This is a pretty excellent reason why writers who have never played Pong should never, ever try to write about “them vidya game tapes” their kids can’t get enough of:

CHICAGO—The telltale signs are ominous: teens holing up in their rooms, ignoring friends, family, even food and a shower, while grades plummet and belligerence soars.

The culprit isn’t alcohol or drugs. It’s video games, which for certain kids can be as powerfully addictive as heroin, some doctors contend.

Holy shit. Seriously? The only way I’m going to take this story seriously is if the reporter played 40 hours of Grand Theft Auto and followed it with a 40 hour heroin binge, then tried to break the vicious, vicious cycle.

P.S. Okay, so I’ve done that, and this article is totally true. I’d write more, but I just got a bad case of the shakes from my Tetris withdrawls.