On Thursday, the Healthy Kids Oregon campaign (aka “Yes on Measure 50”) officially kicked off after getting blocked in the state legislature. If the ballot measure is successful, it will impose an 84.5 cent tax on every pack of cigarettes sold in the state—all to fund health insurance for the 100,000 or so uncovered kids in Oregon.

But, it’s not enough to vote yes on 50, or even to donate money or time to the campaign. If you truly want to improve the health of 100,000 children, the most vital thing you can do is this: smoke more cigarettes.

Smoking is also sexy.

Currently smoke a pack a day? Up it to two. Are you just an “occasional” smoker, the kind who claims to be a non-smoker until you’re out at a bar with your co-workers, and then you steal all their cigarettes? Start buying your own, and chain-smoke them. Are you a—shudder—non-smoker? Guess what—your high horse isn’t so high anymore, now that you are actively depriving impoverished children the health care funding they so desperately need. So do what everyone else did when they were in their teens: buy a pack and hide out behind your parents’ garage sucking ‘em down until you get the hang of it. It’s your progressive duty.

But even that isn’t enough. We need to make sure that the people who are benefiting the most from this program are also doing their part to pay for it, which is why I’m proposing that we lower the legal smoking age to 12. Getting youngens addicted will encourage them to go out and find ways to fund their habit (mowing lawns, pulling weeds, embezzling, etc.), which will teach them the value of money, but they’ll also know that every pack they buy is going toward their health. Why not drop the legal smoking age to something lower, like 5 or 8? I considered that, but I think it might send the wrong signals to impressionable children. Remember, smoking is bad.

And I think this opens up a host of bigger opportunities: Legalize marijuana and use taxes from it to pay for alternative energy research. Or tax prostitution to pay for elementary school text books. The possibilities are endless! More suggestions are welcome in the comments section.

The Gotham Tavern has once again opened under new management. I stopped by the opening party last night, drawn to experience firsthand the newest incarnation of this near-infamous dining destination which has at times promised so much, yet delivered so little; raised so many expectations, dashed so many hopes.

…Ok, there were free drinks. Let’s not split hairs.

I’d never set foot in the space before, but our server informed us that nothing has changed since the previous incarnation (except the menu). It’s a nice enough spot, with lots of pretty wood everything, including a room partition that the same friendly server accurately described as looking like a game of Jenga. It’s virtually impossible to make any projections about how a kitchen is going to do based on their opening-night performance. All I can say is that the food last night, though not particularly innovative, was quite good across the board. Seared ahi, crab cakes, great shredded beef/iceberg wraps, riblets, calamari—the type of food you’ll find in any number of restaurants in town, but all very well-excecuted (the ribs were particularly good). I can’t find the piece of paper on which I wrote down the chef’s last name (did I mention that there were free…? Sigh.)—but his first name was Barry and he was very nice.

On a side note, I declined an invitation to have a quickie in one of the “pods,” the isolated round booths that, when the Gotham was in the clutches of the Hebberoys, I think were reserved for VIPs (I was not that drunk, and after all, I have the reputation of the paper to think of), but I will henceforth be referring to them as “repopulation pods.”

Gotham Tavern, 2240 N Interstate, 517-9911; 11 am-10 pm Mon-Thurs, 11 am-1 am Fri-Sat, closed Sundays

UPDATE: I found the press release on Food Dude’s site and am reposting it after the jump.

Portland’s Gotham Tavern Celebrates Grand Re-Opening Under New Ownership

Chef-owner Barry Powelson revives historic Gotham Tavern with new menu featuring eclectic American fare, live music, happy hour

Portland, OR—August 10, 2007— The new owner of Portland’s Gotham Tavern announces its Grand Re-Opening today. Local restaurateur Barry Powelson purchased the Gotham Tavern on North Interstate Avenue in March 2007, and has crafted a new menu for the restaurant, added a happy hour and outdoor seating, and incorporated live music to the venue’s repertoire.

The Gotham Tavern’s new menu features low-key American eclectic fare, including Mom’s Meatloaf Sandwich, Maryland-Style Dungeness Crab Cakes, the Gotham Burger and a variety of vegetarian dishes, including several salads, a Portabella Sandwich and Creamy Risotto. A full bar offers an extensive beverage menu, signature cocktails, and a great selection of wines and domestic and imported beers.

"We’re all very excited about moving forward with the Gotham Tavern’s legacy in Portland. It’s such a beautiful space and it’s an ideal location," said Chef-Owner Barry Powelson. "We hope that people will see the new Gotham Tavern as their neighborhood pub, their local watering hole, or the place to go before Blazer games and events at the Rose Quarter. It’s about serving great food and drinks, and giving people a comfortable venue with a laid-back attitude."

The restaurant is located at 2240 North Interstate, on the Interstate Max Line. Hours of operation are Monday through Thursday, 11:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m.; Friday, 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 a.m.; and Saturday, 4:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. A Happy Hour food menu is available weekdays from 4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m. to close. The Gotham Tavern is closed on Sunday. Guests can dine-in or make reservations by calling 503-517-9911. The Gotham Tavern is available for special events, meetings and private parties.

About Gotham Tavern
The Gotham Tavern was acquired in March 2007 by Portland restaurateur Barry Powelson with a desire to bring eclectic American fare and a variety of beverages to the unique Gotham Tavern space. With the addition of weekly live music and outdoor seating, Powelson aims to marry great food, music and beverages with a neighborhood pub-type atmosphere. The original Gotham Bldg. Tavern opened in 2005 to rave reviews and national acclaim as part of the ripe restaurant empire. For more information, visit www.GothamTavern.com.

Limos, strippers, a buffet, and a trip to California—but it’s all only for the ladies! Sorry boys.

TEMPTATION

Brought to you by The VIEWPOINT Gentleman’s Club, GIRLS ON GAY, Bud Light and Taboo.

THIS IS A WOMEN’S ONLY EVENT!!!
SUNDAY of Labor Day Weekend - September 2nd, 6 PM - 3 AM

Cover charge $7. VIP Package $12 (includes cover, buffet {6 PM - 8 PM} and a Bud Light) available by reservation only, limited to the first 200 to reserve.

Some of the northwest’s HOTTEST lesbian and bi-sexual dancers to ever hit the stage.

There will be drawings throughout the night for fantastic prizes including some items from your sponsors and a GRAND PRIZE drawing for an all inclusive trip to the 2008 Dinah Shore event in Palm Springs!!

DANCE, DANCE, DANCE!! Find your groove on the newly designed dance floor. You may even be invited to join the dancers up on stage (as long as you behave!!)

Topless dancers will entertain you on the main level while the ladies upstairs will be taking it all off!!

The SHOT Girls will be making their way around to offer you some very tempting shots as well.

At the Viewpoint, 8102 NE Killingsworth. And my understanding is this is the premiere of what’s slated to be a regular event.

You may not have realized it, but Oregon Leather Pride Week 2007 is winding down this weekend, and you’ve got just three days left to flaunt your lack of compassion for the animal kingdom.

Leather Pride is put on, in part, by the Portland Leather Alliance, “a pansexual organization dedicated to outreach and support for the Leather-BDSM-Kink-Fetish community,” and benefits Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center, National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, and the Q-Center.

But, in case you forgot, you heartless jackass, leather is made from cows. Cows who now have to walk around without their skin. Is that what you want?

