It’s not the idea that someone beat the crap out of comedian Andy Dick that baffles me… he can be a real drunko c-word. What’s baffling is that old-timey comedian Jon Lovitz did the crap beating! It all went down at L.A.’s Laugh Factory, and the crap beating was allegedly caused by a rude comment made by Dick regarding the late Phil Hartman. Here’s the story from the New York Post…

Laugh Factory owner Jamie Masada, who witnessed the assault, said, “Jon picked Andy up by the head and smashed him into the bar four or five times, and blood started pouring out of his nose.” Lovitz told Page Six, “All the comedians are glad I did it because this guy is a [bleep]hole.”

Last year, Lovitz related, a drunken Dick strolled up to his table at Ago in West Hollywood, rudely downed his guests’ peach liqueur drinks, and “looked at me and said, ‘I put the “Phil Hartman hex” on you - you’re the next one to die.’ I said, ‘What did you say?’ and he repeated it. I wanted to punch his face in, but I don’t hit women.”

When the two ran into each other at the Laugh Factory last Wednesday, “I wanted him to say he was sorry for the ‘Phil Hartman hex,’ ” Lovitz told us.

“I pushed him against the rail. Then I pushed him again really hard. A security guard broke it up. I’m not proud of it … but he’s a disgusting human being.” Dick’s rep said he had no comment.

I’m sorry… I just can’t imagine what my life would be like if I were beaten up by Jon Lovitz. I’d have to move to Cambodia or something.