these ideals in the long term.

She lost a shit-ton of credibility with more than a few people in the room when she renounced Target and H&M, but gave a thumbs up to friggin' WalMart! A certain local designer friend of mine who was in the room texted me with "She does NOT shop at WalMart!" and later pointed out that among its sundry evils, WalMart clothing has some of the shittiest construction out there, with seemingly all design desicions made on the basis of using the least amount of fabric.

Another "speaking of" is how readily apparent her interest in fashion seems to come from a pro-business point of view. There was little romanticism in her comments perhaps not surprising given her earlier admissions and considering the paper she works for. She did very little rhapsodizing about the art and beauty of fashion, and quite a bit of approving of, say, Harvey Weinstein's business methods. I actually found this really clear-eyed and comfortably straightforward. You had to feel a little sorry for some of the young designers in the audience who seemed to be looking for her validation of their aspirations as independent designers. Her definition of such seemed to be very limited, and she straight up said that she was interested in the "news," and that except for very rare cases, independent designers did not constitute news. On the other hand, she did express some respect for the fact that you can have an (I love this term) "indigenous" wardrobe made up of designers in your region and that that is just as respectable as shopping the big names.

Still, it was disappointing how little she seemed to care about small designers—anywhere, not just here. (Especially for someone who expressed an interest in covering more "green" fashion whilst standing in the ostensible capital of such.)

And real quick, her take on skinny models: her impression is that designers are mostly self-policing, and that regulating them implies that they are not adults and can't regulate themselves. Besides, fashion model body types have always fluctuated, and there's no reason to expect things won't keep changing. Also a more relevant issue is the lack of ethnic diversity among models, an industry that is whiter now than it was 10 years ago.

Celebrities: They shut the dialogue down because their choices (usually not their own) are so safe and boring, but hell, they sell a lot of handbags.

Portland, please help us out. We need to borrow (or buy, if needed) a cute ‘lil Bobblehead, like our pal pictured above. We need it for a future Mercury-related photo shoot (no, not the Bobblehead issue), so if anyone out there knows of a store (or person) that has something like this, please comment below. Thanks.

What kind of band would name their summer tour “A Bit of Grass-Stain Does Not a Ruined Pair of Jeans Make Tour?”

Oh, yeah, The Decemberists. Duh.

First off, that band does not wear jeans. Slacks, maybe, but not denim. Also, don’t grass-stains actually ruin jeans? Years of horseplay on the lawn has taught me that a nice solid grass-stain will, in fact, ruin a pair of jeans. But since I dress like this guy, I turned to our resident fashionista, Marjorie Skinner, who commented:

“I would tend to agree with the (albeit completely retarded) summer tour name”

Well there you have it. The Denimberists were right, I was wrong.

Halo Shoes (1425 NE Broadway), aka the achilles heel of my budget is having their anniversary sale this weekend—today through Sunday. Here’s the shake: 20% off this season’s merchandise, and 10% off already marked down sale items. Get your spring shoes now! These are the ones I’ve got my eye on:

(Chie Mihara)

(Fiorentini+Baker—the green ones)

Yesterday, the day after Steve Novick announced that he’s taking on Gordon Smith in 2008 (assuming he wins the Dem primary [assuming there is a Dem primary]), news outlets around the country picked up the story.

Thankfully, the handy tool that is the Google News service compiled these stories under the “Oregon” tag. Here’s what you might have seen yesterday—a link to the Boston Herald’s article:

Click for a larger image

But, whaaaat? Look at that image next to the link:

Recognize that photo? You may have seen it here.

Thanks to Lance “Eagle Eyes” Chess for the tip.

Hey heshers, Sweden doesn’t want you to name your baby after Metallica. In fact, they feel so strongly about this, they won’t let your metal baby get a passport. As if anyone would ever want to leave a country with socialized health care, 41 weeks paid vacation and wall-to-wall attractive citizens. Oh yeah, real tough punishment, Sweden.

Thankfully the Swedish officials recently caved on their tough baby-naming stance, most likely after seeing this cute ‘lil Metallica onesie.

Here’s the new Gwen Stefani video, “4 in the Morning” which depicts how Gwen starts every day: rolling out of bed and looking GORGEOUS. Just like me. There are a few minor differences, however. I didn’t notice Gwen scratching her nethers, examining the brown film on her tongue, running into a cabinet door that SOMEONE left open, and coughing up something green out of her lungs. But let’s not nitpick. She and I? VERY similar.

Thanks, Stereogum!

No matter what happens, it’s good to remember that things could always be worse.