“We feel like celebrating sexual diversity is great,” says Matt Rossell of In Defense of Animals, “but let’s leave tortured farm animals out of the bedroom.”

But, Rossell says, you shouldn’t let your conscience get in the way of your Leather-BDSM-Kink-Fetish activities—he recommends people hit up veganerotica.com for their “hand-crafted vegan bondage gear, whips, belts, harnesses, and other vegan leather (a.k.a. ‘pleather’) items.”

Or, since you haven’t got a lot of time, you can hit up Collar Factory here in town for black rubber bondage collars.

(To be fair, the Leather Alliance did apparently have vegan offerings at their family picnic on Thursday night, according to their calendar, “for all you rubber folk.”)

Check out the rest of the weekend’s events here.

It’s the last hour of the work week; you’re not getting anything else done today. There’s never been a better time to goof on the inane world of professional wrestling than this very moment. (Oh yes, I’ve been known to devote more than a couple years of my post-grad life to watching ‘roided up men call each other names and pretend-fight. It’s pure entertainment at its best. Witness the videos below.)

1. It’s still real to this guy, dammit!

2. Remember the Iron Sheik? Yeah, he turned out real well.

While we may think it’s the most adorable thing EVER, most kittens cannot stand to see kitten-on-kitten violence. Stick around for the last ten seconds of this video to see how one kitten solves this ongoing problem.

Tonight, some of our town’s best live music is on display at the Wonder Ballroom. 31 Knots, Pseudosix, and headliners Viva Voce.

Below is the video for “From the Devil Himself,” where the band takes on the devil (who looks like a sunburned Matt Dillon) and wins.

Another great Viva Voce video (VVV!) is one simply titled Anita Goes Wild. Otto from The Simpsons would be jealous, because Anita clearly got “one of those guitars that’s like a, you know, double guitar.”

After you’re done trekking over the city’s bridges on your bike this Sunday, hit up the Bicycle Transportation Alliance’s new office in Old Town—and say hi to the new executive director, Scott Bricker, who was fantastic at our last Debate Club on bikes and cars.

Hey everyone,

The BTA is having an Open House party this Sunday, from 10 am to 1 pm. Come on by! We’ll be here to answer questions, talk about the work we’ve been doing recently, show off our new office in Old Town, and introduce a couple of new staff members.

The office is at 233 NW 5th Ave, between Davis and Everett.

Hope to see you there!
Michelle

Michelle Poyourow
Events and Outreach Director

Are you a cab driver in Portland? If so, please get in touch with me. I’m writing a story and I need your help. You can email me here, or call the office on 503 294 0840, ext. 246. TAXI! A comedy series, based on your profession!

I promise I’ll be nice, and that I won’t even raise the specter of a hint of a question about that movie with Robert DeNiro in it. I swear. See?! I got it out of the way ahead of our conversation.

The Ira Keller fountain is back up and running, after someone poured a ton of soap into it this week, causing mountains of suds.

That is not funny, says the Water Bureau, laying out the costs when this occurs:

We know the public is paying attention to the recent acts of vandalism and graffiti at the fountain. We know how inconvenient it is when people stop by and find the fountain off. Administrator David Shaff talked to a family group of six people yesterday afternoon about what had happened.

Shaff’s comments to them included the following:

• Protecting public health is critical to the fountain operations. When the fountain is overloaded with detergents, it’s hard on skin — and worse when splashed into the eyes of the child. We add defoaming agents — but eventually we have to put the water into the sewer system and start over.

• The fountain refill requires 75,000 gallons of water. That’s more water than the average residential household uses in one year.

• Draining and replacing water has costs. To do a refill costs about $1,000 in combined sewer and water costs.

• The chemicals required to disinfect the water to a level comparable to a wading pool add another $100.

• Then there’s staff time. The operating engineer is not completing other fountain-related repairs and maintenance when he is spending many hours cleaning the Ira Keller Forecout Fountain. He takes pride in the clean look of the fountain at its best.

We are working with police and the bureau’s security specialists to prevent future incidents. We’d prefer not to go into too much detail on this — but we will see that legal remedies are pursued as we can. What’s happening at Keller is criminal activity. People in the neighborhood can and we hope will report suspicious activity to our security specialists at 503-823-6084. We respond.

Damn, that’s a lot of water.

Not sure how I missed this, but The Onion A.V. Club has a pretty excellent series of comic book-centric interviews up at the moment. There’s one with Portland’s own Brian Michael Bendis (Ultimate Spider-Man), another with Joss Whedon (who does not live in Portland, but is currently writing the badass Buffy comic), and one with Bill Willingham (whose Fables is one of the best books of the past few years). All are well worth checking out.

Brian Michael Bendis.

Every comic book is someone’s first or their last. If someone’s picking this up for the first time, is it entertaining? Can they follow it? You can have a four-part or six-part story, but you should be able to get right in there and figure out what’s going on immediately, without insulting the reader at the same time. And also, someone might read this and go, “I’m never buying another comic book again, I’m moving on to something else. I like girls.” And they never read another comic again, and it’s your responsibility to make that not happen.

Joss Whedon.

I love working with other people’s characters if they’re characters that I care about. I’ve been reading Runaways from issue one. It was delicious fun for me to dive in and see what I would do with them. Since I am an insane fan of The Office, it was really fun for me to direct an episode, because I had very strong opinions about what everyone was going to be doing in the background, based on all of their history. It’s helpful when you’re a geek. Alien, same deal. Everything where you have something to build off of that you love, it’s fun. There are restrictions, X-Men particularly because it has such a long history, but it also brings resonance that you can only get from a comic book, or a TV show, or a franchise, something that’s gone on for a long time. You say something, and it calls back somebody’s entire childhood.

Bill Willingham.

Pretty much since I started doing comics, I never did anything else. I mean, I was very content to live poorly, even to the extent of, at one point, living in my van, parked in a shopping-mall parking lot every night, rather than get an honest job. Since I started doing comics work, I’ve never really done day-job things. I took a one-year break at one point, because I thought I could make it in Vegas as a professional poker player, and moved out to Vegas on very little funds. I did it for about a year, six months of that as a proposition player for a casino out here, and then six months of just freelance playing in whatever game suited me. I made just enough of a living to scrape by in the very, very worst part of town. Having proven something to myself, or not, I decided it was time to get back into funny books. That was it, that was the only non-comics job I’ve taken on since getting into comics.

Scum sucking piece of crap: I mean that literally! You get on the buses without any regard for anyone else. Your body hasn’t felt water & soap since the first of the year and the only moisture your mouth has seen is from your own caked-on spit. You never have money for fare and beg and ask others for pity into paying your way. You sit on our seats spreading your vileness. You haven’t a clue as to what’s in your environment besides your own pathetic, self-serving bile. Didn’t you notice the little children sitting in front of you or the grandmotherly woman across the asile? OF course not! You have the audacity to sit on my seats and scream out “FUCK!” -over and over again-like it’s the only word in your vocabulary while you shit and piss your pants so the kids and grandmothers can share your filthy smell and bodily fluids.

And you hand me this (poorly written -ed.) note [Bus driver,
Your an ugly bitch, no one will ever love you because you have no per sonality and your hideous. _Remember, your nothing, a bus driver -so stay in your place and dont even think you can talk to me or anyone close to my Rank. fuck you - oh wait… no one ever will. -a concerned citizen] on your way out saying “I’m not close to your rank”? At least you have THAT part correcto mundo.

