UNKL, the charming apparel and toy design company, is having its first-ever PDX art show tonight at Hecklewood (2431 NW Thurman, #150). Look for new toys and prints at the opening reception tonight, and in the meantime peep a coupla their past toys:

…ranking only behind Illinois in the entire nation, in averageness terms! In an effort to disprove this, however, I am posting a distinctly blurry photograph of this 1 in 2.5million Royal Flush attained last night at a poker game in St.Johns. Incredible:ROYAL FLUSH: 1 in 2.598 million chance.

The O’s Anna Griffin recounts her visit to the Julia West House, a homeless day access center downtown, in today’s paper. The center has been paid for in part by the Portland Business Alliance, and not just “Portland taxpayers,” as the piece suggests, in exchange for a Sit/Lie ordinance. It’s an interesting read, focusing on a 46-year-old recovering alcoholic. It ends:

Still, there’s no hard sell: If they want to be left alone, guests can take their free pastry and coffee and, like Johnson, enjoy the quiet without worrying about whether a police officer will ask them to move.

For people on the street, even that can be a luxury.

Monica Lewinsky is still on the hunt for a job, Portland. Yesterday she was spotted interviewing at a certain list-loving local magazine:

Monica—I thought you knew this best of all: You’ve got to start at the top, sweetie. Why are you wasting your time there? Just dying to work on the “100 Best Paninis in Portland”? We here at the Mercury have an editorial meeting that starts at 10 am next Wednesday. Bring some ideas and we’ll work something out. (Oh—can you bring in some iced lattes, too, please? With soy?)

I doubt know how many BlogTown readers bejewel themselves, but with the sudden rash of people in my peer group announcing their engagements, it’s not unreasonable to assume that some of you might be ring shopping. In which case, you should be aware that Carl Greve downtown is having a sale, with merch up to 40% off. The occasion? They’re moving from Park and Morrison to Broadway and Morrison (731 SW Morrison, to be exact). And hurry! The sale only runs through tomorrow!

Central precinct police are cracking down on people camping under downtown bridges and outside Transition Projects Inc, on the corner of 5th and Glisan. Day Shift Lieutenant Todd Wyatt writes:

We have begun to contact people who are camping here and letting them know that on May 22, we will come through and cite or arrest people who are camping in these areas. We have posted these areas with warnings. Yesterday Officer Myers walked through and passed the word and today Commander Reese, Officer Dobson and I walked through and spoke with people.

We have begun to contact social service agencies and asked them to assist us in communicating with people regarding the law and their need to move. We anticipate we will be able to talk these people into moving out of these areas before the May 22 date. Last time we did this, the locations were deserted on the date we came through.

“This is a sign that people experiencing homelessness are not welcome downtown,” says Streetroots director, Israel Bayer.

If you’re the type of person who either loves to see the Mercury win or fail, well, this weekend you’re out of luck—because this weekend we will most certainly WIN!!

On Saturday (May 19, 2-5pm) be sure to drop by the Gotham Tavern (2240 N Interstate) for the huge SCRABBLE TOURNAMENT, which I can tell you right now will be won by the Mercury’s own Courtney Ferguson and Amy J. Ruiz. How do I know they’ll win? Because they’ll be FIRED if they don’t. The Mercury likes to win.

Then on Sunday (May 20, 1 pm) it’s the legendary MERCURY SOFTBALL TEAM’S opening game of the season against last year’s second place winners, SABALA’S. (Last year, we were the first place winners. As well as the year before. And so shall we be this year, as well. Just so you know.) It’s at Farragut Park in North Portland (N Kerby & Farragut, a couple blocks north of Lombard). Come watch us win! RAH!

Oh, and we’re also getting drunk at Union Jack’s (938 E Burnside) on Saturday night as well. When strippers and booze are involved, everybody wins.

This post is not about going back to school. It’s about learning how to dress yourself, which is so much funner.*

On Wednesday, May 23rd 6-8 pm, there’s an event benefitting Dress for Success, which is a workshop guiding you through wardrobe conundrums like how to transition your outfit from day to night. (Duh, just add heels and cleavage.) Also, how to accessorize, which is actually a lot harder than it looks. Seriously. Also, makeup tricks! It’s at Cube Space (622 SE Grand), and has a $5-10 suggested donation. Plus appetizers, wine, and schmoozing!

Prevent this from happening to you!


*Yes, that was a joke.

BROOKS BROTHERS: Coming soon…

I’m freshly-returned from City Club, where Sandra McDonough (leader of the Portland Business Alliance) and downtown developer John Carroll, who built The Edge Lofts, (where you probably can’t afford a one-bedroom studio today for for just $339,000, or two bedrooms for a mere $700,000) were discussing the future of downtown Portland.

Their messages about who downtown is for, and whether its future is inclusive, or exclusive, were a little confusing, and left me wondering if they don’t want to turn it into a high-class Disneyland for the super rich, where undesirables are priced out of a reason to be there.

McDonough, a former Seattle Times and Oregonian reporter, waxed lyrical and grew misty-eyed over the imminent arrival of a Brooks Brothers store at the Galleria building, on SW10th and Morrison. It will have a “galvanizing and important effect on the West End of Downtown,” she said.

Then, answering questions about whether downtown property is affordable for the people who work there, McDonough said “I think it’s not just a question of the middle class remaining downtown, but of remaining in the city altogether. We’ve done a great job of adding affordable housing, and catering to the high-end, but a huge factor is young families choosing not to be in the city because they cannot afford it.”

How is that a “choice?”

Carroll added to McDonough’s apparent concern about the middle classes choosing to move to the suburbs, asking “How many gallons of gas people actually have to consume to get out to the house that they can afford in the suburbs? Once that is factored in, I think we can start talking about the real cost of so-called “cheap housing.”

Here’s why I’m confused: Since both Carroll and McDonough have a vested interest in driving up the price of downtown residential property (he sells it, she is paid to represent the businesses that profit from the people who buy it—and every new downtown resident supports 9 square feet of retail space, compared to a downtown worker, who can only support 0.5 square feet of retail space), why on earth would they patronize their audience by pretending to care what happens to downtown’s middle class? Why not simply state their interest plainly?: “If you can’t afford a $300,000 condo, just move to the suburbs. Or die.”

