An excellent new documentary called King of Kong just opened here in Portland, and I join Mercury Film Editor Erik Henriksen in urging you to see it as soon as possible. It’s one of the most genuinely funny, heartfelt, and riveting films—let alone documentaries—that I’ve seen in a while.

So, run off and see it at Cinema 21, and then come back here and read this link (but don’t click it until you’ve seen the movie!). Then, once you’re done vomiting with rage, read this link.

I think I just lost about 20 pounds—all in bile.

I FUCKING HATE BILLY MITCHELL!

And, BTW, director Seth Gordon is going to be at the theater tonight for the 7 pm and 9:15 pm shows. Go to one of those and ask him if he hates BIlly Mitchell as much as I do.

Next up for the Portland Business Alliance: Private firemen?

A private fire crew dispatched by a national insurance company that caters to wealthy clients is guarding 22 high-end homes threatened by the Castle Rock Fire, a blaze that has forced the evacuation of hundreds of million-dollar homes west of Ketchum.

The crew will protect only homes insured by AIG Private Client Group, an insurance company that offers “loss-prevention services” to its wealthiest customers. A truck and two-man crew sent by AIG from Montana arrived in Ketchum about 2 p.m. Wednesday to start dousing properties with Phos-Chek, the same fire retardant dropped from U.S. Forest Service aircraft.

Part of me wants to call up the PBA and ask them, in all seriousness, whether they’ve considered such a move. I mean, personally, if I were a downtown business owner, I’d be concerned about suburban shoppers being put off spending their money by regular, ordinary fire crews putting out my fires. I’d want a downtown Clean & Safe (& Not On Fire) crew to feel doubly confident of my business’s wellbeing. In all seriousness. Seriously.

(I still think we need an “Animals” category.)

Check out the Mercury’s most senior canine unit, Tina, wearing her brand new doggles—sunglasses for dogs. Even though it’s about the cutest thing I’ve seen today, they’re not just for show—poor Tina’s pupils are paralyzed or something like that, so the sun hurts her peepers. But, bonus! It’s also cute!

Just got a brief email from a reader who would like to see us write something about “Noble Resolve 07-2, in PDX this week, and the issues surrounding it.”

Not sure if this is the post they’re looking for, but here goes:

I mentioned Noble Resolve (the emergency disaster drill that’s reportedly been happening in Portland this week) in a post here. That was in response to emails we got warning that the drill could “go live,” just like drills on 9/11 and in London apparently did (coughbullshitcough).

I don’t really have much else to say, except that the drill is scheduled to end today, and I haven’t seen much that would lead me to believe that either a natural disaster, a dirty bomb, or martial law have happened. Which, you know, kind of takes the wind out of the sails of these conspiracy theorists.

Have you seen me?

Except, there’s this: In one widely referenced Indymedia post, Captain Eric H. May is quoted as saying “Noble Resolve may or may not become a “live” drill. The more it is publicized, the less likely we will have a 10 kiloton nuke detonated here. The threat of martial law remains regardless.”

And that’s made this whole thing seem like one gigantic, embarrassing chain letter. As in “If you don’t pass this message along to at least 10 more people and news outlets, something terrible could happen to you.” Then, of course, when nothing happens (and just to reiterate it, nothing has happened), believers can give themselves all the credit for saving the city.

That in itself wouldn’t irritate me enough for a blog post. But all of the hysterical, chicken little squawking only serves to discredit legitimate outrage over the Bush Administration’s very real usurping of the country’s civil rights and constitutional limitations on power. There are enough everyday examples (wiretapping, Guantanamo, etc.), but when those criticisms are conflated with what amounts to UFO stories, we all start looking like wackos.

In Commissioner Sam Adams’ just released public opinion survey about transportation funding is some great news for Portland cyclists—a big majority of the city apparently wants to put more money into bicycle boulevards.

Forty-two percent of the 900 survey respondents said they would “strongly support” a transportation package that provides “for more bike boulevards to reduce conflict between motorists and bicyclists.” That answer came in fourth out of 20 such questions.

(Compare that to a package that would “pave all neighborhood gravel and unimproved streets”—the kind that council candidate Charles Lewis made a show of last month—which came in at 21 percent strongly supporting.)

All totaled, funding for bike boulevards has 68 percent approval. Adams says he’ll use that support to push to fund the network of bike boulevards laid out in the Bicycle Master Plan (pdf), which would add 120 miles to the city, creating the largest such network in an urban environment.

