Another week, another astoundingly diverse round up of this week’s Best of the Blog—for those of you who actually work during business hours instead of goofing off on BlogTown.

READ! You know you want to: Alison reminds us that The Babysitters Club is the bomb, as is the hilarious blog about them.

SMOKE! Marijuana! (Just not, ironically, at Hempstalk. Is it just me or does it really really seem like they should call it HempstOCk?)

WEAR! Acid washed black denim. Or don’t. Probably don’t.

DON’T SMOKE! (Cigarettes, that is. Especially if you’re in a movie.)

COOK! All your meals at home instead of dealing with all this crap!

MARRY! Er… DOMESTICATE!

ASK! A Brit! No seriously, ask Matt the Brit something. Already covered: Kippers and the BBC.

WALK! Your dog over to the store for one of these. (Shudder.)

DON’T TRY TO INVENT ALTERNATIVE FUEL SOURCES WITH A PRESSURE COOKER IN YOUR APARTMENT!! (Apparently, that needed to be said.)

BE GRATEFUL! You’re not in iraq, like this guy.

DEBATE! Does the fixie vs non-fixie bike discussion ever fail to stimulate?

WATCH! The Drinky Crow Show! Now on Adult Swim!

ENJOY! The rest of your weekend. See you Monday morning, fools.

You know what my big problem with the zoo here is? NOT ENOUGH SPIDER-MAN. I mean, when I go to the zoo, do I go there to see monkeys or bears or yaks or elephants? NO. I go to see some dude dressed up as Spider-Man, goddammit. FINALLY, those guys at the Oregon Zoo are getting the point. FINALLY. The sort-of-enlightening press release:

MARVEL COMICS’ SPIDER-MAN At the Oregon Zoo Saturday, May 12 Time: 10 a.m. - 3 p.m. The amazing Spider-Man swings by the zoo for autographs and photos to help kick off our summer of Backyard Habitat activities. Free with zoo admission.

I kind of hope it’s this guy. Also I kind of hope he’s fighting a tiger and/or riding an elephant.

I’m not sure if you are watching the NBA playoffs, but you really should.

Or, at the very least, you should watch anything to do with The Golden State Warriors and their star player, the handsomely bearded Baron Davis. The Warriors are the supreme underdog team and they play absolutely chaotic basketball, making every moment of their games just as thrilling as the final seconds.

They are down 2-0 to the Fightin’ Mormons of Utah, but tonight’s game is in Oakland, and shit’s gonna get crazy. If you are a hoops fan, or just a novice, it’s in your best interest to watch this team play. Tip-off is at 6pm on ESPN.

Need something to get you through that last hour until the weekend? You could do worse than watch a few clips from Funny or Die…

There’s been a lot of talk about voting on this blog, but the Unpaid Intern took it upon himself to visit the front lines of the voting world to see what it’s really like out there.

Spending an hour outside of the Elections Building—located on 1040 SE Morrison just in case you don’t know where it is, which seems to be the case with only 12 percent of people casting their votes so far—it not as bad as it sounds. It’s actually quite quiet, besides the cars and buses flying by, since there was no one to talk to.

In over an hour I talked to two people dropping off their ballots. I asked the first man if he was voting, to which he responded “yes.” But when I identified myself as someone from the Mercury and asked if he cared to talk about how he chose to vote, he simply responded, “no,” and kept walking.

The second man, Scott Hoelscher, took time to chat about the issues he saw as the most important, mainly the strong mayor initiative.
“I can see compelling arguments on both sides,” said Hoelscher. “But I just wasn’t comfortable with putting more power in the hands of the mayor.”

It’s a busy, busy weekend, I know. You certainly won’t have much time to do laundry. You know what takes less time than waiting for the crappy dryer in your apartment building that takes an hour and 20 minutes to completely dry a mid-sized load? Buying new clothes. So stop by Nolita (923 NW 10th) all day tomorrow for the following deals: 15% off when you buy 1 item; 20% off when you buy 2; and 30% off 3 or more, plus if you spend $500 or more (sure, I do that all the time), you get a $50 gift certificate. Nolita is mostly known for its big selection of jeans for both men and women, and they always have the latest hot-shit label, but the rest of their apparel is actually my favorite. They always have really awesome casual staple tops in yummy soft cottons that you will wonder after purchasing how you ever made it through a week of dressing without. personally I always seem to go for the pieces by Velvet. Just sayin’. For instance this one, which I wore to work two days ago:

The latest word from John Kauffman, Multnomah County’s elections director, isn’t improving my mood about this Tuesday’s final turnout.

“Based on what we’ve seen so far, we’ll be lucky if we hit 20 percent,” he told me. His specific prediction is 19 percent, based on previous turnout numbers. That’s about average with off-year special elections (for, say, school board races), “but I thought the City of Portland’s charter change measures would have brought in more voters.”

Guess not.

“You never know, though,” Kauffman continued, “there could be a big push by the charter campaigns this weekend, and there could be a surge in the last couple of days.”

Not holding my breath.

Still, it’s better than it was before vote by mail. “I remember special elections years ago [before 2000] where some precincts had turnouts in the single digits. It doesn’t feel great to say that 20 percent is a pretty good turnout, but it could be worse.”

Full disclosure: I haven’t turned in my ballot yet, because I don’t want to be taken off of campaign mailer/phone call rolls, in case something interesting comes in that I should report about. I’m hand-delivering mine Monday afternoon.

Although they are going to be covered in next week’s paper, I’m posting a song from Lavender Diamond right now, because their whimsical pop music is a perfect fit for a lovely day like today. There’s no telling what the weather is going to be like next week, and I’m not going to risk it.

Lavender Diamond - Open Your Heart

Lavender Diamond will be at the Doug Fir on Monday May 21. Shine on you crazy diamond.

Dan Savage may call himself a “columnist,” and be all “syndicated” (shaping twenty-first century cultural attitudes to sex and sexuality, blah blah blah) but I bet it’s rare for even him to get as many pleas for advice as I have over the last few days. I’m talking, of course, in my capacity as the Mercury’s resident Brit adviser. Email your questions on Britishness to: askabrit@portlandmercury.com. On, then, to the one question I have been asked so far. Dave Lister asks:

So have you eaten kippers? Are they like eating a hairbrush? My dad said they were. He was born in Canada but his folks all came across in 1912. Dad always wanted steak and kidney pie, but my mom refused to cook it for him. Dave Lister

Kippers are herrings split lengthwise, and smoked, usually eaten hot with bread and butter. The ideal kipper has a refined and homely smokiness, but of a subtleness dwarfed by most American flavors. It is best eaten with a cup of tea, for breakfast, perhaps on a Sunday, while reading the newspaper.