What’s worse than your vile presence on my bus is that big ol’ noodle man Fred the Head, way up in TriMetsville said I gotta take you for the ride or I’ll end up sitting back where the likes of you hide.

—A Concerned Bus Operator

Lots of funny I, Anonymouses pouring in lately, check ‘em out, add yer own.

What’s funnier than watching a model busting her ass on a runway? A compilation video of models busting their asses on a runway!

Check out more fashion fun at MOD (the Mercury’s fashion blog)!

If you’re a fan or not, you know that Barry Bonds hit a certain special home run this week, breaking the most esteemed record in major sports. Of course he totally cheated to do so, which sort of takes all the fun out of the otherwise groundbreaking event.

But even more amazing than Bonds, is the story of Rick Ankiel. The onetime pitching sensation with the St. Louis Cardinals, Ankiel was the pinnacle of a young, hard-throwing, hurler with an arsenal of strikeout pitches. But Ankiel will forever be known for losing his fucking mind on the pitching mound (which is well-documented on his Wiki page), as he just seemed to forget how to throw the baseball. His mental breakdown included tossing an amazing five wild pitches in an inning, and shortly after that, his career was over.

But here is where Ankiel’s story takes an odd turn. He recently returned to baseball, as a hitter. A really good hitter. This sort of thing never happens in modern sports, especially when a player overcomes not just physical, but psychological, hurdles in order to stage a comeback.

Last night, Ankiel got called up from the minor leagues and responded with a home run into the right field bleachers. Not only does it wrap up an incredible story, the hit was easily the most important home run of the week. Sorry, Barry.

Waiting for a presidential frontrunner with the balls to stand up for same-sex marriage? Keep waiting. Obama, Clinton, and, yes, Edwards all waffled their way out of marriage equality at last night’s HRC and Logo debate. Kucinich and Gravel voiced their support, but dumb Bill Richardson opened his big dumb mouth and said he believes homosexuality is a choice. Go Democrats. Sigh.

Rescuers could reach six miners trapped in a Utah cave today, but the outlook is grim. There’s been no sound from the workers, and rescuers haven’t detected any carbon dioxide, which the miners would be exhaling—if they were breathing.

Pearl Jam fans are outraged—as outraged as aging, fat, former jocks can get—that AT&T censored anti-Bush lyrics during a webcast on Sunday.

When people ask why the Israeli-Palestinian conflict continues to rage on while easily attained, workable solutions are thrown to the side, you can always point them to someone like Ehud Barak, Israel’s defense minister (and former prime minister). He was quoted in the Yedioth newspaper as saying peace talks are a fantasy, and that he won’t carry out a plan to remove roadblocks in the West Bank.

Rudy Giuliani continues to be the most embarrassing opportunist in American history, by saying of the 9/11 rescue workers, “I’m one of them.” Turns out, the actual rescue workers are less than thrilled that Giuliani is comparing a handful of speeches at ground zero to months and months of sifting through rubble looking for bodies.

Lastly, it looks like one of the editors at the Oregonian may have joined Oregonians For Immigration Reform recently.

The mayor’s day laborer center group is meeting tonight for a “siting focus group” at the Jupiter hotel. It’s strictly invite only, although bizarrely, there was yet again a little confusion about whether or not I was going to be allowed in as a reporter, over which I lost my temper, briefly. Despite what you may think, that doesn’t actually happen very often—it’s the first time since I’ve been working for the Mercury. But you’d think after having Oregon Public Meetings law written about on our blog and even explicitly in our newspaper, the mayor’s office would stop trying to make decisions about “whether or not a meeting is public.” To clarify: All meetings involving the city are public unless council goes into “executive session,” which is basically reserved for terrorist attacks and things of that nature. If the mayor forms a committee, reporters are allowed to go to it. Even if they happen to be the only reporters showing up. It’s doubly frustrating to be told there’s “confusion” over whether you’ll be let in, when you’ve taken the extreme step of emailing the mayor’s office to clarify the issue 24 hours in advance. Anyway…COMMITTEE MEETING: More exciting than it looks…

The committee only has 60 days to agree on the criteria for the location of a center and pick a location, hoping to have it up and running by December/January—the money was allocated from the Mayor’s budget and needs to be used by October. The focus group, which is made up of East Side business owners, police, experts on day labor issues and representatives for the day laborers themselves, is now attempting to finalize its criteria for a day access center so that it can choose a site. It’s all very scientific, and perhaps designed to show the center has gone through a thorough process choosing the site to diffuse any NIMBY concerns that might otherwise pop up. Before the meeting started, one business owner told the facilitator, “I don’t think we should be here at all, frankly, but there are certain things beyond our control. And if this is going to get built, I want to have a stake in what it looks like.” There are four “focus areas.”

Check ‘em out after the jump.

First, location: Visibility, lighting, screening, set backs and buffers, size (it needs to hold a hundred people), traffic issues, hazardous materials (Sgt.Ellmore from the police bureau is concerned about "needles"), what's coming up in the area (a small business owner says "I don't think folks moving into new condos at the Burnside Bridgehead are going to want to be near this thing,") and long-term sustainability (it needs a long lease) for the center.

Second, physical accommodations: Restrooms ("Usually day laborers are mainly guys, so don't make a lot of bathrooms for women..."), congregation areas ("We know money is the issue, so we shouldn't rule out having tents for the workers to wait for work," said Ignacio Paramo of Voz), space for management offices, ESL, trash, and on-site parking. "I hope it doesn't turn into another dignity village," says a business owner. "I think most day laborers' priority is work," says Romeo Sosa of Voz. But since we're being creative, he's suggested internet access, a TV, skills development, mail-forwarding, a library and so on. Showers? (Sgt.Ellmore says "If you have showers, the homeless will come." A business owner adds: "Who's worthy, and who's not?")

Third, accessibility: Hours ("We're thinking 6am to 2pm,"), easy freeway access, MAX access, encouraging use of the center rather than having people continue to do roadside pickups ("It helps if the workers establish a minimum wage at the center they are going to work for..."), bilingual, visible signs.

Fourth, minimizing negative neighborhood impacts: ("Sometimes, acknowledging that there could be negative impacts for neighbors helps," says the facilitator. "It may be reality or it may be perception, but you've got to deal with it," says Precinct Commander Derrick Foxworth.) ("Those who use the services on both sides should pay for them," says a business owner. "I don't believe in a free lunch." He's being challenged by someone else: "You've got to imagine what it's like sending money back to your family because you can't survive." "But you're taking money out of my pocket to pay for this," he says. The facilitator says: "stay focused.") Derrick Foxworth says design will be important, to avoid laborers sprawling out as they are currently. Someone else has recommended environmentally friendly design, while another person has suggested having a self-policing scheme in place like a block watch. Removing co-mingling with people who are a "negative influence." And after hours, that a group will disperse and not be drinking on the streets. "If we have a constant dialog with the community," suggests Sosa, "it means everyone can understand each other's needs." Interestingly the facilitator just mentioned "there's always mediation if tension arises." Which of course, would mean more work for the consultants. But that's how these things go.

Out of all the four focus areas, one of the overall concerns seems to be sustainability for the center—that means keeping it cheap enough to survive city budget turmoil in future, but also making sure the day laborers want to use it, too. Which I suppose is also about viability, and just making the thing work. It's a tall order.

According to an initial environmental assessment by a Beaverton firm, Ross Island may not be the ecological wasteland many people feared.