Despite the fact that some 95 percent of the city doesn’t bicycle “regularly,” I’m not surprised by the overwhelming support. First, there’s the wording of the question. Not many drivers can argue with a plan to reduce conflicts between motorists and cyclists—I don’t imagine many of them want to increase, rather than decrease, their opportunities to kill a cyclist.

Additionally, last Friday I pored through some of the visionPDX surveys, and found an enormous number of comments from people who want to see Portland become less dependent on cars, and more dependent on bikes. (Why that doesn’t translate into bigger ridership numbers is another question.) I had to ask the visionPDX staffer if I’d stumbled onto a cluster of surveys from, say, the Bicycle Transportation Alliance. “No,” she said, “you’re not even on ‘bicycles’ yet. You’re looking at the ‘traffic’ section.”

Interestingly, Adams’ survey also asked about a $25 annual license fee for bikers. That got 34 percent strongly opposed, 15 percent mildly opposed, 16 percent mildly in support, and 32 percent strongly in support. If Portlanders want more people on bikes, why support a disincentive to biking? Especially in the face of pretty strong arguments that the administrative costs would outweigh the revenue, and that construction and maintenance of bike infrastructure costs next to nothing.

There’s a pretty great conversation about the survey over at BikePortland.org.

Sometimes blog posts never die. Matt’s post from Monday, asking what the point of Portland is, is still carrying on a raging debate. Including this morning’s comment:

The other day at a party a friend’s buddy, whom I just met, pulled me aside and said, “I heard you work at a graphic design firm; I’m really intrigued by that line of work. I’d be really good at it, if you ever hear of any openings. But I don’t want to work with any clients that I don’t believe in. Like, the clients have to be really ethical — hopefully sustainable and green. And I want to be able to have a personal life. Like, I don’t want to work weekends or late nights. And I have to respect everybody I work with. So, let me know if you hear of anything.”

All noble requests, I guess. But when you have thousands of people expressing — scratch that, they’re demanding — the same dreams, you might not find a good job market. Why? Companies generally like to hire people that are hungry: people who feel lucky to have a job. Portland is about work-life balance, with life often winning out over work. That can work fine in a socialist country, but we’re not one.

If we want jobs, we’ll have to collectively change our attitudes about work and our relationships with employers. Otherwise, we’ll continue to be a city comprised mainly of small businesses (that often get acquired) and government jobs. Cities with many jobs, like NYC, have many people working 12-hour days, six days per week. Could you envision that for Portland?

The conversation’s happening here, if you want to catch up and join.

As I’ve mentioned previously, Liza Rietz and John Blasioli have opened a store together, and the grand opening is coming up: Friday, August 31st, 5-8 pm, at 2305 NW Savier. John just sent me some photos of his latest work on his menswear line, a broken spoke—I love them! I had to post them all up here to show everyone. This is exactly what I think menswear should be, interesting design with looking ridiculous or effeminate (although I also love effeminate menswear looks on certain types, it’s clear why so many men feel like men’s fashion is emasculating). But here’s my dilemma: I need to pick one of these to print in the paper and I can’t decide. What do you think?

More images after the break!

If the heading wasn’t obvious enough, the Portland Adult Soapbox Derby is this Saturday, 10 a.m., at Mt. Tabor Park. SO GET YOUR HUNGOVER ALCOHOLIC BUTT OFF THE SIDEWALK TOMORROW AND GO. (Click here and here for more info.)

Last year, fix Diesel Teaser V beat 40 other contestants to obtain first place—and I don’t think I’m assuming too much to say that they would like to win again. After all, winning is good. What is better than to crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women (and men)? *

So, what are the reigning champions up to lately? Putting the finishing touches on their latest speed machine. The Mercury obtained top-secret info from fix yesterday through that most patriotic of traditions: SPYING! We set up illegal surveillance cameras and wiretaps everywhere throughout their production facility. Most importantly, we obtained a secret spy photo of fix’s newest victory machine: fix Diesel Teaser VI. The Diesel Teaser appears to have been dismantled, rebuilt with bionic parts and fine German engineering. There’s also talk of cosmetic changes that are sure to make the vehicle even sexier in the final product. But enough talk: on with the vehicle porn!

Last year’s model

This year’s model

When asked for official comment, fix representative Chris Bleiler said this:

“Much time has been spent developing the rear end of the Diesel Teaser… for other racers to enjoy.We’re looking forward to kicking every other two-man car’s ass. Including Manateevil.”

There you have it, folks. Better get to Mt. Tabor tomorrow.