Unless you’re Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. The verdict is in on his performance in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee yesterday, and things are looking bad for the AG. (BTW, did anyone catch excerpts from the hearing? I never realized how flutey his voice was before—or maybe he was just on the verge of crying.) Republican lawmakers are tripping over themselves to be first in line with their criticism of Gonzales—which either means the GOP has grown some scruples, or they realize that Bush and his appointees have poisoned their chances for a successful ‘08. Either way, it’s entertaining.

Speaking of Republicans who don’t take war in the Middle East seriously—Sen. John McCain is being targeted by MoveOn.org, who will spend $100,000 on an ad campaign in key states decrying his recent “joke” about bombing Iran. The nation “can’t afford another reckless president,” MoveOn says.

Sen. Barack Obama has outlined a plan to reduce carbon emissions from cars—and it doesn’t include making movies about drowning polar bears. Instead, it’ll require lower-carbon fuel that would reduce carbon emissions 10 percent by 2020, including biofuels and ethanol.

And finally, in local news, the Animal Liberation Front has apparently taken responsibility for tagging an SUV belonging to a financial adviser for Wachovia Bank.

Today from 2:15-2:50 pm, everyone’s favorite “Just dial down the center!” doofus, David Arquette, will be at the Clinton St. Theater (2522 SE Clinton) to do some promo work for his new film The Tripper, which is “about a Ronald Reagan-obsessed serial killer that targets a bunch of hippies who are heading to a weekend-long concert.” The Tripper—which, sadly, wasn’t screened for critics, opens today at a bunch of theaters in town, including the Clinton. Showtimes are here.

The event’s free, and Arquette will be signing and giving away posters, and maybe—if you’re super nice—you can get him to sign your copy of Eight Legged Freaks, or ask him what it’s like sleeping with one of the Friends, or show him this.

Just some practical information here, folks (but feel free to use the comment section if you feel the need to further debate Dov Charney, AA advertising images, the structural integrity of AA products, business plan, style savvy, etc): Right now there’s a sale on women’s items happening with some pretty nice discounts (in case one of your beefs with the company is that it’s overpriced), but it won’t be found in the retail stores—online only. You know the drill: Head to your neighborhood AA store and try on the $26 dollar top, then get online and buy it for $12.

Each item was purchased, taken home, and photographed immediately. Nothing
was tampered with, run over by a car, or anything of the sort. It is an accurate
representation in every case. Shiny, neon-orange, liquefied pump-cheese, and all.

link

Via Consumerist:

While I personally don’t eat animals, I’m a sucker for an animal mascot who advertises a product which results in said mascot’s violent death. That being said, I just found my new favorite blog: Suicide Food!

The site examines the confusing world of animal meat mascots, many of which are just begging to be eaten up. Weird.

Mere hours after the Virginia Tech shootings, violent videogames and movies quickly started serving as explanations for Cho Seung-Hui’s actions. This is pretty standard: Anytime there’s a school shooting—or any sort of violent crime, really—conservative activists (along with a few more liberal ones, Hillary included) jump on the “videogames are murder simulators” bandwagon. I want to be charitable and say that this is just one more way for people to come to grips with tragedy, to find reason where there might be none—and this goes double for older people, who weren’t raised with Nintendos or Ataris in their living rooms, who still think that those vidyagames that the kids these days play sure seem scary. But part of me also just views this as straight-up political opportunism, an easy way to appeal to ill-advised parents and conservative groups who are still terrified of Black Sabbath, let alone Grand Theft Auto.

So the comparisons came in quick and fast: Was Cho emulating Oldboy? How about The Matrix? Did he play Counter-Strike, and that’s what taught him how to shoot people in the real world? (This latest charge was brought by anti-videogame activist Jack Thompson, who I interviewed a while back, and is a real piece of work. He and Hillary are buddy-buddy, by the way.) Anyway: Some people take this “videogames/movies are to blame” thing at face value, and others think a bit more about how/if violent media impacts its viewers/players, and others dismiss it out of hand.

I’m not sure where I come down on it. I do think that most of the panic over violent videogames and movies is really ill-founded and -advised, and I have yet to see any sort of legit evidence that proves violent media inspires violent real-life actions. Mostly, as a (non-violent, non-confrontational) viewer of R-rated movies and M-rated videogames, I’m usually just astonished at how easily they’re brought up as concise, simple explanations for horrible actions.

Which—to get to the point—makes this even weirder. A year ago I blogged about GameLife, an unintentionally hilarious show made by three super-awkward, teenage dweebs who love to play videogames. GameLife was great, bizarre and funny and sad and enthusiastic, and pretty much proved that the stereotypical videogamer—a fat white teenager with way too much time on his hands and little to no social skills—actually existed.

