Pasted on the side of Happy Teriyaki on NE 20th and Sandy.

Yesterday, I was riding east out of downtown, approaching the Hawthorne Bridge (you know, right next to the bourgie-boo Veritable Quandary) when I had a sudden panic: What if street musicians like “Working” Kirk Reeves—the white-tuxedoed, Mickey Mouse-eared trumpet player who plays at the eastbound entrance to the bridge—got kicked out of downtown by the mayor’s new iteration of the sit-lie ordinance.

I stopped and had a long conversation—and impromptu jam session—with him (which I’ll probably write more about later), but he assured me that, as a street musician, he was exempted from whatever sit-lie law city council decided to pass. Mercury news reporter Matt Davis also later reassured me that that was the case, and that people like Reeves were safe under the new law.

Still, that got me thinking, and since today is the 40th anniversary of the Beatles’ mindwarp, psychedelic album about a military band leader, I had a brilliant realization: What if someone started a foundation that gave cheap instruments (plastic ukuleles, kazoos, paper accordions, etc.) to the city’s homeless, and we could teach them to play, and whenever they got harassed by the city’s cops—real or fake—they could point to the instrument and say, “I’m an artist—leave me alone.”

We’ll call it Sgt. Potter’s Homeless Art School Band.

I spent a few minutes this morning unsuccessfully trying to talk Lew Frederick into running for city council in 2008—with the usual caveats; if Potter doesn’t run for reelection and if Sam Adams runs for mayor. He might change his mind, but it looks like he’s focused on other priorities, like putting together the city’s Human Rights Commission and serving on the state board of education.

But here’s one thing I forgot to mention, which I think could have convinced him—if he runs, he won’t have to compete against the mysterious, one-named “Watchman,” who ran against Dan Saltzman in 2006 and got a whopping 1,248 votes (1.27 percent). Watchman isn’t running for city council next year; instead, he’s running for president.

Little is known about Watchman, other than the fact that his name is legally “Watchman,” and that he’s a self-proclaimed minister, and that he’s taken 200 quarter and semester hours of college. His birth name is James Louis Dezort, and he’s actually run for president multiple times in the past—but this is the first time I’ve ever received a handwritten letter from him.

Two days ago, there was a package in my mailbox—as soon as I saw “Watchman” in the return address, I knew my week had made a turn for the better. Sure enough, there was a nine-page, handwritten “platform,” plus four pages of introduction. Since today is our current intern Daniel Savickas’ last day, I made him type out the entire document. The whole letter is after the jump.

Oh, in case it wasn’t clear—Watchman is a tad on the kooky side.

To whom it may concern,

Enclosed is a copy of my platform.

In addition to the four positions listed there I have other things I want to work on:
Restructure the government

Do away with the fifty separate states and only retain a federal government with its House of Representative districts. The senate would be reduced from one hundred to five advisors to the President.

Form nine districts resided over by nine governors from nine denominations. Everyone would have to choose which of these nine they want to be affiliated with.

The nine districts will be as follows:

Immanuel Chapel composed of Assembly of God, Disciples of Christ, Quakers, and Mormons; Catholic; other Mormons; Episcopal; Presbyterian; Methodist; Jewish; Mennonite; and Salvation Army.

Sincerely,
[illegible scribble]

I am a non-partisan independent candidate for president of the United States. I have been an evangelist since 1987 and God has given me a lot of prophesy.

I have 200 quarter and semester hours of college.

I am fifty-nine years old.

Platform

1. Make land available in cities where anyone can stay as long as they want for free. Where possible provide studio apartments for the poor.

Section 8 housing is not taking care of the need that exists. Poor people just wander from town to town without sleep in many cases. They can’t establish themselves anywhere even if they want to. Taking care of the poor brings God’s blessing.

2. End all use of radioactive material in the United States.

Radioactive particles bill.

A person can make up their own mind if they want to smoke cigarettes or not. But no one is given a choice when it comes to spreading radioactive material around the world. We don’t have the right to expose anyone to an increase in radioactivity. This must stop.

3. No abortion. I am a priest and GOD asked me to counsel a lady who had gotten an abortion saying she needed to apologize to Jesus for killing her baby. God said use 2 Kings 6:29 in counseling her. It is talking about a city under siege which food was a problem:

“29 So we boiled my son, and ate him. And I said onto her on the next day, give thy son, that we may eat him. And she hath hidden her son.”

There is no situation too severe for us to kill our children.

In the Bible book of Numbers 3:13 says “13 Because all the first born are mine; for on the day that I smote all the first-born in the land of Egypt I hallowed unto me all the first-born in Israel, both man and beast; mine shall they be and I am the LORD.”

GOD says today that not only the first born of Israel belong to him, but every baby that is conceived in the womb belongs to GOD. Women must nurture the new life in them and raise them up to adults. They must not kill that life that has started in them.

Jeremiah in Samentations 4:3 complains that “3 Even the sea monsters draw out the breast, they five suck to their young ones; the daughter of my people is become cruel, like the ostriches in the wilderness.”

Here is what GOD wants for doctors who perform abortions:

First offense three million dollar fine.

Second offense same penalty.

Third offense death penalty.

This is the word of the LORD.

4. Institute two mandatory religion classes in school. This is a Christian nation and when we send our children to school all day their training in GOD must continue.

Isaiah 50:1,2 convicts us: “I thus saith the LORD: where is the bill of your mother’s divorcement, whom I have put away? Or which of my creditors is it to whom I have sold you? Behold, for your iniquities have ye sold yourselves, and for your transgressions is your mother put away. 2 Wherefore, when I can, was there no man? When I called was there none to answer? Is my hand shortened at all, that it cannot redeem? Or have I no power to deliver?

Behold, at my rebuke I dry up the sea, I make the rivers a wilderness; their fish stink, because there is no water, and die for thirst.”

Mothers are supposed to teach about GOD to their children when GOD calls they are ready. This in not the case today.

God wants and eighth grade mandatory class in reading through the Bible, and a mandatory class in the Holy Spirit (opening the Bible at random). I asked God when I could claim John 3:8 and he said when I had been doing it for a year. We need to give everyone that beginning.

Reason #1 to never take piano lessons: BECAUSE THE PIANO WILL EAT YOUR FREAKING FINGERS OFF! Please take half a bag of mushrooms and watch the following uber-bizarre clip from 1977’s Hausu by Nobuhiko Obayashi. (This film is just begging for some overdubbing by the Mercury’s Film Club!) Learn more about this amazing film here!