It’s gonna be a bloodbath.

*Quoted with all respect to Robert E. Howard.

I know, I know, the melodramatic pop of Stars won’t be passing this way until mid-November (the 15th at the Crystal, to be exact), but can we just pretend that the band is playing tonight? Or not even tonight, how about right this very second?

Their brand new record, In Our Bedroom After The War, is just as textured, dramatic, and touching as 2004’s Set Yourself On Fire, aka the record that still hits me like a ton of bricks every time I listen to it. While the new album is solid all the way through, I’m caught up on the I Saw U themed lyrics of “Personal.”

“28 and bored, grieving over loss, sorry to be heavy, but heavy is the cost”

MP3: Stars - Personal

And since it’s a Friday—my tie is loosened and my feet confidently placed upon my desk—let’s have another.
MP3: Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead (from Set Yourself On Fire)

Have you ever wanted to see Heart with an Elephant Ear and deep-friend Twinkie crammed into your mouth? Well my friend, now is your chance. Tonight at the Oregon State Fair, Ann and Nancy Wilson will be singing all about the “Magic Man,” while you and your drunken friends work on your air guitar solos. It’s a long song, so maybe some pre-show finger stretching is in order.

Here are the opening lines to the email I just received about the brand-spankin’-new First Annual Portland Latin American Film Festival:

I know, I know! Portland has almost as many film festivals as strip clubs.

True! So, so true. But apparently, that’s not stopping local organizers from continuing to put together as many film fests as possible. (Me, I’d like to see both of Portland’s big fests—the Portland International Film Festival and the Portland Lesbian & Gay Film Festival—get a lot more consistent and accessible before our city gets any more fests, but maybe that’s just me. Also, Platform should come back.)

My cantankerous early-morning grumbling aside, two things: As far as I know, there’s not any existing Portland film festival dealing solely with Latin American-centric films, so the fact that the awkwardly-abbreviated PDXLAFF will now fill that unique niche is a good thing. And also, there are definitely some films that sound interesting that’ll be playing at the fest, which is another good thing. (Antonia—which the above image is from—and Crossing Arizona and To the Other Side sound the most intriguing to me.)

The festival runs from September 20 to September 23, kicking off at the Whitsell before moving to the Living Room Theaters. Hit the jump for a complete list of films and synopses; while the fest doesn’t have a website or schedule yet, I’ll let you know when they do.

Antonia (Brazil, 2006)

90 min
Language: Portuguese / English subtitles
Director: Tata Amaral
Writer: Tata Amaral and Roberto Moreira
Genre: Drama / Musical
Awards: Best Fictional Film from Sao Paulo International Film Festival 2006, Best Score in Havana Film Festival 2006
Plot Synopsis: On the outskirts of Sao Paulo, four black young women who have been singing together since young fight to fulfill their dream of making a living off their music. For their rap group “Antonia”, they find a manager and begin to perform in bars and at parties. But just as the dream seems to be coming true, their hopes are dashed by the daily events which accompany poverty, chauvinism and violence which threaten the group and jeopardize their friendship.

El Benny (Cuba, 2006)
132 min
Spanish / English Subtitles
Director: Jorge Luis Sanchez
Writers: Abraham Rodriguez and Jorge Luis Sanchez
Genre: Drama / Musical
Awards: Nominated for the Cartagena Film Festival Award, Cartagena Film Festival 2007; Nominated for the Golden Leopard Award, Locarno International Film Festival 2006.
Plot Synopsis: El Benny, the first full feature motion picture based on the life of Benny More, the greatest Cuban musician of all time, who profoundly changed the course of Latin music forever. More famous during his lifetime in Venezuela and Mexico than in his home country of Cuba, he was asked in 1957, not long before he died, to play at the Oscars in Los Angeles. Never having formally studied music, he arranged big band orchestras and combos from the music he heard in his head and felt in his soul without being able to read or write music, a true musical genius. Benny was a man of supreme charisma and passion, but his excess of the night life, the women and the partying led to his untimely death. His legacy is still felt today in most contemporary Latin music. The movie is a co-production between Coral Capital Entertainment and the Cuban film Institute ICAIC. Benny has become one of the most popular films in Cuba in the last fifteen years. It’s Cuba’s entry to the 79th Academy Award nominations.