The potential environmental clean-up costs left over from the island’s days of sand and gravel mining have been a major sticking point—the major sticking point—in negotiations between Robert Pamplin and the city for a takeover of the land. Critics of the “gift” from Dr. Pamplin suggested he was only trying to hand the island over so that he wouldn’t have to pay for hazardous waste clean-up.

But in their first phase of assessment, GRI Geotechnical & Environmental Consultants apparently found little to be worried about. “No obvious indications of adverse environmental conditions were observed during our site visit,” the firm states in an executive summary. “In our opinion, this assessment has revealed no evidence of recognized environmental conditions associated with the property, and no additional assessment is warranted.”

If the handover goes through, the city will likely turn Ross Island into a wildlife refuge.

I’d upload the report, but it’s too damn large. I’ll post a link to it if one becomes available. In the meantime, hit me up at smoore@portlandmercury.com if you want a copy.

Here’s a quick update on our news story this week about the first challenge to Portland’s Equal Benefits Ordinance:

King County, Washington has had an EBO in place since April of 2004, so I put in a call to them to see how many waivers to the policy they give out. According to their procurement office, in the year 2005, they had 872 compliance forms (that’s how many contracts over $25,000 were signed), and 78 waivers given out—for a total of nine percent. In other words, nearly one out of every ten contracts that go through the county are exempted from the Equal Benefits law.

By comparison, for the first eight months that Portland’s EBO has been in existence, there’s been only one successful request for a waiver—from Qwest. It’s difficult to judge how representative that will be of the future, since every contract that was currently alive when the EBO went into effect has been grandfathered in. The real test will be in the coming year, as new contracts come up and old ones are brought up for renewal.

(Chas sent me this link, with the comment “i assume that people who eat steak have unnaturally big poop”)

From the Times:

Restaurateurs and veterans of the dating scene say that for many women, meat is no longer murder. Instead, meat is strategy. “I’ve been shocked at the number of women actually ordering steak,” said Michael Stillman, vice president of concept development for the Smith & Wollensky Restaurant Group, which opened the restaurant Quality Meats in April 2006 on West 58th Street.

The piece goes on to describe a new concern that ordering a salad “displays an unappealing mousiness”: “It seems wimpy, insipid, childish,” said Michelle Heller, 34, a copy editor at TV Guide. “I don’t want to be considered vapid and uninteresting.”

Ordering meat, on the other hand, is a declarative statement, something along the lines of “I am woman, hear me chew.”

In fact, red meat on a date has become such an effective statement of self-acceptance that even a vegetarian like Sloane Crosley, a publicist at Random House, sometimes longs to order a burger.

“Being a vegetarian puts you at a disadvantage,” Ms. Crosley said. “You’re in the most basic category of finicky. Even women who order chicken, it isn’t enough.” She said she has thought of ordering shots of Jägermeister, famous for its frat boy associations, to prove that she is “a guy’s girl.”

“Everyone wants to be the girl who drinks the beer and eats the steak and looks like Kate Hudson,” Ms. Crosley, 28, said.

I’m all for everybody enjoying their food. Of course. But creepily rationalizing that “if I eat meat it shows him that I am refreshingly unpretentious, with no body image hangups”… that is just so…. Agh.

Foundation Garments (2712 NE Alberta) is teaming up with the Portland Sweatfree Campaign (which is working to ensure that all city government purchases are sweatshop-free products) for Cement Mixer: Some of the boutique’s favorite designers (Leanimal, Erhart, Paper Doll, Mizu Desierto, Layers Squared, and Mine Clothing) are each designing an exlusive solitary piece interpreting “foundation garments” however they wish. Then, on Friday August 24, 6-9 pm, the pieces will be displayed and sold, with 50% of the profits going to the campaign, plus 15% of storewide sales during the event. Add to that free New Deal Vodka cocktails, and that’s what we call a real good time.

(Leanimal)

Representatives from the Zoobombers are meeting with Traffic Division Commander Mark Kruger and Sergeant Mike Fort of the Portland Police Bureau at the offices of bike lawyer Mark Ginsberg right now. ‘BOMBERS MEETING FROM LEFT TO RIGHT: Fort, Kruger, ‘Handsome’ Dave Terry, Ginsberg, and ‘bomber Corey Sevigny.

The cops say the Zoobombers have been travelling in the car lanes on Highway 26, and have taken video of them all over the travel lanes in the tunnel on the route the ‘bombers call the “Hellway.” They’ve also received complaints from the neighborhood association in Washington Park about the ‘bombers’ blowing stop signs, crossing double yellows, and not wearing lights, saying they only feel it’s a matter of time until a ‘bomber is killed. Check out what’s being said, after the jump.

Kruger says he wants the 'bombers to stay on the shoulder on Highway 26, and that drivers, especially drunk drivers, aren't going to be able to react in time not to crash into the 'bombers on the way down the hill.

"There are two kinds of motorists out there, the good kind and the DUIs," says Kruger. "Of all the bicycle fatalities in the last 10 years, almost all the motorists have been drunk. If we see people still out in the travel lanes then we'll take that as an invitation to do some zero-tolerance enforcement."

On the stop signs issue, officers have been enforcing against people blowing stop signs, crossing over double-yellows, over the last two weeks.

"Any officer is at their liberty to make any traffic stop at any time," says Kruger. "In terms of organized enforcement action against bicyclists, we're only doing so in response to complaints. So the question is, what do you guys do to avoid those complaints so that we don't have to get involved?"

"I don't feel that this it the best use of your limited police resources," says Corey Sevigny, one of the 'bombers. "I understand that blowing a stop sign at midnight on a Sunday is illegal, but as far as enforcements, I feel that there's more effective places to use 9-10 police officers on a Sunday night. Doing 65 in a 55 is also an illegal behavior, and yet that's pretty much a policy of non-enforcement. While it's illegal, it's also relatively safe. And I'd make the same argument for bicyclists using a stop sign as a yield sign. I can't think of a single time when bicyclists blowing a stop sign on the Zoobomb has resulted in an accident. To me it seems that the resources could be used more effectively."

"I'd just quibble with you a little bit on use of resources. We do 130,000 citations a year, 1% bicyclists, 1% pedestrians, and the rest to motorists. We do a tremendous amount of enforcement," responds Kruger. "We're getting complaints about the Zoobombers, and we also have an obligation to the folks in the neighborhood to keep them safe. And it's interesting the number of calls I've got in the last few days from folks in the neighborhood saying 'you folks should be doing a lot more enforcement.' We're not going to spend a tremendous amount of time on Zoobombers, regardless. But we will come out there from time to time making sure things are on an even keel."

Ginsberg has challenged Sevigny to respond to the neighbors' complaints. "What do you think about those neighbors who are complaining?"

"I'm 100% behind people riding with lights," Sevigny responds. "The regulars, 99% of us have lights and helmets. However as with any open community thing, the summer time especially brings a lot of yahoos, and people come along and get a little crazy thinking they don't need the lights or the helmets. Since we have no real formal hierarchy or an organization, all we can do is really strongly encourage people to do that."

"If we have an officer who comes out there and touches base with you, is that going to be helpful for you to apply peer pressure to people who are on the outside of the organization?" says Kruger. "What I'm hearing is that there's a group of helpful and responsible people and then these 'yahoos' as you're describing them."

Oof. Very helpful.

