1.I-SCREAM! Mister Softee trucks in New York City are violating the new noise ordinance. “Can’t I even play it for ten seconds while I’m stopped?” asked one driver in Queens.

2.SMEATON! Glasgow airport baggage handler John Smeaton was taking a “sneaky fag break” out the front of the terminal last weekend when two crazed terrorists tried to drive their Land Rover through its front door. He gave one of them a sound kicking, and has now become a national hero for his “have a go” efforts. 1200 people have already pledged him a pint of lager through paypal, now you can, too.

3.CHINESE TOILET! A new four-story restroom in China has more than 1000 stalls. “Some urinals are uniquely shaped, including ones inside open crocodile mouths and several that are topped by the bust of a woman resembling the Virgin Mary.” Meanwhile Portland can’t build a single new restroom for its homeless before kicking them off the streets.

4.OCTOSQUID! New sea-creature found off the coast of Hawaii. Try to stay calm:OCTOSQUID: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! IT’S GOING TO KILL US ALL!!!

5.STOPPED WHILE BLACK! A Federal court in San Francisco has thrown out the 70-month conviction of a black man arrested by Portland Police, saying they didn’t get proper permission to search him. Writes Nick Budnick at the Tribune:

It also suggests that because of recent history, Portland police officers must take extra care when stopping blacks without reasonable suspicion and asking for permission to search them or their vehicles — because of, among other things, “the unique situation in Portland between the African-American community and the Portland police,” the judges wrote.

It’s a good story that throws new focus on the mayor’s committee to end racial profiling. Well done, Nick. Good to see you’re covering the issue at last, even if your editors do stick the story WAY below the fold.

Good Day!