To the Other Side (Al Otro Lado) (Mexico, 2004)
90 min.
Spanish / English subtitles
Director: Gustavo Loza
Writers: Gustavo Loza
Genre: Drama
Awards: Won Audience Award, Best Actress (Vanessa Bauche) and Best Film from Lleida Latin-American Film Festival 2006.
Plot Synopsis: A fictional feature film made up of three short stories dealing with the issue of migration, but from the viewpoint of those left behind. Three countries, three cultures, three different realities that serve as background for the stories of the lives of three children (a Mexican boy, a Cuban boy, and a Moroccan girl) who share the same feelings: the absence of a father who has emigrated searching for a better living standard and the need to bring him back home.

My Best Enemy (My Mejor Enemigo) (Chile/Argentina/España, 2004)
100 min.
Spanish / English subtitles
Director: Alex Bowen
Writers: Alex Bowen, Jorge Duran
Genre: Drama
Awards: Best Screenplay in Cartagena Film Festival 2006
Plot Synopsis: December 1978. Chile and Argentina are about to engage in an armed confrontation on their Southern Border. In Patagonia -a Chilean platoon accidentally breaks its compass and the platoon is lost on the immense Pampa. They dig their trenches without knowing whether they are in a Chilean or Argentinean. A long waiting starts that is interrupted by an Argentinean platoon deployed in front of them. Both platoons await the war to start but the tense wait allows friendship to arise among human beings that are enemies, but confused by the solitude of the Pampa. They cross the fragile line between duty and sentiment thus telling a deep human story.

Erendira Ikikunari (Mexico, 2006)
104 min
Purepehpecha language / English subtitules
Director: Juan Carlos Mora Catlett
Writer: Juan Carlos Mora Catlett
Genre: Adventure / Drama / Fantasy
Awards: 4 nominations for the Ariel Awards, Mexico (Best Art Direction, Best Costume Design, Best Make up and Best Special Effects)
Plot Synopsis: Erendira Ikikunari is an action film about the conquest of Mexico by the Europeans in the 16th century. It tells the story of a young Indian woman who stole a horse from the Spanish conquerors, and used it against them, defending her people. An exceptional girl, she showed astounding uprightness and courage in face of the invasion of her land. As warrior woman she fought to attain the dignity and respect that her culture only granted men. This still is, unfortunately, a very common situation today. The dialog is spoken in Purhepecha, 16th century Spanish and Latin. In order that the Purepehpecha language could be used fluently, the actors were mostly authentic Indians. The music was made from the sound recordings of the scenes. Human voices, sounds of nature, conches and drums, were used to digitally create the music.

Crossing Arizona (Cruzando Arizona) (USA, 2006)
132 min
Language: Spanish/English
Director: Joseph Mathew
Writer: Laurie MacMillan
Genre: Documentary
Awards: Winner-one Future Prize 2006, Munich Film Festival; Winner-Best Documentary, Arizona International Film Festival, Audience Award; Audience Award, Cine Las Americas; Audience Award, Brooklyn International Film Festival
Plot Synopsis: With Americans on all sides of the immigration issue up in arms and Congress embroiled in a knock-down-drag-out policy battle over how to move forward, Crossing Arizona shows how we got where we are today. Heightened security in California and Texas has pushed illegal border-crossers into the treacherous Arizona desert in unprecented numbers- an estimated 4,500 a day. Most are men in search of work, but increasingly the border– crossers are women and children seeking to reunite with their families. Crossing Arizona examines the crisis through the eyes of those directly affected by it. Frustrated ranchers go out day after day to repair cut fences and pick up the trash that endangers their livestock and livelihoods. Humanitarian groups place water stations in the desert in an attempt to save lives. Political activists rally against anti-migrants ballot initiatives and try to counter rampant fear mongering. Farmers who depend on the illegal work force face each day with the fear that they may lose their workers to a border patrol sweep.

The Hands (Las Manos) (Italy, 2006)
119 min.
Language: Spanish/ English subtitles
Director: Alejandro Doria
Writer: Alejandro Doria & Juan Bautista Stagnaro
Genre: Drama based on a true story
Awards: The film won the Goya Award for Best Spanish-Language Foreign Film. Won the Golden Colon from the public in the Huelva Festival. Best Film in the Clarin Awards. Best Film in the Argentinean Academy Awards. Nominated for Best Latin American Film in Mexico; Won Best Spanish Language Foreign Film, Goya Awards 2007; Won Golden India Catalina for Best Supporting Actress (Graciela Borges), Cartagena Film Festival; Won OCLACC Award, Cartagena Film Festival 2007
Plot Synopsis: The Minister Mario Pantaleo is an Italian priest living in Argentina. Everything appears to demonstrate that he has a very special skill: to diagnose and cure illnesses with his hands and his faith. With help of people that believe in his skills and Perla, his collaborator, he builds his own church. Since that moment nothing will be easy for Minister Mario, he will have to struggle against the Catholic Church’s authorities, the government and also with the police force to continue with his building.

