Look what I discovered outside the Mercury offices today… THE TAPERS HAVE STRUCK AGAIN!

DAMN YOU, PHIL BUSSE! (Oh, fine. You can sit and watch the KATU helicopters for ONE DAY.)

But Phil wasn’t the only taper, because just a few feet away…

Yes, that says, “M # One.” (Or Mercury is #1.) See, you guys? I told you Jack Bog would come around!

Asked by a TV news reporter—I believe from Fox 12—to Matt Davis:

“How do you respond to critics who say you’re just a self-appointed tape cop?”

I didn’t hear Matt’s answer—I was laughing so hard I nearly passed out.

I attended the Rose Festival Grand Floral Parade for the first time today, and—despite the rain—enjoyed it.

But did everyone else, especially after we ripped off all the tape?

For starters, let’s see a before and after of what was accomplished last night, courtesy of Squid’s great photos.

Burnside Bridge before the Civic Clean-Up Squad’s visit:

The same spot, a few minutes later:

So the Oregonian’s Noelle Crombie liveblogged the parade, and said at the beginning of the coverage that “we’ll hit the route shortly to get a glimpse at who did get one of those coveted spots and we’ll check in with folks whose duct tape got ripped up. The Mercury, an alternative paper in town, led an effort last night to tear up tradition and remove taped-off spots. I’ll report back on how their efforts panned out this morning.”

What did Crombie find?

A mom, Kathryn Tolman, holding a cute baby boy, and enjoying the parade. “And this week’s duct tape flap did little to keep Kathryn Tolman and her family away. She said some relatives taped off some prime real estate on Friday afternoon only to find that it was gone by morning. No worries. Tolman and her family and pals got a good spot anyway. Tolman, holding her nephew Zak, said the controversy seems overblown.”

So far, no crying kids (well, I take that back—I saw plenty of crying kids, because parents were refusing to buy them cotton candy/a Spongebob balloon/a plastic sword). No mayhem. No bloodshed. Just a lot of people getting a fair shot at seeing the parade.

It seems the Mercury weren’t the only ones to politicize the Rose Festival. Bonnie Tinker and Sarah Graham, two of Portland’s anti-war grandmothers, were arrested after standing to block a U.S Army Tank in the parade. Here’s some points they made in their press release:

*Why Try to Stop a Tank from Parading Through Portland?* Parades are fun, but if we want to honor our veterans, we should also pay for the health care and services they need and deserve. A tank in the parade glorifies military might. Glorifying arsenals is what dictators do - - dictators, and politicians trying to support a war that is opposed by the people.

It is especially inappropriate to glorify our military arsenal when it is mired in a war of occupation in the Middle East. Too many Iraqi civilians, including many children, have died in this war. Too many of our servicemen are also dead, many without ever reaching their 21st birthday.

Tanks on city streets around the world are spewing death and destruction. A covering of flowers does not disguise their real purpose – to kill in wartime. They are not a form of entertainment or a reminder of past glory; they inspire fear and feed aggression.

Tanks do not belong on the streets of our town- - or any town.

from b!X, at SE 16th 14th and Morrison.

todayinpdx@portlandmercury.com

Tom Potter weighs in on the Mercury clean-up squad.

Nearly 100 people, two hours, 90 percent of the parade route, and a full dumpster later, the Mercury’s Civic Clean-Up Squad can claim victory: The Rose Festival Grand Floral Parade Route is now free for anyone who’d like to take in the centennial celebration in the morning. There’s plenty of room for everyone on the sidewalks now!

No one got hurt, no one threatened us. We thanked anyone camping out for saving their spot in person, and passersby cheered as we ripped up the sticky litter. KGW reports. And Metblog’s Betsy has a great write-up of her truly amazing 9-year-old daughter—who did indeed yell “FREEEEEDOM!!” every time she added another piece of tape to her ever-expanding tape ball. Meanwhile, Lynn at Oregon Media Insiders made us blush, by calling this the “most brilliant street theater of the decade.” Aww.

Since everyone’s obviously out still celebrating, and I had to get all Golden Girls and shit due to some early morning obligations, this is obviously just a preliminary first post.

But, holy hell! That shit was fun! About 100 people showed up for the Mercury Civic Clean-Up Squad operation along MLK, removing yards upon yards of abandoned tape left in discourteous preparation for tomorrow’s parade. There were no major altercations, and only a couple of people told us we were assholes. The VAST majority of people on the streets and passing by offered words of support, saying things like, “Keep up the good work!”

On my way back to where my bike was parked, though, I saw that numerous spots had been re-taped over, less than an hour after we’d passed. Not only that, but much of MLK’s east sidewalk was impassable due to tents and chairs and barbecues and cars and trucks and tailgates and ice chests, etc., to the point where I had to walk in the street in order to even get through. Normally, I’d have no problem with the inconvenience of that, even walking directly into oncoming traffic, but given that a majority of city council just passed an ordinance banning people from sitting or lying on the sidewalk because it blocks pedestrian traffic, I was more than a little infuriated.

At any rate, kudos to all those brave, selfless, civic-minded souls who showed up to help—you truly are heroes.

Here’s the only example of news coverage I could find online right now, although they were all out:

KGW, featuring the mayor apparently preemptively us for any problem that might happen tomorrow, despite the fact that there are tape-based territorial wars EVERY year (which is, duh, why we did this).

BTW, anyone want to place any overnight bets on which TV news station is first to find a six-year-old girl crying because her family’s tape is gone? I’m betting Fox 12.

By voicemail:

Mr. Davis, my name is Carey Timmon, Portland resident for 32 of my 36 years, born here, major of my life raised here. I am thoroughly disgusted with your belligerent attitude about a Portland tradition. The tape has gone on since a long time before I was born. If you don’t like it, live somewhere else. You’re obviously not from here, which I don’t have a problem with—I’ve lived overseas, I know how hard that can be. You’re welcome to be in my city any time you want but don’t go trashing our traditions because they don’t suit your purposes. I find that appalling. I don’t go to other people’s countries and impose my beliefs on them. That would be rude. I appreciate your time. If you have any questions feel free to call me.

Hijinks at City Hall:

Oh, sweet merciful God! I’m so sorry for every disparaging thing I’ve ever said about You, because PARIS HILTON IS BACK IN PRISON! And even better? After Judge Sauer delivered the news, Paris had the mental breakdown she’s been promising! According to WWTDD…

SHE WAS TAKEN BACK TO PRISON SCREAMING!!! SHE WILL NOW SERVE HER ENTIRE 45 DAY SENTENCE. IT WILL NOT BE REDUCED TO 23. SHE SCREAMED “ITS NOT RIGHT!” THEN SCREAMED “MOM, MOM, MOM!!!”

Ohhhh… it’s not funny. And yet, so very, very FUNNY! But she wasn’t the only person that was upset by the ruling. Check out the reaction of a very sad (and VOCAL) person in the crowd during this CNN live shot!

Ben Olsen writes in with a predatory towing story:

I’m not sure if you are still looking for people’s predatory tow stories, but I recently experienced one. I have to say that among all the stories I’ve found on the web, blogs, and other publications regarding the “predatory towing” stories is that there is one underlying theme: Retriever Towing.