Today, GameLife’s founder and star, the incredibly awkward gamer Andrew Rosenblum, now 20, was released on $50,000 bail after he made email threats to recreate the Virginia Tech shootings.

The always-great gaming blog Kotaku has the story right here. Which is just insane: Here's this gamer kid, totally inept w/r/t social graces and clearly about as nerdy as nerds come, acting in the exact way that conservatives seem to think all gamers act. My inclination is just to say that Rosenblum is really, really stupid, and just didn't realize what he was doing (or the ruckus that it would cause). But it's hard to shake how neatly he's slipped into this cliche of the "violent gamer." No, I don't buy that Doom inspired Columbine, and I don't think Cho was taught by Counter-Strike how to methodically kill his fellow students and professors. When you look at how many people play videogames, and how many people have seen The Matrix or whatever, it makes no sense whatsoever that media inspires people to act in weird ways. Whether you have people who are already fucked up getting ideas from movies and videogames is another issue worth talking about: Would Cho have purchased a 9 mm if it wasn't so popular in action films? How susceptible are people--especially people who're already mentally ill, etc.--to violent imagery? And--assuming that is the case, which I'm not sure it is--is there anything we can/do about it? (Because if that's the case, we've got to get rid of Catcher in the Rye, too.)

Shit, I don't know. I do know that the GameLife thing is weird and really sad. I know that people blaming videogames and movies for violent acts isn't going to end anytime soon, whether or not it's a legit criticism. And I also know that as long as people like Rosenblum keep doing dumb shit like this, a bajillion family-friendly Wiis or Guitar Hero contests aren't going to keep some people of thinking of videogame machines as little more than lethal death-kill murder simulators. I also know I'm at once incredibly tired of this debate and stymied by it.

• On NBC, it’s an Office repeat—but still a funny one, wherein Michael and Jan return from their Jamaican “Sandals” vacation, and Michael can’t shut up about it. That is, having sex. With his boss. Who’s hot. And they had sex. (8:30 pm) Then on a heelarious new 30 Rock, the unfortunately named Floyd asks Liz to move with him to the midwest. THE MIDWEST?! Oh, it’s like a beautiful dream! (9 pm)

• This week in I Love Television™ I blabbed on and on about how awesome Lex Luthor is in Smallville, and didn’t even mention that Lynda “Wonder Woman” Carter is tonight’s guest star! BECAUSE I’M A DICK. (The CW, 8 pm)

• And by the way, everyone is talking about how great HDTV is… but it ain’t POOP next to Hologram TV! (That whole “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi” scene? That’s you in just a few years.)

This one should be a doozy:

In an interesting reversal (foreshadowed by their decision to allow kiddies at the spring beer and wine festival), the OLCC has backtracked on their controversial no-minors-at-the-Brew-Fest policy.

Check this from the festival’s website.

NEW - Minors Welcome with Parent at the 20th Annual Oregon Brewers Festival!

The Oregon Brewers Festival is pleased to announce that, as in the past, minors under age 21 will be allowed all-hours access to the 20th annual Oregon Brewers Festival, provided they are accompanied by a parent. The Oregon Liquor Control Commission granted permission for minors/parents to attend after receiving a new OBF compliance plan.

Minors will only be allowed at the OBF with a parent; guardians are not acceptable. Minors are encouraged to attend the root beer garden, in which complimentary handcrafted root beer is served in cups (no mugs allowed) for all minors and designated drivers.

I personally am not a huge fan of being drunk around children, and when I was a child, I wasn’t a huge fan of being around drunks; but I’m behind this on principle. Keeping kids out of areas where booze is served has never struck me as a particularly clear-eyed policy. I don’t understand, though, how you ensure that kids are only accompanied by their parents. Anyone?

(hat tip to the fine folks at Food Dude’s site.)

Here is a look at this week’s spectacular, action-packed, Mercury music section. Buckle-up for the thrill ride of your life, you big sissy.

Larry Mizell Jr talks about the TNT explosion of Gutterfly, the fantastic new album from The Lifesavas.
MP3: Lifesavas - Gutterfly featuring Camp Lo

Sunset Rubdown is even more dramatic than Xiu Xiu! How is that humanly possible?
MP3: Sunset Rubdown - Shut Up I Am Dreaming Of Places Where Lovers Have Wings

Sacrebleu! It’s Air!
MP3: Air - Once Upon A Time

It took five years, but finally Cornelius has emerged with a new album and that same old stunning live show. You miss him when he comes to Wonder Ballroom next Monday, you’re off my Christmas list.
MP3: Cornelius - Music

Say NO to New Rave. But feel free to say YES to The Klaxons, if you want.
MP3: The Klaxons - Golden Skans

Regina Spektor is the new Alt.Rock piano princess. Someone get that gal a crown.
MP3: Regina Spektor - On The Radio

Want to learn more about the acts playing in town this week? Want to hear what these acts sound like before you decide which shows to go to? Want to listen to the smooth voice of our music editor Ezra Ace Caraeff? Then tune in to this week’s episode of Easier Than Reading, the musical podcast dedicated to the bands we cover in each week’s print issue of the Mercury. This week: Songs by Air, Regina Spektor, Sunset Rubdown, Lifesavas and more! Click here to check it out.