I would have asked these questions during City Club, but McDonough and Carroll weren’t taking questions from journalists—because we don’t pay to be there. Decide for yourself: The session is broadcast on OPB tonight at 7pm.

Have you seen these ads for the “All About Kids Day” at PGE Park? I guess the idea is to sponsor a kid so they can go to a baseball game. But unless you really love kids, the ads showcase how annoying the little critters can be. (For the record, I love kids—but this ad made me want to make sure this girl does not go to the ballgame, because she’s going to drive everyone sitting within a 10 row radius absolutely nuts.)

Baseball! Baseball! Baseball! Baseball!

SPOILER ALERT FOR LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE OF THE OFFICE. OKAY?!? OKAY.
I mean, I understand that you might save an episode or two on your Tivo during the regular season, and would be upset if someone spoiled it for you, but when it comes to season finales? Everybody in America is talking about it, so all bets should be off! However, I love you, and even though I think you’re being selfish, I will once again warn you: SPOILERS AHEAD!!

Anyhoo, a very fun—but kinda weird episode, huh? The whole Jan breast enhancement freakout, Karen suddenly turning bitchy, and Ryan (who has NEVER made a sale, mind you) getting the big job at corporate HQ? THAT’S KINDA B.S.!
On the other hand, I loved Jim asking Karen out on a date, the entire “Schrute Bucks” sequence, and especially “Creed’s blog.” Creed is one of the goldmine characters on that show if you ask me, and he just keeps getting weirder. On last night’s show, it was revealed that Creed keeps a “blog” with some super bizarre web address, like “www.creedblog.gov@usa.http:/com//creedblog.” Turns out Ryan set him up a fake site for the good of the entire internet. HOWEVER! If you want to read what you’re missing, NBC is posting selections from Creed’s blog for your enjoyment, and it is Hee-larry!
Here’s a bit…

Prediction: the Orioles will win the World Series over the Pirates in seven games.

Prediction: the space program will be renamed the Outer Space Program by 2060.

Prediction: someday we will be able to travel faster than sound. We will “break the sound barrier.”

Prediction: [note – need more predictions.]

Read all of it HERE! As for the season finale, any fave moments or critiques?

It took me some time, but now I have seen the light. Electrelane’s No Shouts, No Calls is easily the best record I have heard this year. We’re writing about them next week, but since they are opening for some band that is sort of popular, the show is way sold out. How sad.

Will this make it better?
Electrelane - To The East

PBA boss Sandra McDonough will address Portland’s City Club today, on the subject of ” “Downtown Portland: The Next Iteration.”PBA BOSS: Silent on rent-a-cops.

Today might be a good day to ask McDonough why the PBA has refused, point-blank, to discuss the details of its contract with the private security firm Portland Patrol, Inc, to provide rent-a-cop services in the downtown core. I’ll let you know how that goes.

I got an image from the city of the tower I tried to describe yesterday—the 418-feet-tall one slated for the site of the Virginia Cafe downtown. This is the earliest design, and will likely change a bit—yesterday’s meeting at the Design Commission resulted in tons of notes for the architects, including things like making sure the ‘glazing’ on the building didn’t create a dark and hulking tower. But at least one design commission member said nice things about the “sculptural” quality of the building, which will be one of downtown’s tallest.

(Also, at yesterday’s meeting I learned that the building will contain seven full story condos, each around 10,000 square feet, and two multi-story penthouses. Start saving your pennies!)

It’s the new Transformers trailer… now with 50% more transformin’! (I keep waiting for my iPod to transform into a 30-foot hulking robot.)

The HD version is here if you so desire. Nerd.

Yes! AAAAAAND HERE WE ARE! WE’RE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERRRRSE! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! Screens this weekend @ Fifth Ave. Cinemas: Fri-Sat @ 7, 9:30; Sun @ 3.

GODDAMNIT. Look, usually we’re very, very good about these things. But every once in a while, a mistake slips through. We aren’t proud of it, and we’re sorry.

Anyway: We weren’t informed of the fact that Fay Grim (a film Kaitlyn Burch reviewed in this week’s Mercury) has been delayed one week. Instead of opening today, Fay Grim will now be opening on Friday, May 25, at the Clinton St. Theater.

So there you go, Hal Hartley fans. Sorry about the confusion. We’re already taking steps to make sure this sort of thing doesn’t happen again, ‘cause it sucks when it does.

Honestly, I could care less about this guy playing Iggy Pop in an upcoming film. Have you heard the abomination that is The Stooges’ reunion album, The Weirdness? Easily the worst record of the year.

But what does get me excited is listening to The Long Goodbye, the band that features Michael Cera, aka George Michael from Arrested Development. Since the band (which is a little whiny, but still pretty decent) lists their record label as “none,” on their MySpace page, I’m hoping this paper can fund a record label and release them. Mercury Records? That has a nice ring to it.

Faking retardation to get benefits? Man, that is so retarded.

James Dobson refuses to wait until Jerry Falwell’s corpse is cold before taking over the title of the new crazy-ass right wing man in charge.

A reality show about Lord of The Flies? Awesome! Just be sure to remember that his name is not “Fatty,” it’s “Piggy.” Kill the pig! Cut his throat! Kill the pig! Bash him in!

Dudes, get a room. Public sex stings nets three teachers and a minister in Salem.

On Wednesday morning, after being handed a big loss on his effort to change the city’s government, Mayor Tom Potter sent a letter to all city employees.

Last night, Portlanders approved three of the four Charter Review Commission’s recommendations to change the charter that has guided our City for the past 94 years.

The changes give citizens the right to review and, under certain conditions, vote on changes to the charter every 10 years, beginning in 2009; simplify Civil Service provisions and exclude certain policy-makers from them; and subject the Portland Development Commission’s budget to city council oversight, if authorized by state law, as well as financial and performance audits by the city auditor.