Most Brits enjoy kippers often although the fish do contain thousands of tiny bones, which I imagine is why Dave Lister’s dad described them as like “eating a hairbrush.” Fair, Dave, but then Brits don’t mind making an effort when they’re eating, and are happy to sacrifice convenience in return for a more complex experience. In fact, the difficulty of eating Kippers appeals to many Brits’ deep sense of social masochism: If eating kippers were just plain enjoyable, why do it?

On the other hand given that most Americans would prefer to hook up high-sugar feeding tubes and forget altogether about the concept of “chewing,” Dave, your father is to be commended for trying. It’s also a shame he never got his steak and kidney pie—which when well-made is delicious with its fatty pastry crust and plenty of medicinal kidneys, interrupted occasionally by the odd soggy wodge of beef. Mmmm.

Tempted? You can buy inferior kippers at Wholefoods but for the real deal, you would have to go to an English supermarket or better still, an old fishing town like Whitby. Sadly, I don’t think the airfare would be worth it for the kippers alone, but if you get a chance to try one while in Britain for some other purpose, please do.

I’m obviously not a vegetarian, but meat is not actually a huge part of my diet, and I rarely cook it. Which is why tomorrow I will be attending Portland VegFest 2007, a two-day festival devoted to meatless living. The cruelty-free fun kicks off tonight, with keynote speaker Dr. T. Colin Campbell (professor of nutritional biochemistry at Cornell and author of The China Study, a twenty-year nutritional study which concluded that plant-based diets are far healthier than animal-based ones), and continues all day tomorrow with cooking demos (“Soy 101: Simple, Yet Delectable Tofu Recipes”, “Cooking With the Nut Gourmet”), nutrition workshops, speakers, and more. And free samples. Did I mention the free samples?

Also, this guy will be there.

Fri 6:15 pm, $5-10 sliding scale, Sat 10 am-6 pm, $5;
Benson High School, 546 NE 12th. There’s a coupon for $1 off admission on the website, and kids 10 and under are free on Saturday!

Every once in a while, one of our stories somehow finds a national audience, and we start getting deluged with emails from around the country. Normally, this happens when we criticize some crappy band that all the mall-going emo kids love, or when we advocate for humane treatment of circus elephants, or when one of us decides to kill a sheep and write about it.

This, though, might be my favorite out-of-town letter of all time, if only for the potentially incorrect use of the adjective “luciferous”:

Dear Editor of the Portland Mercury,

It’s time America stop persecuting responsible adult cannabis (kaneh bosm / marijuana) users (Buzz Kill, May 10, 2007). A large growing percentage of citizens consider American cannabis laws irrational, anti-Christian and luciferous. One reason to stop persecuting humans for using the God-given plant cannabis that doesn‘t get mentioned is because it‘s Biblically correct since Christ God Our Father (The Ecologician) indicates He created all the seed-bearing plants, saying they are all good, on literally the very first page. The only Biblical restriction placed on cannabis is that it is to be accepted with thankfulness (see 1 Timothy 4:1-5).

Truthfully,

Stan White

Dillon, Colorado

It’s true, man. Even Jesus used pot. I read it on the internet.

In case I haven’t hammered you over the head with this enough, there’s a bitchin’ rad shindig going down at Acme (1305 SE 8th) this Tuesday evening at 7pm. It’s all about digital politics, and how technology is transforming campaigns, and it’s being put together by The Bus Project and Loaded Orygun, with help from little ol’ us.

Since the last ad—er, I mean, blog post—I put up, there’s been two new additions to the panel, which already includes our Amy J. Ruiz, BlueOregon.com’s Kari Chisholm, and MoveOn.org’s Anna Galland, plus journalist David Sirota as moderator. The new additions: famed blogger David Goldstein, aka “Goldy,” of Seattle’s HorsesAss.org, and Rick Ray of Onward Oregon.

Plus, drinking, and hanging out afterwards to talk about the election. OMG. I can pretty much guarantee that this will be more fun than your weekly D&D meet up.

This image is 666 pixels high. Coincidence?

Football Should Only Be Played By Americans!

I know it’s a mean thing to say, but when other countries start playing football, things go seriously wrong. For example, take the Glasgow Diamonds American Football team, whose promotional video will ruin both sports, and music, forever.

I meant to post this ages ago—instead, I’ve been selfishly hogging it, rewatching this super fun video of Scream Club’s Toi et Moi whenever I need a little boost. Portland’s own Ali Cotterill of Astro Films made it in the inner Eastside industrial district. The song is catchy as all hell (even if you don’t know French), and will have you dancing in no time. Watch closely for cameos by DK PDXers, Sissyboys, and other local notables!

From The New York Times:

LOS ANGELES, May 10 — WARNING: Smoking may be hazardous to your movie rating.

In a significant change to its movie ratings system, the Motion Picture Association of America on Thursday said portrayals of smoking would be considered alongside sex and violence in assessing the suitability of movies for young viewers. Films that appear to glamorize smoking will risk a more restrictive rating, and descriptions of tobacco use will be added to the increasingly detailed advisories that accompany each rated film.

Antismoking groups, already successful in much of the country in banning smoking in bars, restaurants and other public places, have ratcheted up the pressure on Hollywood in recent years to purge movies of images that might promote tobacco use. Some have even demanded that virtually any film with smoking be rated R, shutting out those under 17 unless they are accompanied by a parent or adult guardian.

Thoughts, anyone? (Mine can be summed up pretty neatly: Wow. This is retarded.)

Looking at the numbers, chances are pretty good that you haven’t turned in your special election ballot yet. As of right now—four days from “Election Day”—the county elections office has received ballots from only 12 percent (46,672) of registered voters.

That means that those big decisions, like whether to change the city’s form of government, and giving city council budget authority over the PDC, are being made by someone other than you.

