“Give us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses longing to be free…” Ha ha. JK. You can keep the poor, says the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services agency, which has finalized dramatic increases in the costs for immigrants to become legal citizens. On average, it’s an increase of 66 percent. Seems like a funny way to encourage legal immigration and discourage illegal immigration.

Former Massachusetts Gov. and current GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney says that, if he’s elected, he’ll donate his presidential salary to charity. Romney is the richest of all the candidates—and also the most Mormon.

Ali Larijani, a representative from Iran, says his country won’t suspend uranium enrichment as a condition for negotiations. Let’s just hope everyone can stall until after Bush leaves office.

The trial of Phil Spector, looking more and more like Robert Blake as the days pass, continues, with a coroner testifying that Lana Clarkson had not committed suicide. It was a Spectorcide!

Surprise, surprise—Bush picks another administration insider to fill a top post. Robert Zoellick has been nominated to replace disgraced World Bank chief—and Bush croney—Paul Wolfowitz. As we’ve seen, these insider appointments always turn out well.