My story involves Retriever Towing as well. I had parked my vehicle at a strip mall off of Beaverton Hillsdale Highway, with what appeared to have a common parking lot (it shares the lot with the surrounding businesses). My wife and I had met up with friends and decided to have some Korean BBQ, so I parked in front of ******** ****** (****** SW Beaverton Hillsdale Hwy Beaverton OR 97005 - located next to the Korean restaurant, it was in the evening so Portland Music was closed and there were only two other cars in the lot) and we went in to eat. Not five minutes later a man came into the restaurant (a neighboring business owner) stating that “a vehicle was being towed.” I ran out to find that my vehicle was already hooked up and ready to tow. I asked the driver why I was being towed, and he responded, “it’s because you are not a customer of ******** ****** and the owner of the store called to dispatch us here to tow you.” I stated that it appears that this was a common lot shared by all the neighboring businesses and there must be a mistake; he told me that “it isn’t (a common lot).” I kept talking to him to find out why he was attempting to tow my vehicle and for a couple of minutes he insisted that “he was dispatched by the owner of ******** ******.” So I asked him to provide the name or phone number of this person, feeling that I could plead my case to them in a polite and tactful manner, proving to them that I was a customer of their surrounding business, hoping to avoid paying the $75.00 drop fee the driver was demanding. Well after I pleaded with the driver, it finally became apparent that no one had called him and said that his company, Retriever Towing, is contracted by ******** ****** to tow “at will.” I then noticed that all the surrounding businesses in the development were also contracted by Retriever Towing (which seemed odd, given the neighboring business owner told me that I was the fourth customer of theirs to be towed that week. So, why would they maintain a business relationship with a company that is cannibalizing their own business?) After my two to three minute discussion/negotiation with the tow truck driver, he became impatient, probably due to me calling him on his lies, and he threatened me saying, “if I have to call an officer, I am charging you $150.00.” It took me a moment to register what he had said, and then I thought out loud, “you mean a police officer?...yeah, go ahead.” He didn’t like that comment and stated, “this is the last time I’m gonna ask, are you going to pay the $75.00’s? If not, I’m taking your car and it will cost $300.00 to get it from impound.” Stuck with this choice I pulled out the visa card and paid his extortionate fee. The entire encounter was unsettling, as the employee from Retriever Towing was quite abrasive and threatening during our interaction. I went into ******** ***** the following day to discuss the ordeal with the owner and/or management in hopes of making them aware of what their relationship with Retriever may be doing for their reputation (if they weren’t aware already). This experience didn’t go much better than that of the previous evening with the tow truck driver. The manager insinuated that he didn’t really care that I was towed, and stated that I shouldn’t have parked in front of his (closed) store. I was quite shocked by his lack of concern. But then again it’s not his neighbors that are having his (******* ******) clients towed for parking in a nearly empty lot during non-business hours. After reading many other stories of similar caliber, I don’t think mine is necessarily worse. None the less, this “vigilantism” that is being played out by the tow truck companies needs to come to an end. They should not be able to regulate or dictate law, as they see fit.

In an attempt to be less predictable, classifiable, etc, as per Chas’ great hipster essay this week, the old man and I are thinking of taking advantage of free fishing weekend. Tomorrow and Sunday, you don’t need a license for fishing, clam digging, or crabbing, which sounds like a great way to get fresh, free food and hang out in the sun all day. Ideally, we’d go to the coast, but in between my more typical weekend activities (shopping, hobnobbing in hot tubs, brunching, drinking), I don’t think we’ll have the time. So, anyone got any hot tips on fishing holes that are beautiful and plentiful of non-toxic, non-endangered fishies? At an hour’s drive or less from town?

I’m still kind of bummed out that tourmates Bonde Do Role (whose new album, With Lasers, is amazing) had to drop out of the tour (citing dental problems from eating too many Jelly Bellies), but it’s still great news that Brazilian dance rocksters CSS will be at the Doug Fir (830 E Burnside) tonight with Busdriver and DJ Beyonda. CSS was here about a year ago, opening for Diplo, and they bring an incredibly fun intensity to the stage.

Here’s a great video for their song “Alala,” directed by former Portlander Cat Solen.

It appears that our neighbors to the north have caught wind of Randy Leonard’s plan to ban taping to mark off Rose Parade spots, and they’re not happy—well, specifically, they’re not happy about what they perceive to be disparaging anti-suburbanite language from the commish.

From the Vancouver Columbian’s Stephanie Rice:

Ouch!

Did everyone catch how we were dissed this week by Portland City Commissioner Randy “low blow” Leonard? Apparently he thinks all Vancouver residents are a mix of Tony Soprano and Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Leonard told The Oregonian it is “eminently unfair” that ‘burbanites stake out prime places to watch the Grand Floral Parade, which is Saturday.

Leonard’s example of sidewalk injustice was written up by reporter Ryan Frank as how “a man in a Hummer with Washington license plates, a gold pinky ring and a cooler of Budweiser can evict a poor couple from inner Northeast Portland from the sidewalk.”

I called Leonard’s office for comment, but they hadn’t seen the piece yet. His chief of staff, Ty Kovatch, though, wondered what the Columbian has against Dale Earnhardt Jr.

“If someone called me ‘Dale Earnhardt Jr.’, I certainly wouldn’t be offended,” Kovatch says. “He’s the best driver around and one of the biggest draws on the circuit. I can’t defend Tony Soprano, but he’s a fictional character anyway.”

(Kovatch also added that Tape Gate has caused a flood of emails: “I’ve never seen so many emails on any single issue in my career here.”)

But, no, really—as commenters have pointed out here, the taping issue has unleashed a wave of anti-suburban sentiment that is always bubbling just under the surface. Matthew Stadler has asked why that is, and I think I’ve got an answer:

“Gresham,” “Vancouver,” and “Beaverton” and their residents are, for many Portlanders, direct representations of what’s wrong with America. Strip malls, cookie-cutter track homes, terrible chain restaurants, SUVs, no bike lanes, no urban planning—all of the things that probably a majority of Portland immigrants came here to avoid. (I know I did.)

In Portland, there is at least a shared set of ideals for how a city should operate and what its priorities are. I’d list them, but it’d be a waste of space—if you moved to Portland from somewhere else, you know exactly what I’m talking about. But all around us, in nearly every other pocket of the country, our ideals have been discarded in exchange for cheap, plastic, pseudo-wealth, and we see that happening just outside our own city limits. But since that’s a helluva lot to explain, we shorthand our rage by saying “Gresham.”

Of course, they also drive their damn SUVs into town, clog our streets, and leave goddamn tape all over our sidewalks, so there’s a very literal reason for our rage.

Let’s discuss it tonight while we’re ripping up tape.

While Portland (and all its news organizations) are awash in a media frenzy over the Grand Floral Parade and “Tapegate,” the rest of the world is going ba-zonkers over Paris Hilton being let out of jail for being psychologically fragile—and today, going to court to decide if she’s going back IN to jail! From the AP:

Late Thursday, [Judge] Sauer issued the order for Hilton to return to court after the city attorney filed a petition demanding that Hilton be returned to jail and to show cause why Baca [the sheriff who let her free] shouldn’t be held in contempt of court.

[Hilton’s release] also was met with outrage from the sheriff’s deputies union, members of the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors, civil rights leaders, defense attorneys and others.

“What transpired here is outrageous,” county Supervisor Don Knabe told The Associated Press, adding he received more than 400 angry e-mails and hundreds more phone calls from around the country.