And guess what? You really might not like the decisions they make. Do you really want people like the Portland Business Alliance deciding how much power the mayor and unelected officials should have? Because you can bet all of their members will turn out to vote, and you can bet that all that money they’ve given on the pro-change campaign wasn’t spent in order to make sure you, regular citizen, have a stronger voice in city hall.

So vote, dammit! At this point, you’ll probably need to drop your ballot off instead of mailing them in, to make sure they get received by Tuesday. Here’s a list of official drop-off sites.

While we’re waiting for you to fill out your ballot, the rest of us should head over to FuriousNads.com, where The One True b!X has crunched the numbers based on previous elections, and is predicting that turnout will be between 15 and 21 percent. No matter how you look at it, that’s a frighteningly small number of people to be deciding how our city should be governed.

This completely freaks me out:

I live in NE Portland, and have for 4 years. I love this city, especially the fact that it is so dog friendly. When there was a series of poisonings in the parks, my heart broke for all those who so needlessly suffered. The overwhelming call to arms and support that Portland showed in response to that incident is why I am writing you. Two weeks ago to the day my dog Sarah Bear was stolen just blocks from my house. She has been my best friend, companion and loved member of my family for over 10 years now. I had a search and rescue unit come to my neighborhood and do a thorough search for her. Her scent ended on a sidewalk near my house which was confirmation for the rescue team that she had been picked up in a car. She was wearing a collar and ID tag with her name and my contact information on it. I have since received numerous calls from people saying they have her, or that they know where she is and they have all resulted in dead ends, or more harassing phone calls, the police can do nothing. So I have searched everywhere I could think, canvased the area, posted flyers, internet profiles, you name it. Someone has her and I will not give up until I find her. I am planning a fundraiser/awareness party likely at the Blue Monk or Berbatis. I already have some very well known local bands, artist, and concerned friends all willing to donate their time, money and talents to raise awareness and a reward and increase the possibilty of her safe return.

I NEED YOUR HELP.

I want the whole city to know she is missing and that she has a home and a family anxiously awaiting her return. I would be willing to do more research to expand the depth and range of this story in hopes that we can prevent this from happening again, or stop those that commit these crimes. Any advice, suggestions, support or help might make the difference in finding her.
Sincerely yours,
Greg Price
503-407-9617

For crying out loud, if anyone knows anything, call this guy.

This letter landed in our inboxes a day or two ago—from Aaron, a Portlander currently stationed in Iraq. He wants to dispel a few misconceptions about those in the military, and what it’s like over there… with his permission, I’ve posted the entire thing here. It’s an interesting perspective. I’ll be sending him the link, so post any questions you’ve got in the comments, and perhaps he’ll have a chance to answer.

My name is Aaron. I am currently on an all expenses paid trip to the “Birthplace of Civilization,” otherwise known as Iraq. I’m in the Army National Guard, and live in Downtown Portland.

I am wondering, I haven’t seen or heard about any stories about Iraq from you for quite some time. Granted, I’ve been away since July of 06. I think there is a misconception about those of us who have joined the military and are here doing what we are doing. I was able to come home on leave a few months ago, and how I was treated was about 50/50.

Let’s start with the bad (because it’s always more fun):

While home, I was called everything from a hate-monger, baby-killer and right wing Antichrist. This from the people who believe they are enlightened and peaceful. Many of whom read this paper (a paper, I might add, I’ve been reading myself for many years). I want to make the record clear on this subject. Not everyone who joins the military is a right-winged hate-monger bent on the destruction of everything and anything in their path. I did not join the military to go to some foreign wasteland and blow the fuck out of Hajji. I don’t enjoy the sand storms, the constant smoke in the air from car bombs and IEDs, or the rocket and mortar rounds that fall from the sky while I’m taking a shit in the port-o-john. And then to come home and have people who know nothing about me, verbally spit in my face… well it upsets me. I would like to think it’s because they are mis-informed, or completely un-informed.

I recently ran into another soldier from Oregon. He was from Roseburg, and when I told him I was from Portland, he said something along the lines of, “how can you stand living with all those liberal hippies. If someone like that came to my town, they’d get their asses kicked.” I went on to inform him that I am one of those liberal hippies, and he was more than welcome to try to kick my ass. I let him know that people like him were the reason the liberal and independent people in the northwest, and across the nation, think so low of the military.

I guess you would call me an Independent. I’m very liberal on issues like Abortion, Gay rights and Immigration. But on issues like gun control….. I’m a firm believer that if guns kill people, then pens misspell words and spoons made Rosie O’Donald fat. The only thing that changed about me after joining the military was; I quit smoking pot, I got into better shape, and I’ve grown more confident in myself (that and I can take apart and put back together a .50 cal machine-gun in under 2 minutes).

The rest is after the jump:

I have learned a lot from my time in the military. I have seen a lot, and let me tell you, what you see on CNN or hear on NPR is not what this whole war is about. It's not all what the military does. The press only looks at the bad.... "X" amount of people have been killed..... the newest leader of whatever extremist group has said this. But what the news never shows is people risking their lives to rebuild a school in Sadr city, dodging bullets and RPGs while putting up walls. Or the groups of kids who follow convoys, hoping to get some candy or a soccer ball. Or the countless hundreds of Iraqis who risk their life working for US contractors so they can feed their family. You never hear reports on the news about the countless rescue missions, American soldiers risking their life to rescue Iraqi doctors from terrorists.

I think that if people heard this, they'd be more supportive of us. I hear people saying this has turned into another Vietnam. They say we should look at history, so we do not repeat it. I agree, but there is something else that made Vietnam fail... lack of support for the people fighting there. I have family that were in Vietnam, and to them it didn't matter that the public did not support the war. It was the people who spit in their faces and called them hateful names when they returned. This is the piece of history that everyone needs to focus on. Personally, I don't care if you support the war or not, all I ask is that people support the soldiers that are over there. We are here, weather we like it or not, but all we ask from the people back home is for their support and well wishes.

I'm sorry for the length of this letter, but I felt it necessary to explain some things, and I hope I've gotten my point across. Also understand, this is not about everyone, this is about a small group of people who seem to be mis-guided about the type of people in the military.

Do with this letter what you will, I just hope it changes the point of view of some. If I've enlightened just one person, I'll feel I've done a good job. Feel free to reply to me if you have any questions, I know I've gone off on a little rant here and there, but if you need anything cleared up let me know.