He then goes on to list several of the changes that are being made to civil service protections (I’ll let someone other than myself parse them), but never once mentions that his pet project—the strong mayor proposal—lost by 76 percent. Nor does he mention the paltry turnout.

He does, however, end with this: “What happened yesterday was not about determining winners and losers, but rather listening to the community as it decided the best course to make our city more successful.”

Really? Elections aren’t about “determining winners and losers”? Then what the hell are they? Mere suggestions? Just a way to gauge public opinion? Is this why the Oregonian editorial board wants him to ignore voters and push for a strong mayor system anyway?

Download the whole letter here (pdf).

HAGGIS: Not as disgusting as it looks.

Cabbie writes:

OK, we get that you hate the Scots, but I have a question about the cuisine of your white-trash cousins to the north, if you can manage to see past that vicious racism of yours…HAGGIS. What the hell is this Haggis ? I’ve been told it’s some weird Scottish dish involving a whole sheep stomach, that you cook for hours and hours while getting just slobbering drunk of Scotch. Then, supposedly, that baked sheep stomach stuffed full of all this weird fuckin’ shit is somewhat more edible. Do tell.

The Scottish traditional dish, made from the minced heart, liver, and lungs of a sheep, mixed together with spices and tied up inside the animal’s stomach, then boiled, was both organic and sustainable long before the words, when uttered, vaguely made you want to punch people for thinking it’s original to shop at New Seasons.

When the English Lord of the Manner Manor asked one of his Scottish minions to slaughter a lamb for meat, the workmen were traditionally allowed to keep the offal (innards) as a reward for doing the job. As such, the haggis has emerged as an emblem for Scottish national pride. What the silly English didn’t realize, however, (and yes, we do have our faults) was that the haggis actually tasted pretty good. Furthermore, while my ancestors were supping, lily-livered, on the animal’s chops and forelegs back at the castle, the rugged Scots were down in the glen eating a rich, irony supper and growing strong enough to plot to overthrow their Southern masters.

If only the English had eaten the haggis, too, the Scots would probably never have got their own Parliament, or be going on about “independence,” as you Yanks once did. Haggis makes you strong. It’s culinary terrorism.

These babies just previewed in Milan. They’re from the Thakoon by Alek Paul collection. I’m looking at you, Visage Eyewear (1046 NW Johnson). Just a suggestion…

This is turning into a pretty good weekend for shopping, so save your pennies tonight, because Hot Box Betty (1623 NE 15th, as well as a location in Bend) is having a birthday sale tomorrow all the way through the 27th! On everything. That’s a lot of sale, so get down there!

On last night’s late news, KATU (whose building I can see through my window right now) aired the most horrifyingly asinine segment I’ve ever seen on a television news show.

Called “Hummer Vs. Hybrid,” the piece profiled Art Spinella of Oregon-based CNW Marketing Research, who put out a report last year claiming that Hummers (as in the paramilitary SUVs) are better for the environment than hybrid cars. Spinella, who, BTW, makes a living doing market research for automobile companies, allegedly looked at the full cycle of development for both vehicles, including manufacturing, research & development, how far employees had to drive to get to the factory (!), etc. Only problem: CNW won’t divulge its research methodology, so it’s not peer-reviewed, or even verifiable.

The piece that ties it all together is the lifespan of the vehicles. The report claims that the average lifespan of a hybrid is 100,000 miles, as opposed to 240,000 for SUVs. That’s a convenient piece of mathematic wizardry with no public methodology to back it up. If anything, it’s based on the fact that hybrid owners are more likely to drive fewer miles per year than Hummer owners (you know, because they’re not fat-assed morons), so that after, say, 15 years, the average hybrid will have fewer miles on it. Perhaps as few as 100,000.

The bottom line: This “report” was ripped to shreds a year ago (see here, here, and here). KATU presenting Spinella’s report as legitimate is like the Bush Administration trotting out a couple of “scientists” who don’t believe in global warming and then claiming that the scientific community is “split.” One of the newscasters (during the insufferable pre-commercial chitchat they always do) even says, “Well I guess it just depends which side you’re on!” Right. It depends whether you’re on the side of science and verifiable research, or whether you’re a gullible dunce who’ll swallow whatever you’re told.

Two side notes:

1. When I first opened the video link to the story, it was prefaced by an ad for the Ford Edge—a small SUV. A banner for the Edge also lined the bottom of the screen.

2. Not counting KATU-branded vehicles, there are currently 25 SUVs, vans, and trucks in the KATU parking lot.

On an old school bus on northeast 19th and couch. It’s being converted into a restaurant.

Hillsboro and Australia. Two places I have never been to, although I am fascinated with both. Lucky for me, Colin Hay, singer of Men at Work, is bringing the thunder from down under to the ‘Boro tonight and Friday. Now is my chance to find out more about this strange land, and maybe I can learn a little about Australia too.

Flute solo? In a tree? I am so there!

One thing’s for certain: Pot brownies can FUCK… YOU… UP. I’ll tell you a story sometime. Until then, check out the most hee-larious 911 call yet from a police officer who made pot brownies (with confiscated marijuana, no less), then got so effed-up, he was convinced he was dying.
I know the feeling, brother. I know the feeling.

I don’t know to what extent these have made the usual rounds on the internet, but it’s pretty great. In “Dr. Strangelove Dr. Strangelove,” artist Kristan Horton recreates key scenes from the Kubrick film ordinary household items. There’s a great gallery of her work and a good interview here, and the work is going to be shown a few hours north of here in Vancouver this July.

The Police Bureau has released its mugshots of Timothy Trengove and Ross Mathena, the two men arrested last night and accused of drawing anarchist symbols on cars in SE Portland. Appropriately, the two men appear to have paint even on their faces.

I’m at the Portland Design Commission meeting, which has one agenda item today: A design advice meeting for 728 SW 9th Avenue, also known as the current site of the Virginia Cafe. Developer Tom Moyer of TMT Development wants to build a 31-story mixed-use high rise with ground floor retail, upper story condos, and an underground garage. The Virginia Cafe’s slated for demolition.

