Dan Savage may call himself a “columnist,” and be all “syndicated” (shaping twenty-first century cultural attitudes to sex and sexuality, blah blah blah) but I bet it’s rare for even him to get as many pleas for advice as I have over the last few days. I’m talking, of course, in my capacity as the Mercury’s resident Brit adviser. Email your questions on Britishness to: askabrit@portlandmercury.com. On, then, to the one question I have been asked so far. Dave Lister asks:

So have you eaten kippers? Are they like eating a hairbrush? My dad said they were. He was born in Canada but his folks all came across in 1912. Dad always wanted steak and kidney pie, but my mom refused to cook it for him. Dave Lister

Kippers are herrings split lengthwise, and smoked, usually eaten hot with bread and butter. The ideal kipper has a refined and homely smokiness, but of a subtleness dwarfed by most American flavors. It is best eaten with a cup of tea, for breakfast, perhaps on a Sunday, while reading the newspaper.

Most Brits enjoy kippers often although the fish do contain thousands of tiny bones, which I imagine is why Dave Lister’s dad described them as like “eating a hairbrush.” Fair, Dave, but then Brits don’t mind making an effort when they’re eating, and are happy to sacrifice convenience in return for a more complex experience. In fact, the difficulty of eating Kippers appeals to many Brits’ deep sense of social masochism: If eating kippers were just plain enjoyable, why do it?

On the other hand given that most Americans would prefer to hook up high-sugar feeding tubes and forget altogether about the concept of “chewing,” Dave, your father is to be commended for trying. It’s also a shame he never got his steak and kidney pie—which when well-made is delicious with its fatty pastry crust and plenty of medicinal kidneys, interrupted occasionally by the odd soggy wodge of beef. Mmmm.

Tempted? You can buy inferior kippers at Wholefoods but for the real deal, you would have to go to an English supermarket or better still, an old fishing town like Whitby. Sadly, I don’t think the airfare would be worth it for the kippers alone, but if you get a chance to try one while in Britain for some other purpose, please do.