The Last Gaze (Le Ultima Mirada) (Mexico, 2006)
123 min.
Language: Spanish/ English subtitles
Director: Patricia Arriaga-Jordan
Writer: Patricia Arriaga-Jordan
Genre: Drama / Romance
Awards: Winner Best Film Prize 2006, Cairo International Film Festival; Winner Best Women Award 2006, San Francisco Bay Area International Latino Film Festival.
Plot Synopsis: If you could choose…what would be the last thing you ever say? A painter on the verge of blindness meets by chance a young girl hired as a maid in a remote brothel in the Mexican Desert. Two different but parallel lives intertwine in surprising twists and turns. A beautiful film chronicling the survival of the human spirit against all odds.

Machuca (Chile, 2004)
121 min
Language: Spanish / English subtitles
Director: Andres Wood
Writer: Eliseo Altunaga & Roberto Brodsky
Genre: Biography / Drama
Awards: Won Best Latin American Film, Ariel Awards Mexico 2005; Won Golden Best Film, Bogota Film Festival 2004; Won Best Spanish Language Foreign Film, Goya Awards 2005; won Elcine First Prize, Lima Latin American Film Festival 2004; won Best Narrative Feature, Mexico City International Contemporary Film Festival 2005.
Plot Synopsis: In 1973, in Santiago, Chile the first socialist president is democratically elected in a Latin-American country, President Salvador Allende. The principal of the Saint Patrick School there, Father Mc Enroe, experiments integrating students of the upper and lower classes. The bourgeois boy, Gonzalo Infante, and the boy from the slum, Pedro Machuca, become great friends, while the conflicts on the streets leads Chile to the bloody and repressive military coup of General Augusto Pinochet on 11 September 1973. This greatly affects the boy’s lives, their relationship and their country.

My Mexican Shiva (Morirse Esta En Hebreo) (Mexico/USA, 2006)
98 min.
Language: Hebrew - Spanish – Yiddish / English subtitles
Director: Alejandro Springall
Writer: Jorge Goldenber & Alejandro Springall based on a story by Ilan Stavans
Genre: Comedy
Plot Synopsis: Set in Polanco, a Jewish quarter or Mexico City, and spoken in Spanish, Yiddish and Hebrew, “My Mexican Shiva” is a dramatic comedy about how the death of a man results in the celebration of his life. According to Jewish belief, from the moment a Jew is born, he or she is accompanied by two angels: an angel of light and an angel of darkness. With the passing Moishe (75), his family and friends gather in Mexico City to sit shivah, the 7 day Jewish mourning ritual. The spirit angels, Aleph and Bet, as divine accountants only visible to the camera, watch over the family and calculate which angel will accompany Moishe’s soul to the afterlife. The odds are against Moishe from the beginning. Family dysfunction aside, Moishe’s friends are all attending for their own motives. If the shivah reveals anything, it’s that Moishe’s family and friends loved him with all his flaws and mystery, and most of all they loved his spirit.

The Sugar Curtain (El Telon de Azucar) (Spain/Cuba/France, 2005 [Released 2007])
80 min.
Language: Spanish / English subtitles
Director: Camila Guzman Urzua
Writer: Camila Guzman Urzua
Genre: Documentary
Awards: Won TVE Award, San Sebastian International Film Festival 2005
Plot Synopsis: An intimate portrait by Camila Guzman Urzua about growing up in Cuba during the '70s and '80s. She recalls Cuba seemed like a paradise, where the state provided everything: education, healthcare, housing, work. She was part of an idealistic generation of young “Pioneers” enthusiastically dedicated to building a new society. Camila left Cuba in 1990 shortly before the collapse of the Soviet Union, which for decades had assured the island nation’s economic survival, and the beginning of the “Special Period,” which by the mid-'90s saw the Cuban economy in ruins.