"I think it might be a little heavy-handed," says Terry. "No-one wants you guys to have to waste your time out there with us. We as a group want you guys out there stopping drunk drivers. We'd like the chance to try and influence those people ourselves. But in five years of doing this, we've never had any serious accidents where people have been at death's door. Most of the accidents up there are just little scrapes. But I do think we can do a better job of complying with the traffic regulations."

What a merry little rhetorical dance. Incidentally all this is in response to an Oregonian article by Joe Rose. The cops don't want to look stupid in the press. And who can blame them.

There's also an issue with some of the 'bombers being kids out past curfew. "One of our officers picked up a 12-year old kid riding a fixie down highway 26 without a light," says Kruger. Busted! The 'bombers say they're going to try to get a handle on it.

"I know there's some drinking that goes on before the Zoobomb happens, too," says Kruger. "And I'd encourage you to talk to the other 'bombers about this. But if we ever arrest a Zoobomber for DUI, we're going to make a big deal about it. I'd encourage you to apply a little peer pressure here."

"I think this meeting is essentially going to scare a lot of people straight," says Sevigny.

The cops are going to watch Highway 26, to make sure it's not an issue. And on the neighborhood front, they're going to have an officer drift through and monitor the situation, in tandem with the 'bombers doing what they can to influence people not to blow stop signs.

That's probably the end of it, unless the Oregonian decides to blunder in and do another story.

Tonight at 6 pm our time, Logo and the Human Rights Campaign co-host a gay, gay, gay presidential debate featuring six of the top Democratic Contenders.

Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, John Edwards, Bill Richardson, Dennis Kucinich, and Mike Gravel all plan to participate in the historic event.

From the Washington Post:

Human Rights Campaign president Joe Solmonese will serve as a panelist, along with singer Melissa Etheridge and Washington Post editorial writer Jonathan Capehart.

“I hope we can get genuinely heartfelt answers,” said Solmonese, who wants the leading candidates to explain why they remain wary of gay marriage.

Organizers say the forum marks the first time that major presidential candidates will appear on TV specifically to address gay issues…

All of them support a federal ban on anti-gay job discrimination, favor repeal of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy barring gays from serving openly in the military and support civil unions that would extend marriage-like rights to same-sex couples.

But thus far, only two longshots—Rep. Dennis Kucinich of Ohio and former Alaska Sen. Mike Gravel—have endorsed nationwide recognition of same-sex marriage, which a majority of Americans oppose.

I don’t have Logo, but I’ll be watching the live stream online. (That site’s already being a bit pokey, though—hopefully I won’t have too many technical difficulties tonight.)

It’s as if someone hacked into my midafternoon daydreams and decided to turn my wildest fantasies into reality. (Not the one about Pam from the Office, a spray-can of expeller-pressed canola oil, and a couple ocelots in gimp masks. The other fantasy.)

Tickets go on sale tomorrow for the sweetest concert line-up of the year: Li’l Wayne, Fat Joe, and… Charlie Murphy? Wow, this makes so little sense (as does the fact that this show is in Eugene), but it’s uncommonly beautiful in its absurdity. Li’l Wayne is the best rapper alive (factual statement), Fat Joe is good enough to earn second billing here, and Charlie Murphy… here’s praying he shows up as MC Gusto!

The concert is October 6 at Mac Court on the UO campus; tickets are available at TicketsWest tomorrow!

(Li’l Wayne already has the perfect belt buckle for his first Eugene show!)

So I just pre-ordered Halo 3 on Amazon (mostly so I wouldn’t have to enter an actual videogame store—GameStop gives me the howling fantods). Anyway, I assumed there was going to be a huge marketing push for this game, but I didn’t realize it was branching into fast food. Via Kotaku, behold the Halo 3 meal from Burger King.

That’s 42 ounces of soda. Fuck. (If you have to ask who could possibly drink 42 ounces of anything, then you haven’t been inside a Burger King in a while.)

Also, follow that link for a story from the Wall Street Journal about how Halo 3’s marketing is less like a videogame’s and more like a summer blockbuster’s. I guess it makes sense, considering how insanely huge Halo 2 was, but still. Jesus.

Also by way of Kotaku: A glimpse of the Halo 3 Mountain Dew, which is packed with “Carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, natural flavors, sodium benzoate, gum arabic, caffeine, sodium citrate, yellow 5, glycerol ester of wood rosin, cacium disodium edta, yellow 6, red 40, brominated vegetable oil,” and uh, I don’t know, some Master Chief semen or something. Whether this will make you suck less at Halo, I don’t know. Maybe. I doubt it.

While this interview between a “journalist” (actually Hot Fuzz director Edgar Wright) and Superbad’s Michael Cera and Jonah Hill may be staged, it’s nonetheless hilarious, NSFW, and probably more than a little bit true.

BTW! There are still a few free passes left to see a sneak preview of Superbad tonight! (Run over to the Mercury office at 605 NE 21st before 5 pm!) HOWEVER! You MUST give our receptionist Brad a “high-five” in order to get one. (He loves high-fives, sooooo much.)

I went into the press screening of 11th Hour yesterday with subterraneanly low expectations—I mean, seriously?, a film about global warming and environmental destruction produced and narrated by Leonardo DiCaprio? (What, Ben Affleck wasn’t available?)

God bless ‘em, but I tend to view celebrities’ attempts to be socially conscious—see Bono—as embarrassing studies in vanity and inefficacy. Worse, they tend to lull people into feelings that they’re doing enough, simply by watching a movie or buying a book, and are never forced to change their lifestyles—why would you, if the celebrity trumpeting the cause still lives more extravagantly and more wastefully than you ever will?

So it was with a monumental amount of shock that I discovered that 11th Hour is, I hate to say it, pretty goddamn great. Yes, DiCaprio’s narration and screen time is embarrassing and nearly sends the film into promotional schlock territory, but the reality is that his attachment to the film will give it a much higher profile than a similar film would otherwise get. Wisely, though, DiCaprio lets expert talking heads (scientists like Stephen Hawking and David Suzuki, authors like Portland’s own Thom Hartmann, etc.) tell the story, so a good 80 percent of the film is compelling, and not cringe-inducing.

It’s a far from perfect film, though. More on that after the jump.

The central idea of 11th Hour is pretty basic: Humankind, post-Industrial Revolution, is ripping the planet to shreds, ensuring not just our quick-burn extinction, but also the unnatural extinction of thousands upon thousands of species. It's all over the map, covering global warming, Hurricane Katrina, politics, population growth, peak oil, etc., and at first comes off as unfocused. But then, the filmmakers subtly weave those bits together to show how each piece is related, and how each piece can be combated.

The film's pundits effectively describe the ways in which human production and consumption are incompatible with the natural world--in nature, there is no such thing as "waste"; every byproduct of every process is used by something else. Human consumption, however, produces tons of waste that can't decompose, and is polluting the planet.

That basic concept sets up the last third or so of the film, which deals with possible solutions to pulling the planet back from the brink of destruction--redesigning communities, and redesigning human life, in a way that emulates, rather than contradicts, nature. For instance, in many places, like Portland, buildings have replaced trees, which collect and store water runoff, convert carbon dioxide into oxygen, and filter the air. So why not design all buildings to handle those functions? Waste could be treated on site, swales could be used to handle runoff, green roofs replace lost canopy space, use solar energy for the building's electricity, etc.