Oh yes it is! First Friday in June is National Donut Day and word on the street is that Krispy Kreme is giving out free donuts in honor of the occasion. I’ve only had one Krispy Kreme donut in my life and my mind was not blown—my favorite donut store is Donut Land in Tualatin, not to be confused with the rival Donut King across the street—but far be it from me to turn up my nose at a free donut.

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C., May 29 /PRNewswire/ — What better way to sweeten the first days of summer than with a mouth watering doughnut from Krispy Kreme! In celebration of National Doughnut Day on Friday, June 1, participating Krispy Kreme stores throughout the U.S. will offer customers a free doughnut of their choice. This annual event invites Krispy Kreme fans to enjoy a free doughnut as a thank you for their continued support.

National Doughnut Day was established in 1938 by the Chicago Salvation Army to raise much-needed funds during the Great Depression and to honor the work of World War I Salvation Army volunteers who prepared doughnuts for thousands of soldiers. National Doughnut Day is celebrated annually on the first Friday in June.

“National Doughnut Day is a perfect time for us to give a little something back to our loyal customers throughout the country,” said Stan Parker, Senior Vice President of Marketing for Krispy Kreme. “It’s also a great opportunity to build awareness and acknowledge the continued good work of the Salvation Army.”

Be sure to visit a participating Krispy Kreme location on Friday, June 1 to receive a free doughnut and celebrate the sweetest day of the year! Also, take a minute to check out some of our newest menu choices including doughnut holes to go, Krispy Kreme Chillers, and our new Whole Wheat doughnut.

It has been three months since I walked through the front door of The Mercury to claim my throne as “The Unpaid Intern,” but, much like the time when it was considered politically correct to tell Monica Lewinsky jokes, that time has come to pass.

Now, if I looked like this guy, I’d say, “What a long strange trip it’s been.” But since it was only three months, I’ll simply say “It’s been an unpaid internship.”

I did learn quite a few valuable lessons, and things about The Mercury, along the way; and I’d like to share those things with you now.

1. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never look as good in a pair of chucks and khaki pants as Scott Moore.

2. Everyone at The Mercury has a cuter dog than you could ever hope to own.

3. Unpaid Intern doesn’t mean you can’t get paid, it just means you share your office with the staff member’s breakroom/kitchen. Tip to next intern, there are no windows looking outside so try to score an internship during the rainy season.

4. Staff members at The Mercury frequently misuse the microwave, and by misuse I mean they burn things.

5. People in Portland will blame people moving from California to PDX for everything.

6. Although I’d previously suspected it, Matt Davis has confirmed people from England have a better vocabulary than people from the bloody U.S.

7. Vegans and anarchists do not like Matt Davis.

8. Steven Humphrey has posted a combined total of 156 blogs about Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton. That’s more than I posted in three months and rivals the number of love letters I sent to Natalie Portman in one week’s time.

9. Erik Henriksen knows more about the Transformers than I do about my ex-girlfriend’s life story.

10. I didn’t really learn ten things, but all great lists are “top tens.”

Do not fret dear Mercury readers; the show will go on without me much as it did the three days a week I was not here. But I thought I’d ask the readers what I should do next. The next logical step on my way up the corporate ladder is to get a paid paper route, but who has some other interesting job ideas for me?

From the promoter:

Due to a family emergency the Cliks have had to cancel tonight’s performance at Dante’s. A rescheduled date is expected, but info on it is not available at this time. Refunds are available at point of purchase.

In the wake of what appears to be an anti-immigrant beating in rural Clackamas County last week, immigrants rights supporters are coming together to speak out against the wave of attacks—and placing much of the blame on Republicans in the state legislature.

A new conference was held by the Portland Immigrant Rights Coalition this morning on the side of the La Sirenita restaurant on NE Alberta—the mural on the sidewall of the restaurant was tagged with several white swastikas about two weeks ago.

The message from several of the speakers, including Aeryca Steinbauer of CAUSA, was a denunciation of the attack, as well as a larger denunciation of anti-immigrant rhetoric spewing forth from lawmakers.

Specifically, Steinbauer criticized a package of anti-immigrant bills sitting in the state legislature, which her organization is tracking, like the REAL ID Act, one mandating English as the state’s official language, and another that would deputize local police as immigration enforcement officers. Many of the bills are co-sponsored by Republican Rep. Vic Gilliam, who represents the district where the beating took place, and House Republican Leader Wayne Scott, who represents nearby Canby—not to mention Clackamas Rep. Linda Flores.

The swastika tags and the beating are just “symptoms of rampant xenophobia,” Steinbauer said. The message was clear—attacks in the legislature lead to attacks in the community.

Speaking of legislative attacks—blogger Torrid Joe at loadedorygun.blogspot.com yesterday posted about the real impact of the REAL ID law, which sets up stringent processes to prove citizenship before being allowed to do, well, much of anything. The rules that require proof of citizenship in order to receive federal health benefits, for instance, have successfully blocked around 1,000 Oregon citizens from receiving benefits. Not illegal immigrants—Oregon citizens.

In fact, one could argue—and many people have—that undocumented residents actually under-utilize government services since they don’t exactly want to draw attention to themselves. And that can mean that they’re reluctant to call the police if they’re being attacked—last week’s beating was probably not an isolated event, but one that couldn’t be swept under the rug due to the size of the vigilante mob.

Activists and religious leaders will also be holding a pro-immigrant vigil this Sunday, June 3, at Carnegie Center Park in Oregon City, 7th and Jefferson Street, at 6pm.

Oh, as for those swastikas—at the end of the press conference, an artist showed up with a few buckets of paint to paint over them.

So Judd Apatow’s Knocked Up is getting some pretty great reviews. Other things to read, if for whatever bewildering reason you haven’t already made up your mind to see the film this weekend: A.O. Scott’s review, and The New York Times Magazine’s fascinating profile of Apatow. (“The thing about comedy is that there’s something really great about making a room of people laugh,” Apatow says in it. “But there’s also something really sick about needing to make strangers laugh.”) It’s the story Seth Rogen doesn’t want you to read.

Um, yeah… Breakthrough scientific discovery! In a study conducted on behalf of—no way!—a shoe, company (Brantano) it has been found that shoe shopping is good for your health! It’s not so long, so here’s the whole blurb:

London, May 30 (ANI): Going shoe shopping really is good for the fairer sex, for a new study has found that buying a pair of high heels makes a woman’s heart beat as fast as if she has just had a gruelling workout.

Dr Linda Papadopoulos, a TV psychologist, carried out her study on a group of 35 women and found that trying on a pair of heels makes a woman’s pulse rate nearly double - to 120 beats per minute.