Drama Mex (Mexico, 2006)
105 min
Language: Spanish / English subtitles
Director: Gerardo Naranjo
Writer: Gerardo Naranjo
Genre: Drama / Musical
Plot Synopsis: Two interlaced stories unfold over the course of the same long, hot day in the once lush and now decadent resort town of Acapulco. The first involves the beautiful and cool Fernanda, who is forced to deal with the sudden emergence of her ex-lover, Chino. Her boyfriend, Gonzalo, must now compete with the intense sexual tension Fernanda and Chino share. The second story concerns Jaime, an office worker with hidden indiscretions, attempting suicide in a beach front hotel. A precocious and equally dishonest teenage girl disrupts his plan. They will all converge in a stark and harrowing portrayal of moral ambiguity.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Fox has canceled Anchorwoman after only one episode. The network claims the decision was based on “low ratings.”

The West Nile virus has “exploded” in Canada, and experts believe the worst is yet to come. If you ask me, God’s punishing them for Celine Dion.

Write your own punchline: Scientists have discovered a gaping hole in the universe, and it’s apparently the biggest, emptiest void they’ve ever found.

In other science news, experts think they may have found evidence for life on Mars, with potential microbial life forms in soil samples taken 30 years ago. “Cohaagen, these people need aaaaair.”

Those scrappy Lake Oswego little leaguers are out of the World Series, having lost to Lubbock, Texas 8-2. Now, all they’ve got to look forward to is a lifetime of upperclass luxury.

Both of Portland’s cupcake bakeries are floundering in our new reader restaurant reviews. Cupcake Jones has one review—but it’s a sad 1-star review. Saint Cupcake has two readers weighing in, but both gave it only one star.

Are Portland’s cupcakes that awful? Or are these three readers wildly off? Weigh in on those reviews, so we can make a more accurate assessment.

From Cupcake Jones’ current review:

I have tried Cupcake Jones twice now and both times my jones was left unfulfilled.

And the current word on Saint Cupcake:

The Lemon Cupcake tasted like salt and flour. The flat icing had the only flavor. Their choclate cake tastes ok but like it came from a box. It also had two large egg shells at the bottom. I’d avoid this place.

You remember on August 3rd, when the cops put out a press release saying “DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT GANG ACTIVITY AT THE LOW-RIDER SHOW?” Well, you’ll be pleased to hear it worked. Here’s what Sgt. Kristy Galvan of North Precinct had to tell the August 10 Gang Violence Task Force:

8 officers from GET (on Union Overtime) were working at front entrance and removed a lot of jerseys prior to entrance. Gang tattoos were very oblivious after shirt removed (example “CVS” – abbreviation for Compton Varrios Segundo XIII, a Latino gang set). 2 big groups (10 to 15) , resulting in one fight, involved gang associations from Hillsboro and Beaverton. Artists in the concert asking crowd to show signs, which encourage a fight in the dance floor resulting in exclusions.

Here’s Lieutenant Jay Drum of NE Precinct:

“one of the bands had full gang attire on / when GET was walking persons excluded out of the event,”“8:30 fight broke out on the Kentucky Fried Chicken lot. This was addressed very quickly. Recovered 3 guns, 3 juvenile custodies, 3 adults for illegal possession of firearms.”

Don’t worry about the abbreviations—they make no sense to me, either. All I’m saying is, I’m thrilled the Police Bureau issued a press release, the day before the event, telling people “NO TROUBLE.” And that the event was swarming with cops. Because I don’t know about you, but when I want to start trouble, a load of cops right in my face telling me what to do…well, it calms me down.

So anyway. Tomorrow night, there’s this show at the Mardi Gras club in SE Portland. Amy and I wrote a newslede on the club back in April. To be more specific, the event is taking place in the parking lot of the Mardi Gras. And I’ll let the cops’ press release tell you the rest:

On Friday, August 24, 2007, at 8:00 pm, a concert titled, “Parkin’ Lot Pimpin’ Tour” is scheduled to take place at Mardi Gras located in the 14600 block of Southeast Stark Street. This event is expected to bring together a wide ethnic-based music fans. In preparation, officers from the Portland Police Bureau’s East Precinct, event organizers, and members of the community have been working together to create a safe environment for the concert.

Community members and the Portland Police Bureau would like to remind those attending the concert that the event is about music appreciation and the artists. This event is not about violence or membership in a gang, and there are no other permitted events attached to this show. Event sponsors and the promoters have asked the Police Bureau to advise concert goers that gang attire will not be allowed at this event. In an effort to make this a fun, safe event, community outreach members and police officers will be present at the event, and officers will be available to respond to disturbances or traffic problems.

The Portland Police Bureau and concerned community partners are sharing this information in advance, so that everyone attending can enjoy the concert.

So, “ethnic-based music fans.” I want you to remember. No trouble, okay? None whatsoever. Go home and listen to your “ethnic-based music there.” That’s my advice.