The developer’s team has quite the presentation ready—a 3-D model of that section of downtown, with the tower rising up in the middle, plus at least seven huge boards, each at least five feet tall, showing every possible angle of the building. I like the building—it’ll be one of the tallest ones downtown at a little over 400 feet, but it’s not trying too hard to be edgy, flashy, or make a loud statement. That’s not to say it’s bland and ugly—every side is different, making the tall gray (silver?) tower visually interesting. It almost looks like four or five towers mashed together, with a cohesive skin. I’ll try to nab a picture.

There are plenty of people who don’t like it, though, or don’t like the idea of it. This morning, we got a missive from a guy named George: I’m presuming it’s the same guy here at the meeting—a reedy man in brown corderoys, sporting a thin gray ponytail and clutching a stack of papers—who’s going from person to person in the audience, asking if they’re here for the “sham meeting.” Someone shushed him before he got to me.

He wrote:

Park Avenue residents say the area is already beset with many noisy, polluting construction projects, including Tom Moyer’s Park and Garage at Park Block 5, the Macy’s, the transit mall, and the Esquire Hotel makeovers, as well as the plans always hovering over The Galleria and the Yamhill Garage. .

Park Avenue Concern is a new neighborhood group formed in response to the proposed 420-foot tower, which would be among the four largest in the state. PAC asks: “Why another huge, ugly office tower in such a congested area? Why, when we already have here so many solid old historic structures standing vacant, many owned by Moyer and friends?” Many historic buildings appear to have been red-lined, that is, systematically left undeveloped, unmaintained, sometimes vacant, even derelict, according to PAC.

Park Avenue Concern’s entire letter is after the jump. Despite the neighborhood “outrage,” however, there’s maybe one or two people at this meeting here to speak out against the project—the other dozen people look like your typical Design Commission audience of planners and city staffers, plus the ubiquitous Lili and Irwin Mandel.

Bye, bye Virginia Cafe and anything else in the way

No public process?

“Thirty-five stories on a three-story block in a traditionally eight-story neighborhood? How can this be? The city is acting like this project is a done deal. We need a public hearing on this as a land-use issue.”

So say the neighbors of Tom Moyer's latest high-rise project, Moyer Tower, which would demolish the entire 1950's-style Zell block (bounded by SW Park, Morrison, 9th and Yamhill) along with Mercantile, Zells Jewelers, and the venerable Virginia Cafe (since 1922).

So far, the only opportunity afforded the public to comment on the project is before the Design Commission, which meets this Thursday, May 17 at 1:30 PM, 1900 SW 4th, Room 2500A.

Park Avenue residents say the area is already beset with many noisy, polluting construction projects, including Tom Moyer's Park and Garage at Park Block 5, the Macy's, the transit mall, and the Esquire Hotel makeovers, as well as the plans always hovering over The Galleria and the Yamhill Garage. .

Park Avenue Concern is a new neighborhood group formed in response to the proposed 420-foot tower, which would be among the four largest in the state. PAC asks: “Why another huge, ugly office tower in such a congested area? Why, when we already have here so many solid old historic structures standing vacant, many owned by Moyer and friends?" Many historic buildings appear to have been red-lined, that is, systematically left undeveloped, unmaintained, sometimes vacant, even derelict, according to PAC.

Also appearing to be ”red-lined” are any traffic-pedestrian considerations, such as traffic lights or even crosswalks, on any of SW Park or Ninth avenues north of Salmon. “Now, into the already hazardous Park-Taylor intersection, Moyer wants to release thousands of cars from his garages. When you total facilities existing, under construction, or planned, these now include fourteen (14) subterranean levels! That's a lot of new traffic.”

PAC also asks why has Moyer leased to a methadone clinic at his 804 SW Alder? “Is this another effort to degrade the neighborhood,” asks PAC, “so it can be rescued by the wrecking ball?” Across Alder, in the old Cornelius Hotel, Moyer rents storefront space to an arts center for the homeless. “Ironically, above them are thousands of square feet of unoccupied space that could be made into housing, and once was housing.” PAC asks Moyer and fellow developers to disclose their plans for the red-lined structures of the Park Avenue area.

PAC says that any high-impact development proposed should be able to demonstrate its necessity and compatibility with our historic neighborhood in order to qualify for the privilege of land use. PAC does not accept the notion that the size of any structure should be determined by the “bogus bulk” stratagems of FAR transfer and bonus. The 35-story Moyer Tower is, manifestly, a high-impact development proposal, to put it mildly. We understand that the proper forum for public consideration of such a project proposal is a Type III Land-Use Review.

The current issue of Bitch has a great article on the poor treatment of women in superhero comics. Annoyingly and bewilderingly, Shannon Cochran’s story isn’t online yet, but it’s well worth reading if you can track down a hard copy of the magazine. The general point: A lot of the time, women get treated like shit in superhero comics.

Which leads me to this—the new Mary Jane Watson sculpture from Sideshow Collectibles and Marvel Comics.

Particularly nice touches: The thong, the mega-cleavage, the pearl necklace (!), the tear in the jeans, the bare feet (get back in the kitchen, MJ!), and the fact that she’s, y’know, bending over and gleefully doing Spider-Man’s laundry. I’m not offended by much, but… checking… hmm, yep. Definitely offended. Hooray for the funny books!

I feel obligated to point out a few things: That a good number of comics (including, strangely, The Amazing Spider-Man and Ultimate Spider-Man) treat women as real characters and human beings, and not just sex objects who like to wash spandex costumes, and that a large number of popular superhero comics (Joss Whedon’s Astonishing X-Men and Brian K. Vaughan’s Runaways come to mind) feature intelligent, powerful, and well-written women as some of their main characters. This shit isn’t necessarily the status quo in comics—but it is common, and for some reason, the comic book industry still treats this stuff like it’s totally acceptable. One one hand, they wonder why more women don’t read the comics they publish; on the other, they continue to hypersexualize their female characters whenever there’s money involved. (It’s worth noting that on the Sideshow site, not only are there all sorts of pics of the $125 statue, but it’s also sold out.)