And, this is not just a one off thing, for the phenomena occurs every time a girl straps on a pair of shoes she’s just dying to buy.

Dr Papadopoulos says that shoes increase a woman’s heartbeat because they bring out a ‘socialising and nurturing instinct’.

“Shoes have a particular draw to women as they are emotionally evocative items to them and they bring out women’s socialising and nurturing instincts,” the Mirror quoted her, as saying.

Dr Papadopoulos conducted the study on behalf of shoe chain Brantano.

In related news: being carjacked, pulled over by a cop while stoned, or dangled from a 25-story building have been proven to be real health boosters! Such activities can up to triple your heart rate because they bring out self-preservation and fight or flight instincts.

So the dudes at Funimation (which has to be the WORST name for any company ever) sent me the director’s cut DVD of Afro Samurai a week or two ago. Just got around to checking it out, and for those of you into (A) hiphop, (B) anime, or (C) Samuel L. Jackson doing his “I’m a badass” routine, it’s a solid weekend DVD rental.

Jackson voices the main character, a black samurai who goes around fighting robots and acting all badass. Aaaand… that’s about it. The five-episode series is based on a Japanese fan-made manga, and it originally aired on the testosterone-laden cable channel Spike TV. Afro Samurai is talked about a great deal in Roland Kelts’ pretty good book on the popularity of anime in America, Japanamerica, and for good reason—the show’s pretty much an American anime, an unwieldy but entertaining Frankenstein of Japanese and American pop cultures, one that retains the visual trappings of anime while cramming in American voice actors and hiphop.

Speaking of which, the score is by the Wu-Tang’s RZA (who also soundtracked two other Japan-influenced American epics, Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill and Jim Jarmusch’s Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai, both of which are, as you probably already know, excellent), and is one of the main reasons to check this out. The series itself is mostly fun but it’s also overlong—wasting a killer aesthetic and some fun characters on an overdrawn, half-assed narrative—but RZA’s beats are predictably great, sharp and heavy every time they pop up. Anyway, I wouldn’t recommend going out and buying Afro Samurai or anything, but it’s worth renting if you’ve got some time to kill this weekend and if you like any or all of those (A), (B), or (C) things. Here’s the trailer.

Nobody (and I mean nobody) in the art world is as good at garnering publicity as Damien Hirst (who recently had a show right here in Portland). His latest headline-grabbing piece, called “For the Love of God,” is the most expensive piece of contemporary art in history. It’s an 18th century skull covered in diamonds, and has a price tag of $100 million. (Read all the details here.)

My eyes almost rolled out of my head when I first read about the piece, but the more I think about it, the more I warm up to it. The art world is in an absolute frenzy right now, with auction records popping off left and right, and artists straight out of grad school selling work in the six figures. Hirst’s piece demands the question: “So you really buy into needing the flashiest, the most famous, the most exclusive, and the most expensive? Then for the love of god, here it is. PS—You’re still going to die.”

Photo-based artist Jacinda Russell will be having a reception this Sunday for Strange and Mundane Objects, her show at Reed College’s CaseWorks Gallery. Russell’s latest body of work begins with photographs of bizarre objects from her personal collection—a cactus in a glass bottle, a set of dentures, a bowling ball with a skull in it, a chipped off piece of the Taj Mahal. The photographs are printed on canvas and then mounted to the inside of wooden shelves and boxes, turning them into self-contained photo-sculptures (and also into small coffins, in a way). She can explain it much better than I can, though, and she will, this Sunday, June 3, at 4 pm, Reed College’s Eliot Hall, Room 314. The Cooley Gallery is closed for the summer, but Strange & Mundane will be up through July 15.

Tons of great shows happening tonight, one of which is Seattle’s Damien Jurado at The Artistery. Jurado is a pretty frequent visitor to Portland, but his sparse and very intimate shows are something you need to experience firsthand.

Damien Jurado - Pink Moon (Nick Drake cover!)

Last night while walking around Alberta during Last Thursday, my friend— who is a die-hard baseball fan— turned to me and said, “It’s like spring training for Burning Man.”

I instantly burst into laughter as I moved to the side to avoid being hit by a two-story bike being peddled by a man wearing face paint and football shoulder pads, then side stepped a group of fire twirlers dancing to house music before I finally fell in line behind a long line of people who looked like they just came from an ecstasy fueled costume party.

Each block was complete with some type of musical act, or performance, some much better than others. For instance, I would’ve easily spent time listening to the all-woman bluegrass group picking on the corner, or the band that sounded a lot like Gogol Bordello, rather than listen to the horrible house music that was being blasted on many street corners and even from a few rooftop lofts.

My first trip to Last Thursday, which was this past fall, was a great experience and I was excited to see so much great art so close to my home. Last night I didn’t dare stop to look at any art—which was nearly impossible to find amongst the corduroy skirts, neon pins, and other handmade clothing being sold—because I was scared of being trampled by the mob of people.

So what is to become of Last Thursday, is it too late to save the art side of it? Will it now be nothing more than a spring training for Burning Man; a place for people to practice spinning fire, wearing crazy costumes on crazy bikes while their friends spin shitty house music? Say it ain’t so!

I was so freaking tired today!! That’s why I had to dig DEEP into the MTV archives to dredge up this 1995 one-hit pop wonder from Republica. It’s called “Ready to Go,” and after watching it, I was. AND YOU WILL BE TOO.

Portland police made no arrests or noise citations this morning during downtown strikes organized by the Northwest Carpenters Union. Union Organizing Director Ben Embree says he is “surprised and very pleased that the cops have been so good today,” compared to over recent months, when some union picketers have been issued with noise citations for banging drums and using loudspeakers as part of their protests outside construction sites—none of these citations have stuck in court.

The union says 700 members went on strike today across Oregon and in Portland, at sites in the Pearl District, along the South Waterfront, and downtown, outside Macy’s. Protesters outside Macy’s (pictured above), some of whom were equipped with sirens and whistles, chanted slogans and were watched from a distance by cops and downtown Clean & Safe (“rent-a-cop”) officers earlier. Read more [incredibly unbiased, obviously] coverage by the union of the strikes here.

The annual SCRAP Iron Artist fundraising competition takes place August 25th, when teams of sculpture “scrap” artists are given an allotment of recycled materials donated from place like the Rebuilding Center and Free Geek. They are then given a theme, and a time limit in which to construct their sculpture entry, to be judged by a passel of local celebs. Meanwhile emcees, live music, and a beer garden entertain onlookers. The call is now open for teams to register (fee is $250, which isn’t so bad when you split it up—you’re allowed up to 10 people per team). Incidentally, July 10th is also one of Bishops’ charity days, this time also benefiting SCRAP.