In response to our feature this week on the anti-gay petitions, a reader writes in to tell us about a knock on her Milwaukie front door last night:

Just last night I was interrupted making dinner to a knock at my door. I went to see who it was and it was a man getting signatures to deny gay marriage rights for the exact petition you spoke of in your article today.

I had to ask the man to repeat what he said to me, not because I did not hear him, but because I was shocked at what I was being asked. I cannot believe people waste their time to discriminate against other human beings.

Anyway, he kindly repeated what he said and I politely said no thank you and that I would not be signing the petition. He then took more of my time to ask me if I understood what was happening by not signing that petition, and I politely responded yes.

Going door-to-door strikes me as a desperate move, if it’s happening on an organized level (now that it’s pretty clear the “ask your fellow churchgoers, friends, and family members” hasn’t gotten the ‘phobes the signatures they need).

Saw the Broadway Touring production of Spamalot (the Tony-winning musical based on Monty Python and the Holy Grail) at the Keller last night. What did I think? Oh, uh… you know. The songs were boring, the cast mumbled, and the only funny bits were lifted directly from the movie. It was sort of nostalgic, I guess, if you’re a Python fan (though The Adventures of Baron Munchausen is at the Laurelhurst right now, I would advise saving yourself $72 ). Basically, I would recommend it to you if I thought that you were a middlebrow sucker.

But apparently Portland audiences ARE middlebrow suckers, because the totally unearned standing ovation segued into clapping in unison and it just went on and on and on… Dudes, seriously. You don’t have to ovate to be polite, you really don’t. Unless the show blew your freakin’ mind (which I can only hope this one did not), just clap politely, collect your things, and leave. Or does it not feel like you got your $75 worth unless you get to participate in some kind of collective frenzied mind meld wherein you demonstrate through the force of your clapping how sincerely you value the arts?

Ah well. Anyway. Spamalot.

I had to cut this section from Grant Cogswell’s writeup of his visit to City Bible Church this past weekend, but it’s been running through my mind for the past few days. I stopped by two churches that day, and was a bit amazed by the number of people loyally attending, listening, and following their leader. (My parents dragged me to a waning Catholic church when I was little… it never struck me that there was much political power or loyalty in the room).

“[I] thought darkly of Zach Grenier’s speech in Ang Lee’s Ride With The Devil: “That is why they will win. Because they think everyone should live and think just like them. And we will lose because we just care about ourselves.” If the left got together every Sunday to organize, fundraise, and reaffirm their beliefs…well, that would probably be pretty insufferable, too.”

Insufferable, for sure. But effective? Or is it just not in a lefty’s nature to be part of a huge crowd that tends toward groupthink?

“It’s a shame… I was hoping for the odd penis.”

—-Matt Davis, on the phone with a film director.

Obscure, and certainty not well-read, local band The Decemberists have announced a ton of new tour dates. The “Long and Short of It” tour will feature the band switching their sets based on “Long” shows (where they play, um, longer songs), and “Short” shows (do I really have to explain how this works?). Ticket pre-sale begins this Saturday at 9am.

Tour dates after the jump…

10/28 Chicago, IL @ Vic Theater - ("Long of It")
10/29 Chicago, IL @ Vic Theater - ("Short of It")
11/1 New York, NY @ Terminal 5 - ("Long of It")
11/2 New York, NY @ Terminal 5 - ("Short of It")
11/3 Boston, MA @ Orpheum - ("Long of It")
11/4 Boston, MA @ Orpheum - ("Short of It")
11/6 Winston-Salem, NC @ Millennium Center - ("Long of It")
11/7 Winston-Salem, NC @ Millennium Center - ("Short of It")
11/9 Washington, DC @ 9:30 Club - ("Long of It")
11/10 Washington, DC @ 9:30 Club - ("Short of It")
11/11 Washington, DC @ 9:30 Club - ("Long of It")
11/12 Washington, DC @ 9:30 Club - ("Short of It")
11/15 Columbus, OH @ Lifestyle Communities Pavilion - ("Long of It")
11/16 Columbus, OH @ Lifestyle Communities Pavilion - ("Short of It")
11/18 Milwaukee, WI @ Riverside Theater - ("Long of It")
11/19 Milwaukee, WI @ Riverside Theater - ("Short of It")
11/23 San Francisco, CA @ The Fillmore - ("Long of It")
11/24 San Francisco, CA @ The Fillmore - ("Short of It")
11/25 San Francisco, CA @ The Fillmore - ("Long of It")
11/26 San Francisco, CA @ The Fillmore - ("Short of It")
11/29 Los Angeles, CA @ The Wiltern - "Long of It")
11/30 Los Angeles, CA @ The Wiltern - ("Short of It")
12/1 San Diego, CA @ Spreckels Theatre - ("Long of It")
12/2 San Diego, CA @ Spreckels Theatre - ("Short of It")
12/5 Portland, OR @ Crystal Ballroom - ("Long of It")
12/6 Portland, OR @ Crystal Ballroom - ("Short of It")
12/7 Portland, OR @ Crystal Ballroom
12/8 Seattle, WA @ Moore Theatre - ("Long of It")
12/9 Seattle, WA @ Moore Theatre - ("Short of It")