QUICK!! High five somebody!

PBA’s Mike Kuykendall: Petting that pricey sit/lie law…

If you’ve picked up the Mercury this week, you’ll know that the Portland Business Alliance has offered city council an extra $150,000 to fund day access services for the homeless. All the city has to do to get its hands on that cash is…make it illegal to sit or lie on the sidewalk.

Of course, the PBA is asking for a bit of leeway in the interpretation of its promise to provide “day access services for 150 people.” Like, say, 100-people’s worth of leeway. The mayor’s Street Access For Everyone oversight group has, in fact, only been able to find day access services for 40-60 people, at the Julia West House on SW13th (which currently has one working shower…). But no matter! The SAFE oversight committee now looks ready to send a letter to city council next Tuesday, urging it to enact the law.

Instead of providing the additional day access services, the SAFE oversight group now wants to look at building lockers under the bridge at 15th and Lovejoy, on a site donated by ODOT. These will be funded by some of the $350,000 originally donated by the mayor for a “temporary day access center.”

That’s $350,000 of Portland’s money that was going to fund a “temporary day access center,” that’s now going to fund “some lockers under the 205,” and a promise from the PBA that it will “keep pushing” to find more day access space, and to use the money to fund other services at scattered locations across the city.

Here’s the question: How sincere is the PBA? Once it’s got the sit/lie law, how hard is it going to push to get the rest of the SAFE plan implemented?

A possible answer may have come at today’s meeting of the oversight group: PBA boss Mike Kuykendall suggested the group hire a staff person to push through the rest of the plan once the sit/lie ordinance is implemented.

You know—someone to take care of the unimportant stuff. Isn’t that outsourcing your rights?

Hurry before it gets taken down again:

Holy shit: Don’t miss the Halloween Episode. And by the way, it’s all NSFW!

Portland’s own Logan Lynn—an adorable pal of mine, and a talented indie-electronica musician—is up against some stiff competition for more music video airplay, and he needs your vote!

After two weeks of airing on the MTV Networks logo show “NewNowNext,” my video for “Burning Your Glory (Empire Edit)” was just placed on the ballot for “The Click List: Top Ten Videos” which airs all the damn time on logo and is 100% scheduled by you, the viewer… So let’s make me famous, y’all. It’s easy!!!

Liked it? Then vote for it. Click here and ignore those ones by non-Portlanders Justin Timberlake, Bloc Party, and Goldfrapp—focus on Logan! His video is about halfway down the list, on the right.

Logan adds:

Thanks guys!!! You rule!!! Someday I shall vote for you in return. I suggest voting until your eyes cross and your fingers turn blue if you truly love me… We’re talking multiple times a day… Please start immediately referring to your personal computers as “Logan Lynn Musical Voting Stations” :)

Yet again, a Portland business gets props in the NY Times: Under U 4 Men is the first mention in the front-page article in the Style section about the new scene of men’s underwear, with founder Steven Lien sharing face time with the likes of American Apparel’s Dov Charney.

The senate just voted again on Senate Bill 2—they approved a House Amendment that clarified the religious exemption (it spells out when religious groups can discriminate against sexual orientation or gender identity—the full text of the amendment is after the jump), 19-7.

The bill now hits the governor’s desk for his signature.

On page 2 of the printed bill, delete lines 28 through 45 and insert:

' (3) It is not an unlawful practice for a bona fide church or
other religious institution to take any action with respect to
housing or the use of facilities based on a bona fide religious
belief about sexual orientation as long as the housing or the use
of facilities is closely connected with or related to the primary
purposes of the church or institution and is not connected with a
commercial or business activity that has no necessary
relationship to the church or institution.

' (4) It is not an unlawful employment practice for a bona fide
church or other religious institution, including but not limited
to a school, hospital or church camp, to prefer an employee, or
an applicant for employment, of one religious sect or persuasion
over another if:

' (a) The religious sect or persuasion to which the employee or
applicant belongs is the same as that of the church or
institution;

' (b) In the opinion of the church or institution, the
preference will best serve the purposes of the church or
institution; and

' (c) The employment involved is closely connected with or
related to the primary purposes of the church or institution and
is not connected with a commercial or business activity that has
no necessary relationship to the church or institution.

