Hey progressive-thinking, tolerant, live-and-let-live Portland, you think you’re safe from the sinewy, homophobic tendrils of Focus on the Family, all tucked safely way in parts of the country you’d never dream of visiting?

Think again, hippy.

“Love Won Out,” Focus on the Family’s ironically named crusade to force gays and lesbians back into the closet, is coming to town on August 4th. The place: City Bible Church (9200 NE Fremont).

I’ve written before about why ex-gay movements are dangerous—in addition to not actually working—and you should also check out what one veteran of numerous ex-gay programs, Peterson Toscano, has to say here. Conservative Christians have an intellectual need to believe firmly that homosexuality is unnatural and “curable”—if they accepted the overwhelming evidence that same-sex orientation isn’t something that can be “fixed,” they’d have to acknowledge that it’s not a choice, and the resulting levels of cognitive dissonance could very well shake their faith—and their world view—to its core.

But by maintaining that gays and lesbians can turn straight if they just pray and believe hard enough—and by trotting out a few poor souls every once in a while to “prove it”—they can continue pushing for laws that treat homosexuals as aberrant. In other words, there’s a very clear line from ex-gay organizations to on-the-street policies that have very real negative impacts on the Queer community.

If you want a peep at what I’m talking about, take a gander at the session descriptions on the “Love Won Out” website.

Reality, of course, isn’t kind to the ex-gay belief, especially in the face of stories like the one where two of the founders of Exodus—one of the oldest, largest ex-gay organizations—left the group to go live in very, very gay sin. And then there’s Pastor Ted Haggard; if he couldn’t pray his way out of a life of clandestine BJs and handsies from male escorts, it’s hard to believe that tactic can work for anyone.

I suppose the only question, then, is who is going to organize the protest? August 4th, City Bible Church.

On a related note, I just had the most unexpectedly odd exchange with a phone operator at Focus on the Family. I was calling to find out the location of the conference, and as the phone was ringing, I realized that it was on the website right in front of me. I explained to the operator that I’d answered my own question, but then she asked, “Have you signed up for Dr. Dobson’s columns or our complimentary Focus on the Family newsletters?”

“Well, no, I haven’t,” I replied.

“See, God did have a reason for you to call,” she exclaimed.

“He did?” I asked. Before I knew it, I had—piece by piece—given her all of my contact information and signed up for at least one newsletter. I had my choice of their general newsletter, or one for families, or one for working singles, or one for…I don’t really remember. I chose the general one.

It was the first time I’ve ever been upsold on something free.

After having probably signed my life away to James Dobson, I started trying to get off the phone. Before hanging up, the operator said, “Have a blessed evening!”

Except that she pronounced “blessed” as “blesst,” not “bless-ed.” That seemed weird.

Hooo baby, there’s a lot to do this weekend.

FRIDAY
Apotheke–Dis-Order Technology: Gejius, Masmod, Poindexta P, White Car, Rrine, 8:30 pm, $5
The Artistery–Valet, Mise en Abyme, Cryptacize, Breezy Days Band, 8 pm, $6, all ages
Crystal Ballroom–Galactic, Devin Phillips Band, 9 pm, $20-22, all ages
Dante’s–The Miss U’s, The Ones, 9:30 pm, $8-10
Doug Fir–The Album Leaf, Under Byen, Arthur & Yu, 9 pm, $12-14
Fez Ballroom–Shut Up & Dance: DJ Gregarious, 10 pm, $5
Grapedrink–The Rainy States, Shape Correct, 9 pm, $5
Hawthorne Theatre–Motion City Soundtrack, Sherwood, The Higher, The Forecast, 7:45 pm, $18-20, all ages
Holocene–One-Minute Film Fest Dance Party, 8 pm, $3-10
Mt. Tabor Legacy–Sunn O))), Earth, Weedeater, Wolves in the Throne Room, 9 pm, $12
Rocket–Grand Opening Party, 5:30 pm, free
Roseland–Deftones, Dir En Grey, The Fall of Troy, 8 pm, $28.50-32, all ages
Rotture–Juicy Queer Dance Party: DJ Beyonda, DJ Dirty Money, DJ Rad, 10 pm, $3
Slabtown–The Hugs, The Shee Bee Gees, The Dead Ringers, Red Medicine, 9 pm, $5

Saturday and Sunday shows after the jump.

SATURDAY
Aladdin Theater–Stephen Stills Band, 8 pm, $42.50-45, all ages
The Artistery–The Robot Ate Me, Drew Danburry, Modernstate, 8 pm, $6, all ages
Brain Stains–777: Number of the Feast: Blowback, Riot Cop, Accidental Gun Death, The Taxpayers, The Dead Ringers, Red Medicine, Moral Panic
Doug Fir–Sexton Blake, The Online Romance, Nire, 9 pm, $8
Holocene–Old Time Relijun, Yellow Swans, Raccoo-oo-oon, Binges, 9 pm, $7
Les Schwab Amphitheater (Bend)–Willie Nelson, 40 Points Band, 6:30 pm, $39-69, all ages
Mt. Tabor Legacy–Black Lips, Phantom Lights, The Headliners, DJ Colin Jarrell, 9 pm, $5
Roseland–Deftones, Dir En Grey, The Fall of Troy, 8 pm, $28.50-32, all ages
Rotture–Oh Captain, Swallows, AAN, Self Fulfilling Prophecies, 9 pm, $6
Satyricon–Resist, Deadly Ultrasound, The Helm, Dragline, Squalora, 7:30 pm, $8, all ages
Someday Lounge–3 Leg Torso, Listing Ship, 9 pm, $10-12

SUNDAY
Ground Kontrol–Rock 'n' Roll Camp for Girls Benefit: Order of the Gash, Anon Remora, I Am the Arm, Massive Meat Split, DJ Nate C, 9 pm, $5-10
Holocene–Tart: Dre, DJ Beyonda, Harmony, 5 pm, $5
Mississippi Studios–True Stories III: Jim Brunberg, McKinley, 7:30 pm, $20
Ohm–Mike Williams, free
Rotture–Enablers, Dragging an Ox Through Water, Lords of Light, 9 pm, $6
Tom McCall Waterfront Park–Waterfront Blues Fest: The Neville Brothers, Paul Green School of Rock, Linda Hornbuckle, MarchFourth Marching Band, Curtis Salgado, Lily Wilde Orchestra, Paul DeLay Memorial All-Stars, Mary Flower, & more, noon

On July 4th, the day we celebrated our nation’s independence from powdered-wig-wearing lobsterbacks, the TriMet bus driver who is alleged to have kicked two teen girls off his bus for kissing and called them “disgusting sickos” (aka The Case Of The Two Girls Kissing On The Bus) was put back on duty.