Hilton’s return home “gives the impression of … celebrity justice being handed out,” he said.

Baca dismissed the criticism, saying the decision was made based on medical advice.

“It isn’t wise to keep a person in jail with her problem over an extended period of time and let the problem get worse,” Baca told the Los Angeles Times on Thursday.

“My message to those who don’t like celebrities is that punishing celebrities more than the average American is not justice,” Baca said.

Wow. Punishing celebs more than ordinary people isn’t justice? What America does he live in?

I just came across this Street Roots editorial from December 2006, about the SAFE committee’s attempts to ban sitting or lying on the sidewalk. It’s ironic that 6 months later, we appear to be in the exact same place.

“There will be a temptation by some to see this as a way to target our homeless, or remove unwelcome groups from high-visibility areas,” says Mayor Tom Potter in his Dec. 11 press release. “Instead, what these reforms will do is ensure that our city remains a diverse, urban environment by not forcing anyone to leave its sidewalks or streets.”

But that’s not really the case. The High Pedestrian Traffic Area ordinance prohibits anyone from sitting or lying on a public sidewalk from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. in defined high pedestrian areas. Violators will be warned, and would receive a non-criminal citation in community court with the possibility of fines up to $250.

Street Roots is not arguing against a vibrant downtown. We believe a healthy city needs a bustling nightlife, density, and thriving small businesses. But it’s troubling that the current city government has allowed curfews in parks that clearly target a certain group of individuals, and banned sitting and lying on a sidewalk — all in exchange for direct services.

Asking us to cheerlead for philosophies that are neither new nor innovative is asking us to continue to spin our wheels. In short, banning people from sitting or lying on a sidewalk is wrong and unconstitutional.It’s that simple.

The Oregonian finally gets it right.

Mercury editor Matt Davis says removing the parade tape has two purposes. First, the sidewalks belong to all on Saturday. Second, they belong to all the rest of the year too. Downtown businesses, he believes, are on a crusade - via the city’s sit-lie ordinance - to kick down-and-out people off sidewalks, their own version of taping a private space on public property. He sees no difference.

Davis says he anticipates few problems this evening when he and others gather to remove tape. They will not bother anyone actually sitting to preserve their space. And Portland police are quite good at keeping the peace, he said.

If you’re more inclined to seek out the micro-lines of clothing and sundry accoutrements that can usually be found at craft fairs, there are three occurrances this weekend that you need to be aware of:

• First, tomorrow is the Etsy Art and Craft Summer Sale! You know Etsy. You love Etsy. In conjunction with PSU’s Women’s Studies Department and concurrent with the farmer’s market, you’ll find over 40 Etsy vendors here, a craft paradise. But you gotta get up early with the farmers to get first dibs: 7 am to 5 pm, South Park Blocks.

• It’s a double whammy on Sunday, with another round of Crafty Wonderland taking place at the Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 11 am-4 pm. But also, head over to the Wonder Ballroom for Fabricate, a showcase of indie designers of clothing and jewelry with a lot of fresh names, the most recognizable of which is Sameunderneath. Others include Claire Baby, which produces one-of-a-kind baby burp cloths and bibs(!), Mi Mo handbags, and aprons from Rose and Rhubarb. The trunk show-style event will also feature a runway, plus food and music. And check out this pretty bracelet from another exhibitor, Vassa P—only 60 bucks! That’s a lot of posh look for an affordable price:

I discovered the funniest book I’ve seen in ages… Bob Powers’ Happy Cruelty Day!, a collection of imaginary holidays for every day of the year. It’s brilliant, hysterical, and very twisted—right up your alley! Check out his site.

January 11
Today at the upscale food court the guy stirring the pots at the “Taste Of Ol’ New Orleans” counter is going to piss you off royally when he brings up your dead wife.

The way it’ll go down is he’ll be shouting at passersby stuff like, “Git on up and git some gumbo I guar-on-tee!” With some potential customers he’ll offer up a personal pitch. Stuff like, “Man wears a tie that ugly he won’t mind spillin’ a little bit of this city’s finest Cajun gumbo all over that [garbled].” But when you walk past, with no desire to eat any Cajun food because, frankly, you think it blows, the chef will shout out, “What’s with the sour face mon frere? Only way a man could frown like that is if he was in week two of mourning over his tragically lost young wife, I guar-on-tee!”

Yes, he’s very perceptive, and maybe you are wearing your loss on your sleeve a little bit, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell him to go fuck himself. Here’s how!

First, say, “What’d you say? As a matter of fact my wife did die recently. Why don’t you go fuck yourself?”

The Cajun chef will apologize for hitting a nerve and will suggest you wash away your pain with a bowl of some gumbo.

Say, “How bout you shove that gumbo up your flabby ass, you hear me Mardi Gras?”

The Cajun chef will ask if you’d perhaps care for a nice shrimp po’ boy.

Say, “Listen James Carville, your food’s stupid, your accent’s stupid, your hometown is a condom-littered Frathouse and you work in a food court. Even with all that against you, I still say you should go fuck yourself.”

The Cajun chef will ask if you’d like some jambalaya.

Say, “No, I don’t want some jambalaya. I want my wife back. She back there? No? Oh, I forgot, she’s in the ground. Then how ‘bout you go fuck yourself instead.”

The Cajun chef will ask how she died.

Say, “Breast cancer. I hope your wife and daughters get it. Go fuck yourself, Ignatius.”

The Cajun chef will say that he’s unmarried. That he came close once, but it all just fell apart. He’s not sure if he’s to blame, but he blames himself anyway.

Say, “Go fuck yourself. I hope you die on a bus.”

The Cajun chef will say that the conversation you and he are having is the closest he's come to a friendship since grade school. He'll tell you that his father was in the army and that he switched schools a lot.

Say, "If you were at a school for five minutes I bet the whole school would meet for an assembly so that they'd all be sure to tell you to go fuck yourself before you moved to the next base. Go fuck yourself, Ellen Barkin in The Big Easy."

The Cajun chef will stir his gumbo a little. Then he'll say, "I want to touch you. I guar-on-tee!"

Say, "I want to watch your nuts get eaten by possums while you're still alive and screaming, Dennis Quaid in The Big Easy. Go fuck yourself."

The Cajun Chef will shout entreaties for other customers to come to his counter.

Say, "Stay away from this food. It's being prepared by a chef who is about to go fuck himself."

The Cajun chef will throw his ladle on the ground in disgust. He'll say, "Look, I'm sorry about that crack about your wife. It was obvious you were in mourning, so I used it. I gotta use what I can. I'm workin' here all day."

Say, "My wife spent her last 18 hours on this earth screaming as loud as she could. I hope you spend your last 36 doing the same. And go fuck yourself Crawdad."

The Cajun Chef will hand you a card for a grief counselor that he knows. He'll say, "This guy can help you."

Rip the card up, throw it on the ground, then spit on the pile. Say, "Go fuck yourself Anne Rice."

The Cajun chef will say, "You can tell me to fuck myself all you want, but I'm only going to respond by trying to make amends. And by trying to get you to taste my delicious Muffuleta Sandwich."

Smack the sandwich out of his hand and say, "I miss her so much I can't even breathe. I can't sleep in our bed because I wake up panting. Aw God. Go fuck yourself Buckwheat Zydeco."

