This week in the Mercury, we presented yet another new column (how come our “new columns” never seem to last more than a week or two?) entitled “Why Won’t Anyone Read My Blog?—An Easter Message from Jesus Christ.” In this column, Jesus was complaining that… well, here’s an excerpt.

This letter is not intended to make you feel bad, or guilt you into reading my blog. Just consider this letter a little birdie twittering in your ear, offering a gentle reminder that if YOU had two huge spikes hammered through your wrists, I would happily read your blog. In fact, I read your blog all the time—even though I find your writing derivative, and lacking in substance.

Kind of a dick, huh? Well, I thought so, too—UNTIL I ACTUALLY READ JESUS CHRIST’S BLOG. And as it turns out? It’s not half bad! Here’s an excerpt from one post where he gets into an argument with a cashier named Terry at the grocery store.

I was just trying to buy some Lamb Chow for my lamb, Karen, and Terry was all like, “What? Is that for your widdle-bitty lambsy-wamsy?” And I was like, “What if it is?” And he was like, “Well, I eat lambs like yours for dinner.” And I was like, “Well, you’re not going to eat Karen, because I love her.” And he was like, “HA! Karen’s a stupid name for a lamb.” And I was like, “Terry is a stupid name for a guy.” (Which it is.) Then he got all flustered, and was all like, “Well… Jesus Christ is a stupid name for ANYBODY.” And I was like, “Well, I died for you sins.”

It goes on like that for awhile. Anyway, this is just to say, “Jesus Christ? I’ve bookmarked your blog. Satisfied?” Read it for youself (and bookmark it) by clicking HERE!