Let us all shake our heads in dismay for former movie production assistant CASH WARREN who somehow bagged the lucious JESSICA ALBA, but has just been unceremoniously DUMPED. Says US Weekly…

Sources tell Us that Alba, who was abroad over the weekend promoting Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, called Warren on July 22 and told him, “I’m not in love with you anymore.”

Within hours, Alba had dispatched an assistant to the L.A. home they shared to pack up Warren’s belongings and move him out.

The breakup “happened…almost out of nowhere,” the source says. “[Cash] thinks it’s for another guy but doesn’t know….he’s totally devastated. But it was all her.” (Alba’s rep declined to comment.)

BUT IT GETS WORSE! When asked who Jessica currently has a crush on, she replied, “I would have to say Johnny Depp, Michael Caine…Morgan Freeman, and Jake Gyllenhaal.”

Mmm… Mmm… MORGAN FREEMAN? Jessica, why don’t you just stick a fucking knife through the poor guy’s heart?