The Cajun chef will ask his manager if he can go on break. He'll lead you out to his car and open up the trunk. "Take a look in there," he'll say.

Say, "Go fuck yourself Creole." Then look inside the trunk. There will be a picnic basket.

The Cajun chef will say, "There are no perishables in there. Just some drinks, plates and utensils and sealed snacks. But I can fill this basket within five minutes and we can have ourselves a picnic. What do you say?"

Say, "Go fuck youself." Then get in his car and wait for him to fill up the basket with Cajun deliciousness.

At the park, the Cajun chef will pull out a Frisbee. He'll say, "You throw?"

Say, "I'll throw so hard you'll have no choice but to fuck yourself with that thing." Then cavort about the field with him until the guilt overwhelms you.

The Cajun chef will see you doubled over with tears and he'll shout, "I'll come over there and hold you if you let me! I guar-on-tee!"

Shout back, "Go fuck yourself, Decatur Street!"

The Cajun chef will begin walking towards you. He'll shout, "You can only shut us out for so long!"

Shout back, "Hey French Quarter, you can go fuck yourself for all I care. You understand?"

The Cajun chef will come closer. "She'd want you to move on," he'll shout.

Scream back at him, "Goddammit you didn't know this woman! The world should have stopped when she left. Asking me to go on is like asking me to commit a crime against nature!" Cry a little into the back of your hand, then add, "Go fuck yourself cayenne pepper."

The Cajun chef will be standing before you. He'll put his arms around you and you should just fall into his embrace. He'll say, "Just let me carry the load. Just for a minute."

Let his compassion seep in and course through your veins. Let it disarm you. You'll feel so tired you won't have any choice but to stay there in his arms and let him hold you up. Say, "This doesn't change anything. You should still go fuck yourself. Guar-on-tee?"

The Cajun chef will pat your back. "Guar-on-tee," he'll say. "Shhh. I guar-on-tee."
Happy 19 Ways To Tell A Cajun Chef To Go Fuck Himself Day!

No one loves orphans more than Montreal’s Young Galaxy, whose adorable video for “Outside The City” features a couple scamps ditching the orphanage and making a run for it, presumably for the coast. Silly Canucks, your coast sucks.

Anyway, Young Galaxy will be at the Towne Lounge tonight, please do not miss them.

Because the news, like our sidewalks, is for everyone.
1.TAPE TERROR! As KGW will tell you, “It all started with this article in the Portland Mercury.” Now Commissioner Randy Leonard’s bid to ban people from taping off sections of the sidewalk is on the front page of the Oregonian. Shame the O still hasn’t run a word about Leonard’s effort to delay enforcement of the sit/lie ordinance, because the mayor’s committee has fallen short on its promises to provide more restrooms, benches, and a day access center for the homeless. But there you go.

The Mercury Clean Up Squad (TM) meets tonight, 7.45, at the Convention Center Max Stop on NE MLK and Holladaday. Apparently “some worry that Matt and his buddies might get beat up.” But hey, the sidewalks are for everyone, we’re just standing up for what we believe in. See you there!

2.JAIL PARIS! Again…apparently some people aren’t convinced by her “nervous breakdown” excuse.

3.TAX THE RICH! The Democrats are planning to tax those with incomes over $500,000 at a rate of 4.3%.

4.BULLY THE RIGHT! Time writer Joe Klein says “a bullying tone of intolerance” has infected left-wing websites. He doesn’t explain how this differs from the bullying tone of intolerance adopted by the right for the last nine thousand years, but I guess when you waste your first 800 words whining like a little baby, that doesn’t leave much room for intelligent insight.

Good day!

Tapegate continues—KATU’s top story on the web today is on the Rose Festival tape.

A Portland city officials has stoked the controversy by calling for a ban, and a local paper is calling on citizens to pull up tape and steal lawn chairs.

Unfortunately, KATU refers to our call for a Civic Clean-Up Squad as an ad in the video, when it’s clearly a column, but at least they’re helping promote the revolution.

Take back the streets! Meet us tonight at the Convention Center MAX stop (NE MLK and Holladay) at 7:45—look for the people wearing reflective safety vests!

This is by no means a complete list, but here are a few recent movies that I’m kind of embarrassed to like as much as I do:

• Into the Blue
• The Last Samurai
• Star Trek: Nemesis
• Constantine
• Elizabethtown
• Once Upon a Time in Mexico
• Dude, Where’s My Car?
• I, Robot

Let’s leave that list alone for now. (Esp. Elizabethtown. I know. I KNOW.) Anyway, my point: I, Robot really wasn’t all that bad. In fact, it was kind of awesome. Sure, it was goofy, and slick, and—for you sci-fi nerds out there—a semi-blasphemous take on Isaac Asimov’s fantastic collection of short stories, but at the end of the day, it was a decent action flick with some pretty solid ideas behind it. (Plus: The Fresh Prince! Fighting robots!)

Which brings us to the trailer for the latest adaptation of a classic genre book, once again starring Mr. Parents Just Don’t Understand. This one’s a take on Richard Matheson’s 1954 horror novel I Am Legend. Much like the Fresh Prince-ified take on I, Robot, Legend looks like it’ll diverge a whole lot from the original text… and yet? I think it looks badass. Maybe it’s because the book’s already been loosely adapted before and it worked out just fine (with 1971’s fun The Omega Man, starring Chuck Heston), or maybe it’s because I’ve never read the book, so I don’t have anything to get all pissy about—but if you ask me, this is a pretty sweet trailer. The Fresh Prince’s trademark sassy wise-crackin’ seems to be kept to a minimum, there are a few really striking conceptual shots (the busted bridges around NYC are a nice touch, better yet are the deer running through the city’s abandoned cars), there even seems to be a little Omega Man tribute in there, and all in all, it seems like a pretty alright addition to the whole “last man alive” genre. Guess we’ll have to wait until December to see if it’s going to be genuinely good, though, or if it’ll suck, or if—oh, what a backhanded compliment—it joins I, Robot on my list of movies that I’m kind of embarrassed to like as much as I do.

On a related note, I miss Jazzy.

Jack Bog weighs in on Tapegate again:

Get this — the kids at the Merc are planning to go out tomorrow night and rip up the tape that people are using to mark their spots for Saturday’s Rose Festival Grand Floral Parade. Last night, I half-kiddingly wrote that an official ban on reserving spaces for parade viewing would lead to violence. But now I’m not kidding. Rightly or wrongly, somebody is going to get their a*s kicked out there tomorrow night when an angry SUV’er discovers that their tape’s being ripped up. And wait until the unwitting “reservists” confront the people in “their” spots Saturday morning. How festive. Way to go, kids.

Update: Catch KGW tonight at 10pm and 11pm for a report on this.

The Mercury Clean Up Squad(TM) will meet at the Convention Center Max Stop, NE MLK and Holladay tomorrow night at 7.45pm, to ensure the Rose Festival can be enjoyed by all, not just a self-centered few. Sidewalk tape cleaning and trash cleaning will begin promptly at 8pm. Please bring garbage bags, and a civic-minded, can-do attitude.If you fancy a drink first, a few of us might be in Rontoms on East Burnside from 6pm. Oh, and here’s a movie clip to get you motivated:
WHERE’D ALL THE TAPE ON THAT ROAD GO?!

I never really knew I liked portrait shots until I saw Ann Ploeger’s work. She has the amazing ability to go into someones house, dress them up, and re-arrange their stuff to create compelling shots with tons of personality. Sadly, she is on her way out of town, so stop by her book release party tonight and say hello.

No Fish Go Fish Restaurant, 3962 SE Hawthorne Boulevard, Portland, OR 97214 (503) 235-5378 from 8-11pm.

And see some of her work at annploeger.com.

The contentious Irving Street Garage—most recently the subject of controversial closed-door neighborhood mediation with the developer—appears to have officially died at City Council today.

From Frank Bird, president of the Northwest District Association:

Application for the development of a parking garage was terminated today by the applicant. The NWDA and the developer will continue to meet in an open, public negotiation, the exact form of which is yet to be determined. Other transportation related matters will also be a part of this larger conversation. See today’s 2PM council hearing online at www.portlandonline.com Go to council archives, then to council videos.

In what promises to be one of the more adorable First Thursday happenings, Pete Jordan, author of Dishwasher Zine and Dishwasher: One Man’s Quest to Wash Dishes in All Fifty States will be at the Independent Publishing Resource Center tonight, reading from the newest issue of his ‘zine, showing off his collection of Mac & Cheese boxes, and hosting a mac & cheese bake-off. Chas interviewed him last week; Pete has quit more than 80 dishwashing jobs, and my favorite part of the interview is his story about hiding dirty dishes all over the kitchen of a particularly asshole chef, before quitting. Talk about living the dream. (Well, the underpaid service industry dream, anyway.)

7 pm, IPRC, 917 SW Oak, #218, FREE

In Waterfront Park, a protester greets the arrival of the Navy in Portland for Fleet Week.DEAD BABY PROTESTOR: Subtle, understated…

Seen something in PDX? Email us at:todayinpdx@portlandmercury.com

14 NW 3rd–First Thursday Aftermath, 9:30 pm, $2
Abou Karim–David Brothers
Alberta Street Public House–No River City, Ponderosa, 9 pm, $5
Andina–Pete Krebs Trio, 7 pm
Andrea’s Cha Cha Club–Cubaneo, 10:30 pm
Ash Street Saloon–Branden Daniel & Everybody Gets Laid, The Mellors, A Pack of Wolves, War Wagon, 9:15 pm, $5
Berbati’s Pan–Jacob Merlin, Brian O’Dell Band, Keegan Smith, $10
Biddy McGraw’s–John Ross
Boons Treasury–Cary Novotny, Hanz Araki, 8 pm, free
Bungalow’s Martini–Open Mic, 9 pm
Camellia Lounge–Sneakin’ Out, 9 pm, free
Clyde’s Prime Rib–Jim Mesi, Steve Bradley
Crystal Ballroom–Umphrey’s McGee, 9 pm, $15-17, all ages
* Dante’s–Andre Williams, The Flash Express, The Ones, The Beauty, 9:30 pm, $5
* Doug Fir–Big Business, Magick Daggers, The Better to See You With, 9 pm, $8

More live music and DJ events after the jump…

Duff's Garage–Rough Cuts
Edgefield–Bingo Dream Band, Reggie Houston's Box of Chocolates, Freaquent Fliers, Lex Browning, Mary Flower, Gypsy Caravan, Sonny Hess, Lisa Mann, 3 pm, free, all ages
Fez Ballroom–Asylum: Fraqtured Sound, Mortal Clay, Nostalgia, Radiumz, Disgustritron
Food Hole–The Handshake Murders, Destroyer Destroyer, GAZA, Fall of Enosis, Rapid Fire Process, 6:30 pm, $8-10, all ages
Gemini–Karaoke from Hell
Goodfoot–The Maybe Happening, Narwhal vs. Narwhal
* Grapedrink–The Hugs, 8 pm
The Green Room–BR Trio, 9 pm
Heathman Restaurant–Johnny Martin Trio, 7 pm
* Holocene–Paul's Balls Ball: Copy, Dat'r, Gouseion, DJ G-Dubyah, DJ Honeydripper, 9 pm, $5
Hovercraft Gallery–Dracula, Bullet Teeth, 9 pm, free
Imbibe–Jasmine Ash, 5 pm; Tribal Lounge, 8:30 pm
It’s a Beautiful Pizza–Bill Coomes, Larry Adair, 8 pm
Jax–Larry Munson, 7 pm, all ages
Jimmy Mak's–Mel Brown B3 Organ Band, $5
Kaul Auditorium, Reed College–Nicholas Crosa, Evan Solomon
Kells–Tom May
Kiknbaque Lounge–Kerry Campbell, 8 pm, free
LaurelThirst Public House–Fancy Pants, 6 pm; Jim Brunberg, 9:30 pm
Mississippi Pizza Pub/Atlantis Lounge–Loose Change, 6:30 pm
Mississippi Studios–Scott Gallegos, Garth Michael McDermott, Pilar French, 8 pm, $8-10
Mock Crest Tavern–Open Mic & Jammin': Randy Yearout, 8:30 pm
Monty's Tavern–Kenny Lee & The Sundowners' Open Jam, 9 pm
O'Connor's–Bob Shoemaker; Bob Shoemaker & The Revelators, 7:30 pm
Pi-Rem–Stalking Jane, 8 pm, free
Portsmouth Club–Keegan Smith
Proper Eats Cafe–Jazz Jam, 7 pm
Red & Black Cafe–Comme il Faut, 8 pm
Red Room–Donerail, The Blank Tapes, Amish Love Child, 9 pm
Rock Creek Tavern–Lynn Conover, 8 pm, free
Rock n Roll Pizza–Goodbye Tomorrow, Moros Eros, Misery Science Theatre, 7 pm
Roots Brewing–Sean Wagner, 8 pm
* Rotture–Chrome, Helios Creed, Smegma, Soriah, I Am the Arm, 9 pm, $10
Satyricon–Wolfbrigade, Deathchange, Hellshock, Dog Soldier, Acts of Sedition, Forced March, 6:30 pm, $8, all ages
Tiger Bar–Tony Smiley, Gejius, 9 pm
Tom McCall Waterfront Park–Rose Festival: The New Iberians, Voodoo BBQ, The Etoufee Band, Handsome Little Devils, Bossa Boys, Earthdance, noon
* Tonic Lounge–Middian, Minsk, Rabbits
Tony Starlight's Supperclub & Lounge–Dean Martin Tribute: Tony Starlight Show, 8 pm, $5
* Towne Lounge–Crack City Rockers, Les Flaneurs, The Foolish Virgin, 9:30 pm, $5
White Eagle–Stevi Marie & Jackson Road, 5:30 pm, free; Reina G. Collins, Nawal, Acoustic Minds, Joy Wilson Band, 8:30 pm, $5
Wilf's Piano Bar–Tony Pacini Trio
WOW Hall (Eugene)–Awol One, Josh Martinez, Mine+Us, Three Blind Mics, Alliance, 8:30 pm, $7-8