And while it's thrilling to see and hear eco-designers discuss their latest projects, and their ideas for a green future, this focus unfortunately derails the point of the film--getting average, everyday people to change their behaviors. Whether it was intended this way or not, the film sends this message: "Don't you worry about a thing. The smart people will figure out all the solutions, so that nothing in your life ever has to change."

That message contradicts the film's tagline, "Consume less, live more." Sure, that's the basic idea of the film, I suppose, but there's no pressure on the viewer to actually heed the advice. For instance, a sizable chunk of the film focuses on ExxonMobil's vast political prowess, implying that the reason politicians are ignoring the environmental crisis is because they are bankrolled by oil companies. And yet this simple fact was never mentioned: ExxonMobil has so much money because you refuse to get our of your car. They're not magically wealthy--you fund their political action every time you fill up your gas tank.

And it's doubly shocking that, for all 11th Hour's focus on clean technology to solve our problems, the film never once mentions the simplest, cleanest transportation technology ever invented: the bicycle.

So, go see the film, hop on over to their "Take Action" site, sign a pledge, whatever, but if you want to make a difference, it's as simple as this. Get off your ass and out of your car. Commit to only driving for absolutely necessary trips, and get on a bike. As long as you keep making excuses for why it's not possible, you'll have to join ExxonMobil in taking credit for the extinction of the human race and untold other species.

Lastly, Leonardo DiCaprio is a douche.

Yesterday I rambled for a bit about how much I liked the hilarious Superbad, the new teen sex comedy starring Arrested Development’s Michael Cera and Knocked Up’s Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen.

So if you want to check out the film TONIGHT and for FREE, swing by the Mercury offices (605 NE 21st Ave), where we just got a bunch of passes to a screening at 7 pm out at the Division Street theater (16603 SE Division). Word to the wise: If you want to get in, get there early (like, at least an hour early). Other than that, swing by, pick up a pass, trade a few words with our super-friendly office manager Brad (psst! he loves giving out high fives!), and enjoy the movie. Also, first come first serve, get here soon before they run out, etc.

This week’s music section is the most exciting thing to happen since the giant Lego man appeared in the Dutch Sea…

Oh sure, when Jake Gyllenhaal grabs the asses of Viva Voce it’s totally cool. But when I do it, I get maced.
MP3: Viva Voce - From The Devil Himself

The Ditty Bops have toured the country on bicycles—that is so insane! Now the duo is traveling via a van (sellouts!), but that just means more bike parking in front of the club for you and me.
MP3: The Ditty Bops - Waking Up In The City

Gh-gh-gh-osts? Well, The Pine Hill Haints ain’t afraid of ‘em. The “Alabama Ghost Country” band is totally like the Egon Spengler of touring bands. Wow, that just might be the single worst description of a band in the history of the written word.
MP3: The Pine Hill Haints - Merry Widows Of Joe Cain

When Bulgarian sensation Joro-Boro brings the Cold War to the hot dance floor, everyone wins.
Sorry, no MP3 link, his mixes are too long to post here.
Bulgaria strong! American blog servers weak!

It’s rumored Commissioner Randy Leonard may oppose the enforcement of the mayor’s Sit/Lie ordinance again.

Leonard threw a spanner in the works in June, accusing the Portland Business Alliance of being the driving force behind it, and failing to ensure enough services were available for the homeless before it went ahead with enforcement.

But Leonard and the mayor had a fairly vocal confrontation in council yesterday afternoon, over Leonard’s spray can ordinance, which would require businesses to keep their spray paint locked up behind counter. The mayor and Commissioner Saltzman think Leonard should be working more closely with the Small Business Advisory Council on the anti-spray can ordinance—but it’s rumored they only raised their objections with Leonard fifteen minutes before yesterday’s council session.

Following that “discussion,” last night Leonard reportedly decided that opening of City Hall’s toilets is not enough to satisfy council’s original concerns about 24-hour restrooms, and that he wants restrooms to be located in Old Town, where the homeless actually are.

In other words, if the mayor’s office wants to mess with Randy Leonard and lobby on behalf of the Small Business Advisory Council, many of whose members lobby for the same things as the Portland Business Alliance (PBA) on a spray paint issue, well then, Randy Leonard can easily find some plausible procedural issues to object over the PBA’s mayor’s sit/lie ordinance.

When Leonard gets out of his session with the mayor, I’ll try to find out what happened. But that’s politics, I guess. “Deeper issues,” to quote Mike Kuykendall.

Update: 12:10

Leonard says: “Attempting to open City Hall’s restrooms is a disingenuous attempt to comply with City Council’s direction, because there is nobody down here within blocks at night. The area that we are standing in right now is deserted late at night. First of all you have to buzz yourself in here at night, and it can take up to ten minutes for a person to show up late at night.”

“The homeless are in old town, and in Pioneer Courthouse Square. So my suggestion to the mayor was if you want to avoid a conflict, open the restrooms at Pioneer Courthouse Square or 1st and Davis.”

He continues: “The PBA and the mayor’s office appear to be playing ‘gotcha’ with me, and one should avoid getting into a wrestling match with a pig, because you’re going to get dirty and the pig likes it.”

Furthermore, at the request of the PBA’s Mike Kuykendall, Leonard is going on a “walk along” with a rent-a-cop on Thursday August 23rd. That should be interesting.

An innovating new way to disguise graffiti:

Found this while walking to work, covering Graffitti on SW Harbor and SW Sheridan.

—Indy

Check out the trailer from the new Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) film entitled, Be Kind Rewind starring Jack Black and Mos Def. When a video store owner discovers all his videos have been erased, he replaces his stock by re-shooting the movies himself. Pretty funny!

The mayor’s Street Access For Everyone (SAFE) oversight committee is meeting for what’s likely to be the last time this morning before going back to council and asking for the controversial sit/lie law to begin enforcement.UN-SAFE AT ANY SPEED? Mayor’s committee…

For those of you new to Portland, the mayor’s SAFE group first started meeting last year, and eventually decided to outlaw sitting and lying on the sidewalk downtown, in exchange for offering day access centers to the homeless, more benches, and more restrooms so the homeless mightn’t feel so bad about having their civil rights shafted.

The committee is, in this reporter’s eyes, a fop to Manchurian Global The Portland Business Alliance, which has lobbied consistently for the sit/lie law, and has been willing to inject $150,000 of its own money into the committee in order to get it. Thanks to the PBA “moving things along,” the committee even advocated going ahead with enforcement back in June, without any of the other services in place, but council sent the law back until 25 benches were installed, showers and lockers were available downtown, and a 24 hour bathroom was available. It’s all been highly embarrassing for the committee members.

Not that it’s likely to make any difference to the law being enforced, but even now, members of the oversight committee say downtown restrooms, which are supposed to be open from 7am to 11pm, are not available when they should be. These are supposed to be opened by Clean & Safe officers, but it appears they’re not. A representative from Sisters of the Road went to the restroom at SW8th & Ankeny, which is supposed to be supplying 4 restrooms, but currently only has two, every day between July 13 and July 28, at 8am and 10.15pm. The restroom was closed on 12 out of the 16 days he checked.

On hearing this, PBA representative Mike Kuykendall fled the room with his Blackberry. He’s been gone five minutes now…just got back…now he’s muttering something to fellow committee co-chair Monica Goracke.