Thank you for your time.

You’ve heard about how ABC is turning the Geico “Caveman” commercials into a half-hour long sitcom, right? And you just know it’s going to blow, right? Turning a commercial into an actual TV show is always a bad idea… unless of course, it’s a termite extermination commercial featuring midg… ummmm… “little people” dressed up as the characters from Star Trek.
If this was an actual show? I would never stop watching it.

Tip o’ the hat to Gorilla Mask!

Friday is here at last, and for those of you not already intoxicated on something, (it’s 9.11am! what do you mean you want to be “productive?”) here’s the last news you’ll be able to make sense of until Monday. Speaking of intoxication…

1. Oxy-con-artists: Makers of the “painkiller” Oxycontin have been found guilty of misbranding it, making claims that it was less likely to be abused than traditional drugs like Vicodin and Percocet. The problem? It wasn’t. I’ve just chewed one and now, it feels like I’m on the set of an early nineties Depeche Mode video.MAKE MINE A BLUE ONE…

2. Mormon abortion flip-flopper Mitt Romney tries to convince Conservative Christians he’s a safe bet for President, having already won over so-called “liberal” Portlanders. So it goes!

3. A Wichita mother has been indicted for selling her teenage daughter for $3000. Warning: This is a very creepy story.

4. Tony Blair to meet Bush, looking for a “happy ending” to his doomed tenure as British Prime Minister. Warning: This story is perhaps creepier than the last.

5. Russia’s riot police indulge in a bizarre show of strength to deter “troublemakers,” fuelling fears that Vladimir Putin’s regime is lurching further into the shadows of its former democracy. Portland Police Chief, Rosie Sizer, does not say: “we could learn a thing or two from their techniques.”

6. City Commissioner Randy Leonard votes the wrong way, by accident. Admits it, allowing everybody to move on. Although perhaps not quite yet…

Have an OXYCONTING weekend, Blogtownies!

I’d bet if there were a worldwide poll taken on what Portland is all about, the top 2 things we’d be associated with (among those who had even heard of us) are 1: Coffee, and 2: Environmentalism. I’m as sick as the next person of the increasing micromanagement of the green movement, which every day seems to reveal at least one new thing that’s ruining the planet. I’m tired of problems, I want to hear some solutions, and not ones that involve me starting an organic garden in my nonexistent backyard with my nonexistent free time out of which I will make my own hemp clothing using my nonexistent sewing expertise, and so on and so forth. Portland Roasting, then, is about to offer one such small, simple solution: the “ecotainer” coffee cup made from renewable materials and a corn-based liner, 100% biodegradable. Justin Sanders can finally chill out. Look for them at locations around town as of this month.

Leather Storrs’ much-anticipated new restaurant, Rocket, opened last weekend on the fourth floor of the same bright-red East Burnside building that houses the Chesterfield. I swung by last night to check it out—didn’t eat much, but I’ve heard so much about the schmancy Leeds Platinum building (energy efficient, rooftop garden, etc) that I wanted to nose around a bit.

And… the space sure is purty. The interior is very clean, very simple—surprisingly small—with huge windows flaunting an absolutely amazing view of downtown. There’s also a little patio perched out over Burnside, which is where we sat. The weather wasn’t quite cooperative—it wasn’t too windy on the ground, but four stories up things get a little blustery—but the view is well worth any subsequent time spent picking cabbage out of your hair (YES, I got coleslaw in my hair. It was windy!).

More impressions plus the menu after the jump

I'm not going to say much about the food or drinks 'cause they just opened and that just doesn't seem sporting. Cocktails feature inventive ingredients like taramind caramel syrup, black tea concentrate, and more... My Dark and Stormy (rum, ginger beer, lime) was dope. Foodwise I just had a crispy pork "pocket rocket;" an open-faced sandwich served on a toasty roll. No complaints, a good portion size at $7. You could easily drop some serious change on a full meal, but it's also possible to get in and out for under $15.

The menu is divided into three sections

PREFIX
red greens & breadcrumbs w/vinaigrette or goat cheese, $8
warm asparagus and mushroom salads $13
rhubarb, radish, pea shoots & beets w/rice wine vinaigrette, $12
butter lettuce, fennel & olive w/orange& cauliflower dressing, $10
lettuce, pee soup (heh), $8
cottage cheese tart with tomato jam, $7
rocket rolls (the server explained that these are essentially brioche buns made by the... Pearl bakery, I wanna say) $6
avocado in a shrimp shell, $13
chicken gizzards on a stick with honey-mustard cabbage, $11
rocket steak: sauteed beef on toast, rocket (arugla) and fried onion, $12
crisp dumplings and mixed mushrooms, $15
potato pierogies with catfish, carroway, and fried beets, $16

MATRIX (these all come with a choice of two sides: asparagus, mashed potatoes, roasted beets, fries, etc)

braised beef rib-red wine jus, $18
grilled spencer-shallot sauce, $24
broasted pork shoulder-marsala jus, $20
breaded pork cutlet-caper brown butter, $18
lemon pepper chicken, $18
grilled duck breast-fig sauce, $22
sauteed trout-almonds and sherry, $19
poached salmon-tarragon &breadcrumbs, $21
roasted onion filled with pearl couscous & mushrooms-rocket puree, $16

RX
hamburger & fries, $10
lamb corndog, $7
tongue hotdog, $7
scrapple, $5
grilled beef ribs, $10
pocket rockets (sandwiches)- shrimp, chickpea fritter, or crispy pork, $7

Now here’s a curious thing. At yesterday’s council session, Commissioner Randy Leonard voted FOR the sit/lie ordinance, despite having raised civil liberties concerns over it the previous week. So Dan Handelman of Portland Copwatch wrote him today to ask why:

Commissioner Leonard,

A few of us who watched the vote on the Sidewalk Obstructions vote yesterday were wondering why you voted against the oversight committee (last week) and yet for the ordinance (this week) when you appeared to be concerned with civil liberties issues in the ordinance. Thanks, Dan Handelman

“I momentarily made an error,” he tells the Mercury. “I was reading something in front of me and thought I was voting on that. I wasn’t paying attention.”