He had been placed on leave pending an investigation, and then subjected to some undisclosed—though seemingly not all that severe—discipline.

TriMet won’t say what the discipline (or retraining) entailed, but Ronnda Zezula, mother of one of the girls, believes the driver was never penalized for why he kicked the girls off, only for breaking TriMet policies on removing minors from the bus and forcing passengers to get off at locations that aren’t bus stops.

“I’m unhappy that they haven’t addressed the discrimination aspect of all this,” Zezula said this morning. “Not much has happened to the driver… He’s gotten such a good deal. He’s remained anonymous and he’s never had to apologize—that’s been left to the corporate office.”

“We just want this guy called on why he did what he did,” she added.

The driver returned to his old route—Bus 12—which one of the girls rides twice a day. Aaaaaaawkward.

Meanwhile, this Sunday is The Great Kiss-In to protest the driver’s slap-on-the-wrist punishment, and to demand more diversity training for bus drivers. It’s in front of the TriMet office, 701 SW 6th, at 2 pm. I would have called it the Kiss Army, but nobody asked me.

As you might have read, the Tin House Writers Workshop is well underway, with a ton of readings, interviews, and seminars going on for the next week or so. (Don’t miss TC Boyle Sunday night at Reed College, 3203 SE Woodstock, 8 pm!)

Tonight at Powell’s are the three latest authors from the Tin House New Voices series, which is a collection of wonderful trade paperbacks published by first-time authors that Tin House really believes in. I haven’t read all three of these books in their entirety, but I’ve read various chapters and stories from each, and they’re none too shabby. There’s Yes, Yes, Cherries, a collection of tragicomic stories, mostly about women and the ridiculousness of romance. Saving Angelfish is a pretty compelling novel about a drug-addicted actress, writeen by a former drug-addicted actress whom you might remember as Angela from Mr. Belvedere. Finally, there’s Josh Goldfaden, who wrote a very funny book of stories called Human Resources. Cross your fingers that he reads “Looking at Animals,” a really smart story about a National Geographic photographer who starts shooting in his own neighborhood as if it was the untamed wild.

The reading is at Powell’s on Burnside, and starts at 7:30 pm.

Hey, I may be new to this town (and this is kinda dated), but…

Didn’t the fireworks at Waterfront Park suck? Like, a lot?

Discuss.

A couple weeks ago I wrote an article about Sameunderneath, which mentioned in the all-to-brief space available for such issues that the company had their clothing manufactured in the same region of China that the bamboo used in their product is sourced—the idea being that instead of transporting the raw materials to a second location for production, and then to the third retail destination, this would reduce a bit of the carbon footprint left by transportation of goods. Of course, when many people see “Made in China,” their first thought is “sweatshop.” Portland companies such as Sameunderneath and Nau have spoken to these concerns by assuring their inspection and contractual policies with the factories are trustworthy, but a letter in response to the article, sent in by Ese Carnal creator Donovan Skirvin disputed the reasoning held to make it seem “sometimes okay” to buy goods manufactured in China:

MADE IN CHINA

DEAR MERCURY—Regarding Marjorie Skinner’s Sold Out column last week [“Sameunderneath Branches Out,” Sold Out, June 21]. When we buy products made in China, we give away our local wages. The laboring humans that live here have their quality of life eroded by the fact that our designers spend their money in China and elsewhere where labor is cheap. Every time we support a company that exports our labor, we make it harder for our workers to have normal standards of living. Sameunderneath is not avoiding transportation by having their clothes made in China. They are saving money on labor. Is that ethical? Portland’s own Duchess has a similar practice. They have that “family of tailors” that builds the suits they design. And, that “family” happens to live in China. Consumers have to realize that if they want to buy a shirt, a suit, a pair of shoes, or any goods that come from a humane and ethical source, they have to pay a lot of money. The fact is consumers in the States are not ready to pay for the humanity they dream of.

Donovan Skirvin

Today, I received a letter in response from Seyta Selter, the creator of Duchess. Read it after the break.

Dearest Portland Mercury,

I just saw the letter from Donovan Skirvin printed in your June 28 edition,
in which Duchess was mentioned. I want to correct the misinformation he
provided about us.

After meeting with clients and designing and patterning suits to meet their
wishes, the suits are cut and tailored to our specifications by our tailors
located in Bangkok, Thailand (a world center of fine tailoring), not China.
I went to great pains and years of research to ensure that the people we
work with, who are third generation tailors known for excellent
craftsmanship in English-style tailoring, have implemented fair labor and
environmental practices. Additionally, I do not pay pennies on the dollar
for the suits they make for us; in fact, the mark-up for our work in the
process is significantly lower than any other clothing retailer I’m familiar
with.

While I’d love to offer suits made entirely of Oregon parts by Oregon
craftspeople, they’d cost several thousand dollars for the same level of
craftsmanship we now provide. This in and of itself is contrary to my goal
of providing fine custom suits at a good price to average, non-rich folks.
Fortunately, I’ve found a way to offer a fine custom suit for a good price
and do so using responsible labor practices. And we don’t hide our methods
from our clients.

I’m offended by Mr. Skirvin’s readiness to tread on other small local
businesses. The argument that I’m stealing jobs from other Portlanders is
ridiculous. I created my own job in starting this business (which seems to
be unique in this town) and recently hired a second employee. We work hard,
as we're sure he does, and spend the money we earn locally. I see his
approach as quite counteractive to the Portland-centric business ideal he
champions.

Best,

Seyta Selter
Duchess, Clothier

God I’m so sick of blogging about Transfomers. So this a.m. decided I wasn’t going to write about how the movie’s already made $80 gazillion, or how people seem to either love it or hate it: I’ve had a few people come up and tell me “That was awesome!”, but then again, we also got this email:

Dear Merc,

You LIKED Transformers? Are you shitting me!? The movie was two hours of military masturbation mixed with horrible dialogue which clawed at every wall of the pit it dug itself into with jokes that sucked so much balls I was ready to leave. Dogs peeing on Transformers, Transformers peeing on people, a mother trying to make funny with PG-13 neutered masturbation slang does NOT make a movie feel “quick and fun” but rather TURTLE-WEARING-HOCKEY-SKATES-CRAWLING-THROUGH-
PEANUT-BUTTER-ON-MY-BACK SLOW. My recommendation is arrive 2 hours late, catch the only awesome part which is robots fighting/why you came in the first place and skip the horrible shit that happens before.

Doug Young

So okay. No more giant robot-related posts on Blogtown, right? But then… well, today we got a review copy of the Transformers soundtrack in the mail, and it features probably the worst song ever recorded ever. (The disc also features Linkin Park, Disturbed, and the Goo Goo Dolls.) Christian rockers Mute Math’s cover of the ’80s Transformers theme isn’t in the film, and there’s a good reason: It’s too crappy. Yes. Even for Michael Bay. (Keep in mind that yes, Michael Bay really does have [A] A dog peeing on a Transformer and [B] A Transformer peeing on a person in his film.) In conclusion, this song is so bad that we decided we had to post it. We just had to. It is that bad.

CAN YOU HANDLE IT?!?!?!?!?! Consider this a test.

Mute Math - Transformers Theme

Take a look at this video for The Album Leaf’s “Always For You,” the single from last year’s excellent Into The Blue Again album. The video is a nice postcard of San Diego, the band’s hometown.

Sunshine and palm trees? Check.
Balboa Park? Check.
The beach. Check.
Paragliding. Um, check.

Park your parachutes on East Burnside, The Album Leaf will be at Doug Fir tonight.

Check out this article from the Wall Street Journal which makes the case that children are more narcissistic than ever—and apparently it’s because of Mr. Rogers. As we all know, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood was a calm, gentle show for kids, where the kindly Rogers would often remind his viewers that they were “special—just because of who you are.”
However, now educators are second-guessing that strategy, claiming that this “specialness” gives children a sense of entitlement.

On the Yahoo Answers Web site, a discussion thread about Mr. Rogers begins with this posting: “Mr. Rogers spent years telling little creeps that he liked them just the way they were. He should have been telling them there was a lot of room for improvement. … Nice as he was, and as good as his intentions may have been, he did a disservice.”

Signs of narcissism among college students have been rising for 25 years, according to a recent study led by a San Diego State University psychologist. Obviously, Mr. Rogers alone can’t be blamed for this. But as Prof. Chance sees it, “he’s representative of a culture of excessive doting.”

Of course, they’re leaving a lot of wiggle room in this argument. I’m not exactly sure what constitutes “doting”—not beating them? Regardless, there’s a world of leeway between constantly expecting perfection out of a kid, and letting them get away with murder. To me, Mr. Rogers was about getting out, experiencing new things, and doing the hard work necessary to become a productive member of society. Which is why I think this Mr. Rogers analogy is so completely stupid.
Got any feelings about how kids today don’t got no respect for their elders and insist on playing that horrible “rocky roll” music?

Much like you, I only listen to original Captain Beefheart test pressings, while I alphabetize my rare collection of Velvet Underground acetates. Musical guilty pleasures are for casual, petty fans, those who do not understand the true pleasures of the art.

But just in case you care not for my pretentious tastes, tonight is an excellent night to let your guilty pleasures dictate your evening’s plans. So will it be the Deftones at The Roseland? Or Motion City Soundtrack at Hawthorne Theatre?

Tale of the Tape:
Deftones - The only metal band that has both Korn and Mary Timony on speed dial.
MP3: Deftones - Around the Fur

Motion City Soundtrack - Since the real Rivers Cuomo died right after Pinkerton was released (true story, the guy responsible for everything since—especially that “Beverly Hills” song—is a music industry cyborg), MCS might be the next best thing.
MP3: Motion City Soundtrack - Let’s Get Fucked-Up and Die

Attached is a San Francisco court’s 20 page judgment overturning the Portland conviction of an African American male for possession of a weapon, based on his unreasonable search and seizure, and, it seems, his race. If you have twenty minutes to spare, and any interest in how the constitution impacts search and seizures, and the circuit court’s interpretation of the constitution, it makes interesting reading. If not, don’t worry about it. Well, I’d worry about it, but don’t, you know, worry about it. If you know what I mean.

Although [the defendant] voluntarily consented to the search of his person, we conclude that the encounter then escalated into an impermissible seizure. And even though [the defendant] thereafter consented to the search of his car, during which the firearm was discovered, we conclude, contrary to the district court, that [the defendant]’s consent was not voluntary. Alternatively, the search of [the defendant]’s car and the firearm discovered therein were “fruits of the poisonous tree” that followed in an immediate unbroken chain from his illegal seizure.

The report continues:

Recent relations between police and the African American community in Portland are also pertinent to our analysis.

Download the report here. This is a follow-up to the driving while black story referenced on Blogtown this morning.

If you haven’t made it over to the bright red building on East Burnside that houses both the Chesterfield Club and the Rocket, tonight’s the night—the whole building is opening its doors for a blowout open house party with DJs, live music, and lots of pretty people for your viewing pleasure. And speaking of pretty, don’t miss the view from Rocket’s top-floor balcony—and word is there will also be tours of Rocket’s uber-sustainable rooftop garden.

1111 E Burnside, 5:30 pm-midnight, no cover

I do not understand this at all. I just do not understand.

We reported on the worrisome possibility of a live-action/CG Alvin and the Chipmunks a while back; now Best Week Ever has a breakdown of this terrifying thing, featuring such astute observations as “DOES ANYONE HERE REMEMBER ALVIN LOOKING LIKE EMINEM‘S BALLSACK? If I were walking down a dark street, and Alvin and his thuggy friends were walking towards me… I WOULD CROSS THE STREET. And they are animated chipmunks” and “Simon was supposed to be the nerd! They could have made a tall, slender, hipster chipmunk that would have had dork girls swooning! Instead, they’ve given us DJ Jazzy Sizz-imon.”

Alvin and the Chipmunks, everybody! Hitting theaters this Christmas!

Time to go to Colorado!

According to Alternative Press legendary emo (back when the word was far less shameful than its present day incarnation) act Christie Front Drive is playing a reunion show in their hometown of Denver. Their first performance in a decade will be on Saturday, September 1 at the Marquis Theater, as part of something called DenverFest III.

From AltPress:
“It’s just like old times,” writes Richter on the Caulfield Records message board. “We’re not making much money and people will probably laugh behind our backs, but we do promise fun.”

Ah, self-deprecating emo. If anyone remembers, or still cares, CFD were legends for influencing endless bands with awkward names (usually involving the seasons or the months of the year: Summer’s December!), plus when it came time to cash-in on the little movement they helped build, the band declined all offers and quietly broke up.

Christie Front Drive - After the Parade

I love my Xbox 360, but I’m also terrified of it. IT IS A FICKLE DEVICE. Sure, I’ve been lucky so far—mine hasn’t given me any trouble whatsoever. But apparently, every other 360 on the planet has either exploded, melted, or simply popped out of existence. Microsoft’s hardware is seriously flawed—or, at least, it was at the 360’s launch—meaning a ton of people have had trouble with the machine. (One guy who works here at the Mercury went through, I think, four or five 360s before getting his current one, which works fine… so far. Ah, well—at least he’s not this guy.)

Anyway: Microsoft’s finally doing something about all the complaints/repairs they’ve had to deal with, and it’s a big enough deal that even the stodgy New York Times, a publication that does not understand videogames in the slightest, is reporting on it. “The company said it would extend warranty coverage to three years to cover the problem and would reimburse customers who had previously paid for repairs…. It also said it has made improvements to the Xbox 360 console,” the Times says. And yes, this is costing Microsoft—between $1.05 billion to $1.15 billion. It must suck to know they could have saved a chunk of that cash if they’d put out a less shoddy product in the first place.

In other videogame news: Rumors of a PlayStation 3 price drop? If the Xbox’s big problem has been hardware reliability, the PS3’s has been that the damn thing costs roughly the same as a palatial Hollywood estate. Especially considering that the PS3 doesn’t even have that many great games for it—and that Nintendo’s cheap-ass Wii is making a killing—a price drop can be nothing but a good thing for Sony’s troubled console, at least as far as gamers are concerned.

1.I-SCREAM! Mister Softee trucks in New York City are violating the new noise ordinance. “Can’t I even play it for ten seconds while I’m stopped?” asked one driver in Queens.

2.SMEATON! Glasgow airport baggage handler John Smeaton was taking a “sneaky fag break” out the front of the terminal last weekend when two crazed terrorists tried to drive their Land Rover through its front door. He gave one of them a sound kicking, and has now become a national hero for his “have a go” efforts. 1200 people have already pledged him a pint of lager through paypal, now you can, too.

3.CHINESE TOILET! A new four-story restroom in China has more than 1000 stalls. “Some urinals are uniquely shaped, including ones inside open crocodile mouths and several that are topped by the bust of a woman resembling the Virgin Mary.” Meanwhile Portland can’t build a single new restroom for its homeless before kicking them off the streets.

4.OCTOSQUID! New sea-creature found off the coast of Hawaii. Try to stay calm:OCTOSQUID: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! IT’S GOING TO KILL US ALL!!!

5.STOPPED WHILE BLACK! A Federal court in San Francisco has thrown out the 70-month conviction of a black man arrested by Portland Police, saying they didn’t get proper permission to search him. Writes Nick Budnick at the Tribune:

It also suggests that because of recent history, Portland police officers must take extra care when stopping blacks without reasonable suspicion and asking for permission to search them or their vehicles — because of, among other things, “the unique situation in Portland between the African-American community and the Portland police,” the judges wrote.

It’s a good story that throws new focus on the mayor’s committee to end racial profiling. Well done, Nick. Good to see you’re covering the issue at last, even if your editors do stick the story WAY below the fold.

Good Day!

On Monday, following the news that Vladimir Golovan was convicted on 10 of 12 charges of forgery for his part in running the signature gathering campaign for Lucinda Tate, the editors at BlueOregon posted a piece asking, “Given that this fraud was discovered prior to the election, does this mean that the system worked? Or should we expect campaign finance systems to be immune to bad behavior from scam artists?”

Dave Lister, a former city council candidate and frequent critic of the public campaign funding program (and Blogtown regular), jumped in, laying the blame at the feet of the city auditor, Gary Blackmer:

All the players in this saga seem slimy, but I would still like to hear an explanation from Gary Blackmer as to how those clearly fraudulent signatures passed muster in his office. What exactly was the dynamic in his office, or the back and forth between he and Susan Francois, the elections officer at the time, that allowed Boyles to be given the money. From what I’ve heard, they randomly sampled a few signatures and checked a Portland phone book to make sure they were in residence. Based on what I saw on KATU’s website, a ten year old would have spotted the fraud.

You have to wonder if Blackmer’s zeal to see the system he co-authored succeed clouded his judgement in making the grant.

One thousand signatures is not very many. I hope the public campaign finance commission has insisted that each and every one of them be verified, rather than some kind of random sampling.

Strong words, Lister! Even a 10-year-old could have caught it!

That got “some people” wondering…if a 10-year-old could have caught Golovan’s signature fraud, how well could a 52-year-old city council candidate do in checking his own paperwork? As it turns out, Lister probably could have used that 10-year-old to double check his own filings.

On four separate contributions and expenditures reports (pdf) during his 2006 effort to unseat Erik Sten, Lister listed one of his donors, Rob Kremer ($450), as being the president of the Oregon Education Association, the state’s teachers union and the largest public employee union in the state.

Kremer is not only not the president of the OEA, but he’s also probably one of the organization’s biggest detractors. He’s an active advocate of charter schools, and ran for superintendent of education in 2002 on a platform of saving money by firing state employees. He and the OEA don’t exactly have a lot in common, leading one observer to wonder if giving Kremer that title was some kind of “lame libertarian humor.”

Kremer is, however, the president (sole member?) of the Oregon Education Coalition, whose mission is “helping teachers and parents take their schools back from the bureaucrats.”

Lister, who hadn’t realized the mistake until I pointed it out to him today, says he wasn’t trying to fool anyone, and that the name flub (only off by one word, but one very, very important word) was the result of trying to run his campaign—including all of the paperwork—by himself.

“I simply messed up and entered the name wrong,” he says. “I was doing all the reporting paperwork in the AM (early, like 3) and I was cutting and pasting from earlier reports to save time. I can only guess that I made the mistake on the initial contribution and simply copied it forward. I’ll get on the campaign reporting database this weekend and see if there’s a way I can correct it. I wasn’t trying to hide or confuse anything.”

As they say, mistakes happen. Which is why everyone needs a 10-year-old on retainer.

Or maybe just stronger coffee.

After a mid-week day off, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that it’s a Thursday. And not just any Thursday at that, but First Thursday. If you’re out among the throngs tonight, trying to hunt down some good art, you could do a lot worse than stopping by to see the following shows:

Soft at Tilt, 625 NW Everett, #106
Kristan Kennedy guns for the title of Hardest Working Woman in Portland with this exhibition that she juried, featuring TJ Norris, Aaron Bowles, and Eva Speer, whose painting is pictured here:

David Eckard @ Mark Woolley, 128 NE Russell
Eckard’s artistic development has been a joy to watch since I moved here: With every outing, he builds upon his previous works, filling in gaps, reconciling his different interests, and developing a hugely ambitious body of work. In his latest show, painting and sculpture collide head on in playful new ways.

Michelle Ross @ Elizabeth Leach, 417 NW 9th
Ross has been one of my favorite abstractionists for years now, as her paintings always seem headed toward screechingly ugly ends, but then swerve into a sort of peverse refinement the more you study them. Her new work looks quite different, with a lot of architectural influences, so I’m very curious to check them out.

If wizards or southern rock ain’t your bag, how about spending your Thursday night with some good ‘ole fashioned punk rockers? Toronto’s Fucked Up are making waves for their unrelenting blasts of classic hardcore and clever punk, plus their ties to well-respected indie Jade Tree Records couldn’t hurt.

The above video is a sneak peek of the chaos (and free piggy-back rides) you can expect from the band’s moshtacular live show.

Fucked Up will be at Satyricon tonight. Also, the first commenter who posts “Know what is really Fucked Up? That singer with his shirt off!” wins a prize.

You’re not gonna believe this one! On July 4th, a Mercury reader says she witnessed two anti-fireworks vigilantes soaking a bunch of people shooting off fireworks… with a FIREHOSE. Here’s her email:

So we were sitting at Colonel Summers Park watching the fireworks (or at least what little we could see of them) and several people from the neighborhood were there lighting off their own fireworks. About 20 minutes into the show, two people with firehoses came running across the park and doused many of the guilty parties. I guessed it was the Mercury staff, but it could’ve been anyone. They were gone as quickly as they got there, and the illicit firework lighting party resumed.

She “guessed it was the Mercury staff”?? WHY DO WE ALWAYS GET BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING?
Ohhhh… yeahhh. That could be the reason.

Oooh, your aching head. The cure: Go see a loud, rawkin’ show!

Ash Street Saloon–PRA Benefit: Kieskagato, Rapids, Yoyodyne, The Happy Prescriptions, DJ Murder, DJ Fawn, 9:30 pm, $5-10
Dante’s–Fleshtone, Dat’r, Do N Dudes, DJ Beyonda, 9:30 pm, $5
Doug Fir–Amadan, Eleven Eyes, Invisible Rockets, 9 pm, $8
Holocene–Yes Father, These Little Nothings, Valediction, 9 pm, $6
Red Room–True Tape Ponyghost, Los Alvidados, The Friction Brothers, 9 pm
Satyricon–Fucked Up, Sex Vid, The Estranged, Ethiopian Children, 7:30 pm, $6, all ages
Someday Lounge–The Soft Room, 4 pm, free; The Fix: Ohmega Watts, Rev. Shines, DJ Kez, DJ Dun Diggy, 9 pm, free
Wonder Ballroom–Drive-By Truckers, 8 pm, $20, all ages

Hey, so what are you doing tonight? Yeah, yeah, that sounds really interesting, whatever. HERE’S WHAT I’M WATCHING TONIGHT:

Yes. Them’s the opening credits from one of my favorite movies ever, Black Belt Jones. Your plans for this evening look like crap now, don’t they?!

I’d wholeheartedly recommend watching Black Belt Jones if I knew where to find it. I’m not sure if Netflix has it, and I have yet to see it in a video store in Portland. I only found out about it when I was working at a Salt Lake City movie theater in high school, and a fellow film nerd recommended it to me. I found it at a local Hollywood Video a day or two later—the VHS tape buried under, I shit you not, a layer of dust about a quarter of an inch thick—and rented it, watched it, loved it. When I went back a week later to rent it again, it was gone. Luckily, they’d just moved it to their “movies no one ever rents except for high schoolers with too much time on their hands so now they’re for sale for CHEAP” bin, and I picked it up for like $5… $5 that happened to be the best $5 I have ever spent.

Finally! Britney Spears has at long last offered up an explanation of why she went on a bald-headed SUV bashing spree with an umbrella. It was to get a movie “roll.” Here is her hilarious pseudo-explanation from her hilarious pseudo-website britneyspears.com. By the way, all spelling errors remain intact for your enjoyment. Oh, and “pap” means “paparazzi”—right?

I apologize to the pap for a stunt that was done 4 months ago regarding an umbrella. I was preparing my character for a roll in a movie where the husband never plays his part so they switch places accidentally. I take all my rolls very seriously and got a little carried away. Unfortunately I didn’t get the part.

Ummmmm… what? This movie kind of sounds like a cross between Freaky Friday and Saw.

At first, I hated the Drive-By Truckers based on name alone. Soon my hatred was aimed at their reputation (another damn “southern rock revival” band) and a few unfortunately titled albums (Gangstabilly, Pizza Deliverance). But the kicker was the news that the band, who I had never actually heard at the time, was going to release a double-album of songs about Lynyrd Skynyrd. Oh fuck that, the world does not need another band who worships the bloated ghost of this once great (and misunderstood) band, that is now nothing more than shameful rock nostalgia for NASCAR fans and drunken right-wingers.

I was wrong.

Turns out that the Skynyrd record, Southern Rock Opera, was absolute perfection, a brilliant look at Ronnie Van Zant, rock fandom, and life below the Mason-Dixon line. Their next few records—Decoration Day, The Dirty South and last year’s A Blessing and A Curse—are more rock adventures from a very intelligent band who is unashamed—but not overly boastful—of their Southern roots.

The Drive-By Truckers - Feb 14

The band will be at the Wonder Ballroom tonight.

Harry and the Potters at Voodoo Doughnut tonight, 8 pm!

This band—two brothers from Boston who dress up as Harry Potter and sing songs based on the books—is fun and adorable, as anyone who saw last summer’s show at Acme will attest. They play libraries and all-ages shows, they have a reading list on their website (which includes Philip Pullman’s amazing His Dark Materials trilogy), and if you write a book report on any of the books and bring it to the show you get a free toothbrush! Apparently they also like to eat, so I promised to take them around before the show—any suggestions on places to take a couple of dudes who dress up like wizards for a living? Quick, cheap, delicious, please.

This blog posts devolves into unabashed nerdery after the jump

If you weren't already sold on the wizard rock/dress up thing, this band also has the awesomest T-shirts, like, ever. The black one says "This Guitar is a Horcrux":

While we're at it, Is Harry a Horcrux?

A recent NY Times article summed up the Harry Potter phenomenon nicely, in reference to the Is Snape Evil? debate:

"I've seen really intelligent, really literate women and men discuss these points and provide more than cogent arguments that Snape is X, Y or Z, and they all make sense in terms of all the clues [Rowling]'s given in the book," Granger said. "This has probably been the most fun that intelligent people can have with their clothes on in the 21st century."

God, what am I going to do for fun once the book comes out?

My money's on the theory quoted in the same article, that "Professor Snape, whose allegiances have been the subject of fierce debate, will sacrifice himself to destroy Lord Voldemort, the unequivocal villain of the series." Harry is a sanctimonious little prig on the subject of Snape—I think I want Snape to be good just so that Harry will have to admit that he was wrong. And then Snape will have to die, of course, and Harry will have to live forever with the knowledge of Snape's sacrifice. If Snape ends up being evil, I'm not getting out of bed for a week.