UPDATE: 10.40pm: The committee has just spent fifteen minutes deciding whether to include a slide in their presentation to council about Portland Patrol, Inc—the PBA’s rent-a-cops. Honestly, it’s been painful to watch—I’m still wincing. I just heard someone from the District Attorney’s office say that PBA were “just like any other concerned citizen talking to someone else,” as justification for not mentioning the fact that PPI officers, who dress like cops, many of them carrying guns and patrolling old town to focus on “livability issues,” are all being trained on the ordinance, and are positively chomping at the bit to get out and clobber downtown’s homeless with it. Nobody has discussed any training given to PPI on this—since PPI is a private business and won’t discuss its training in public, ever. Bear in mind that these guys are often the first responders to those in mental health crisis.

I’ve been aggressively shaking my head over here in the corner and making “sheesh” gestures for the entire duration of this conversation—in an attempt to embody the whopping elephant in the room, that PPI has no public oversight despite being authorized to carry out city policy. Everyone has studiously ignored me, and PBA representative Mike Kuykendall has been averting his eyes and staying out of it. The outcome was that PPI would not be mentioned specifically, but that a slide would be included on “community outreach.” I don’t know if the elephant in the room just took a poop, but something stinks.

UPDATE 10:55: The PBA’s Mike Kuykendall is saying “certain individual reporters have suggested the ordinance is being driven forward by the mayor’s office,” as well as the PBA. I’m grinning. More “sheesh” gestures. Kuykendall and Monica Goracke, the committee’s co-chairs, do not want to give the presentation to council, because according to Goracke, they want to avoid the “mis-impression that there’s a minority of us that are creating this—I think there’s the impression that the whole committee doesn’t necessarily support it. But it shouldn’t just be up to us to make the case and then feel like nobody supports us.”

Do they want to lurk in the shadows? The PBA has been getting remarkably press-shy, lately.

Gennie Nelson from Sisters of the Road says:”The press will do whatever they do, and you two are our chairs, and I mean just as a matter of course it would normally be the two chairs of a committee that would do this presentation.”

Kuykendall: “Well part of this is also that in council we don’t want one commissioner to take out a lightning rod and have it be the focus. I want to make sure that that doesn’t happen perhaps because of something deeper going on that isn’t the work of the group. Some deeper feeling.”

He’s referring to Randy Leonard, who was the guy questioning the ordinance on June 13th, and said the PBA and police bureau had been pursuing an “enforcement-centric approach.” I wonder what the deeper feeling is?

“I’m glad that Randy Leonard said what he said,” says Nelson. “Because I think that what we have today is a much better piece.”

Someone just tried to leave the committee room, and the door handle came off in their hand. I have no idea what’s going to happen, but I can’t think of any room in the world I’d rather be stuck in. No, really.

UPDATE 11:10: Apparently the Clean & Safe cleaner who is supposed to open the toilet at 8th & Ankeny was summoned by Kuykendall’s Blackberry when he left the room. He’s on his way to the committee room, along with Bill Sinnott of Clean & Safe and PPI Chief Executive John Hren. It’s high-noon! Too bad the committee just adjourned…

UPDATE 11:20: I just had an extraordinary conversation with a pretty scared-for-his job looking Clean&Safe cleaner, who said the days when the 8th and Ankeny restroom were closed were “on his days off.” I would imagine any teething problems associated with the restroom opening hours might be on their way to complete rectification right now. Poor chap.

It turns out that President Bush has Lyme Disease. He got it from a tick, which is a switch, since he’s been sucking the blood out of everyone in the nation for years.

First Lady Laura Bush and daughter Jenna are penning a children’s book together… about a tick that grows up to be president and sucks the blood from the entire nation.

Presidential candidate Barack Obama launches a website only for GAYS. Next, Mitt Romney will launch a website for furries.

Hugh Hefner’s Playboy mansion is the subject of a sexual assault investigation. For some reason I’m stunned.

Lindsay Lohan’s bodyguard blames her parents for her untoward behavior. LiLo drank in front of mom at age 16, and daddy called her a slut. For some reason I’m NOT stunned.

There is nothing else to do with this but make it public.

First off, I don’t know if I am e-mailing the right person about this, but, hey, it’s worth a shot. My name is Brenton Smith and my buddies and I started an online “group” (I guess you could call it that.) It is called M.O.N.C. It stands for Men On No Cooter. Most people see that and have a preconceived notion, so allow me to explain. It is nothing but a web site devoted to men who do not get sex as often as they would like. I have writen pretty much all of our blogs that range from M.O.N.C. Commandments to stupid tales of what my buddies and I have done. We currently only have about 80 members but we want more. It is hard to show ourselves off on MySpace, which we are currently doing. So what I am asking is, how would we go about getting something M.O.N.C. related in your publication? We have plans to stroll around downtown Portland dressed in actual M.O.N.C. robes and hand out fliers, M.O.N.C. rubber bracelets, and M.O.N.C. t-shirts. I just want to show this to more people and I figured your publication would be the way to do it. If you could please get back to me on this, it would be much obliged. Here is the address to our M.O.N.C. MySpace page. myspace.com/involuntarymonc Feel free to check it out and, if you want, be on our friends list.

I have a feeling they aren’t going to get any more “cooter” by starting a group like this…

Portland’s branch of the Green Party is seeking a candidate!

So… Do you think you could be Mayor of Portland? How about running for City Council?

A wonderful opportunity for YOU and the Pacific Green Party is coming up to run and *win* the Mayor’s seat in Portland and either or both of the Councilor seats up for election next year. Do you think you could do this? Do you know the perfect person for the job? It is not too soon to decide!! Let us know who you think would be a great candidate for any of these positions – write to: pgp-elections@list.pacificgreens.org.

Speaking of the mayor, we’re closing in a month before Tom Potter announces whether he’ll run or not. My money’s on not. Where’s your $5?

This is surveillance photography of our intern, Tom, going off to begin a night’s drinking as part of our upcoming drinking issue, with former Mercury staffer, the legendary Katie Shimer as his drinking coach. She’s under strict instructions to drop him off at an emergency room with a note pinned to his chest, should anything go “wrong.” Or should that be, “if anything goes right?” Who knows. So long, Tom—it’s been good, if brief, to know you.
INTERN (left), with DRINKING COACH (right)…

IT’S NOT TOO LATE, TOM. YOU CAN STILL CHANGE YOUR MIND!

TOM? TOM? TOOOOOMMMM!!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!
IT’S OVER. THE END. FIN. FINITO. DONE. GOODBYE…

Are you? Do you have what it takes? Are you man or woman enough?

There’s only one way to find out—apply for Ultimate Blogger III.

What is Ultimate Blogger? From our friends at UrbanHonking.com:

Ultimate Blogger is a fast paced competition between internet pundits from around the world, all locking horns and braving carpal tunnel syndrome to win the title of the internet’s best blogger. Each week, the game’s hosts, Steve Schroeder and Mike Merrill, will issue challenges to the bloggers in the form of compelling video segments, that must be interpreted and fulfilled as triumphantly as possible, then posted into Ultimate Blogger’s central battle arena—“The Den.” The contestant with the best blog entry each week will be granted immunity and a safe passage to the next round. The remaining bloggers, however, will have to vote one unlucky contestant out of the game, and off the Internet—forever.

Ultimate Blogger 3: Apply Now!! from Mike Merrill and Vimeo.

Good luck, and good blogging.

Get ready for a triple bill of indie-pop bliss, as The Ladybug Transistor, Papercuts and Eux Autres all take the Doug Fir stage tonight.

Dang.

