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Thursday, May 17, 2007

Mercury Ask A Brit—”Haggis.”

Posted by Matt Davis on Thu, May 17 at 5:20 PM

HAGGIS: Not as disgusting as it looks.

Cabbie writes:

OK, we get that you hate the Scots, but I have a question about the cuisine of your white-trash cousins to the north, if you can manage to see past that vicious racism of yours…HAGGIS. What the hell is this Haggis ? I’ve been told it’s some weird Scottish dish involving a whole sheep stomach, that you cook for hours and hours while getting just slobbering drunk of Scotch. Then, supposedly, that baked sheep stomach stuffed full of all this weird fuckin’ shit is somewhat more edible. Do tell.

First off, Cabbie, I wish you’d stop swearing. And secondly, I’ll admit that as an Englishman, I was raised with certain prejudices about the Scots. As in, I hate them. But that doesn’t make me racist. This is more a question of national identity and deep-seated cultural bias than a race issue. (See the film Braveheart, for reference). But I do like haggis.

The Scottish traditional dish, made from the minced heart, liver, and lungs of a sheep, mixed together with spices and tied up inside the animal’s stomach, then boiled, was both organic and sustainable long before the words, when uttered, vaguely made you want to punch people for thinking it’s original to shop at New Seasons.

When the English Lord of the ~~Manner~~ Manor asked one of his Scottish minions to slaughter a lamb for meat, the workmen were traditionally allowed to keep the offal (innards) as a reward for doing the job. As such, the haggis has emerged as an emblem for Scottish national pride. What the silly English didn’t realize, however, (and yes, we do have our faults) was that the haggis actually tasted pretty good. Furthermore, while my ancestors were supping, lily-livered, on the animal’s chops and forelegs back at the castle, the rugged Scots were down in the glen eating a rich, irony supper and growing strong enough to plot to overthrow their Southern masters.

If only the English had eaten the haggis, too, the Scots would probably never have got their own Parliament, or be going on about “independence,” as you Yanks once did. Haggis makes you strong. It’s culinary terrorism.

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Comments

You know, I had just finished a delcious meal of home-made migas when I tuned into your blog here.

Thanks. Fuckin' A, that is a nasty looking picture.

Posted by cabbie | May 17, 2007 6:18 PM

See the film Braveheart? Fuck that shit...PABST! BLUE! RIBBON!

Posted by >>> | May 17, 2007 8:42 PM

Weirder even than haggis? Vegetarian haggis, which pops up all over the UK in advance of Burns Night. Weird ass Scots.

Posted by Rachael VR | May 18, 2007 1:10 AM

Ok, it's not too far of a stretch from Boudin, which I ate growing up. But I just read about the bagpipes blaring at the Entrance of the Haggis part of the ceremony.

That is seriously weird, everyone standing up and a long, formal recitation of Address To a Haggis read aloud. Yeah, I'd go. Lots of Scotch, weird food, and Freemasons, too, sometimes, it seems.

Posted by Cabbie | May 18, 2007 3:21 AM

Two years ago I went to a Burns Night at the Tower of London, and they had this actor playing Robert Burns do an "address to the haggis" before we ate it. I remember thinking, "I never have to wonder about Burns Night again now."

I think you'd enjoy it, Cabbie. It's uber-traditional, without being pompous. And yes, there's a lot of Scotch flying about.

Posted by Matt Davis | May 18, 2007 8:29 AM

Is manner a British way of spelling manor?

Posted by Belinda | May 18, 2007 9:05 AM

"Not as disgusting as it looks"? Au contraire. The descriptions sounds at least as, if not even more disgusting than that plenty disgusting picture.

Posted by threebees | May 18, 2007 9:47 AM

No, Belinda, it's a "wrong" way of spelling manor. Thanks!

Posted by Matt Davis | May 18, 2007 10:49 AM

How could people who ate that disgusting looking stuff have invented the wonderful game of golf?

Posted by Dave Lister | May 18, 2007 12:38 PM

Haggis is actually kind of the bomb. I had it for the first time, in the Scottish countryside, last summer, and for one thing, it wasn't served the way it looks in the photo there. It was poured over a baked potato in a kind of chili-gravy consistency. Delicious! It is very strengthening food. It made me feel like I could withstand harsh weather better or something.

Posted by Marjorie Skinner | May 18, 2007 1:58 PM

The Scottish are some of the most racist people to ever walk the earth. And they're cheap too.

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