Yes, Blogtown readers, it’s that time again. Time for me to stop surfing the internet for spiritual guidance and actually contribute something meaningful to it. In yesterday’s (already universally popular) Ask A Brit column, I explained to you the origins and correct usage of the term “Cor Blimey, Guv’nor.” Today, I respond to Todd Stadler’s email asking, “What’s up with the BBC?”

Matt,

Like most things Mercury, I have no idea to what degree you’re serious about your “Ask a Brit” thing, and, again like most things Mercury, I suspect the answer is not very much, just a joke, please don’t sue, etc. But I’m ignoring all that and taking you up. What’s up with the BBC? It’s, like, an entity to itself, and then there’re channels BBC1, 2, 3, and, I think, 4. And BBC Radio. Possibly several numbers there, as well.

(I spent a few weeks in Scotland last year, so this is all from experience, not your workaday “Hyuk-hyuk tham farrinurs ‘r’ funny” babble. I know that gives me cred in your non-American eyes. Unless, of course, you hate the Scots, in which case you choke on a can of Irn Bru, smarmy English bastard.)

But, well …I just don’t get the TV situation over there. I don’t remember if we were watching broadcast or cable TV. I imagine it was broadcast, which would explain the limited number of channels. Are they all run by the government, or is the BBC a non-government entity? Do the various BBC channels compete with each other? I seem to remember at least one non-BBC TV channel (I-something?). How does that fit in the scheme of things? It would seem that, with everything being dominated by BBC-Something, there would be a legitimate fear of a lack of diverse points of view, of one company’s ability to control information too much. Perhaps that’s where the apparently thriving newspaper and tabloid world comes in? Also, don’t you like Northwest beers so much more? Todd

Well, Todd, thanks for asking. Ignoring the fact that Northwest beers are disgusting and that I do, indeed, hate Scottish people, I have tried to answer your question after the jump.

Got a question for a Brit? Email me at askabrit@portlandmercury.com, and I’ll do my best.

The BBC, or "British Broadcasting Corporation," is a state-owned but independent corporation, founded in 1922 and given a Royal Charter in 1927. It is supposedly free of political and commercial influence—hence no adverts, and is funded by a yearly TV license fee—paid by every household with a TV, or "telly," as the British say, which costs 135 British Pounds a year (about $270 at today's exchange rate). TV license detector vans patrol the streets and anybody without a TV license is subject to a $2000 fine. It's taken very seriously. The BBC is also commonly referred to as "the Beeb," or "Auntie," a bitchy reference to its former chairman, John Reith.

There are two BBC TV broadcast channels receivable without cable, and five BBC radio channels receivable without a digital radio. Each has its unique character: BBC One is more populist, while BBC Two tends to run more intellectual programming. On the radio, again, Radio One plays popular music, Radio Two plays stuff that was popular fifteen years ago, Radio Three plays classical music, Radio Four is mainly talk and intellectual stuff, while Radio Five is sports. Lately, BBC TV has also added several digital channels receivable with a set-top receiver or through cable, and several more digital radio channels. But they're not yet as well-known or well-loved by the British public.

The BBC channels do not compete with each other, although nobody ever watches BBC Three.

In addition to the BBC, Britain also hosts a plethora of lower-quality commercial TV channels, including three broadcast channels—ITV (the oldest and most mainstream), Channel Four (which always shows dirty films late at night), and Channel 5 (which really is terrible and ought to be canceled, but is still better than most American TV). There's also Rupert Murdoch's SKY cable/satellite channels, most of which are also trash, but still, again, better than most American TV.

In Britain, the emphasis is on quality, not quantity, in Broadcasting. Think "HBO," not "The Shopping Channel." The variety of newspapers in Britain do indeed provide a diversity of views, but the BBC is also closely scrutinized to ensure it does not lean too far left or too far right. It purports to be objective.

Lastly, it is a beautiful, beautiful thing: