Today we got our last issue of Automatic Merchandiser magazine in the mail. I don’t know why or how the Mercury started getting this sweet-ass magazine about vending machines, but we’ve received a few issues now, and it’s as amazing as one would expect.

Unfortunately, the cheapskate head honchos here at the Mercury refuse to renew our subscription, citing lame reasons like “Why do we need that magazine again?” and “Erik, stop wasting our time, or you’ll be applying at Automatic Merchandiser within the week.” Alas. At least the magazine out with a bang; this is one of the best covers I’ve ever seen.

You can practically hear what the people in the photo are saying! From left to right:

• “Mmmm! Coffee!”
• “Hey! I want coffee too! Which reminds me—I enjoy touching my female coworkers in a super-creepy manner.”
• “Argh! Can’t you see that my coffee mug is upended? I am clearly out of coffee, and require more!”
• “Is that bitch STILL not done?”
• “Grumble grumble grumble!”
• “By consulting my watch I can see that I am late for a meeting!”
• “That chick in front of me has one sweet, sweet ass. Aack! What if she sees my canary-yellow polo shirt and assumes I’m gay?”
• “Oh! FUCK. Back of the line! I knew masturbating in the bathroom stall would take too long.”

Fare the well, sweet Automatic Merchandiser.