DJ EVENTS
Ace Hotel–p:ear Benefit: L Train, 7:30 pm
* Acme–Booty: Puppet, Stormy, Adrianna, DJ Corban, 9 pm, $3-5
Adidas Originals–DJ Santo, 6 pm
Amazon Cafe–DJ James Edward, 9 pm, $3
Apotheke–DJ van Dis, 8 pm
Aura–Elevate, free
Bettie Ford Lounge–DJ Yaz, 9 pm, free
Chesterfield–DJ Evil One, 10 pm, free
Crush–L Train
* Devil’s Point–DJ Kenoy
Dunes–Bangerism: DJ Neverforget, 10 pm
East Chinatown Lounge–Auditory Sculpture, 10 pm
Fernando's Hideaway–DJ Roger Rumba, 9 pm, $5
Greek Cusina–Spin Cycle: Taal Mala, DJ Professor Stone
Ground Kontrol–TRONix: Mantis, 7 pm, free
H2O Martini Bar–Assemble the Empire, DJ Polaris, 9 pm
Jade Lounge–DJ Nealie Neal
Matador–DJ I Heart You, 10 pm, free
McFadden's–James Steele
Mt. Tabor Legacy–DJ Johnny P. Jewels, DJ Keebler, 9 pm
NOIR–Elbo Room: DJ Sam, KayLyn, Michael Gabriel
Nolita–DJ Verbz, 7 pm, free
Ohm–Poetic Nights: DJ Mello, 10 pm
Produce Row Cafe–DJ Small Axe, 9 pm, free
Ringler's Annex–DJ Honeydripper, 10 pm, free
Ringler's Pub–DJ Ted Striker, 10 pm, free
Saucebox–Techno Sol: DJ Suppoz, 10 pm, free
* Someday Lounge–The Fix: Ohmega Watts, Rev. Shines, DJ Kez, DJ Dun Diggy, 9 pm, free
Tiga–DJ Swihova, 9 pm, free
TikTok–DJ Lopez, 9 pm
* Tube–Executives' Night: DJ Nikki C, DJ Mikey, 6 pm; DJ KG, 10 pm, free
Twilight Room–DJ Kube, 9 pm
Vault Martini Bar–DJ Ronn-e, free

) (( ) = )Open ((Clothed), the line by Diana Lang that appeared in the Mercury fashion show a few months ago (you remember: the mysterious, cozy cloud box from which would everge balloon toting models and the occasional banshee scream) is now available at 811 E Burnside’s Denwave! Sculptural, radically conceived pieces like Lang’s need an experimental home like Denwave, and I’m glad they’ve found one. (Lang is also available for made-to-order in case things don’t fit as is.)

I’m not sure why this cracks me up, but it does…
Minnie Driver is playing a gig in town in August (15th) at the Doug Fir. There’s something surreal, and suprisingly compelling, about the opportunity to see her with a big old guitar while she sings “dreamy, melodic folk.”

Ha! This kills me.

As reported earlier today, PARIS HILTON has been released from prison after serving only five days of her 23 day setence. Why? According to authorities, this is partially because of “medical” reasons. Now we learn from TMZ.com, that it was primarily for psychological reasons! (She’ll still have to “serve” 40 days of house arrest sitting inside her mansion. POOR THING!)

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Paris Hilton’s medical condition was purely psychological and that she was in peril of having a nervous breakdown, and that’s why she was released early this morning.

Psychiatrist Charles Sophy visited Hilton in jail yesterday and the day before. We’re told after Sophy’s visit yesterday, word was passed to the Sheriff that Hilton’s mental state was fragile and she was at risk.

In that case, I’m through making fun of her. One can only suffer so much of Sarah Silverman’s “painting the prison bars to look like penises” jokes, before losing one’s grip on reality.

Yesterday afternoon, Matt Davis and I had an enlightening, if contentious, conversation with a city hall staffer about the Sit-Lie Ordinance and the progress of the SAFE Committee’s recommendations.

There are, of course, a number of technical bits to debate—like how far along the day access center, benches, and public restrooms need to be before the ordinance should go into place—but I realized for the first time the depth of the ideological disconnect between people who are on either side of the issue. In fact, much of the response from proponents has been some version of “What’s the big deal? We’re just keeping the sidewalks clear,” and then people like me throw out terms like “constitutional” and “civil liberties,” assuming that everyone has connected the dots of the argument.

It’s obvious I haven’t fully explained why the Sit-Lie Ordinance is antithetical to our collective notions of civil liberties, as theoretically protected by the Bill of Rights. So, sit back, because I’m going to let the latent public defender in me come swinging out to lay it all out for you—but I’ll be kind and do it after the jump.

Let's put aside the questions of whether homeless people are annoying, or smelly, or get in the way, or make us feel bad about our relative prosperity, or whether they should just get jobs and live like the rest of us, or whether they dissuade suburban soccer moms from shopping at Nordstrom's. Some or all of those may be true, but they have nothing to do with the core question--does this city have the right to attempt to ban them from the public sphere?

First, we have to presume that the Sit-Lie Ordinance only applies to people who aren't engaging in any criminal behavior, since the city already has adequate laws to hold or move along anyone who's breaking the law, being aggressive, or otherwise acting illegally. Sit-Lie is only for people who aren't breaking the law (other than this new law, that you can't sit or lie on the sidewalk), but whom the city (or Portland Business Alliance) wants out of a public space, the sidewalk.

Second, moving someone from a public space, which I presume--although I hesitate to make such a leap--that society has collectively decided should be open to everyone on an equal basis, in a very real way removes a person's right to be in that public space. This means that the city has passed a law that takes away someone's right to be in a public space, but without there being a criminal allegation accompanying the removal of rights.

If that sounds like a perfectly acceptable situation to you, I urge you in the strongest terms I can muster to take a little gander at the Bill of Rights, especially if you haven't since high school civics class. (It's becoming apparent that a whole host of city hall policy advisers in charge of public safety certainly haven't read the Bill of Rights in a while, let alone studied constitutional law.)

Even a cursory read of the first ten amendments to the U.S. Constitution show that the framers meant to build barriers to governments taking rights from citizens, and that in the cases where it is justified, the presumption is on the government to prove its case. In other words, the bar for removing someone's civil liberties (as in the case of imprisonment or confiscation of property) is explicitly high.

But here's a breakdown of the penumbra of protections that make the Sit-Lie law not only utter bullshit, but, in my mind, blatantly unconstitutional.

Amendment 1: Congress shall make no law... abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment 4: The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment 5: No person shall be... deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Amendment 8: Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Amendment 9: The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Do any of these specifically address the Sit-Lie situation? Of course not. But taken together, they establish the principle that if the government is going to take away a person's rights (in this case, the right to occupy a public space), they'd better have a damn good reason for it. City council and the SAFE Committee have argued that the reason is because people sitting or lying on the sidewalk block the public space from other people using it, and I suppose that would be an acceptable argument--if there was any evidence to support it. Except in isolated places and times, the sidewalks downtown and in the Lloyd shopping district have not become impassible because of homeless people. If there's quantifiable evidence of this, as opposed to merely anecdotal, I'd love to see it.

More realistically, the reason for the Sit-Lie law (and for the Portland Business Alliance's insistence upon it) is to clear the streets of the homeless, making downtown more appealing for shoppers and adding to businesses' bottom lines. I'd love to see the City of Portland defend that reasoning in the courts.

(Somewhat tangentially, there's the argument that the sidewalks are exclusively for walking, and that sitting or lying on them isn't a protected use of the public space. This is the point the city hall staffer I mentioned at the top of the post was making--but do we seriously want to make that position a matter of public policy? If so, we need to immediately clear the sidewalks of seats and tables attached to bars, cafes, and restaurants, as well as any and all signs and sandwich boards that businesses put out. And while we're at it, I guess that means we have to ban standing still on the sidewalk, since that isn't technically walking either.)