' (5) It is not an unlawful employment practice for a bona fide
church or other religious institution to take any employment
action based on a bona fide religious belief about sexual
orientation:

' (a) In employment positions directly related to the operation
of a church or other place of worship, such as clergy, religious
instructors and support staff;

' (b) In employment positions in a nonprofit religious school,
nonprofit religious camp, nonprofit religious day care center,
nonprofit religious thrift store, nonprofit religious bookstore,
nonprofit religious radio station or nonprofit religious shelter;
or

' (c) In other employment positions that involve religious
activities, as long as the employment involved is closely
connected with or related to the primary purposes of the church
or institution and is not connected with a commercial or business
activity that has no necessary relationship to the church or
institution.'.

Okay, our Supreme Court is bad. But Iran’s is worse.

Six members of a state militia that routinely attacks reformist politicians and violently breaks up pro-democracy meetings had been convicted of murder by lower courts. But the Iranian Supremes overturned the lower courts’ decisions.

According to the Supreme [Court]… the killers, who are members of the Basiji Force, volunteer vigilantes favored by the country’s supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, considered their victims morally corrupt and, according to Islamic teachings and Iran’s Islamic penal code, their blood could therefore be shed

And what were these moral bankrupts guilty of? Well, one 16 year-old girl—immediately hanged in public after an improvised trial—was suspected of “chastity crimes.” A young couple—engaged to be married—was executed for walking together in public.

In other Iran news: John McCain jokes about bombing Iran…

Everybody’s favorite disgraced pastor, Rev. Ted “Meth and Man Ass” Haggard, is moving his wife, kids, and 100% heterosexual self from Colorado Springs to Phoenix, Arizona. “Have a nice heterosexuality!” says Newspeak, Colorado Spring’s only newspaper, and to help Ted do just that Newspeak thoughtfully provided this link.

And because it’s still funny… click here to hear “Meth and Man Ass on a Sunday Morning.”

Yesterday here at Blogtown, we were debating the latest “controversy of the century™”—American Idol’s Simon Cowell allegedly rolling his eyes while contestant Chris Richardson was paying his respects to the victims of Virginia Tech. As expected, Simon issued a statement on last night’s episode claiming he didn’t hear what Chris was saying, because he was talking to Paula… hence the “eye-roll.” But here’s something unexpected! Instead of just taking his word for it, the producers put together a split-screen clip of what actually happened during that moment, and from all appearances it clears Simon of all “eye-rolling” charges. Ahhhhh. HE MUST FEEL LIKE O.J. SIMPSON!
Check out the video here (the part you’re interested in starts at the 1:15 mark).

In a feature this week, I mentioned that former Gov. John Kitzhaber still isn’t an official “yes” or “no” on a run for the senate in 2008.

Kari over at BlueOregon points out that, in fact, last December, Kitzhaber said he wouldn’t run, during a guest appearance on the Nick Fish show.

What do you think? Are you convinced he’s not running? Think the jury’s still out? Think he might change his mind based on what DeFazio and Blumenauer decide to do? Don’t care?

I’m in Portland this morning, not Salem—so no live-blog of the Senate re-vote on the anti-discrimination bill from me (the Senate passed it once, but the House tweaked it, so they need to re-approve it; I’m saving my long distance driving for the Senate hearing on the domestic partnership bill—an issue the Senate hasn’t taken up yet).

But you’re in luck—Basic Rights Oregon is in the stands, blogging the proceedings. I’ll be watching the Oregon Channel online, and will post the results of the vote as soon as I can.

Portland has great shopping. Great shopping, and it’s getting better all the time. But as everyone knows, one of the best things about traveling is being able to add pieces unavailable here to further individualize your indigenous wardrobe. I myself am not much of an online shopper, but I have had great success in the past with ordering handbags, coats, shoes, and other easy-to-size items. However, the online shopping experience is unavoidably a major force on the new landscape of increased access to just about everything. It’s particularly exciting to me when a small specialty boutique goes online—much more so than net-a-porter’s endless slinging of the latest Chloé handbag. So I was interested to check out illi, a Seattle boutique specializing in Italian goods, from M Missoni to Pollini. Having just put their entire inventory online, you can save yourself the trouble of going to Seattle, much less Italy—and the money saved on air/train/etc travel will be handy—illi’s prices are not for the faint of heart. But as someone who does plenty of online window shopping, imagining what I might buy, I did find an M Missoni bikini that I really loved. Take it from me, though, decisiveness pays when you’re competing with the entire internet world of shoppers: When I went to grab the image for this blog, it was gone! Damn it! So this is the other M Missoni bikini they have in stock, which I like less:

(Still cute, and it would look much better on a real (tan) person as opposed to that dead fish/zombie skin-toned mannequin.) Anyhow, the point being that the more small, personality driven stores I see opening up their merch to online shopping, the harder it is to abide by my “don’t buy anything you haven’t tried on, much less seen in real life” motto. If you’ve already gotten over that hangup, step right up.