Leonard waited until the next ordinance had passed (by which time, we had stopped paying attention, too) and went back and changed his vote, to “no,” on the sit/lie ordinance. Yes, it still passed, but the mayor cannot claim the vote was unanimous. I’m sure Scott Moore will be able to tell us later whether this is unusual or not. But it’s nice to get a straight answer to a straight question from City Hall for a change.

Matt’s out reporting, but I didn’t want this to wait for his return, so I’m posting it for him. District Attorney Mike Schrunk wrote in, in response to Matt’s post calling the DA out for not filing charges against fire bureau lieutenant Robert Bedgood.

Mr. Davis:

In response to your voicemail message that I received today, attached is the no complaint memo pertaining to the case.

I believe this will answer your questions.

Very truly yours,

MICHAEL D. SCHRUNK
District Attorney

The entire memo can be downloaded here, but this is the gist of it:

Conclusion: Factually, there is sufficient evidence to potentially prosecute both [Terry] DeGeorge and Bedgood for their conduct on January 11, 2007. In practice, however, the fact that DeGeorge and Bedgood share dual roles of both victim and defendant in the same case weighs against prosecution. The prosecution of either individual will require the testimony of the other.

Through their attorneys, DeGeorge and Bedgood have expressed to this office that neither wishes to pursue criminal charges against the other individual. Additionally, DeGeorge, through his attorney, has also indicated that he is seeking a civil resolution to the incident through litigation with the City of Portland.

Although a complainant’s wishes can never be the sole factor in assessing the state’s interest in pursuing a criminal prosecution, in this case, given the facts and circumstances outlined above, the parties desire to avoid criminal prosecution and to seek resolution in a civil context weighs against filing charges. This matter between DeGeorge and Bedgood can best be handled by the legal representatives of the two people involved and those of the Portland Fire Bureau through the City of Portland.

Will Shortz—The New York Times crossword editor, NPR puzzle master, and affable subject of the crossword documentary Wordplay—is in town this tonight for a Portland Arts and Lectures gig. The Mercury caught up with him to pick that puzzling brain of his.

Check him out tonight at the First Congregational Church (1126 SW Park), at 7:30 pm. More info at the Portland Arts and Lectures site. Will tells me he’ll be doing plenty of audience participation, a la the kinds of puzzles he airs on NPR. Eat a dinner that will make you sharper, before you hit this event.

And now, a word (or several) with Will:

Got any crossword tips?

If you have an answer in the grid, fill in what you know and build out from there. Use the more unusual letter for the crossing answers—those will help more—like a J, K, or Q. If you have an answer in the grid that’s not crossing with anything, consider the possibility it’s wrong. Don’t hesitate to guess, but don’t hesitate to erase something if it’s not working out. If you get stuck, put the puzzle down and come back later.

So do you do your puzzles in pen or pencil?

I’m a pen guy, usually. I like the way it rolls across the paper.

You don’t need to do much erasing?

Ha! I write over if I have to.

(I wish we had a “girls-only” tag.)

I just found an excellent reason to do no more actual work this afternoon: BSC Headquarters, where “Tiff” blogging her way through the Baby-sitters Club books. I realize this will only be of interest to a small percentage of Blog Townies, but, whatever. Like I care about charter reform.

So, I THOUGHT I remembered those books. Claudia hides candy bars and wears funky earrings, Stacey makes diabetes seem glamorous, Dawn has glowing skin because she eats a lot of tofu…

But the recaps of each book bring back the details. The crushes, the fashion, the weird kids they baby sit for, all summarized with appropriately snarky commentary (“I don’t care if Candy Land is boring, Kristy. You’re the fucking babysitter. Get over yourself.”). Tiff also deconstructs each cover, a pretty hilarious exercise—especially since I do remember pouring over those covers as a kid trying to decide which sitter was prettiest. (“Okay, so the cover question: “Is Stacey’s friend Laine super mature or just a super snob?” I think it should say: “What’s with the bitch-face, Sweetheart?”). Good stuff.

Two years after the Mercury hosted a forum for motorcycle and scooter riders to air their concerns in front of elected officials, the city council voted yesterday to create a Motorcycle and Scooter Citizen Advisory Committee.

The five-member committee—once formed—will help the Portland Department of Transportation develop policies that keep the city’s roads safe and open to motorized two-wheeled vehicles.

The ad hoc group that’s already formed—featuring members of the Sang Froid Riding Club and others—have already put their homework together, with a list of stats (there was a 41 percent increase in new motorcycle licenses between 2001 and 2005, scooter sales have skyrocketed in only a year, etc.) as well as short-term and long-term goals.

First up is compiling all of the information they’ve collected about ridership, usage types, and accident sites, and come up with a plan for more sensible parking (more spaces, duh, and a reasonable meter policy, like prepaid parking decals). Long term goals include increased training and changes to statewide laws like lane-sharing.

Clearly, the city’s attention to bicycles and bicycle safety has paid off for the non-motorized bikers—the idea is to bring the same attention to motorcycles before increased ridership leads to street safety problems.

KGW apparently had a story on it last night—I watched them getting ready to film the segment on the street, starring biker Patrick Leyshock, which was pretty amusing—but the segment is nowhere on their site. Shame, because I would like to have seen how they covered it.

Advocates are planning another forum in the coming month or so, this time to talk about what the advisory committee can and should accomplish. We’ll be sure to let you know more as we find out.

Thanks to AICN, who pointed out that Michael Bay’s official site has some hi-res images available of the Transformers from… ah… Transformers. (This post is largely for music editor Ezra Ace Caraeff, who’s been complaining for weeks that despite his best efforts and liberal use of frame-by-frame pausing, he can’t make out the Transformers’ detailed anatomy in any of the previews thus far.)

Also, poking around on Bay’s official site is pretty hilarious. There are unintentionally funny bits about MySpace snafus (“Michael’s true MySpace placeholder page can be found here. Sadly, www.myspace.com/michaelbay is owned by someone else”), shameless/oblivious corporate pandering (“Michael has been working on a Pepsi ad that will promote the Transformers movie this summer”), and a few “aren’t I awesome” chunks of biographical boasting (“Continuing to build on his own success, Bay reunited with Bruckheimer to make Armageddon, based on a story Bay conceived with writer Jonathan Hensleigh. Starring Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Billy Bob Thornton and Liv Tyler, Armageddon earned more than $550 million at the worldwide box office, making it the top-grossing film of 1998 globally, and making Bay one of the youngest directors ever to reach the billion-dollar mark”).

