It has been three months since I walked through the front door of The Mercury to claim my throne as “The Unpaid Intern,” but, much like the time when it was considered politically correct to tell Monica Lewinsky jokes, that time has come to pass.

Now, if I looked like this guy, I’d say, “What a long strange trip it’s been.” But since it was only three months, I’ll simply say “It’s been an unpaid internship.”

I did learn quite a few valuable lessons, and things about The Mercury, along the way; and I’d like to share those things with you now.

1. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never look as good in a pair of chucks and khaki pants as Scott Moore.

2. Everyone at The Mercury has a cuter dog than you could ever hope to own.

3. Unpaid Intern doesn’t mean you can’t get paid, it just means you share your office with the staff member’s breakroom/kitchen. Tip to next intern, there are no windows looking outside so try to score an internship during the rainy season.

4. Staff members at The Mercury frequently misuse the microwave, and by misuse I mean they burn things.

5. People in Portland will blame people moving from California to PDX for everything.

6. Although I’d previously suspected it, Matt Davis has confirmed people from England have a better vocabulary than people from the bloody U.S.

7. Vegans and anarchists do not like Matt Davis.

8. Steven Humphrey has posted a combined total of 156 blogs about Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton. That’s more than I posted in three months and rivals the number of love letters I sent to Natalie Portman in one week’s time.

9. Erik Henriksen knows more about the Transformers than I do about my ex-girlfriend’s life story.

10. I didn’t really learn ten things, but all great lists are “top tens.”

Do not fret dear Mercury readers; the show will go on without me much as it did the three days a week I was not here. But I thought I’d ask the readers what I should do next. The next logical step on my way up the corporate ladder is to get a paid paper route, but who has some other interesting job ideas for me?