I've also argued that shoppers and sidewalk pedestrians don't have a right to not be annoyed or inconvenienced by someone else's use of the public space. Just because you had to walk over or around someone lying on the sidewalk once doesn't justify banning it entirely. It merely means you need to get over yourself in a hurry. It's been argued back to me that people sitting or lying on the sidewalks don't have a right to not be "annoyed or inconvenienced" by the police making them move, but that's a total non-sequitor. Since the police are the arm of the government, it's not simply an annoyance--it's government action forcing you out of a public space. And that, to me, violates the whole spirit of the Bill of Rights, as in "Congress shall make no law..."

Of course, the city can and will get around the constitutional concerns in any number of ways, and policy makers have long sought ways to write public safety laws that do just that--like the Drug Free Zones. The question, though, is not "can city council get around the constitution?" but "should they even try?" If the constitution is merely viewed as an annoying obstacle to stricter laws, rather than a guiding document whose principles should be respected, then we've already lost what makes this city great.

HOT PANTS, YES OR NO?

Finally! A Bud Light commercial that’s funny without involving talking frogs! Hilarity in a corporate office ensues when someone institutes a “swear jar” where the proceeds will go to buy a case of Bud Light. (It really is funny.)

Well, damn. Indianajones.com has updated with some casting news for Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods (that’s the rumored title, anyway—other possibilities include Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Last Box of Depends Undergarments and Indiana Jones and Matlock Have Gentle, Relaxing Talks About How Much Better Things Used to Be). While there are the people they’ve already announced (Cate Blanchett, Shia LeBeouf) and a few welcome additions (John Hurt, Ray Winstone), noticeably absent is Sean Connery. Maybe it was dumb of me to hope, but I was keeping my fingers crossed that he’d show up again as Indy’s dad. Alas, he’s blaming “retirement” for his absence:

“I thought long and hard about it and if anything could have pulled me out of retirement it would have been an Indiana Jones film. I love working with Steven and George, and it goes without saying that it is an honor to have Harrison as my son. But in the end, retirement is just too damned much fun. I, do however, have one bit of advice for Junior: Demand that the critters be digital, the cliffs be low, and for goodness sake keep that whip by your side at all times in case you need to escape from the stunt coordinator!”

Thanks a lot, James Bond. You’re still a badass, alright. Now go back to gumming your applesauce. In the meantime, I’m going to watch the City of the Gods teaser.

This week on Easier Than Reading—the Mercury’s musical podcast that showcases bands playing around town—hear Ezra ramble and play tunes from Mirah (pictured above), CSS , Hot Chip, Rosebuds and more. Check it out right here.

Copwatch accuses Mayor Tom Potter of “legalistic wrangling, more interested in defending the City from probable litigation than creating accountability” in the decision to fire Police Lieutenant Jeffrey Kaer for the shooting of Dennis Young in January, 2006. Copwatch activist Dan Handelman supports the firing, but suggests that Potter is just trying to protect the city from being sued by writing in a letter to Kaer that “your decision to use deadly force is not at issue in this disciplinary process.”

Since Kaer’s life was arguably not in danger when he shot at Young, Handelman alleges that he may have violated the bureau’s use of deadly force policy. But instead, Kaer was fired for making “a series of poor decisions.” The difference is, it’s more difficult for the dead man’s family to sue over those.

Handelman is also asking why the mayor makes no mention of the fact that Kaer seems to have used his professional position in a personal dispute, in events leading up to the shooting. That’s against policy, too. Download a copy of the Copwatch letter by clicking here.

Sometimes we get AWESOME press releases:

Kevin Sorbo stars as The Preacher, a pastor who becomes a ruthless bounty hunter after losing his wife and child. Years later, he meets a former prostitute (Cynthia Watros from “LOST”) and her young daughter Amelia (Joey King, pictured). Their good nature may give him a chance at redemption. Hallmark Original Movie “Avenging Angel” airs Saturday, July 7 (9/8c).

Which reminds me: Back when I was in high school a bunch of friends and I worked at a movie theater. When Kull the Conqueror opened, my buddy Dave and I insisted on selling people tickets to Kull, even if they wanted to see something else. Because we knew—even then, way back in 1997—that the brilliant Kull was destined to become a classic, and these people would thank us. They did not then, and as of now, they still haven’t. But someday, they will. Someday. (Post-script: I was fired from the theater shortly thereafter for an unrelated incident involving Muppets In Space.)

Also, shit gets really badass here around the :40 second mark. But for some reason they left out the scene in which Sorbo/Kull conditions his mightily flowing locks, which is a shame.

Leave it to Chas Bowie to tell you about the kind of visual art you wanna hang on your walls, my First Thursday escapades are all about the kind you hang on you:

• The Art Institute of Portland’s 2007 apparel design seniors meet-and-greet: Five of the graduating seniors from AI’s apparel design department will be displaying one garment from their senior collection and fielding questions about their work—you may find the next Adam Arnold, Anna Cohen, or hell, Emilio Pucci. Consider it a warm-up to the big portfolio show on Sunday, June 17. (AI, 1122 NW Davis, 8:30-8 pm)

• The Grand Opening of Tender Loving Empire: See my earlier note here, plus live music by L.A.-based The Righteous and Harmonious Fists, playing an acoustic set—co-owner Jared Mees compares them to the Unicorns and Of Montreal—and art by Sam Guererro (TLE, 1720 NW Lovejoy #109, 6-10 pm, music 8-8:30).

• Nolita’s Third Anniversary: You can read all about that here, but in short, they’re having 20 percent off the whole store (sale runs through Saturday) and tonight from 7-9 they’ll have champagne and treats. (Nolita, 923 NW 10th)

• Le Train Bleu: Open house at this store, which now has Karen Walker sunglasses to get you through the season. Receive 25 percent off storewide if you’ve got the magic password—my hint is pictured below. (Le Train Bleu, 748 NW 11th, 6-9 pm)

This post’s title says it all: Big Business is loud. Seriously, loud. Not only is the song below pretty brutal, it’s a refreshing break from all the limp-wristed indie rock I usually pollute this blog with.

Their new album is entitled Here Comes The Waterworks, and the band will be spreading the tinnitus at Doug Fir tonight.

MP3: Big Business - Shields

Between Randy Leonard’s call to ban sidewalk tape during the Rose Festival, and the Mercury’s call for a Civic Clean-Up Crew on Friday night (see the details of that, below), this anti-tape movement is really rolling! The Oregonian wrote about it today, noting Leonard’s idea and highlighted our plans for tape-ripping on Friday night.

People on the blog for alternative news weekly the Portland Mercury said they might make a Friday night raid to rip off the reserved seat tape.

Damn right.

Meanwhile, Jack Bog has to rain on our anti-parade, complaining that Leonard’s idea is a “tradition prohibition,” that will lead to murder (“the blood will be on your hands,” he writes), mayhem, and ultimately, the need for parade goers to buy parking stickers to slap on their foreheads (never fear: Jack throws in a little anti-biodiesel rhetoric too, for good measure). Maybe Jack hasn’t seen the recent outcry against the tape—comments on this blog, on katu.com, on Portland Metblogs and on the Oregonian’s site have all skewed heavily against the “tradition.” Maybe we should start a new tradition, claiming spots on the sidewalk outside his house for pre-parade picnics, and see if he’s in favor of that.