(Also, does anybody else think that it looks like Bumblebee has some weird stuff going on in his crotchal regions? There you go, Ezra.)

He’s apparently too modest to mention it at BikePortland.org, but blogger Jonathan Maus got quite the spread in today’s Oregonian.

The piece centers on the efforts of Maus and his readers—and the Bicycle Transportation Alliance—to try to convince Mayor Potter to restore funding to the Platinum Bicycle Master Plan (nice of the O to finally get around to covering that story, after it’s been resolved), but also a bit about Maus’ background.

Head on over and check it out—or, you know, hop on your bike instead and enjoy this weather. Either way.

Yesterday the District Attorney cleared fire bureau lieutenant Robert Bedgood of criminal charges despite video evidence showing him kicking a man while his three colleagues pin the guy down.

Now, it’s rare that I agree with anything Jack Bogdanski says. He’s even in our “enemies” list on Blogtown (see right). But in this case, the man has really come up with the goods, citing these two Oregon statutes:

ORS 163.160 Assault in the fourth degree.

(1) A person commits the crime of assault in the fourth degree if the person:
(a) Intentionally, knowingly or recklessly causes physical injury to another; or
(b) With criminal negligence causes physical injury to another by means of a deadly weapon.
(2) Assault in the fourth degree is a Class A misdemeanor.

ORS 161.209 Use of physical force in defense of a person.
Except as provided in ORS 161.215 and 161.219, a person is justified in using physical force upon another person for self-defense or to defend a third person from what the person reasonably believes to be the use or imminent use of unlawful physical force, and the person may use a degree of force which the person reasonably believes to be necessary for the purpose.

Was it “reasonably necessary” for Fire Lt. Robert Bedgood to kick that man after three other firemen had him on the floor? Of course not. But unless and until there’s a major change of culture in the county D.A.’s office, even a videotape catching the officer red-handed (or in this case, red-footed) is not enough for charges to be filed.

Schrunk’s assistant put me through to his voicemail. Depending on how the day goes, we might call back every 20 minutes to see if that “meeting” he’s in ever finishes.

This is just, wow, I mean, I can’t even—I don’t know what. I mean, just. Wow.

From the Seattle Times, an AP story about something that happened in Tacoma. There’s virtually nothing I can add to this by way of commentary:

“Dead fawn, dressed like baby, left outside Tacoma theater.”

By The Associated Press

TACOMA — The police log entry said it all: “Deceased fawn was dressed up like an infant and abandoned at the Pantages Theater.”

Why would anyone dress up a dead newborn deer, lay it in a basket and leave it outside an ornate downtown landmark?

“Your guess is as good as mine,” said Tom Sayre, a spokesman of The Humane Society for Tacoma and Pierce County.

The outfit included an infant sleeper and a bib that read, “You think I’m cute? You should see my aunt,” Sayre added.

An officer found the fawn Tuesday night, said police spokesman Mark Fulghum.

It was unclear how the animal died but the odor indicated it had been dead for awhile, he said.

A Humane Society vet thought it might have been stillborn.

“It’s just bizarre,” Fulghum said.

Golly, it’s this week’s Mercury music section, now in handy Blogtactular form:

Everyone loves those damn whistlin’ Swedes in Peter Bjorn And John.
MP3: Peter Bjorn And John - Young Folks

The Sea and Cake get their Steely Dan on.
MP3: The Sea and Cake - Introducing

Burned out on modern hip-hop? Blue Scholars have the cure.
MP3: Blue Scholars - Southside

Despite jerks stealing all their songs, BRMC keep on keeping on.
MP3: BRMC - Lien On Your Dreams

First Steely Dan, now My Chemical Romance? Indeed, I only like crappy bands.
MP3: My Chemical Romance - Welcome to the Black Parade

This Sunday, May 13th brings us the long awaited animated version of everybody’s favorite comic, THE DRINKY CROW SHOW by Tony Millionaire. Featured every week in the Mercury, Maakies tells the heartwarming story of a drunk crow and a hat-wearing ape coming to grips with their lives at sea by constantly swilling booze and blowing each others’ heads off with pistols. Here’s a violently hilarious sneaky peek at The Drinky Crow Show (Cartoon Network, May 13th, 11:45 pm)!

For the last couple of years, I’ve been biking on a Dave Scott Centurion Ironman, which looks something like this, although mine’s beat to hell:

It’s a great bike—lightweight and just hideous enough that I don’t think thieves are clamoring to get their hands on it. But, through a series of hodgepodge repairs and outdated parts, it’s nearly impossible to keep the thing in gear, especially when going up a hill. I’m about as mechanically capable as a kitten with seven toes, but I know I could get it adjusted at a local shop without any problems.

But lately, I’ve been wondering, “Why not scrap the gears to hell, and convert it to a fixie?”

Now, I’ve never been huge fan of fixed gear bikes—not that I have anything against them per se, they’ve just never been for me. Why turn your back on simple technology that makes riding safer and easier? Plus, there’s that whole fixie elitism thing, which, yeah, could be all in my mind, but still, I don’t necessarily want to be part of any special club. I even recently talked my friend out of getting a fixie, after he read the recent Times piece.

On the other hand, I’ve just about had it with the plethora of gear problems I’m having, and the idea of simplifying the bike is becoming more and more attractive. Plus, my rides would be more exercise, which can’t be bad. And, let’s be honest, I totally want to be a fixie elitist.

I can’t make up my mind, so I’m hoping you, Blogtown readers, can help me. Should I go for it? If so, where should I have the work done?

Local popsters Blitzen Trapper just got added to a handful of dates supporting those booze-happy street poets in The Hold Steady. Blitzen’s fantastic new album, Wild Mountain Nation, will be out on June 12th.

I sure wish someone would interview The Hold Steady and talk about Minnesota Twins baseball.