Argh. Jury duty. Civic duty, fair and speedy trial by peers, etc. Anyway, here’s what’s going on in the rest of the world:

Alberto Gonzales gets grilled by the Senate Judiciary Committee.

The Baghdad death toll rises by 12.

In good news, Lily Allen has canceled her U.S. tour. She’s too “drunk” and “tired.” Hey, Lily, that doesn’t stop the rest of us from doing our jobs.

Yahoo! is getting sued for allegedly assisting China in the torturing of a political dissident.

The IAEA says Iran is enriching uranium in an underground plant for nuclear fuel.

Bewildering and awesome and sad and amazing.

R.I.P., Joe C.

Discuss.

This just in from Basic Rights Oregon:

SENATE VOTE ON SB 2 TOMORROW 9:30AM Folks, on the heals of the historic vote in the Oregon House on BOTH HB 2007 and SB2, the Senate is now set to vote on Senate Bill 2. You might be asking yourself, “Didn’t they already vote on that?”. Yes, they did and they passed it 21-7, although because the House made a slight, friendly amendment to clarify simply the religious exemption, the Senate now will vote to concur the amendments.

We invite all of you to join us once again in Salem to watch this vote. This is the final stage of Senate Bill 2, after tomorrow’s vote the only thing left is for Governor Kulongoski to sign the bill, which as he said on Lobby Day while waiving his pen in the air, “Bring me the bills and I will sign them!”.

So tomorrow join us for the FINAL vote on Senate Bill 2, a bill that has been in the legislature for 34 years. It is historic and groundbreaking. Oregon will soon join the ranks of the 17 others states nationwide who have passed a statewide non-discrimination law.

I was late to The Veils party. While my friends were raving about The Runaway Found in 2001, I passed them off as another wussy prep-school (lead singer Finn Andrews’ dad was in XTC) Jeff Buckley outfit. I mean, I guess I was sort of right, but when their latest, Nux Vomica, came across my desk, I became obsessed, especially with the song “Advice For Young Mothers To Be.” According to my itunes’ “Play Count,” I have played the song 14 times in the last two days. Of course that doesn’t include my car stereo, in which I played the song twice this morning on the drive to work.

The Veils - “Advice For Young Mothers To Be”

The band will be making a rare stateside appearance on June 26th, at Doug Fir.

It’s getting to be late afternoon. You know what you need to make it through the rest of the this dreary, grey Portland work day? A cup of coffee and a little ass-shakin’ break. So get your coffee buzz on and check out the debut episode of our new podcast show called SO HOT RIGHT NOW!

Every Wednesday, host Mike Williams drops his favorite new house, rap, and underground tracks, and brings you exclusive sets from world-renowned and local DJs. To kick things off, he gets you warmed up for the Klaxons show next week, and gets you hip to Austin’s Bird Peterson.

Click here to check it out.

Film editor Erik Henriksen just told me I shouldn’t blog this because it’s “not sexy at all,” so I’m going to. It’s pictures of boobs. Totally NSFW.

• In a blatant attempt to lure the nerdlings back to the fold, starting with tonight’s episode, comic author Brian K. Vaughan (of Y: The Last Man) will be co-writing LOST (ABC 10 pm). You may now change your underpants.

• Fox is replacing tonight’s new episode of BONES (Fox, 8 pm) with a rerun, because of the plot is too reminiscent of the Virginia Tech shootings. Cue Simon Cowell to roll his eyes.

• Speaking of AMERICAN IDOL (Fox, 9 pm)… what about SANJAYA?? While Chris should get the boot for his cloying attempt at invoking sympathy from the Virginia Tech shootings, after Sanjaya’s performance last night—which was even worse than usual—TONIGHT COULD BE THE NIGHT WE FINALLY SAY BYE-BYE! (Sorry, Sanjaya, the “Aunt Jemima” will never top the “Pony-Hawk.”

At a bizarrely controverisal party/fundraiser in Seattle last weekend, editor and co-founder of Clear Cut Press, Matthew Stadler, announced that he was turning over the reigns to his business partner Rich Jensen and leaving the small publishing company.

