Those are so awesome! I love it! I wish I could help.

I wish I could be there, too, but I'll be at the CSS show. I did my small portion at lunch today and ripped up a spot in the SW. Good luck tonight!

Crossing the line between reporting events and creating them is precisely why the Mercury will never be taken seriously. The knee-jerk story angles and confrontationalism for it's own sake don't help much either. Have fun and stay hydrated.

Crossing the line between reporting events and creating them is precisely why the Mercury will never be taken seriously. The knee-jerk story angles and confrontationalism for its own sake don't help much either. Have fun and stay hydrated.

Yeah, quit being funny and intelligent at the same time, it's confusing.

I hope there is a plan for getting rid of the chalk, chairs and chains. I would think that these will be more difficult to dispose of than tape, but I'd like to see all this paraphernalia of selfishness gone.

PORTLAND RESIDENTS CONFUSED,
TERRIFIED AS VICTORIOUS MERCURY READERS TAKE TO THE STREETS

PORTLAND—Only hours after Portland City Councilman ‘Tough Guy’ Randy ‘The Fireman’ Leonard announced his opinion on the taping off of the sidewalks of Portland, The Mercury announced its intentions of ‘Takin It To The Streets” beginning at 8:00 pm Friday evening. Portland Mayor the honorable Tom Potter has asked Portland Police Chief Rosie Sizer (named by her grandmother after the 1947 Rose Festival) to mobilize the Portland SERT Team to contain what he described as “some sort of depraved, violent, heretofore unheard-of gang calling them selves the Tapers. These strange men and women came out of nowhere with spray paint, duct tape, lawn chairs, beer coolers, wine coolers, porta potties staking claims to sidewalks in the city. "Nobody had ever heard of them before. No one knows what they want. And nobody knows why they were acting so crazy. It’s just a 100 year old parade"

Police chief Rosie Sizer is reporting that the Tapers, which are known to be mainly non-native Oregonians has struggled to attract much local acceptance, "somehow gained access to the city, infiltrating government offices, engaged in some sort of ritual involving spray painting, chalking and duct taping, city sidewalks and then proceeded to drink heavily before heading to their cars."

"Following their leader—a woman Canadian officials have identified as one Vera Katz—a group of between 26 and 30 heavily bearded Caucasians drove onto the I5 at speeds exceeding 35 mph, causing several traffic accidents and overturning one 16-wheeler, " Sizer said. “ The members of the gang we're calling 'The Tapers' then exited their vehicles and descended on Pill Hill, where they entered the storied OHSU, woke up guests by throwing alarm clocks, chairs, and mattresses out the windows, and then promptly burned them."

The Tapers then proceeded to loot cherished west hill residences, leaving many home owners, who had never seen or heard of the Rose Festival Parade before, confused and frightened.

"We couldn't believe what was happening," said Sam Weber, lot attendant, OHSU. "I still don't understand it. We had a decent crowd here to watch the OSU Beaver game on ESPN when out of nowhere a lamppost comes crashing through the window. Then these huge pasty white guys, all wearing, like, matching sweaters, run in screaming like madmen and holding this giant planter over their heads, which they demanded I fill with beer. They invited all my patients to join them, but we were too shocked, terrified, and disoriented to even move, so the gang got angry and stole four of my big-screen televisions and duct taped the door closed."

"They weren't from around here, I'll tell you that much," Weber added. "When the police arrived, no one could remember having seen a single one of them before."

From there, the Tapers traveled to Portland’s historic Pearl District, where they took turns riding the cherished street car. When no townspeople joined them on the street car, the Tapers began to grow morose, and demonstrated their displeasure by removing the horses from their curb mountings and carrying them back to their cars.

"I had never seen a scarier group of people," said Portland resident Max Sherwood, who was enjoying a quiet, calm Portland evening in Firefighters park with his mother. "They all had scraggily looking beards and they reeked of sweat and alcohol. They were screaming things like 'We frigging did it!' ‘When I politely asked them what and not to cuss in front of my mother, well, that's when they came after us."

Sherwood suffered a mild concussion as well as facial lacerations after being forced to drink purple kool-aid out of "some type of weird birdbath."

In an attempt to assuage the confusion and fears of many Portland citizens, the City of Portland public-relations team, in partnership with the Mercury, has issued a statement saying that the "gang" had in fact been taping off Portland sidewalks," and that Portland did, in fact, have a parade permit. The Tapers has also agreed to set up a crisis center offering free first aid to anybody who was injured during the riots and free counseling for anyone who wants to learn about the Portland Rose Festival, the Grand Floral Parade, its rules, its history, and traditions and possibly buy season tickets for next year.

However, most locals have yet to come to grips with the events of this past week.

"This is a sad, shameful day, not only for Portland but for the state of the Rose Festival," Mayor Tom Potter said Friday. "I still do not understand exactly what caused these 'Tapers' to hold their strange celebration in our streets and sidewalks. But I think I speak for all of Portland when I say I hope that they never repeat it again."

"Crossing the line between reporting events and creating them is precisely why the Mercury will never be taken seriously."

Perhaps there is a nugget of truth there. That is part is why I don't take the O seriously.

Soooooo, you're going to clean up the litter and leave your own litter in its place??

Weird.

Totally. It's like we don't even have a coherent message anymore...does that make us "anarchists?"

Sweet. I'll be down there with my posse of nine at 7:45 tonight. Let's take back the streets!!

Good luck tape rippers!

Why are you doing this? Do you know how many disruptions you are causing by this? I've never been to the parade yet but I am going to this one for the 100th Anniv. Granted, it might not be fair for tape to be on the sidewalks. It should be "first come,first serve" but for the sake of fights and arguments, let's leave the tape,chalk,chairs and anything else alone for this time. Let's take it up with the City Govt for next year. Kinda chicken of you to want to pull up the stuff in the middle of the night anyways. This is a special day for the Rose Festival and you have succeeded in ruining it for many people here in town. Trust me, karma will bite you in the ass. It always does.

So they'll come back as rolls of tape in their next lives?

Well, you'll probably get a place to stand now because of us. No need to thank us, just doing our civic duty.

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