Instead of pestering you with MP3s of all the bands (think of the bandwidth!), here is a gem of a song from headliners, The Ladybug Transistor. Enjoy.

MP3:
The Ladybug Transistor - Always On The Telephone

Another day, another Portland protest—tomorrow, activists are targeting one of President Bush’s advisors, when she speaks to the Portland Business Alliance at the chi-chi Arlington Club. (Or maybe they’re protesting the PBA…)

United States Trade Representative Susan Schwab will be met by protesters when she attends an event hosted by the Portland Business Alliance this Thursday evening in downtown Portland. Ambassador Schwab is a cabinet-level advisor to the President and was the lead negotiator of recently-signed Free Trade Agreements with Peru, Colombia, Panama and Korea, all of which are still awaiting Congressional consideration.

Critics say these pacts would increase the U.S. trade deficit and could cost American workers tens of thousands of jobs. Human rights advocates point to the atrocious human rights records within some of these countries, as well as to the displacement of millions of peasant farmers expected to result from the trade deals, as reasons the pacts should be opposed.

WHERE: The Arlington Club
811 SW Salmon Street
Portland, OR

WHEN: Protesters will be outside from approximately 5:00 - 6:00 pm
Thursday, August 9, 2007

Tonight!!

Doug Fir–The Ladybug Transistor, DJ Papercuts, Eux Autres, 9 pm, $8-10
Holocene–Portland Funbook Release: Show Me the Pink, Old Growth, Here Comes a Big Black Cloud, Mustaphamond, 9 pm, $8
Main St. (Between SW Broadway & Park)–Pepe & The Bottle Blondes, 5 pm, free
Moloko Plus–DJ Maxamillion
Rotture–Kaitlyn ni Donovan, Ivy Covered Walls, Jean-Francois Buy, 9 pm, $6
Towne Lounge–Bears, Gingerbread Patriots, Musee Mecanique, 9:30 pm

NE 28th’s Tabla is one of those restaurants that I expected to like more than I did. I went there once, had their $29 prix fixe menu, was pretty underwhelmed by the confluence of food, service, and atmosphere—always meant to go back and give it another shot, since I know many people who really like it, but could never quite get motivated. Now, however, that they’ve revamped their menu, it’s a great excuse to give the place another chance:

PORTLAND, ORE. – Co-owners Adam Berger and Michael Rypkema have revamped the menu at Tabla Mediterranean Bistro to include a gourmet burger, pizza, and salads. In addition, Tabla now offers a happy hour menu and drink discounts from 5 to 6:30 p.m. Tuesday through Sunday, every day the neighborhood bistro is open. Chef Paul Duncan’s menu will continue to highlight Tabla’s specialties, serving fresh hand-crafted pasta made daily, and dishes with the freshest seasonal ingredients. “Tabla was created as a neighborhood bistro that would grow and adapt with our patrons. We are excited to offer them a greater scale of options with the same high quality ingredients,” said Berger. Some items that have been added to Tabla’s menu include Tabla Pizza topped with cured ham, Oregon blue cheese, and poached egg ($10); Ground Flank Steak Burger topped with house made pickles and basil aioli, and served with crispy fingerling potatoes ($10); Panzanella Bread Salad with cucumber, cherry tomatoes, bell pepper, and fresh mozzarella ($7); Rustichella Spaghetti made with garlic, extra virgin olive oil, and calabrian chilies ($9). Tabla’s neighborhood favorites remain on the menu including House Made Pappardelle made with braised rabbit, white wine, porcini mushrooms, and tomatoes ($18); Duck Confit served with chive whipped potatoes, braised greens, and port poached orange ($19); Moroccan Peanut Stew made with braised lamb, yams, and zucchini, served with house-made grilled flat bread ($18). Tabla will be hosting a happy hour daily from 5 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. with food prices ranging from $3 to $6, draft beer and red and white wine by the glass for $4, and a special Happy Hour cocktail for $5. Happy hour menu items include: Trio of Salads, from their daily selection; Tabla Pizza; Ground Flank Steak Burger; Fingerling Potatoes with basil aioli; and Braised Pork Belly, with slowly simmered corona beans.

Now, generally, I have very little beef with the Multnomah County Library. In fact, I love them to death, and find myself at the Belmont branch picking up holds at least once a week. I go online, put what I want on hold, and a few days later, it’s at my neighborhood branch. Couldn’t be simpler, right? Wrong. In Venezuela, they have one of these, and I demand we get one, too. (Please.)

It’s generally not a great idea to give acting tips to Robert DeNiro—as this candid onset video shows. (Even if you’re absolutely right, and DeNiro is stinking up your commercial by being as energetic as a slug on ‘ludes.)

Hit an early screening of Superbad last night. I’ve been stoked for this one ever since I first heard about it, as the combination of Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, and Judd Apatow is so promising that it makes my insides feel queasy.

So what usually happens when I get queasy excited is I throw up, and then what usually happens next is that I get disappointed and depressed and sad and self-loathing, because reality, in all its mediocrity, is always, always a crushing comedown compared to beautiful dreams and foolhardy hopes. But what happened last night is that I laughed my ass for two hours, then walked out through the lobby trying to pick out my favorite lines from the film (of which I have about 800), and then walked out to the parking lot desperately wishing that I had my copy of Van Halen’s 1984 in my car’s CD player. (I did not. Sadly. But just FYI, a scene in Superbad makes excellent, excellent use of “Panama.”)

Anyway: This movie is funny as shit, and I’ll be going again when it comes out on August 17. To pass the time in the interim, I’ll be watching stuff like this: Michael Cera in a hilarious short film directed by Bob Odenkirk. The short is called “Sweet Tits.” It is obviously NSFW, if you care about such things. (Thanks to Chas for the tip about this one; you can catch more of Odenkirk’s great shorts here.)

Better practice your butterfly stroke, because Sunday, August 19 will be your last chance to participate in the Portland Challenge. An event in which participants have to cross the Willamette without “money, motors, or bridges,” the annual sewage swim (or boat… but swimming is cooler) has been raising money for education programs for children in Tanzania since ‘03 (the first Challenge was just for kicks). With a goal of raising $10,000 more through a combination of local business scholarships, donations, and t-shirt, food, and drink sales, there is no cost to participate although you are encouraged to donate. Whether you go for the swim or just to watch, the day-long event sounds like a blast: Starting at noon at the Slammer (500 SE 8th), you can fortify yourself for the plunge with Karaoke from Hell, and after the swim return for a lineup playing the roof of the Slammer: Mike Manning and the Carolina Pump Station (4 pm); The Mercy Beats (5 pm), The Eegos (6 pm); Drunken Prayer (7:30 pm); and the Miss U’s (9 pm). Worried about swimming through a downtown waterway? No fear: Dr Bronner’s will be on hand for a post-river shower in the Salmon Street Fountain.

The covers of these gossip mags just keep getting better and better! According to the newest ish of Us Weekly, lucky college student Matt Encinias was invited back to Brit’s hotel pool, where she took a topless dip, and locked lips with the Jim Carrey look-a-like. Oh, and she had fake flower tattoos on her nipples. And as a not so subtle reminder on the cover… baby Jayden was out until 10:30. Also topless, drunk and lonely!
BUT JUST TAKE A LOOK AT HER FACE IN THE PICTURE. Doesn’t it just scream, “Ahhh… crap. I just know this shot is going to wind up on some asshole’s blog.” This time, Britney? You are right on the money.