Props to devildoll.livejournal.com and girl-wonder.org.

How sad are you that the Mission is done showing all seven seasons of Buffy? Pretty effing sad, I imagine. Fear not, the Tonic Lounge is stepping up to meet your Scooby Gang needs. Every Sunday night at 8 pm. Free. This Sunday they’re playing Season One, Episodes 3-4.

Ain’t nobody badasser than Chow Yun Fat in John Woo’s Hong Kong shoot-‘em-ups Hard Boiled (1992) and The Killer (1989). (For proof, check out the amazing poster to the right, in which Chow Yun Fat balances a BABY and a SHOTGUN.) So I’m pretty stoked for John Woo’s Stranglehold, a “videogame sequel” to Hard Boiled that features Chow Yun Fat reprising his role as Inspector Tequila (even his name is badass!) and supposedly a whole lot of creative input from Woo himself. I feel absolutely no need to get a PlayStation 3 right now—I’ll get Stranglehold for the 360—but if I did, this is a pretty cool idea: The Last Boss is reporting that for their PS3, Sony’s putting together a package that’ll include both John Woo’s Stranglehold and a Blu-Ray version of Hard Boiled. And just like that, two of my hobbies merge into one.

And that’s not the only cross-promotional stuff going on: Kotaku’s got the goods on a Halo 3-branded Zune, which should do a really good job weighing down papers on your desk while you’re out listening to your iPod.

Oh, shit. Now I’m all in the mood to see Chow Yun Fat shootin’ some shit. Check out this insane scene from Hard Boiled, which is one of my favorite action sequences of pretty much ever.

I checked in with db clay founder Garett Stenson yesterday afternoon. He’s something of an inspiration, given that he’s around my age, and went from a kid making wallets out of duct tape in college to managing a growing business that produces unique beauties like these:

All of those are from the newest line, Version 3, which should be available for preorder on the website any second now, considering said website declares that pre-ordering started on Tuesday. They also feature a new eco-friendlier material called Tope, specially engineered for the line.

Much of my interest in Stenson’s entrepreneurial pursuits is, to borrow a term from the news department, a little “wonky,” and perhaps better saved for a pitch to Oregon Business Magazine, but you, dear rowdy BlogTown readers, may be interested in checking out their latest internet venture, Evil Backwards. Similar to Urban Honking, it’s a host of various blogs by people the company has recruited/edited for quality and active content, etc. While current topics range from guacamole to Stevie Wonder, the idea is that once people (particularly people who are interested in the intersection of art and technology) get in there and dig around a bit, they’ll be led to the db clay product. Clever, these kids and their internets.

OK, one more thing. Any entrepreneurs reading this might be interested in a software program they’ve developed, which they’re callung marcellus. In the near future, it will become “freeware” (thanks, Ezra, for my vocab word of the day), and it runs nearly every aspect of their business, from updating the web site to buyers being able to make wholesale orders—still somewhat uncommon for small businesses. Pretty nice of them. Also stay tuned for the grand opening in mid-August of db clay’s awesome new space out tucked away in a quiet, insustrial corner of NE:

For those salivating over the prospect of PARIS HILTON spending 45 days in prison, and subsequently getting shanked—you can forget about it. She isn’t even scheduled to enter jail until June 5, and she’s already had her sentence shortened to 23 days for “good behavior.”
WTF???
Just because she hasn’t dumped a cup of hot coffee on a homeless person’s head lately, that shouldn’t qualify as “good behavior.” The week’s still young, for Christ’s sake!!
But that’s not all! Not only has her time been shortened, Paris will serve her short sentence in a sweet manner— in a secluded section of the prison, usually reserved for high profile prisoners such as politicians, police officers, and celebrities, and away from the general (shank-wielding) population. It’s called the “Special Needs Housing Unit”—which may be the perfect place for someone like Paris after all. All aboard the short bus!

A woman fined $109 last June for speeding on the Morrison Bridge says the cop who caught her offered to pay half the ticket. TRAFFIC TICKETS: Now with 50% off!

The un-named cop’s unusual offer came to light at the cops’ Citizens Review Committee meeting on Tuesday night, as part of a complaint made by the woman, who alleged the officer had failed to properly advise her on her options in court.

After the woman filed a complaint with the Independent Police Review, the officer contacted her by email offering to pay for half the ticket. His actions were found to constitute a breach of the Bureau’s professional conduct rules by its Performance Review Board, although the woman’s original complaint about receiving bad advice was turned down because it is not a cop’s job to give legal advice.

Jason Ehlers, the Portland graffiti artist aka “Caveman” jailed for 26 months last July, writes about his graffiti addiction in
this morning’s Oregonian:

Painting gives me a feeling of gratification I have never felt before. Sneaking around, climbing buildings, hiding in the shadows and painting under pressure shoots adrenaline through my body and produces a euphoria almost equal to an addictive drug…

In the paper’s breaking news section, however, there’s news about the overnight “vandalism” in SE. Tim Trangove, 26, and Ross Mathena, 25, “spray-painted anarchist symbols and profanity” on more than a dozen cars overnight. Granted, it’s bad timing, but the O is sure sending some mixed messages this morning.

It was another blood bath on American Idol last night, when the most clearly talented singer, MELINDA DOLITTLE got her ass sent HOME last night—leaving the marginally talented (and marjorly hot) Jordin Sparks, and honky beatboxer/Jamiroquai clone Blake Lewis to duke it out in next week’s season finale.
Unfair? I say TOTALLY FAIR. Though Simon may like to call this a “singing competition,” it’s an out-and-out personality contest. Therefore America voted, and America said, “We really prefer our idols to be less self-effacing. Oh, they should also have a NECK. Move along, Melinda!”

P.S. On last night’s season finale of America’s Next Top Model the Latina with the crazy jaw won, sending home my fave contestant, the crazy Rooskie who dry humps cell phones.

Old Rocker Alert! Dinosaur Jr. returns, and surprisingly, they don’t suck. But judging by the above photo, J Mascis now looks like my mom.
MP3: Dinosaur Jr. - Almost Ready

Hippie Alert! Lavender Diamond asks what’s funny about peace, love, understanding and novelty butterfly wings.
MP3: Lavender Diamond - Open Your Heart

Dilla Alert! Slum Village reps for J Dilla and Detroit.
MP3: Slum Village - Itz Your World (Feauring Kurrupt)

Spring Alert! Laura Gibson and a whole bunch of metaphors for Spring.
MP3: Laura Gibson - Hands In Pockets

Nerd Alert! Ben Gibbard is such a boring rock star.
MP3: Ben Gibbard - Couches In Alleys (live)

Paul Wolfowitz wants to take his ball and go home. Up yours, World Bank!

President? More like Pre$$$ident.

Scientists are headed underwater here in Oregon. Aquaman, is that you?

Phew. I’m safe. Add me!

Bo Diddley suffers a heart attack on stage. Meanwhile Phil Collins’ heart is just fine, and he will never die onstage, or otherwise. It’s just not fair.

Mayor Tom Potter called in sick to his racial profiling committee this afternoon, sending his apologies. POTTER: Sick…(actual photograph)

Potter was scheduled an hour to lay out his vision for the committee, which has been meeting since January.

One observer described Potter’s absence as “convenient,” in light of the mayor’s current stand-off with the Police Chief and Police Union over the firing of a lieutenant, and the slow progress of the committee in clearly defining its goals.

In Potter’s defense, however, even Dan Handelman of Portland Copwatch, not renowned for being gullible in the face of authority, said that “watching Potter on TV last night, I can believe he was too sick to attend.”

Potter’s absence did not stop the committee getting involved in its most heated discussions yet, however. I want to follow up with a couple of the committee members to get their takes on what exactly happened, and what it may mean, but to give you some idea of the meeting’s pitch: Union Boss Robert King said the entire process was in danger of being “a colossal waste of time.”

The group could be on the verge of making progress, or it could be on the verge of exploding, but its direction will certainly give Potter something to think about while he’s convalescing. One other interesting comment after the meeting, which I won’t attribute, but which neatly included both the mayor, illness, and the politics of policing, was this:

Potter has nothing to gain, politically, by fixing this problem. It’s all about the process being in place. It’s like the drug companies who make aspirin, they don’t want to cure the common cold or they go out of business.

For lunch today we hit up Bar Carlo, out in… SoFo? FoDiPo? Shit, I don’t know. Southeast Foster. A few of the forces behind Acme opened the airy little breakfast spot recently in what used to be a Russian restaurant—Bar Carlo occupies a couple rooms in the building, and according to my inside source (ok, it’s Courtney) they eventually plan to open a full-service Italian restaurant in the rest of the space. They serve breakfast all day and sandwiches after noon.

Between four of us we ate off both the breakfast and lunch portions of the menu; consensus seems to be that breakfast is the better bet. My grilled pesto sandwich was decent, but Courtney and Matt were both very happy with their respective scramble and breakfast sandwich. It’s a nice little place, hip but not obnoxiously so; friendly waitress, you might find the service on the slow side, but only if you’re a grumpy Brit nursing a hangover (not naming any names).

In the negative column, the lunch portions were on the small side. Both Matt and I were still hungry afterward, forcing us to stop for ice cream on the way back to the office. Hate to sound like a fatty American here, but if i’m going to drop $8 on a sandwich I expect it to be pretty substantial. Also, a sad little slice of honey dew melon does not a side of “fresh fruit” make. Slice up some apple and throw a couple grapes on the plate, it’d go along way.

I could probably say more but it’s 5:30 and I really need to get to the bar. I’ll post the menu after the jump! Cheers.

Bar Carlo, 6433 SE Foster, Tues-Sun 8 am-3 pm

Three egg scrambles, served with potatoes, fruit & toast

Veggie scramble: roasted red pepper, roasted onion, asparagus, goat cheese, artichoke hearts, $8

Melly's scramble: sweet peppers, feta, basil, olives, $8

Lisa's favorite: smoked salmon, red onion, goat cheese, dill, $8

Oregon scramble: roasted mushrooms, asparagus, grilled onion, basil, fiave cheese, tomatoes, bacon, $8

Carlo's Scramble Scramble: spicy italian sausage, roasted red pepper garlic relish, smoked mozzarella, fresh basil, $8

House Specials

Grilled pear and mascarpone sandwich, $4

French toast: egg battered bread, apricots, powdered sugar, syrup, $7

Surprise, Natalie, you're in peppersville! sandwich: scrambled eggs with roasted red peppers, roasted jalapenos, grilled onions, cotija cheese, avocade spread on a roll with fruit and potatoes, $8

Carlo's king melt: two scrambled eggs, bacon, mild peppers, mascarpone tomato basil relish on served a roll with fruit and potatoes, $8

Lunch items (available after noon)

Cold veggie sandwich: grated red peppers, red onion, carrots, fresh mozzarella & basil, $7

Grilled pesto sandwich: Melted fiave, fresh pesto, bitter greens, tomato, fresh red peppers, $8

BLT: yup, $6

Tuna Melt: spanish tuna mixed with capers, lemon, celery & peppers on grilled cuomo bread with gruyere $7

Greek burger: ground turkey mixed wtih olives, red pepper, feta, onion, $8

The office of Wieden + Kennedy is a’buzz about their newest alleged applicant. Yep, recent Portlander Monica Lewinsky. According to our source, she was seen in the lobby and in one of the conference rooms. What do you think she was wearing? I wonder what job she might be applying for? So many questions, anyone know any answers?

With post-election analyses coming from everyone and their mother (including yours, who started a blog just to write about the election), I thought it might be helpful to put the results of 26-91—the strong mayor effort—into some perspective.

It went down 76.23 percent to 23.77 percent. By comparison, Bob Ball’s traditional “strong mayor” measure from 2002 was defeated by, yes, 76 percent to 24 percent. Some observers have used the fact that the “periodic charter review” measure overwhelmingly passed last night as evidence that Portlanders want to change the form of government—just not to the one proposed in 26-91—but looking at an identical percentage from five years ago, I’m not convinced that’s the case. In five years, voters have overwhelmingly rejected both a traditional strong mayor system and a highly modified strong mayor system—I’m not sure what else is left, but I’m looking forward to whatever future charter review commissions come up with.

Here are some other results from previous failed attempts to change the form of government.
May 1966: 62-38
May 1958: 53-47
June 1927: 83-17
June 1917: 72-28

Maybe the most interesting comparison, though, is from November 2004. In the mayor’s race, Tom Potter beat Jim Francesconi 61 percent to 38 percent, a smaller margin than Potter’s pet project lost by.

Miraculously, though, the Oregonian editorial board is still pushing 26-91, telling Potter that he should ignore the will of an overwhelming majority of voters. “Potter shouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer,” say the anonymous writers, who frequently show an utter disdain for Portlanders. “It’s true that successful Portland mayors tend to disregard the form of government anyway, push the limits and act ‘as if’ they are strong mayors. And, certainly, Potter should do this, too. He should do everything he can to make it work.”

(Considering how out of touch the O is with a majority of Portlanders, my recommendation to Potter would be to do the opposite of whatever the paper suggests.)

The O also discredits the results due to the low turnout: “[T]he turnout itself was low enough that it’s ridiculous to suggest Portlanders have put this issue to rest. Many citizens still haven’t even examined the form of government.” (b!X has more on this here.) Two sentences later, though, they write, “Voters appeared to be overwhelmingly endorsing the reform that guarantees periodic charter review, including a new review that would begin in two years.”

Christ! Which is it? How is one result suspect because of the low turnout, but another result perfectly acceptable? More importantly, why am I expecting the O to employ consistent logic in their editorials, especially when, in January, the board wrote “Charter Changes Deserve A Vote” as a way of goading city council into referring the measures to the ballot in this election, which they KNEW would have a low turnout?

So y’all might’ve heard, but there’s one more reason to head to NE Alberta: Binks now has booze. And perhaps the best part of that (besides being able to drink Margaritas in the sun), is that they now take credit cards.

The Hutch (Glisan & NE 46th) has a new second location at SE 41st & Holgate (former home of Grandma’s).

The Matchbox Lounge is opening on 3203 SE Division. Anyone been yet?

Every Tuesday at 6 pm, Gotham Tavern is hosting Scrabble night. Fuck yeah. Plus it benefits Oregon Literacy, Inc. by donating 10% of your tab to the nonprofit. Mmm, words.

BEST NEWS OF ALL: Beulahland now has weekly Atari 2600 tournaments on Mondays! On a big screen, no less. Sign up at 9 pm. It’s hosted by VJ Norto and the Phantom Hillbilly who do the awesome Eye Candy music video nights at Beulahland and Acme. You can even challenge others to your game of choice. Me, I’d pick River Raid. I’m the best, no matter what anyone else might tell you.

I watch a LOT of TV, and I’ve seen a lot of dirty things slip past the censors… but I have NEVER seen man-on-man anal sex on NBC in DAYTIME. Thank god then for the best soap opera ever, Passions, for finally breaking the anal barrier.
LITERALLY.
I just can’t quit you, Passions! (Oh, yeah… this might be a bit NSFW-ish.)

Hitchens’ new book is entitled God is Not Great, if that gives you any indication of what’s to come.

As you may have read/heard by now, Congressman Earl Blumenauer (3rd District—hollla!) formally announced on BlueOregon.com that he is not—NOT—running for Gordon Smith’s Senate seat, joining Congressman Peter DeFazio in the “thanks, but no thanks” category.

That totally blows my favorite, completely baseless political prediction I’d been kicking around for a while, which was that Blumenauer would run for Senate, and City Commissioner Sam Adams would run for Blumenauer’s seat. That prediction wasn’t grounded in any insight or inside knowledge, simply on the idea that Adams could easily win the race and take his passion for transportation to a federal level. Lobbying the Congress for more transportation dollars for Portland is, after all, one of his current job duties. So now that’s shot. Thanks a ton, Earl.

Now, everyone (and by “everyone,” I mean “commenters at Blue Oregon”) is asking the question, who should run for senate now that Blumenauer’s out? There are a number of possibilities being thrown around, but here’s the thing—there’s already someone who’s announced and who is already running his campaign: Steve Novick. Hey Democrats, instead of waiting around for your imaginary Prince Charming, why not throw a little support in the direction of the guy who’s already here?

This week on So Hot Right Now, Mike Williams plays a bunch of bumpin’ tracks from Lorn. Tune in and see why Mike says, “Lorn is blowin’ up like Tyra Banks’ waistline.” Plus, this week’s show has a bunch of awesome goodies waiting for you, including an exclusive interview with Lorn, an exclusive download of his unreleased track “Dresden”, and links to Lorn’s self-coded beat looper. Check it out right here.

Don’t miss these deals at Souchi (806 NW 23rd) this weekend: 15% off everything in the current Souchi cashmere collection (and of course this cashmere is not just for winter, with summer-weight camis, hoodies, and more), plus an extra 5% off sale items already marked down 20-80%. Beyond the in-house line look for new merch from Mike & Chris, Jovovich-Hawk, and more. Runs Friday through Sunday.

This morning, another group filed to collect signatures that would put HB 2007 and SB 2—the domestic partnership and non-discrimination laws—on the November 2008 ballot.

The group—Defense of Marriage and Family, Again!, as former state Senator Marylin Shannon told me on the phone last night (she emphasized the exclamation point)—is led by chief petitioners Janice Bentson, Aleksandr Voronko, and Carolyn Wendell.

And I just spoke with Jack Brown—one of the three men who’d filed the first challenge to the laws, on Monday. They’re dropping their petition, and joining the Defense of Marriage and Family, Again! (oh, I can’t wait to type that a million times over the next year—what’s the abbreviation on that, DOFMA! ?).

“They felt better equipped to handle the logistics, and they have a larger organization in place,” Brown said—once again in his car when reached, but this time at a traffic light, not a grocery store parking lot. “I don’t care who leads the charge, I’m willing to help.”

says Sandy:

On SW Naito Parkway, near the corner of SW Market, at the Mercedes dealership, right near the entrance.

The best part of Spider-Man 3 is obviously the lovably goofy BRUCE CAMPBELL, and here he is being lovably goofy once more selling Old Spice. (Which by the way, is the only underarm deoderant I use. TMI!)

Barbara at Phlox writes in to tell us about her fresh supply of summer dresses to keep in mind when shopping for the hot weather. Especially look for styles from Tibi:

And Corey Lynn Calter:

If you are a mental retard fetishist like I am, you’re going to LOVE this hot new photo from GQ magazine that depicts Jessica Alba … drooling!

Okay. In all seriousness… WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE THINKING?!

It’s my guess that many Blogtown readers don’t care about who won the school board races last night. If you don’t have kids of your own it can be a long stretch to imagine why you should care about who’s running a city’s schools. But if, on the off-chance, anybody asks you what you think of the elections, and you don’t just want to say “what elections?”, you might want to look super well-informed and of course, very strange, by reeling off this pre-rehearsed speech:

“I was very pleased to see grass-roots activist Ruth Adkins triumph over the incumbent, Doug Morgan. Her pledge to challenge the school board’s decision-making process to include more community input won me over, and what’s more, she really seems to believe in Portland’s public schools. I feel that if, ever, I have a child and if, ever, that child needs a school to go to, Ruth Adkins’ election last night means there’s a good chance that child’s interests will be better looked out for.”

The eldest child of the late Rev. Martin Luther King Jr, Yolanda King, passes away at age 51.

GOP candidates debate on which one is the bigger asshole. Somehow they all win.

Bible-thumpers prepare for a future without Falwell, as his soul prepares for an eternity of homosexual ass-pounding.

Erotic letters from Tsar Alexander II to be auctioned off. “Dear Russian Penthouse. I never thought it would happen to me, but…”

I once stole an Abba Zabba, then nearly choked on the damn thing in the 7-11 parking lot. Karma is a bitch. Don’t believe me? Hitchhiker steals car, then dies in crash. Told ya.

NBA Playoff News: Farewell sweet and tender Baron Davis.

This was my favorite moment of the post-election/post-“Digital Politics” grabassery tonight at Acme.

At some point, prized Willamette Week reporter Nigel Jaquiss walked onto the patio, and grabbed a back table with a city hall staffer. Here is the conversation that followed among people where I was standing (I’ll keep their identities anonymous, which is fine because most of the dialog was from me anyway):

“Hey, isn’t that prized Willamette Week reporter Nigel Jaquiss?”

“Didn’t he win a Pulitzer?”

“Yeah? Where is it then?”

“I don’t think he carries it around with him.”

“Oh yes he does. He melted it down and turned it into a belt buckle with a giant ‘P’ on it. That way, all he has to do is point to his crotch and say, ‘Hey, ladies, check out my award.’”

(BTW, the Pulitzer website has provided a helpful guide to the pronunciation of the award: “PULL it sir.”)

I was also repeatedly challenged to an arm wrestling match by Sten staffer/mustachioed strongman Rich Rodgers.

This is why I cover politics.

Periodic charter review is winning by nearly 76 percent. The change in form of government proposal—this specific proposal—is losing by 75 percent. Coincidence?

I don’t think so. I think Portland is itching for a change in the way we do things—maybe not a radical overhaul, maybe not a weird proposal that puts the mayor on the council, but given the popularity of the periodic review, the message is clear. The city is changing, and perhaps our government should too. Or, as we said in our endorsement recommending a no vote on the form of government change, and a yes vote on the periodic review:

We’re policy wonks in the worst way, and we would have been thrilled to have anything but the stilted, dysfunctional conversation that only a tiny fraction of a fraction of the population is currently having. But what we’ve gotten instead has been nothing worthy of building a new government on. For that reason, we urge you to vote no—but let’s keep talking.

Like we said, vote no on overhauling the city’s government after so little debate—but vote yes on this proposal, which calls for a periodic review of the city’s charter. In other words, this is one way to keep talking about the city’s structure.

Together the votes make for a double mandate of sorts. The message: Get back to the drawing boards and give us an acceptable, efficient and representative form of government.

My own hope is that any new proposal will get scrap of the present commission fiefdoms and give voters the chance to create a government that gives neighborhoods a formal, elected place at the city council table.

We got a heads up this morning that Mayor Tom Potter would be at Harold Williams’ house—site of the pro-reform campaign party—starting at 7:30. However, the media were warned, due to a nagging cold, the mayor might not stick around past 8:30.

Sure enough, Scott rang up their party at about 8:30—once we had some election results to ask him about—looking for a comment from the mayor. But he’d already headed out for the night.

City Commissioner Randy Leonard just walked in—he sidled up with a non-alcoholic beer, took note of the election results, and grunted “me happy.” Like a caveman.

First batch just came out.

As of 8pm, here are the unofficial results:

26-89 CITY OF PORTLAND
Yes . . . . . . . . . . . . 44,721 75.93
No. . . . . . . . . . . . . 14,179 24.07

26-90 CITY OF PORTLAND
Yes . . . . . . . . . . . . 32,465 54.40
No. . . . . . . . . . . . . 27,218 45.60

26-91 CITY OF PORTLAND
Yes . . . . . . . . . . . . 15,565 25.28
No. . . . . . . . . . . . . 46,016 74.72

26-92 CITY OF PORTLAND
Yes . . . . . . . . . . . . 32,354 53.02
No. . . . . . . . . . . . . 28,663 46.98

In short? Periodic charter review passing mightily, civil service reforms passing with a healthy buffer, strong mayor is losing BADLY, and the PDC ballot measure is doing all right.

Of course, this will change over the next hour or more, so stay tuned.

Update: Actually, it won’t change that much. County elections is saying 82,000 people voted, and this first batch of numbers represents about 60,000. Unless 50,000 or so people voted between 7 and 8, the writing is on the wall.

Update 2: Lemme sum this up—Yes, Yes, No, Yes. Remarkably similar to our endorsements. As a side note