1.SIDEWALK TAPE-GATE! Ryan Frank at the Oregonian reports this morning on the Mercury’s Clean Up Squad(TM), which plans to rip up unfair tape on the sidewalk on Friday afternoon. All in good fun. But it’s a shame Frank’s editors still won’t let him run the real story, about City Commissioner Randy Leonard challenging the enforcement of the sit/lie ordinance because there still aren’t enough benches, restrooms or day access center spaces for the homeless to go. But I guess that’s life. One step at a time, eh, fellas.OREGONIAN EDITORIAL BOARD: Selective, in a fascist way…

2.PARIS IS FREE! She’s allowed to serve her sentence at home after suffering from a “medical issue” that sounds a lot like “being a posh, fussy cow.”

3.WOMAN ARRESTED FOR MAKING FACES AT DOG! This is in no way related to the previous story.

4.PEOPLE ARE DISAPPEARING! Those are the last three words of the sentence, “You know you live in a democracy when…”

Good day!

This is the second story on Blogtown today about a woman in her 80s. This one, from the police account, took place at the Junior Rose Parade earlier today:

At about 12:30 pm, 81-year-old Janet Gasser drove a Honda eastbound through the barricade at Northeast 42nd Avenue and Northeast Sandy. An officer at the barricade tried to stop Gasser and had to dive out of the way to avoid being hit by her car. Hoping to stop her, the officer hit the windshield of Gasser’s car with his baton as she went by.

Gasser continued eastbound on Northeast Sandy Boulevard along the parade route at approximately 30-35 mph. As she did so she narrowly missed several families, children, and an ice cream salesperson walking on the closed roadway. Officers were finally able to stop the car at Northeast 52nd Avenue. Gasser was extremely angry and stated that she was upset the road was closed for the parade. She was charged with one count of Reckless Driving and one count of Reckless Endangering.

They don’t officially open until tomorrow (check out their First Thursday shindig from 6-10 tomorrow), but Chas and I just got to poke around the new Tender Loving Empire (1720 NW Lovejoy, Ste 109) store/small press/screen printing facility with proprietors Jared and Brianne Mees. It reminded both of us of the early retail days of Motel, with lots of indie goodies from journals to jewelry, to wallets to t-shirts. There’s also some crossover with the micro-press focus of Reading Frenzy—a mix that seems right up the Portland indy/DIY scene alley but a little different for the neighborhood they’re in. They’ll also be hosting art shows every month, and the first is by Sam Guererro, whose Be Afraid shows his cute/effed up artistic renderings of junior high and high school kids’ fears, from sticking a Q-Tip too far in your ear to being the victim of botched plastic surgery. Check the photos:

More after the break…

(fear of getting pregnant)

(fear of gun violence)

(blotched plastic surgery)

(amputation)

(fear of being racially profiled)

85-year-old Alice Malacote and her son Mark were evicted this afternoon, as planned, from the Park Tower apartments on SW Salmon. As they were leaving, apartment manager Pamela Washington kindly offered to call them a cab.EVICTION: See it, believe it.

The Malacotes say they don’t want to be split up—Mark has diabetes and suffered a heart attack last year, while Alice depends on him to take her medication on time. It’s understood they are being evicted because the apartments in Park Tower are meant for single occupancy, but Alice is on the top of a waiting list for another apartment right now.

“Unfortunately because of the rules of confidentiality I cannot get into the specifics of this case,” said Dena Chilikos, Alice’s caseworker at private non-profit The Northwest Pilot Project. “But I can tell you that we have worked on this for over a year.”

“This eviction relates to multiple use violations,” said Washington. “We have attempted to resolve these issues with Alice, and have done everything we could to get her to cooperate. It is a very sad day.”

“I’m not trying to be a pity case,” added Mark, a former orchestral conductor. “But here we are stood opposite the Schnitzer hall, and they’re supposed to be these great philanthropists, but here we are out on the street.”

The Schnitzer family own and operate the investments through Harsch Realty. Which is, perhaps, an appropriate name. There’s something wrong with a system that lets this happen. No offense to the Schnitzers, but couldn’t they have just let them stay there? He’s “dying,” of cancer, in his own words, and she’s 85. An 85-year-old woman.

Out on the street.

It’s time for your Wednesday afternoon dance party with So Hot Right Now! This week, host Mike Williams brings you an exclusive party mix by San Ysidro’s Sleazy V. So head on over to our pod-n-vod page to check it out.

Spotted at the Convention Center Max stop.

todayinpdx@portlandmercury.com

The Portland Police Bureau says it will not arrest members of the Mercury Clean Up Squad(TM) on Friday night, when they go out ripping up tape from the sidewalks in advance of the Rose Festival.MERCURY CLEAN UP SQUAD: Coming to a sidewalk near you…

“People do it [tape the sidewalk], we have no real stand on it, it’s one of those Portland traditions,” says Public Information Officer Brian Schmautz—who added that officers do not get involved in disputes over tape on the sidewalk, but that fistfights ensuing from anybody’s actions would obviously trigger enforcement action.

UPDATE: Here’s City Commissioner Randy Leonard, telling a KGW news crew that taping off an area on the sidewalk is “an incredibly self-centered activity.”

UPDATED: Alice Malacote, the 85-year-old woman being evicted today by the Schnitzer-owned Park Tower Apartment, says she is not willing to be separated from her cancer-stricken son, who is her care-giver.

“The thing is they want to separate us. We need each other. I need him, and he needs me,” she says. “Yesterday, I was almost going to take a double dose of medicine, and he caught me. Meanwhile, he can’t hardly walk across the room.”

“We’re going to try to go to a motel tonight, because we don’t want to be separated,” she adds.

Original post, 11:26: An apartment complex owned by the Schnitzer family is trying once again today to evict an 85-year-old woman who has no place to go.”I don’t think I’d last a day on the streets,” she tells the Mercury.

Attorneys for the Park Tower Apartment block on SW Salmon last tried to evict Alice Malacote, who is frequently spotted spare-changing near Powell’s and Whole Foods, last August. But she gained a stay-of-execution and is now at the top of the waiting list for another affordable housing complex, Station Place Tower.

Nevertheless, Multnomah County Sheriff’s deputies are scheduled to evict Malacote and her son, who happens to be suffering from cancer of the esophagus, today.

Commissioner Erik Sten’s office is currently trying to work something out so that Malacote has somewhere to go when she is evicted.

“The Northwest Pilot Project has been working with the lady for a year, trying to prevent the eviction,” says Mary Carroll in Erik Sten’s office. “But it’s my understanding that she has not been wiling either to get into different housing or be separated from her son. There will be a caseworker from the Northwest Pilot Project down at the apartments today, she does not need to end up on the street.”

Jordan Schnitzer, who runs HARSCH investments, which owns the tower, is not returning calls.

“I just know that the sheriffs could come at any time,” says Malacote.

“We’re the instruments of that eviction but we’re not responsible for it,” says Jason Gates, a spokesman for the Multnomah County Sheriff’s office, who confirmed the eviction will happen today, but would not confirm at what time. “It’s one of those things where it’s not something that we have any discretion. It is a sad case.”

Is this a city where an 85-year-old woman can be evicted with no place to go? Really? That’s fucking outrageous.