Clear Cut began publishing beauifully printed, pocket-sized paperbacks featuring the work of noted authors and artists such as Charles D’Ambrosio, Matthew Briggs, and Robert Adams in 2003. While you could pick up Clear Cut books at stores around the country, it operated on a subscription basis—for $65, you’d receive the next six books they published. The quality of their publications and inventive distrobution model earned Clear Cut a lot of attention (within the world of those who pay attention to micropublishers), and North Portlander Stadler was the public face of the company.

So when Stadler announced that he was leaving the organization, more than a few people were surprised. I emailed Matthew to get the full scoop.

“As for me and Clear Cut Press, I am now a subscriber and knocking on the door to be published by them,” says Stadler. “I left as editor because I was given $50,000 for my fiction writing, and I took that seriously, as a kind of commission. I am moving to Mexico in August and will do nothing but write, play in a mariachi band, and continue my workshop, www.usingglobalmedia.com (which I’ll be giving in Berlin in May, Mexico City next Fall, and then in Guanajuato, where my family and I will be living for at least a year).”

Read more of what Stadler has to say about his departure after the jump.

More from Matthew:

"The timing was right for Clear Cut too. Rich shored up the business side by entering into a partnership with Steve Connell (of Verse Chorus Press, and earlier the founder of Puncture) who now runs our warehouse distribution and accounts from Portland. With that in place, Rich was able to turn his attention to readying the next series for publication. I worked on the whole series that's about to come out.

"The list all set about a year ago, so my work — cultivating new books with writers I admire — was done. I'm subscribing because I know the books, and they're awesome. This series will be the sophomore equivalent of "More Specials," the greatest second album of all time. Bruce Benderson's gothic travel memoir, Pacific Agony, commissioned by Clear Cut and being published simultaneously in French, by Rivage (Bruce is the only foreigner ever to win the coveted Prix de Fleur); newcomer Danielle Dutton's groundbreaking S P R A W L, a prose poem that jams Lisa Robertson's intelligence and music into a Jane Austen-ish scrutiny of the manner of being in those new landscapes we continue to call "suburbs;" Emily White's chilling first novel, The Third River. If you haven't heard of her wait until this summer. She's got an amazing non-fiction book coming out from Simon Schuster, You'll Make Money In Your Sleep. As with series one, this is a mix of well-known and unknown, all of them superb writers working in many different genres and styles."

Stadler then goes on to note that he and Stephanie Snyder of Reed College's Cooley Gallery recently received a $15,000 grant from the Allen Foundation to work on an ambitious project called Suddenly which combines art exhibitions with a "huge" publication project.

Best of luck to Stadler and to Clear Cut—we can't wait to see what happens next from both camps.

CODA—In digging for a usable photo of Stalder, I found this interesting profile of him from the Village Voice back in 1999.

So I spilled a chai in my Jeep a few weeks ago, an accidental action that, at the time, seemed rather insignificant. Over the past few days, however, said spill/chai residue has proved to be rather significant, with my Jeep’s interior developing, shall we say, an odor.

I pulled the Jeep’s carpeting out and blasted it with a hose and some dish soap, which didn’t do enough. I left my Jeep’s windows open, but this was only a temporary fix. So earlier today I bought some Febreze, a commercial anti-odor product I have long been suspicious of, because the explanations of how it supposedly works seem like COMPLETE BULLSHIT.

Okay, so the Febreze ads that I've seen have a computer simulation of the product working--there are odoriferous bits embedded in clothing, carpet, etc., at which point Febreze is sprayed on it, w/ little Febreze molecules encircling the reeking molecules... and then popping out of existence. This seems to defy the laws of physics, of which I know a great deal.

Also and while I'm on the topic, I've never liked the word "Febreze." It seems to have dubious etymology, and I do not care for its cadence. Don't even get me started on its spelling/pronunciation.

But anyway, okay, yes, suspicious of the ads, I looked it up on Wikipedia, and, in what I can only assume is an unintentionally hilarious write-up, I was told this:

The product's active ingredient, cyclodextrin, binds or entraps various hydrophobic compounds that cause odors. This mechanism of action is unlike that of ordinary air fresheners, which simply add their own scent on top of the malodorous ones. While Febreze and other products based on cyclodextrin reduce odors successfully, they are not replacements for actual cleaning or fresh air, despite popular belief.