Happy 4th of July everyone! Did you have a nice time? I did, until I came home to find that my house had been broken into… sort of. The creepy thing is, it has to have been someone who’s been in our house before. They got in through a window that had been unlocked from the inside, one which we always keep locked with the blinds drawn over it. And, they made a beeline for a back room with no windows to the street, and specifically walked away with my boyfriend’s less-than-a-year-old 19” flat screen imac with wireless keyboard and mouse, completely bypassing other things, and not searching or ransacking anything. The most recent we’ve had guests over (almost all of whom we know well) was Friday night, so if anyone tries to sell you an almost new 19” imac with a flat screen and wireless keyboard and mouse, ask them where the fuck they were on Friday night, ok? In the meantime, short of scouring Craig’s List and pawn shops, does anyone have any advice for recovering the computer? Any inspiring tales of triumph over fucking ass headed punk fuck thieves? Apparently, you should do your stealing on a night when everyone’s drunk and making a bunch of noise. That was clever. Also, I’m glad they didn’t fuck with my indoor cats, and closed the window far enough that they couldn’t get out. God, I wish cats could talk!

Blübird photo by Jim Jeffers

Here’s hoping that the young ladies of Blübird are the first graduates of the Rock ‘n’ Roll Camp for Girls program to make it big.
MP3: Blübird - Little Yellow Lemon

For once, the Waterfront Blues Festival isn’t a total waste of time. If we’re lucky, someone will say, “Nobody leaves here without singing the blues!” I love that movie!
MP3: Keith Frank & The Soileau Zydeco Band - If Your Mama Don’t Mind

Seattle duo Arthur & Yu are so smooth. And not in that Rob Thomas/Santana way. “You got the kind of lovin that can be so smooth/Gimme your heart make it real’Or else forget about it.” Totally not like that.
MP3: Arthur & Yu - Come To View (Song For Neil Young)

NERD ALERT! Harry & The Potters sing songs about Dungeons & Dragons Harry Potter. Sorry, nerd culture confuses me.
MP3: Harry & The Potters - Felix Felicis

Well… only one way to find out. (Uhh… don’t breathe that, kids.)

1.ANYTHING GOES! A town in Maine celebrates July 4 by commemorating a bygone aspect of this country’s history: the right to free speech. “What it’s all about is being able to say whatever you want,” says one obvious terrorist.

2.GOREY DETAILS! Former next President’s son arrested for drug possession, although he was driving a hybrid at the time. Meanwhile Gore cancels interviews promoting his Live Earth concerts, just as they draw scorn for hypocrisy. Crisis management consultant, anyone?

3.iSHITE! Apple phone breaks after four days. Customer faces Sisyphean refund battle. You’re surprised?

4.BARTSIMPSON-WILLY-GATE! New film features a full-frontal shot of Bart, to “annoy religious people,” says show’s creator. Also announces a sequel in which Marge will be wearing an Islamic hijab. Just kidding. About the Islam thing, I mean. [glances nervously out of the newsroom window, considers hitting “delete”…][doesn’t]

5.MELLY DEAD. “I’ve always said I wanted to die either coming off stage with the applause in my ears or of a terminal stroke on a river bank with two trout by my side,” said the alcoholic intellectual bisexual, arch provocateur jazz singer, who had refused treatment for his lung cancer and kept performing. Until now.Rest in peace, George. And can I have your suit?

Good day!

YEAH! America! Happy Fourth of July, everyone! Here in the Mercury office, we all love America, which means we love the Fourth of July! (Well, except for Matt Davis, who harbors a grudge, and the other day tried to make me give him a quarter when he saw me drinking some tea.) Also, just as a side note, this is the best and most patriotic picture on the internet:

So to celebrate America and its awesomeness, there’s probably nothing better to do than listening to the two tracks below, both of which are from Patton Oswalt’s upcoming comedy album, Werewolves and Lollipops. Oswalt is hilarious, and aside from providing the main voice in Pixar’s Ratatouille, has also appeared in Comedians of Comedy and King of Queens. Werewolves is in stores on July 10, so pick it up (and get his earlier album, Feelin’ Kinda Patton, too). You owe it to your country.

Patton Oswalt - America Has Spoken

Patton Oswalt - The Dukes of Hazzard

It’s Independence Day, and thanks to Lynn at Oregon Media Insiders for providing the appropriate Blogtown image:BLOGTOWN: OUT.

I’ll just leave you one story today, given that last year I had to endure no less than 20 jibes about “being British on July 4.” Yes, it’s hard to be British on July 4. I’m going to spend the day trying to forgive your people for your stupidity and impoliteness in declaring “independence.” And also, I’m going to be sure to get my dad to send me 10 quid, because the pound hit a record 2.01dollars exchange today. That’s a 26 year peak! Forgive me. It just makes being British a little easier to take, that’s all. Happy July 4, everyone!

Yesterday, I posted about stumbling across Emilie Boyles’ MySpace page, and strongly recommended you check it out. But then she went and deleted all the awesome comments and friends, totally bumming the entire city out.

Luckily, though, I just found a cached version of her page. Check it out here.

Simple. It’s when half of City Council goes on holiday, July 4 strikes bang in the middle of the working week, and your news editor emails from vacation, asking “has anybody got a circular saw I could borrow?” We’re doing our best here, but if anybody wants any attention for pretty much any particular cause, you know, “fat girl speaks,” “vegans for Mars,” that kind of thing—now would be a good time: news@portlandmercury.com

Tonight indie superstars Band of Horses saddle up to the Crystal Ballroom. There isn’t a whole lot I need to say about this South Carolina, via Seattle, band that hasn’t been mentioned numerous times before on the web, or in this paper. They are very good. The end.

Band of Horses - Weed Party

Horses not your thing? How about ponies? Or, in this case, Ponytail. This Baltimore (home of a certain famous horse race) band will be opening for Battles at the Doug Fir tonight. Much like the creatures in their names, Ponytail is smaller and less favorable than Band of Horses, but still enjoyable in their own special way.

Ponytail - Lion Down

The post would have been easier had this band just been playing.

Jesus Christ, I have never been so excited for summer to wind down in my life as I am this year, and it’s all because of a two week window in September in which I plan to dance more than I have cumulatively in the past 31 years. September 7 brings us (duh) Justin Timberlake, but then on Sept 19, it’s Diplo and Switch, AKA the two most kickass names I could have possibly said when talking about a dance night at Holocene. Diplo and I have had our differences, but I never for one moment lost any of my love for the music he creates and curates.

And speaking of, Mr. Lo has put together one of those iTunes playlists that you can either buy for a dollar a song, or just jot down the titles and get a little more resourceful with your Limeweezy skills. Included on his mix are some of the usual suspects: Blaqstarr, Daft Punk, and Freeway, but also Spoon and the Dave Brubeck Quartet. He’s also assembled a Live Session for iTunes that features Bonde do Role covering a Pixies song, which is enough to make my head explode spontaneously (although still not enough to get me to sign up for an iTunes account, curiously). I haven’t figured out how to link to stuff on the iTunes store, so here’s a post on another blog that has the whole hookup for you.

In the meantime, here’s a clip of Switch dropping “A Bit Patchy” earlier this year.