Dates after the jump…

Sat May 26 George, WA Sasquatch! Festival
Mon May 28 Portland, OR Crystal Ballroom*
Wed May 30 San Francisco, CA Slim's*
Thu May 31 Los Angeles, CA El Rey*
Fri June 01 San Diego, CA Cane's*
Sat June 02 Phoenix, AZ Brick House*
Mon June 04 Tucson, AZ Plush*
Thu June 07 Houston, TX Walter's on Washington*
Fri June 08 Austin, TX Emo's*
Sat June 09 Denton, TX Hailey's*
Sun June 10 Norman, OK The Opolis*
Mon June 11 Little Rock, AR Sticky Fingerz Chicken Shack*
Tue June 12 Columbia, MO Blue Note*
Thu July 05 Portland, OR Holocene - CD Release Party

* = w/ The Hold Steady

1.Or should that be, “Goodbye!?” BLAIR: LEGACY WILL BE IRAQ

British Prime Minister Tony Blair resigns, giving a speech apologizing for appeasing this country’s president by going to war in Iraq.”I did what I thought was right,” he says, adding, “sorry,” and “good luck.”

2. Russian President, Vladimir Putin, compares US foreign policy to that of the Third Reich.

3. In Portland, Tom Potter looks to fire a cop over a January 2006 shooting.

4. Jennifer Lopez gets death threats for wearing fur.

5. Ah, sod it. There’s only one big story today: Tony Blair resigned! No, really! The Guardian’s website looks to be melting down with the news. Watch the video here…

Have a good day. And sorry. And good luck.

I’m still trying to wrap my brain around HB 2007, which Governor Ted Kulongoski signed today (along with SB 2, which outlaws discrimination). HB 2007 sets up domestic partnership contracts for same-sex couples. In other words—barring a successful referendum challenge from a group like the Oregon Family Council—couples will be plunking down a bit of cash and signing up next January, in order to get all of the state rights and responsibilities currently afford to Oregon’s married couples.

The whole thing seems surreal to me. For starters, it’s hard to comprehend what’s a state right, and what’s a federal right—so I’m not particularly clear on what 500-or-so rights we’ll be able to access next year, and which rights fall under the 1,138 federal ones off limit to us gays under civil unions or domestic partnerships. Sure, we’ll be signing up next January, but it’s hard to imagine we’ll notice an immediate difference in the way we’re treated as a couple (it seems the rights tend to kick in for bigger life events, like death, illness, or starting a family).

Second, I feel like I have whiplash. Just a year and a half ago, as my partner and I were contemplating moving from Seattle to Portland, the issue of marriage equality was a big check in the “CON” column. At that point—October 2005—Oregon had Measure 36 enshrined in the constitution, and SB 1000 had fallen apart. Why the hell did we want to move there, again?

Washington, in contrast, was on the verge of a Supreme Court decision upholding two lower court decisions in favor of marriage equality—or so we thought (even buying rings to have on hand for the big decision day).

Fast forward to this spring. Oregon’s done all it can under Measure 36. Washington, meanwhile, endured a crappy court ruling, and followed that up with a legislative session that passed domestic partnerships lite—couples to our north will only get a handful of rights (legislators’ strategy is to add a few more rights each year, until it’s on part with a state civil marriage; I wasn’t on hand for the debate, but from afar, it seems like a weird, passive strategy). It seems Oregon’s got a solid check in the “PRO” column now. Hell—we’re one of just a handful of states that grant a decent set of legal benefits to same sex couples. And that’s great—I’m just having a hard time getting used to it.

LETTER: CLICK FOR A LARGE ONE.

The Portland Business Alliance has emailed all its members to tell them about the passing of the sit/lie ordinance in city council today. The email, whose subject line was “Good news from City Hall - Sidewalk Obstruction Ordinance adopted,” reads in part as follows:

“We are very pleased with the leadership shown by Mayor Tom Potter and the City Council on this important issue. These recommendations will significantly improve the livability of our Central City for everyone who lives, works, shops and visits there,” said Alliance Vice President Mike Kuykendall, who also serves as president of Portland Downtown Services, Inc. and co-chair of the SAFE Oversight Committee.

Alongside the ordinance, the PBA has committed itself to helping locate a permanent day access center for the homeless in downtown Portland. Its commitment in so-doing will now be closely scrutinized by homeless advocates. You can read more about the ordinance in this week’s issue, although the PBA has refused the Mercury’s repeated requests for comment on the issue.

Just now, uttered by Mercury Film Editor Erik Henriksen:

I’m so far beyond in my Scrabble skills that it’s virtually impossible for me to give anyone advice. It’s like me telling a baby how to crawl.

Mayor Tom Potter has today called for the termination of Portland Police Bureau Lieutenant Jeff Kaer for “poor judgment and decision-making” related to his fatal shooting of 28-year-old Dennis Young in January 2006. “You made a number of poor decisions leading up to the use of deadly force that, in their totality, violate Bureau policy,” wrote the mayor in a letter to Kaer, today. “These decisions demonstrate poor judgment; a number of your decisions were inconsistent with training or training principles, as well. In their totality your decisions constitute unsatisfactory performance.”

You can download Potter’s letter to Kaer here, which contains a list of 10 examples of Kaer’s alleged poor judgment and decision-making related to the incident, including shooting at a moving vehicle, which was against a new Bureau policy at the time.

The vehicle was parked in front of the home of Kaer’s sister, whose son had been shot in a road-rage incident six weeks earlier, when Kaer first made contact with Young. Kaer now has seven days to appeal his termination and reportedly plans to do so through a union representative.

I’m driving out to Beaverton tonight, which I’m excited about for two reasons. For starters, I don’t think I’ve been to Beaverton yet. At least not on purpose—it’s possible I’ve accidentally driven through.

But more importantly, I’ll be headed to Powell’s to hear Alisa Smith and James B. Mackinnon talk about their year eating only food from within 100 miles of their Vancouver, BC home. I’m reading their book, Plenty, right now. They kicked off their project in March a few years ago, and I’m in the October chapter (so I have no idea what the hell they ate in January). It’s a great read—I expected an emphasis on their adventures in finding local food, but the book is heavier on the larger issues: Both Smith and Mackinnon are journalists, and dug into topics like the lack of biodiversity in our food system, how ancient people (especially in the Northwest) thrived off the land, and the impact what we eat has on the world. They’re also quite frank about the strain the ambitious project put on their 14-year relationship.

(Incidentally, we tried the “100 mile diet” a few weeks ago, during the annual “Eat Local Challenge.” Despite pillaging the Portland Farmer’s Market, and living 6 blocks from New Seasons Market, it actually was quite a challenge to eat purely within a 100 mile radius—you should try it for a few days!)