I was taught that matter cannot be randomly destroyed or created--that all energy merely transforms its form or function. Hence me being dubious over the whole "Febreze traps molecules and then--POOF!--vanishes" explanation. This Wikipedia entry, however, dumbfounds me. How does it "bind or entrap" compounds? I picture this on a sub-molecular level, with Febreze atoms wrapping chains around the atoms of curdled chai or whatever, and then escorting them away... to where? Some kind of molecular purgatory? Some cleansing center? Or is the stink merely waiting, trapped and bound, but WAITING, inside my carpet, and inside some sort of Febreze prison? How long can that prison last? And then? What then?

I do not understand any of this. DOES ANYONE?

Aw, blogging about The Blazers. The first co-mingling of sports and The Mercury has come to an end, for now. Tonight, the season ends, as the team closes out a promising ‘06-07 season with one last home game, against The Golden State Warriors.

Poor Warriors, a win tonight would end their 12-year playoff drought, and a loss only helps the Blazers get a better lottery draft pick. So for one night only, GO WARRIORS!

You sicko. Yeah, you, sicko. The guy on Broadway with the “nausea vomit diarrhea.” I know where you live…But fear not, Blogtown readers! Now you too can find out who’s sick in Portland, and of course, avoid them by a three-block radius, thanks to this imaginatively-named new website, “Whoissick.org.”

Unfortunately for fear-mongers like myself, you can only register as sick from the same IP address once. Also, the illness options are limited—”runny nose,” “cough,” that kind of thing. So no RABIES or SYPHILIS, and no hoax plague in the Pearl District.

Hang on, is this not therefore a pretty pointless, pointless invention?! Thanks a bunch, Betsy at Metblogs. Thanks for nothing…

Yes, folks, time to get ready for a year and a half of hook jokes: As promised, Steve Novick today announced today that he’s running for senate.

Around 200 people were at the announcement/campaign kickoff, including local politicos like Erik Sten, Randy Leonard, Jeff Cogen, BlueOregon’s Kari Chisholm, city hall staffers, consultants, and what appeared to be a fair amount of regular humans.

Before Novick took the stage—to a standing ovation—he was introduced by Leonard, who compared Novick’s fight against Gordon Smith to the Revolutionary War.

“In 1775, you couldn’t call the soon-to-be Americans the favorites in that fight,” Leonard said. “The British had the backing of drug companies, just like Gordon Smith… The British traveled around the country in corporate jets, just like Gordon Smith.”

This sent our very own, very British Matt Davis into a fit of silent clucking. (Confidential to Matt: We beat you. Get over it. Shouldn’t you be off powdering your wig or something?)

Once Novick hit the stage—amid a drawn-out bit of applause—he began listing off the reasons he’s running.

“I don’t want to wake up 10 years from now and see that only half of Oregonians have health insurance, while the other half goes without…I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now, and see the effects of global warming on the planet,” he said. “I don’t want to wake up and think, ‘I could have helped stop all of this, if only I’d had the guts to run against Gordon Smith.’”

As for the hook jokes, they were on display from the get go. Volunteers even passed out buttons featuring a mechanical hook and an American flag, with the URL www.votehook.com, which leads to Novick’s campaign site.

An update from Lewis and Clark:

From: President’s Office Reply-To: President’s Office Subject: Message from the President

Dear Campus Community,

As a follow up to earlier communications that you have received this morning, please let me take this opportunity to clarify the security situation on campus this morning and to assure you that the situation has resolved itself safely. Let me assure you that there never was any security risk whatsoever. A student was seen wearing an ammunition belt around 9:15 am on campus. The cartridges in the belt were NOT live ammunition. Nevertheless, given the recent events at Virginia Tech, Campus Security took this sighting with extreme earnestness and acted accordingly. The ammunition belt has been confiscated and appropriate further steps with regard to the student’s conduct are being taken.

I want to reiterate that no one on campus was at any time in danger. More to the point, our systems for dealing with security breaches, both perceived and real, functioned in exactly the way they were designed to do. I fully understand the current emotions surrounding safety on campus, and I want to assure you that we are taking every step to ensure the highest level of security that we can achieve. As a community, all of us need to be mindful of the heightened sensitivities concerning such matters and be supportive of each other as together we work through these issues.

If you have questions, concerns, or comments, please feel free to contact my office.

Sincerely,

Thomas J. Hochstettler

So last night on American Idol, that Justin Timberlake wanna-be CHRIS RICHARDSON sang a fairly awful—and extremely NASALLY—rendition of the hayseed hit “Mayburry.” After a little back and forth between him and SIMON COWELL, Chris abruptly flipped the script and gave a shout-out to his friends at Virginia Tech, and the victims of this week’s shooting. The camera then cuts to Simon WHO ROLLS HIS EYES? Producer Nigel Lythgoe claims Simon wa