As it turns out, Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff may have been talking out of his ass during his latest round of fear mongering, but one thing is for certain: A very, very, fake disaster is scheduled to hit Portland this October.

Portland has been chosen to participate in a terrorism preparedness exercise with the inappropriately cutesy name of “TOPOFF 4”—it stands for Top Officials, and this is the fourth event in a series. Between October 15 and 24, local, state, and federal leaders and law enforcement will be pretending to respond to terrorist attack.

From Homeland Security:

What is the scenario for the TOPOFF 4 FSE?

The T4 FSE, based on National Planning Scenario – 11 (NPS-11), begins as terrorists, who have been planning attacks in Oregon, Arizona, and the U.S. Territory of Guam successfully bring radioactive material into the United States. The first of three coordinated attacks occurs in Guam, with the simulated detonation of a Radiological Dispersal Device (RDD), or “dirty bomb,” causing casualties and widespread contamination in a populous area. Similar attacks occur in the hours that follow in Portland and Phoenix. A RDD is not the same as a nuclear attack. It is a conventional explosive that, upon detonation, releases radioactive material into the surrounding area. Although it does not cause the type of catastrophic damage associated with a nuclear detonation, there are severe rescue, health, and long-term decontamination concerns associated with a RDD.

Meep!