Another great reason to love America is that people get really REALLY mad when you threaten to take their fireworks away. Take for example the person who wrote to us this week in reference to “The Mercury Civic Fireworks Abatement Crew”, an organization that promises to douse anyone using fireworks with buckets of water. From “Velvet Draven”…

I seriously hope this column is a fucking joke, for the safty of everyone on that crew and anyone involved in that juvenile project. Of all the childish things to take a stance against you choose an event that’s been occurring for decades and takes place for one fucking night, why not get your panties out of the fucked up bunch and leave us be. I promise you, if I happen to get a face full of water or a water balloon destroys fireworks that I paid for, I’ll be the motherfucker with the mohawk and the baseball bat beating the shit out of the responsible party. MARK MY FUCKING WORDS, BRING YOUR SHIT TO SE 56TH ON THE 4TH AND ALL OF YOU WILL END UP IN THE FUCKING E.R.
FUCK OFF!

Goodness. Anyway, the intention of the Mercury Civic Fireworks Abatement Crew is to show how fireworks can also be dangerous, as well as fun. Check out the following video, and then answer the following question: Which is preferable, a wet head or NO HEAD?

Good news for those of you who’re still watching the show, and/or excited for the movie. Straight from the press release:

PORTLAND – A 13 foot tall, 8 foot long couch, complete with its own backdrop and larger-than-life Simpsons family figures will be on the corner of Yamhill and Sixth Avenue in the Pioneer Courthouse Square Sunday, July 8. This will be an opportunity for fans of The Simpsons to stop by and take a “load off” with their favorite family.

KPDX-TV, a partner in the event, will be on site filming the festivities and offering snacks straight out of the film (and TV show), compliments of a local “Kwik-E-Mart,” also known as 7-11. Treats will include fictional favorites such as KrustyO’s cereal, Sprinkelicious doughnuts, Buzz Cola, and coupons for Squishee frozen drinks. In addition to the free treats (available on a first-come, first-served basis), visitors to the square will also have the chance to sidle-up to Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie and have their picture taken.

Long calling itself the original Springfield, this Portland stop for the famous family will come as no surprise to locals who feel Portland is the rightful home of the Simpsons. Maybe Portland IS the Springfield, hometown boy and creator Matt Groening made famous, but it is Springfield, Oregon, that is sparring with other Springfield’s across the nation to be awarded the hometown premiere screening of the film. This special public appearance of The Simpsons Movie couch is a little nod of acknowledgement to Portland, and the choice of Pioneer Courthouse Square, a.k.a. “Portland’s living room,” is no coincidence.

Portland Police Bureau Officer Matt Wells denies arresting Richard Prentice for the anti-cop content of his posters, in a copy of the police report obtained by the Mercury this morning: View image.

The report says Wells could “not make out what was on the paper from the street…” However, given Prentice’s allegation he was arrested for the content of the fliers, and not the simple act of “advertising on the street,” it’s interesting to see how much Officer Wells mentions their content in the police report:

I could see they were of Sgt.Nice, Ofcr Humphreys and Dep.Burton. I removed the remainder of the torn flier and tape from the building.

At CE I seized the additional fliers as evidence and looked through them. There were several of the aforementioned fliers and also fliers depicting shooting police and one with an overturned police car set on fire.

Wells arrested Prentice, cited him with “advertising on the street,” and threw him in a cell on June 14 for putting up an anti-cop poster on the Federal Justice Center—the posters, Prentice says, were motivated by the in-custody death of James Chasse last fall, as well as him own alleged beating at the hands of North Portland officers last April.

Prentice alleges Wells called him a “dipshit,” and that he was also intimidated in the holding cell by Officers Kyle Nice and Christopher Humphreys—Nice emailed the Mercury with a copy of one of Prentice’s posters, last week. Wells’ report also makes no mention of Nice or Humphreys.

Dan Handelman of Portland Copwatch is concerned that a copy of the report is checked as having been sent to “intel,” or the Bureau’s criminal intelligence unit.

“This is what we were trying to get at with the Joint Terrorism Task Force,” he says. “In that, how serious a crime does one have to commit to justify investigating one’s political beliefs? This violation is up there with the sit/lie ordinance for seriousness, and yet Prentice’s arrest report is being sent to intel?”

I was just introduced to Photobooth.net, the “most comprehensive photobooth resource on the internet.” I checked their international photobooth locator, and according to their resources the photobooth at the Red Light on Hawthorne is the only photobooth in Portland, and recent updates to the entry point out that it’s not even on the floor of the store anymore, but tucked away in the employee-only section because it doesn’t work. Portland, say it ain’t so. I personally can’t think of having seen any other photobooths in town, but there must be. Must be! Where are they? Put them on the damn most comprehensive photobooth resource on the internet so I can find them, ok? Thanks!

There are two ways you can see Transformers: With these guys or with this guy. (FYI, that last link? Definitely NSFW.)

Thanks to Defamer and Jalopnik.

Ok, so the last couple albums from the Flaming Lips have not been all that great, but they are still (arguably) our generation’s greatest live band, and now they are coming back to Portland…

September 19th at the Roseland Theater

No word on when tickets go on sale, but once they do, they won’t last long. Before you start camping out on the bus mall next to Roseland, peep this trailer for U.F.O.’s at the Zoo, the new DVD from the band which is due out on July 24th.

Well, kind of.

From SFGate.com:

I was just thinking what it must be like to live in Tel Aviv, or anywhere in Israel, and have to face this kind of thing every day,” Oregon Shakespeare Festival Artistic Director Libby Appel said Friday, scanning the confused midday crowd on the festival’s plaza.

It was a crowd that included actors, technicians and house staff who should have been inside preparing for the afternoon’s matinee, as well as ticket holders caught in an unusual limbo. A suspicious package had been discovered in the area of Ashland’s Lithia Park closest to the Angus Bowmer Theatre.

“It actually was a hoax,” Ashland Deputy Chief Rich Walsh said in a phone interview a few hours later, after the bomb squad had investigated and exploded what turned out to be “some batteries taped together with wires protruding and a timing device attached.” It probably wasn’t meant to affect the festival, he confirmed. The package had been placed “right at the foot” of an unattractive, small white marble statue of Abraham Lincoln at the park entrance — a statue that has been the subject of much vandalism, ranging from messy taggings to beheadings. “It just recently got a new head,” Walsh said.

Lincoln, or his inept sculptor, may have been the target but it was the festival and the downtown plaza businesses that suffered the damage. The area remained closed off for almost five hours on a Friday at the height of Ashland’s tourist season.