As News Editor Scott Moore put it, “FINALLY, someone got payola right.” A day or two ago, Paramount and DreamWorks sent me a transformer toy to pimp Michael Bay’s upcoming Transformers movie, which is pretty much the best example of bribery ever.

The transformer they sent me was Megatron, who’s the villain in the film and will be played by a bunch of flashy CG and will be voiced by Agent Smith. (Megatron looks way different now than he used to. Here’s what he looked like in the cartoon, and here’s what he looks like now. And yes, good call—that face is vaguely anus-y. But at least he’s fared better than Optimus prime, who used to look like this and now looks like this.)

But anyway: THE TOY. Pretty sweet right? Here Megatron is lording over my cell phone, REFUSING TO TAKE SHIT FROM ANYBODY. (“Fuck you, shitty Samsung cell phone!” he’s saying. “You can’t transform into shit!”)

Now I’m going to show you his “transformed” form, in which he is a “Cybertron jet.” (In the ’80s, he just turned into a big gun, which was so totally stupid and useless. Now he’s a jet! Jets rule! So shit yes!) HOWEVER. Please note that it took me no less than 90 MINUTES TO TRANSFORM HIM, and it required the help of two other Mercury staffers (Mr. Scott Moore and Ms. Alison Hallett), both of whom are way smarter than me but who were equally bewildered when faced with the maddening toy—which feels like it’s going to BREAK all the damn time, and is fantastically COUNTER-INTUITIVE, and will make you HATE LIFE, and DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE HOW IT TRANSFORMS AND KIDS MUST BE BRILLIANT IN ORDER TO TRANSFORM THESE GOD-FORSAKEN PIECES OF SHIT. And I’m not even going to go into the cryptic, labyrinthine “directions” that mocked us as we tried to turn a big plastic android into a big plastic jet of the Cybertronian persuasion. THIS IS A LOT OF HARD WORK, SO YOU’D BETTER BE IMPRESSED.

Eh? Eh? How about that! Okay. So it’s not that impressive. Never mind.

Finally, some good news:

New Hampshire will become the next state to grant civil unions; Gov. John Lynch signed the bill into law yesterday. From the NY Times: “New Hampshire becomes the fourth state to allow same-sex civil unions, joining Vermont, Connecticut and New Jersey, and the first to do so without a court order or a pending lawsuit.” Oh man, Oregon, you just got totally harshed. I guess this is what happens when you call your civil unions domestic partnerships—the Times forgets you exist.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian was released from prison today after serving eight years for helping a terminally ill patient commit suicide. Dr. Death could always move to Oregon, where Death With Dignity is legal. Sadly, Life Without Dignity is also still legal.

Police drummer Stewart Copeland rips into his own band after their first reunion gig. “This is unbelievably lame,” Copeland wrote of Wednesday’s show at the GM Place arena. “We are the mighty Police and we are totally at sea.” Actually, dude, your band’s always been unbelievably lame—The Clash for soccer moms.

Scooter Libby is scheduled to be sentenced next week, and while prosecutors are seeking a three-year prison sentence, power brokers have come out in force to protect one of their own. The judge in the case has received 150 letters from “former White House and State Department officials and military commanders,” friends and colleagues, all of whom think Libby should merely get probation for lying about the Valarie Plame leak.

Longtime Bush adviser Dan Bartlett is resigning from the White House “for personal reasons,” which hopefully means “to spend more time with federal prosecutors.” Before joining the White House, Bartlett worked for—ha ha—Karl Rove and Company.

Ever wonder where Bush & Co. got the idea to torture all those prisoners in Guantanamo and in secret prisons in Europe? Turns out, it was from the Soviets—or at least what the U.S. feared the Soviets would do to captured American soldiers. “U.S. interrogation policy involves a grab-bag of outmoded techniques, many dating from the 1950s, that ignore lessons learned from law enforcement and lack cultural sensitivity to Arab and other foreign prisoners. The kind of insensitivity, critics might now add, that we once assumed only our worst enemies would show their foreign prisoners.” When do we get to impeach Bush?

You might have heard of a local outfit called Meteor, a company you’d call while totally drunk and stranded away from home, and Meteor would dispatch a sober driver on a folding scooter to save your butt. That person would drive you (and your car!) home, with their scooter hitching along in the trunk. It was a brilliant idea—and at $10 +$2.50/mile per ride, way the hell cheaper than a DUI. And no cab’s going to get your car home.

Now Meteor has morphed into RideOn—same concept, but now a non-profit. What’s that mean for you? A ride home is only $5.

The guys behind RideOn—Joshua Bernard and Scott Conger—are officially launching RideOn at Beulahland on June 12 at 6 pm. Go thank ‘em. (And maybe do a few shots, then demand a ride home!)

Joining the handful of Coco Chanel films in the works, wherein she is to be played by Marina Hands and the ubiquitous Audrey Tautou, now Vivienne Westwood’s punk-spattered rise to fashion fame is set to hit Hollywood. But the big question is who should play her? At a party celebrating the designer’s retrospective at San Francisco’s De Young Museum, a couple idle revelers suggested Jodie Foster, who I hate to an admittedly uncalled-for extent (But jeeezus, did you see Nell? Hate.). Who would you want to see play the woman who married Malcolm McLaren, opened a store called Sex, and taught punk rockers how to dress?

Since Mayor Tom Potter lost a crucial vote on charter reform at the elections two weeks ago, more and more people have been questioning his leadership. Yesterday, however, and in an unprecedented move, the mayor contacted Mercury politics editor Scott Moore, asking only for “an opportunity to lay those concerns to rest,” and for Moore to come to his office for this exclusive interview. Watch and learn then, Blogtown readers, as Potter defies his critics:

The cops plan to be out in force tonight on Alberta following last month’s last Thursday ridiculousness on the part of one drunk reveler, who reportedly picked up an officer’s Tazer from the ground, then got pissy when the Officer “over-reacted” by pulling his gun. From PIO Brian Schmautz:

Later this afternoon, Northeast Precinct officers along with representatives from OLCC and PDOT will be out on foot patrol in the area of Last Thursday on Northeast Alberta Street. Emphasis will be placed on alcohol problems, graffiti, and pedestrian/vehicle problems.

And please, nobody try to grab anybody’s Tazer, okay?