Anyway, I can’t wait to see them in Beaverton at 7 pm!

What can you say, really?

Sober for the first time in weeks, Matt and Magenta realize they have nothing to say. Music by: ? and the Mysterians, Cheap Trick, Pure Country Gold (pictured below), and more. Click here to listen in.

Remember state Rep. Dennis Richardson (R-Medford), who recently compared the shootings at Virginia Tech with Oregon’s approval of a non-discrimination bill? He said both added up to “a tragic week.”

Well, Richardson’s on PBS’ NewsHour with Jim Lehrer tonight. Set your TiVos! OPB, at 7 pm.

Yes, Blogtown readers, it’s that time again. Time for me to stop surfing the internet for spiritual guidance and actually contribute something meaningful to it. In yesterday’s (already universally popular) Ask A Brit column, I explained to you the origins and correct usage of the term “Cor Blimey, Guv’nor.” Today, I respond to Todd Stadler’s email asking, “What’s up with the BBC?”

Matt,

Like most things Mercury, I have no idea to what degree you’re serious about your “Ask a Brit” thing, and, again like most things Mercury, I suspect the answer is not very much, just a joke, please don’t sue, etc. But I’m ignoring all that and taking you up. What’s up with the BBC? It’s, like, an entity to itself, and then there’re channels BBC1, 2, 3, and, I think, 4. And BBC Radio. Possibly several numbers there, as well.

(I spent a few weeks in Scotland last year, so this is all from experience, not your workaday “Hyuk-hyuk tham farrinurs ‘r’ funny” babble. I know that gives me cred in your non-American eyes. Unless, of course, you hate the Scots, in which case you choke on a can of Irn Bru, smarmy English bastard.)

But, well …I just don’t get the TV situation over there. I don’t remember if we were watching broadcast or cable TV. I imagine it was broadcast, which would explain the limited number of channels. Are they all run by the government, or is the BBC a non-government entity? Do the various BBC channels compete with each other? I seem to remember at least one non-BBC TV channel (I-something?). How does that fit in the scheme of things? It would seem that, with everything being dominated by BBC-Something, there would be a legitimate fear of a lack of diverse points of view, of one company’s ability to control information too much. Perhaps that’s where the apparently thriving newspaper and tabloid world comes in? Also, don’t you like Northwest beers so much more? Todd

Got a question for a Brit? Email me at askabrit@portlandmercury.com, and I’ll do my best.

The BBC, or "British Broadcasting Corporation," is a state-owned but independent corporation, founded in 1922 and given a Royal Charter in 1927. It is supposedly free of political and commercial influence—hence no adverts, and is funded by a yearly TV license fee—paid by every household with a TV, or "telly," as the British say, which costs 135 British Pounds a year (about $270 at today's exchange rate). TV license detector vans patrol the streets and anybody without a TV license is subject to a $2000 fine. It's taken very seriously. The BBC is also commonly referred to as "the Beeb," or "Auntie," a bitchy reference to its former chairman, John Reith.

There are two BBC TV broadcast channels receivable without cable, and five BBC radio channels receivable without a digital radio. Each has its unique character: BBC One is more populist, while BBC Two tends to run more intellectual programming. On the radio, again, Radio One plays popular music, Radio Two plays stuff that was popular fifteen years ago, Radio Three plays classical music, Radio Four is mainly talk and intellectual stuff, while Radio Five is sports. Lately, BBC TV has also added several digital channels receivable with a set-top receiver or through cable, and several more digital radio channels. But they're not yet as well-known or well-loved by the British public.

The BBC channels do not compete with each other, although nobody ever watches BBC Three.

In addition to the BBC, Britain also hosts a plethora of lower-quality commercial TV channels, including three broadcast channels—ITV (the oldest and most mainstream), Channel Four (which always shows dirty films late at night), and Channel 5 (which really is terrible and ought to be canceled, but is still better than most American TV). There's also Rupert Murdoch's SKY cable/satellite channels, most of which are also trash, but still, again, better than most American TV.

In Britain, the emphasis is on quality, not quantity, in Broadcasting. Think "HBO," not "The Shopping Channel." The variety of newspapers in Britain do indeed provide a diversity of views, but the BBC is also closely scrutinized to ensure it does not lean too far left or too far right. It purports to be objective.

Lastly, it is a beautiful, beautiful thing:

In honor of this guy returning to baseball…

A friend of mine just introduced me to the incredibly fascinating Baseball’s Steroid Era site, a detailed account of steroid use in the sport. The categories include players who got busted, and those who just knew about the drug abuse going on inside the locker room. It’s a very interesting look into baseball’s dark, and very entertaining, journey into performance-boosting medicine.

This is the scene at the Ladd’s Addition Apartments on Se12th and Harrison this afternoon—the complex was evacuated on the weekend after a man experimenting to make “an alternative fuel” blew up a load of mercury in his microwave pressure cooker (see comments). Now, former residents are forced to stare at their possessions, all bagged up on the lawn outside—and some may never get any of them back.To give credit where it’s due, Unpaid Intern mentioned this on Blogtown the other day. I just didn’t pay enough attention. My bad. Sorry, Dan!I bumped into two former residents on the sidewalk outside, watching the guys in yellow toxicology suits tramp in and out of the building with more bags of stuff. The two former tenants have both had to pay in excess of $5,000 for medical treatment and anti mercury-poisoning drugs, although they couldn’t talk on record because they’ve hired an attorney to sue for damages. They wouldn’t say who they’re specifically suing, but in the mean time they are having to buy new clothes. And cookware. And stereos. And new everything else, pretty much. One of them did say this, and let it be a mantra for all of us: “It just goes to show, you never know who’s living next to you.”

I am no fan of soap operas. I did give them a shot during the laziest year of my life but all they did was motivate me. So on a cinematic level, Jeremy Scott’s two-part soap spoof, “Starring” is totally wack to me. But that’s not really the point, is it? No, these are worth watching because they are a showcase of the designer’s completely outrageous/awesome costume design, as modeled by actresses like Asia Argento, Tori Spelling, Lisa Marie, and more. Also props to the hair hat in part 2.

PART 1:

PART 2: