• Are you sick of K.Fed being the “responsible one” in the Britney/Kevin pop culture trainwreck? ME, TOO. That’s why I was thrilled to see Kevin in a startling return to form at a Kentucky Derby party, complaining that his table was too small for all six of his bitches, and yelling to the girls in the crowd, “I got four kids already - which one of you Kentucky girls wants to have my fifth?” Ahhh… such a tempting offer. And if I know my Kentucky girls, I bet a few will take him up on it.

• You knew it was coming: an online petition to “FREE PARIS HILTON!” The petition, which will be sent to the Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, presents two key pieces to Paris’ defense: 1) Brandy killed someone while driving drunk, while Paris didn’t. And 2) “If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well, and we hope and expect The Governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request in good faith to Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton.” CASE DISMISSED, BEE-YOTCHES!