On yesterday’s Blogtown, a poster named “Tim Well” accused the Mercury of being a “liberal tampon wrapper” for writing a story on downtown’s private security guards:

Diplomatic security guards downtown? WTF!? I live downtown. Why do you want to coddle the felons and scum that created a need for extra patrols in the first place? Some people, like dealers at the Chinatown Gate, ought to be dealt with using an iron fist.

Sometimes, diplomacy is for chumps and liberal ya-yas.

How would you like it if your reputation was damaged by a highly zealous, smarmy, and ironically, widely-read, tampon wrapper?

I’d say you ought to stop lurching towards anything controversial and taking the child’s side. Maybe if you would man-up, meet that fake cop in a bar, you’d get better brainwave reception. But your for sure too much of a pussy for that, so keep punching with your pens.

I want to meet Tim in a bar because I want to “man up,” and also, I’d like to meet former PPI officer Kevin Chard, too—the former PPI officer with a disqualifying criminal history who turned me down on the phone yesterday. Guys, the offer’s open! Although while you’re drinking beer, I may opt for Campari in a sippy cup—it’s more “on the child’s side.” Let’s talk downtown security! 503 294 0840. Or you can email: mdavis@portlandmercury.com