From the fine folks at the Portland Beer Blog, a new place to drink in Sellwood:

Muddy Rudder Pub @ 8105 SE 7th Ave in Sellwood, Portland is owned by a guy named Jim Sheehan. He’s a builder by trade and did nearly all the work himself, which is why it is opening about a year later that originally planned. It’s a beautiful place. I was there yesterday. It look as though they have several Pelican Beers on tap, Laurelwood Free Range Red, Pilsner Urquil, and several others. Again the address is 8105 SE Seventh, the corner of Tacoma Street and SE 7th Avenue. Jim Sheehan is a builder and a good publican.

And a full review of the food and taps here, which has only exacerbated my current need for a pint of something cold and boozy.

As I mentioned in my last post, Mayor Potter has been out of town for the past two weeks, leaving Commissioner Randy Leonard—the current council president—in charge.

In terms of session-commanding, Leonard and Potter couldn’t be more different. Potter may not get a lot done (hey, welcome to that realization, WW and The O—way to look alive), but the one thing Potter excels at is running a tight ship in council sessions. Sure, sometimes he has to yell “SHUT UP” to former supporters, and threaten to physically throw people out, but he keeps everyone from babbling on endlessly. Go over your three-minute testimony allotment, and he’ll shut your ass down faster than you can say “Matlock.”. He even changed the longstanding “open communications” rules in order to silence the inconveniently kooky.

Leonard, on the other hand, enjoys a good conversation. Where Potter gets impatient and snoozy when people talk, Leonard will keep questions flowing as long as he’s got breath. Last week, an otherwise uneventful session devolved into gabbing session—when I walked in, toward the end of a discussion about historic streetcar preservation, and I could have sworn I caught the smell of cigars, and maybe a quickly stashed game of poker. This week, though, Leonard powered through the entire week’s agenda (3pm on a Thursday afternoon—weird) in an hour.

Potter may blast away with the power of his grumpiness, but Leonard wields the gavel like a carpenter on steroids—much to the ear-shattering chagrin of his dais neighbor, Sam Adams, who seemed shell-shocked after the session.

“I think I’ve got Post-Gavel Stress Syndrome,” Adams said, seconds after Leonard adjourned the session.

Usually I leave it up to Marjorie to stay abreast of the new stores opening up in Portland, but a new boutique, Tender Loving Empire (1720 NW Lovejoy, #109), is set to open next Thursday, June 7, and I can’t wait to check it out. The store’s emphasis is on “hand screened printed art, comics, musical and fiction releases,” and will also feature “a broad range of books (comics and literature), accessories, fine art prints, and clothes” from designers I’m completely unfamiliar with, like Buenaventura Press, Jordan Crane, and Portlanders Modica Designs and Attic Journals.

In addition, there’s an in-house screen printing facility, where they’ll make flyers, CD packaging, art prints, or whatever else you need (paper based). And of course, there will be art shows, beginning with Sam Guererro’s Be Afraid.

The grand opening runs from 6-10 pm on First Thursday. We’ll check it out and report back to you, or beat us to the punch and check it out yourself.

• Tonight on the tube: the series premiere of Survivor rip-off PIRATE MASTER (CBS, 8 pm), and the 2007 NATIONAL SPELLING BEE (ABC, 8 pm). Think of it this way: Watching Pirate Master will make you feel smarter.

• Former senator/actor Fred Thompson leaves Law & Order to run for president. That’s the worst excuse for leaving a crappy show I’ve ever heard.

• Another great reason to pick up the Veronica Mars 3rd season DVD? They’re adding the six-minute trailer of Veronica working for the FBI! (I don’t care if you don’t care! I CARE!)

• A 10-hour tribute to the late Charles Nelson Reilly? Again… you don’t have to care. I CARE!!

• And speaking of the modern-day Charles Nelson Reilly, Frasier star David Hyde Pierce is officially GAY.

No shit, sherlock.

This morning, Robert Pamplin—owner of the Portland Tribune, KPAM, a stable of neighborhood papers, Ross Island, etc.—sent a letter to Mayor Tom Potter saying he’s no longer considering donating Ross Island to the city, saying he was tired of the city dragging its feet.

Potter has responded in kind, saying, “Baby, please don’t go.”

I think I speak for most of Portland in expressing my profound disappointment after reading Dr. Robert Pamplin’s letter (dated May 30, 2007). I believe all of us who have been part of these negotiations - including Dr. Pamplin, Mayor Katz, our environmental community and myself - want the same thing: a green and welcoming Ross Island that is an important part of Portland’s riverfront and a key piece of our environmental heritage.

I have appreciated Dr. Pamplin’s willingness to engage in the conversation up until this point. And I understand his frustration with what has been a long and, at times, difficult process. I hope he can understand that my first obligation is to protect every Portlander’s interests and tax dollars. I cannot accept anything on their behalf without absolute clarity about the legal obligations I am accepting as well.

In the spirit of honoring the many years of hard work that have gone into this conversation by so many in our community, I am asking Dr. Pamplin to meet with Mayor Katz and myself next week to explore how we can overcome the obstacles that stand in the way of his gift to the people of Portland. While I understand his concerns about the process up until this point, I remain optimistic that a mutually agreeable solution is still possible.

Potter is in Italy on vacatio—I mean, on a city business trip—visiting Portland’s sister city Bologna, so the speed of his response is remarkable. Especially considering that the last time he went to Europe on vacation was when James Chasse died while in police custody, and Potter couldn’t be bothered about it until he got back more than a week later. I guess it’s true, no (dead) man is an island.

Hurry up and check out this week’s Music section before Kobe becomes a Blazer and ruins Portland forever…

The Raveonettes fall off the horse, but get back on. No, that was not a heroin reference.
MP3: The Raveonettes - The Christmas Song

“Smell ‘ya later, prog rock!,” says Mary Timony. Ok, she didn’t really say that. But it would have been pretty cool if she did.
MP3: Mary Timony - Sharpeshooter

If The Smiths were a super hyped-up band that bloggers piss themselves over, they’d be Voxtrot.
MP3: Voxtrot - Kid Gloves

Former Coachwhipper and Pink & Brown(er?), John Dwyer, gets all introspective with The Ohsees.
MP3: The Ohsees - It Killed Mom

Is there anything in this cruel world sweeter than Devon Sproule? Not possible I say!
MP3: Devon Sproule - Keep Your Silver Shined

I just started my Harry Potter rereads yesterday, and with the new book and the new movie hitting in July, shit’s gonna go all ca-ray-zee Pottermania style in a month or so, so I guess this announcement has pretty good timing.

Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. and Universal Orlando Resort plan to open The Wizarding World of Harry Potter within Universal’s Islands of Adventure theme park in 2009, Tom Williams, chairman and CEO of Universal Parks and Resorts, announced Thursday on TODAY. The “theme park within a theme park” is the first fully immersive Harry Potter-themed environment based on the best-selling books by J.K. Rowling and the blockbuster feature films.

“The plans I’ve seen look incredibly exciting, and I don’t think fans of the books or films will be disappointed,” Rowling said in a press release. Williams said Rowling has been collaborating on the park from the beginning and will continue to do so through the opening.

Visitors can stroll about Hogsmeade, discover the mysteries of the Forbidden Forest and explore Hogwarts castle. “(Visitors will) be able to sense the sights, the sound, the touch and the feel, the smells and really immerse themselves in this authentic world,” Williams said.

You hear that? HOGSMEADE! Oh, shit! I’m gonna go fucking CRAZY once I get inside of Honeydukes, and then I’m gonna get MAGICALLY WASTED at The Hog’s Head! Butterbeer keg stands, yo! Anyway… uh, yeah. Full story here. And just FYI, no, you can’t be the first to get in. These kids are already lined up.

“STEAL OUR LUNCH MONEY!”

It’s obvious to anyone paying attention that the latest wave of anti-immigrant rhetoric being spewed by politicians has big ramifications for the daily lives of immigrants—both here in Oregon and in the nation at large.

When groups like Oregonians For Immigration Reform can bring the Minute Men to the state capitol—and get support from Republican legislators—and when bloggers like this jackass and this illiterate, blatant racist are able to find numerous like-minded readers, and when xenophobia is given credibility through people like Lou Dobbs, it’s no wonder that the lives of brown-skinned people in this country are getting a tad hairier.

For example, take last week’s brutal beating of two Hispanic men in rural Molalla, in which 20-30 white teens yelled things like “go back to Mexico.” Frightening even if it were an isolated incident—bone-chilling given this state’s longstanding race problems and scattered white supremacist groups.

In response to the beating, several groups are holding an Anti-Hate Crimes Vigil this Sunday in Oregon City.

When: Sunday, June 3rd, at 6:00 pm Where: Carnegie Center Park, 7th and Jefferson, in Oregon City.

Carpools from Portland at 5:15pm. Bring your car if you have one.
from North Portland: Liberty Hall (311 N Ivy St.)
from Southeast Portland: 2222 SE Caruthers

In case of rain, the vigil will move across the street to Atkinson Memorial Church.

This vigil is sponsored, so far, by Rural Organizing Project, Atkinson Memorial Church, Portland Immigrant Rights Coalition, and the Coalition Against Hate Crimes.

Do you remember your first beer? The one you snuck out of the fridge and then choked down while your parents were off at the Steak & Chop House? Didn’t you hate the sneaking around, when you could have enjoyed drinking that beer while spending quality time with your family? Well, thanks to TV in Japan for alerting us to the great new non-alcoholic beer Kodomo no nomimono, developed especially for kids ! See? It’s fun to pretend getting drunk off your ass (and eventually losing your job, and any hope of a lasting meaningful relationship).

This just in via Kathy Fuerstenau, chair of the Cully Association of Neighbors—the state senate killed HB 2170, a bill that would have allowed the Oregon Liquor Control Commission to grant a temporary 180-day letter to new applicants, that lets them serve alcohol while the agency processed their application (a process that can take as long as 120 days).

I wrote about the bill in January, when the city’s liquor license specialist notified neighborhoods—who were predictably alarmed about the proposed law.

Kathy forwarded a note from Sean Cruz, aide to Sen. Avel Gordley, who writes:

Senator Rick Metsger, Chair of the Senate Business, Transportation and Workforce Committee, ordered HB 2170 killed in his Committee today, noting the concerns of the neighborhood groups and the issues raised in the amendments.

One of those amendments was from Gordley and Rep. Tina Kotek, which would have “required the OLCC to suspend, cancel or disapprove a liquor license if the city, county or law enforcement requested the action.”

To be honest, though I thought HB 2170 was a no-brainer good idea (one that expanded a straightforward service the OLCC already offers for a change in ownership or off-premises sales applications), I’m glad the thing didn’t pass if it included an onerous amendment like Gordley and Kotek’s.

Though an amendment requiring the OLCC to obey a city’s concerns seems well intentioned, it also carries a huge potential for abuse. Neighbors are already quick to complain about bars—giving them roundabout authority to shut them down (by pressuring the city to send in an objection) would be a disaster. Moreover, though police often have legitimate concerns about some bars, police have also been known to harass bars and clubs. Giving the cops what’s essentially a blanket authority to revoke a place’s license goes way too far.

I hate British music/gossip rag NME for pimping empty genres like “new rave” and for endlessly hyping such useless bands as The Vines, Gay Dead, etc. But I have to give them some credit for the racy Beth Ditto cover of their current issue. Would any national music publication in the States do the same thing?

Judging by the airbrushed Amy Winehouse on the current Rolling Stone and Spin covers, I doubt it.

Just one reason why the ACLU is so dang rad—the organization is suing a subsidiary of Boeing for helping the CIA make terror suspects “disappear.” “This is the first time we are accusing a blue-chip American company of profiting from torture,” ACLU lawyer Ben Wizner said.

Speaking of torture—another Guantanamo prisoner has committed suicide. The government says he was of “high value,” which sounds like a posthumous compliment until you realize that probably just means they resorted to even more inhumane methods to extract information. That plus five years in a holding cell with no legal process, no trial, and no hope of ever getting out? At least his corpse is being treated like a human: “A cultural adviser was helping the military handle the remains. ‘The remains of the deceased detainee are being treated with the utmost respect,’ the military said.”

Are Bostonians the jumpiest mofos in the country or what? Just months after the city was shut down due to a threat by a cartoon, police in the suburb of Ashland closed down a strip mall yesterday because…well…because a fax came out crooked at the local Bank of America. They thought it was a bomb threat.

Great! Just what the country needs! Another Republican actor in charge of the government. Fred Thompson has quit Law & Order and says he’s running for president. At least he looks like a president. Or, rather, he looks like a movie president. I don’t even know what’s real anymore.

President Bush is urging 15 industrialized nations to agree on a reduction of greenhouse gas emissions. But since this is Bush, what he actually means is “eliminate regulation of polluters and increase greenhouse gas emissions by a million percent.”

KGW is running a story tonight on the downtown homeless sweeps that took place last week. Props to the news editors over there at KGW—they also picked up our rent-a-cops story a few weeks ago. All the other networks seem to be leaving this stuff alone.

Anyway: The report apparently says East Side businesses are angry about the downtown sweeps having pushed homeless people across the river, and quotes Street Roots director Israel Bayer as saying sweeps are costly and a waste of time, and shuffle the problem from one hood to the next, as well as hindering outreach efforts and getting people into housing. Bayer dubbed the sweeps “inhumane” last week. I’ll be tuning in to watch.

Lucina Jewelry is having a trunk show and sale this evening at souk (322 NW 6th, Ste 200, 6 pm), featuring 20-50% off selected styles. Designed and assembled in Portland, the materials are handcrafted by artisans in developing countries, and at tonight’s event, a portion of the proceeds will go to benefit Hands to Hearts International, which provides care to infant orphans and women in developing countries. Feel good about your dollars helping out, and feel good about your cute new jewelry.

Portland’s Zoobombers allege they were stopped “extremely dangerously” on highway 26 on Sunday night by a Washington County Sheriff’s Deputy.BOMBERS: On stage in Portland with Gus Van Sant earlier this year…

“There were maybe 25-30 of us riding through the tunnel on highway 26,” says ‘Bomber Jimmy Lesebvre. “And this cop came up behind us and then he was driving along in front of us for some time, with his lights flashing, and we thought he was giving us a police escort. And then he just slammed on his brakes really suddenly.”

The abrupt stop caused all the Zoobombers to take a spill, swerving frantically on the highway to avoid running into the back of Sheriff’s Deputy Adam Rorick’s car. Several had cuts and bruises and all say they felt lucky nothing more serious happened.

“I’m 100% sure it was deliberate,” says ‘Bomber ‘Handsome’ Dave Terry, one of five of the bike troupe to have been cut and bruised in the encounter. “It was just really unsafe.”

The officer allegedly shouted at the group after pulling them over, but did not make any citations or arrests.

“He just made it really clear to us that if he thought we were evading him, he had the right to run us over, basically,” adds Lesebvre.

Washington County Sheriff’s Office is yet to return a call for comment.

“I can’t comment on the stop itself, but police authority is statewide, not just jurisdictional,” says Brian Schmautz, Public Information Officer for the Portland Police Bureau. “So a police officer has the legal authority to use his police powers anywhere in the state of Oregon.”

“I just hope he doesn’t do this kind of thing again,” says Terry.

Photo: Christina Owen

Just in time to get you psyched for Boombox Friday happening this Friday, June 1st at Holocene, Mike Williams brings you this week’s episode of So Hot Right Now, featuring local genius Copy. So get ready to bounce and wiggle your Wednesday afternoon away, because your private dance party awaits you here.

Poor Britney… and lucky us! In a week where Lindsay Lohan is dominating the gossip headlines, Britney has come roaring back in what could be a successful attempt to regain her tabloid throne. According to Britain’s The Sun, Brit was spotted in an L.A. hotel bar inside a men’s toilet vomiting her guts out. Here are the juicy details, as only a Limey gossip monger could write it.

“Britney was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off.

“There was vomit down the front of her black dress and around her mouth.

“Britney was on her knees and must have been sick four or five times. She didn’t really seem with it, but I don’t know if she was drunk or not.”

It’s unclear at this point whether or not the toilet will be pressing charges.

If you need to know right away when new items appear on the shelves of your favorite stores, then you should urge them to follow the lead of Dragonlily’s What’s New RSS Feed (feed://dragonlily.org/whatsnew/files/dragonlily.xml), which keeps you up to date on what’s in store. For instance, yesterday at precisely 8:40 AM, these pouch-ed belts from Hip*Stirr came through the wire:

Fruit of the Legion of Loom
Friday, June 1
Tonic Lounge

So many pop culture references, so little time.

This Saturday, as you hop from party to bar to barbecue, pencil the Ladd’s Inn (1204 SE Clay) onto your hit-list. Celebrating its third anniversary, this venerable, cheerful neighborhood dive will be BBQ-ing, giving away prizes, hosting DJs and doing what Ladd’s does best: getting tipsy. 4 pm-close! It’s a special occasion, so hit this if you dare:

Since this news just broke, and the Trail Blazers are one of the few few teams that have something The Lakers want (the #1 pick), what do you think about the possibility of Kobe Bryant coming to Portland?

One of the great character actors/comedians/game show fixtures passed away yesterday, CHARLES NELSON REILLY, at the ripe old age of 76. Charles was featured on one of the weirdest ’70s kids shows ever, Lidsville, as well as a regular on the delightfully dirty Match Game. Plus he was one of the first openly gay TV celebs. But this ear-buggy TV jingle is the one thing I’ll remember him for—and I defy you to get this song out of your head once it’s played. God speed, Charles Nelson Reilly!

Not to be that guy who won’t shut up about a certain movie or anything, but… oh, wait. I’m totally that guy. And right now the movie I won’t shut up about is Knocked Up. After I posted this yesterday, I had a few people send me this great deleted scene from the upcoming film. (This is just one of the many reasons YouTube is awesome: Now movies don’t even need to come out before people start watching their deleted scenes. Yeah! Suck it, DVDs!)

Keep this in mind while watching: (A) This clip still manages to be funny as shit, even though it deals with Brokeback Mountain, which is officially the most over-joked about movie of all time, and (B) It should tell you something about how funny the rest of Knocked Up is to think that this scene was left on the cutting room floor. In most comedies, this scene’d be the highlight; here, it’s an outtake. Oh, and also, okay, fine, (C) If you’re at work, you might want to put headphones on. Baby.

Finally, a reason other than pure snobbery for disliking celebrity “chef” Paula Deen:

A peaceful vigil will be held outside Paula Deen’s June 2nd 4pm cooking show in front of the Century Tel Arena, 2000 CenturyTel Center Drive in Bossier City, to ask the chef to end its relationship with Smithfield, the abusive pork processing company.

Concerned community members from will attempt to deliver a letter to Paula Deen written by Smithfield workers from the company’s massive pork plant in Tar Heel, North Carolina seeking a meeting with Ms. Deen. Organizations across the country are vowing to follow the chef during her tour until she accepts the letter and agrees to hear the concerns of the families working at Smithfield. Shreveport is the first in that tour.

The letter explains the injustices that Tar Heel’s predominantly African American and Latino workers have to face everyday by the sponsor of Deen’s national tour, Smithfield Foods. They will also be giving out literature to the public to raise consumer awareness about the abuses the workers suffer. The company was found in various legal rulings to have assaulted, intimidated and used racial epithets against its workers. Many workers say that they suffer crippling injuries, are fired when they can’t keep up with the work and then left without health insurance or the ability to earn a living.