On this most hallowed of eves (pre-July 4th), I would like to challenge my Blogtown brethren and sisthren to post evidence of why America is the greatest country in the universe.
My proof? America is great for pretty much one reason, and one reason only: MAURY POVITCH. Only Maury devotes entire episodes of his daytime talk show to people who are horrified of ordinary objects, like balloons, pickles… and in this thought-provoking segment, PEACHES. (Seriously. Show this guy a peach, and he becomes a maurading rhinoceros.) AMERICA ROCKS!!

The only problem with Pseudosix’s excellent self-titled record, is that the sucker doesn’t drop until late August. So instead of teasing you with songs from an album whose release is over a month away (which is a lifetime in indie rock), here’s an out-take that the band’s camp sent our way.

Pseudosix - Copout

The tune features one Chris Funk, of The Decemberists, and it’s all yours for the downloadin’. Enjoy.

LIBBY: Hurled headlong flaming from th’ ethereal sky/With hideous ruin and combustion down…BUT PRISON WOULD BE “EXCESSIVE…”

1.INJUSTICE! President George Bush lets his Vice President’s former most senior aide, Scooter Libby, avoid prison for lying to a Grand Jury about exposing as a spy the wife of a US Ambassador who accused Bush of twisting intelligence as the basis for going to war in Iraq. Complicated, eh?! Well, I don’t know about you, but this decision makes me want to rip out my own heart and eat it. It simplifies things.

2.JUSTICE! Vladimir Golovan, henchman to former Portland city council candidate, the Antichrist Emilie Boyles (all I’m saying is, she’s clearly nuts, let’s leave her alone now, eh?) was found guilty on 10 of the 12 charges against him yesterday.

3.TERROR! Patient:”Doctor, doctor, there’s a pain in my head.” Doctor:”Take these two Advil and then, how about I blow you up? That should take care of it. Yes…”

4.RICH! Mexican oil tycoon Carlos Slim has overtaken Bill Gates and Warren Buffet as the world’s richest man. Now there’s a nice, heartwarming story to restore your faith in the human condition. If it’s any consolation, things will probably improve tomorrow.

Good day!

Over at the Oregonian’s breaking news blog, Anna Griffin has the verdict in the case against Vladimir Golovan, who was charged with breaking the law while he “collected” signatures for city council candidates Emilie Boyles and Lucinda Tate.

The verdict: Golovan was found guilty of 10 of the 12 charges against him, although he was acquitted of the two charges related to Boyles’ case. In a weird spin on one of the weirdest political stories in recent memory, Golovan attempted to place all of the blame on Bruce Broussard, the perennially unsuccessful candidate who’s run for just about every office you can think of.

Golovan claims that Broussard somehow mastered the whole forgery/lying scam, then turned on Boyles, Tate, and Golovan once he had the dirt on them. Golovan also claims that he had permission from Russian and Ukrainian immigrants to forge their signatures, because Boyles was against same-sex marriage.

The mind boggles. The O has been camped on this story from the word go, and they’ve got a nice collection of daily coverage from the trial here. Go ahead and try to wrap your head around it.

In the meantime, I’ve stumbled across Boyles’ MySpace page, which I highly recommend you check out. Pay special attention to all of the comments from her “friends.”

The next stage of congestion charging in London will be a move to emissions-based charging. This will be aimed at deterring vehicles with the highest carbon emissions, like sports utility vehicles, from entering the city center. The new program will impose a payment of £25 per day for such vehicles, as well as abolish the 90-percent exemption that their owners would receive if they were residents of the congestion charging zone. Incidentally, this charge for S.U.V.’s enjoys 3-to-1 popular support.

So says the mayor of London, in an op-ed in today’s New York Times. What leadership! What poise! Incidentally, you’ll notice Mr.Livingstone did not form a single committee in advance of pursuing this new and highly controversial approach.

So they say it’s “with permission,” but I have a hard time believing this is all on the straight-and-narrow. Nevertheless, Michael Moore’s Sicko is available for free viewing online, with part one here and part two here.

Amy J. Ruiz’s review of the film is here, and I’ll throw my two cents in too, because that’s what I do: This movie’s pretty excellent. You should watch it. And now you have no excuse not to, considering it’s… well, free.

I could not want to see this movie more: I love food, I love France, when I was a kid I had a pet rat named Stinky—and trusted Mercury Film Editor Erik Henriksen says the film is “utterly original, sharply clever, and earnestly moving.” Sold! Here is an interesting site where animator Michel Gagné lays out the process by which visual abstract representations of taste were created for the movie.

Hat tip to The Beat.

A mate of mine from England, okay, the mate of mine from England, just emailed:

I recently discovered “The Mighty Boosh” and if you’re after a slice of surreal British humor I don’t think you could do much better. You can probably download them from the internet or something (in which case the 2nd series is, in my opinion, superior to the first)…

Turns out, you can. Here’s the funniest clip I’ve found so far:

“I love root beer. It tastes like band-aids.”

—Matt Davis

The always-excellent Powell’s blog tips us off to the big literary news of the day: a sneak peek at Jenna’s Bush’s first novel, Ana’s Story: A Journey of Hope.

The 25-year-old has said she based the book on a series of interviews with a 17-year-old, HIV-positive unwed mother she befriended during her stint as a UNICEF volunteer in Latin America last year… The book ends with a lengthy appendix that includes several tips on how teens can protect themselves against AIDS and other STDs, and it includes sentences like this one: “Whether or not you choose to wait until your married or older to become sexually active, give yourself as much time as you need to make a well-thought-out and mature decision.”… In fact, though there’s no ghostwriter listed, we have a hard time imagining she wrote it herself. Not because nothing in her past antics suggested she had a thoughtful, intellectual bent, or because she occasionally uses big words like “dichotomy” or references to the paintings of Gauguin, but because the book is too smooth.

The write-up concludes with a joke about a James Frey-like scandal that could unfold if the contents of Jenna’s dubious story ever prove to be less than truthful (surely her dad raised her better than that!), but I don’t think that’s gonna happen. If Bush’s cronies can convince Americans that John Kerry was a coward, while W was a nationalistic hero, I don’t think they’ll have any trouble conjuring up an AIDS-stricken teen mother from an under-developed nation to vouch for Jenna’s good honor.

If you missed it the last time Nolita had a big sale, cheer up: Starting July 7 and going all the way to the end of the month, find up to 60% off spring/summer clothing and denim for men and women. Considering summer is just getting off the ground anyhow, the timing is perfect. My score from their last sale was a Mike & Chris hoodie, which had been exceedingly hard not to wear every single day.

(Want more fashion? Come here.)

Matt and Magenta make a public plea to get Dave Allen on the show. Matt gets embroiled in a feud with his friends Mike and Dr. Dave from Pause Kitchen and Bar over Roxy Music and the Cars. Music by Gang of Four, the Swell Maps, Prince, and the Exploding Hearts. Whatever happened to Joe Ferguson? Welcome to