During a recent April appearance by Deen in Washington, DC a mother of three who was injured while working at Smithfield, attempted to peacefully deliver the letter asking Deen to meet with her and other Smithfield workers and was escorted out by security.

“Give us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses longing to be free…” Ha ha. JK. You can keep the poor, says the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services agency, which has finalized dramatic increases in the costs for immigrants to become legal citizens. On average, it’s an increase of 66 percent. Seems like a funny way to encourage legal immigration and discourage illegal immigration.

Former Massachusetts Gov. and current GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney says that, if he’s elected, he’ll donate his presidential salary to charity. Romney is the richest of all the candidates—and also the most Mormon.

Ali Larijani, a representative from Iran, says his country won’t suspend uranium enrichment as a condition for negotiations. Let’s just hope everyone can stall until after Bush leaves office.

The trial of Phil Spector, looking more and more like Robert Blake as the days pass, continues, with a coroner testifying that Lana Clarkson had not committed suicide. It was a Spectorcide!

Surprise, surprise—Bush picks another administration insider to fill a top post. Robert Zoellick has been nominated to replace disgraced World Bank chief—and Bush croney—Paul Wolfowitz. As we’ve seen, these insider appointments always turn out well.

All I can say is WOW. Check out this hilarious, and a little disturbing, video of the Miss Universe pageant that was taped in Mexico (hence the Spanish voice-over, which really improves things when Miss USA falls on her ass and the hosts say, “Uyyyyyy!!!”). Plus things get even better when the crowd loudly boos Miss USA during the question and answer period! Holy crap… these guys really hate us! (Either that or they really despise clumsy people.)

Question from Dieselboi over at Met’blogs:

Today, when leaving Rite Aid, the buzzer went off due to my work security badge. I kept walking because I knew I didn’t do anything, but a Portland Patrol Officer caught up to me on the corner and wanted to see a receipt. He didn’t detain me or stop me forcefully, and I just pulled out my badge and stated it was what set off the alarm. He accepted that and I moved on. But it made me wonder—can a PPI officer detain someone?

Interesting question, Diesel. As far as we know, absolutely not. PPI Officers are required under their contract never to “act in an officious or over-bearing manner,” or to “present themselves as an officer of the Portland Police Bureau or infer that they are a City police officer,” (p.35, section 4.3.5) despite wearing uniforms that look very similar to the untrained eye. That means they don’t have the power to stop or forcibly detain anyone, even nasty potential shoplifters like you.MYSTERIOUS POWERS: COP, left, AND RENT-A-COP, right…

Having said all that, both Street Roots and the city’s Independent Police Review (IPR) say they have received complaints from people who mistook PPI officers for real cops. And looking at this picture above, it’s not hard to see why. So it’s understandable that you felt obliged to show the PPI officer your receipt—his authority was unclear in your mind. Now imagine you’re homeless, or suffering mental health problems, and ask yourself if the distinction between PPI and the real cops would be any clearer.

Knocked Up is the funniest movie I’ve seen in a really long time, but it doesn’t come out until Friday. What to do until then? Check out this hilarious video starring the film’s director, Judd Apatow, and Arrested Development’s Michael Cera, entitled “Michael Cera Gets Fired from Knocked Up,” that’s what.

Ahem, planning in advance (in other words, try to hold on to some bills for this): Nolita (923 NW 10th) is turning three, and having a weekend-long sale June 7-9, plus a party on Thursday the 7th, 7-9 pm. For all three days, score 20% off everything, and for the high rollers, get a $25 GC for a purchase of $250, a $50 GC for $500, and so on. Look for Development, Velvet (a personal favorite go-to for comfortable, casual tops), denim (of course), and much more, including a label I’ve been coveting for a while: Mike & Chris, who made their name by revolutionizing the hoodie, but whose other pieces I think I may like even more, like this dress:

Funny story: Just because he lives here, we’re pretty much obligated to put up every bit of news that in any way, shape, or form relates to Gus Van Sant. Sigh. (That said, nice work, Gus.)

US director Van Sant wins special Cannes’ 60th prize

CANNES, France, May 27, 2007 (AFP) - US director Gus Van Sant on Sunday won this year’s extra-special 60th anniversary prize for his film on a teenage skate-boarder’s dark secret, “Paranoid Park”.

Portraying young Americans is “a calling”, the director said at Cannes, and the teenage hero of his newest movie — in Van Sant tradition a first-time actor — is in deep trouble after accidentally causing a man to be sliced in two.

Just so you’re the most well informed person hanging around your water cooler… After allegedly being caught drunk driving with a bag of coke, Lindsay Lohan has been chauffered to the Promises rehab facility by her lawyer, where she has been enrolled in a “serious” 30-day program. (“Serious.” As opposed to the programs where all the rooms come with mini-bars?)

This week on episode 20 of Pure Pod for Now People…

What will Matt choose off Get Happy? Will Magenta be present with paper bag in hand when Matt hyperventilates? Will Elvis issue Matt with a restraining order? All these questions answered in the special ELVIS COSTELLO EDITION of PURE POD FOR NOW PEOPLE!

I was sick last week and it really interfered with my eating. The Portland restaurant scene is exploding (can we sustain this? Is collapse imminent? Eat while you can).

I went to the opening house of John Gorham’s Toro Bravo a couple weeks ago—$2 sangria!—but haven’t yet been back. I’m looking forward, though, to a tapas menu that actually has Spain as its reference point—the term’s haphazard application as yuppie shorthand for tiny portions of overpriced food is offensive from a number of standpoints. But I digress. Gorham was one of the original forces behind Viande/Simpatica—and man, those Viande guys are building a freaking empire. Gabe at Biwa used to work there, and he sure is doing alright for himself; I’ve heard nothing but good about Gorham’s Toro Bravo, and everybody knows about the awesomeness that is Simpatica’s brunch. If I could buy stock in them I totally would.

I’m also very keen to try out Clyde Common at the Ace Hotel. The restaurant has been getting nothing but raves since it opened (a week or so ago, I believe). The menu sounds amazing; a little pricey, but there’s a $4 bar menu which includes Serrano ham croquettes (yum), so that’s a good way to get in and scope out the scene without breaking the bank.

Meanwhile, efforts to change the image of the Pearl district’s poorly-recieved ten 01 began in earnest last week when Jack Yoss took over as execuive chef; I’ve heard no reports yet about what impact the change has had, but there’s a media dinner next week that I sha