Last Thursday, we got an email touting a new website for liberal Oregon newsjunkies: OregonLiberal.com.

The creator, Andrew, told us:

I am pleased to announce the launch of OregonLiberal.com, a free community-driven news aggregator with a liberal tilt. Modeled after the more technology-focused content management site Digg, Oregon Liberal provides Oregon Democrats with quick access to popular liberal news submitted and voted upon by fellow community members. It is the perfect complement to the established Oregon blog community.

But don’t we already have BlueOregon.com and LoadedOrygun.net? While they aren’t news aggregators, they certainly do a bang-up job keeping up with any liberal news of interest. And, speaking of which, would I really want to read a site that was just a liberal echo chamber of lefty news? Personally—though I like lefty commentary on any story—if you’re going to aggregate news, I’d like to see a full spectrum.

Guess I wasn’t the only one scratching my head. I came across Andrew’s email again today while cleaning out the ol’ inbox, and thought I’d give it a second try.

Too late:

Thank you for visiting OregonLiberal.com. My experiment with a Digg-styled news aggregator for liberal political news in Oregon seems to have failed. However, seeing as I own this domain name for the next year, I will be back shortly with a new site. At this time I do not know what form it will take, or whether it will just redirect to one of my blogs in the end.

UPDATE, 1:31: I have retitled this post combining the best of the caption suggestions given below, to describe this new public art in Tom Potter’s foyer.

Original Post: 9:59Public Art: WHAT?

This movie will probably blow. And yet….

And for no reason other than it cracks me. This is hanging outside of Dan Saltzman’s office (click it for a larger version):

When you write a weekly column about local politics that clocks in at around 430 words, you frequently have to simplify parts of issues in order for the column to still be readable. Hence, in my column this week, I wrote, “With a 3-1 vote, city council decided to begin enforcing a law that bans (homeless) people from sitting or lying on the sidewalk downtown.”

And while that’s accurate, it left one tedious detail. Technically, what city council voted on was to accept a report from the SAFE committee proclaiming that all of the promised homeless services (benches, lockers, showers, bathrooms) are in place. Since enforcement of the Sit-Lie law had been blocked until this report was accepted, council’s vote, in a very real way, was a vote to begin enforcing the law—even if the vote was simply on accepting a report.

My technical “oversight” was pointed out by Commissioner Randy Leonard—the only no vote—though he admitted it might be a “a distinction without a difference.”

He also added this, for the record: “I did vote no on the sit-lie ordinance when it was passed by the council.”

Now that that is settled, I’ll move on to finding other things to bore you with.

David Crowe at Restore America finally got wind of the Know Thy Neighbor project—which plans to publish a database of everyone signing the petitions to refer domestic partnerships and anti-discriminiation legislation to next year’s ballot. We wrote about the project this week, though Crowe read about it in the Salem daily paper.

Of course, Crowe is outraged. How dare anyone meddle with the home life (by publishing an address that’s public info) of someone who’s trying to meddle with gay folks’ home life? No fair!!

Americans dislike tactics of fear and intimidation. It smacks of Nazi Germany, Stalin, Mao, Arafat, and fanatical Islam, and is the harbinger of things to come. Such an announcement supports the common view that this determined special interest group will stop at nothing to force our acceptance not only of their behavior, but our compliance to their wishes and world view. Gloves Off! Americans have had enough. Forcing acceptance of their sexual behavior against our will, at the price of our right to make moral distinctions as families and communities, has now become more than most Americans can tolerate.

With a plethora of states and a heavy majority of voters saying “NO” to same sex marriage, along with a deepening disrespect for the will of the voters by our elected officials and this special interest group, Americans are fed up. [Not as far as we saw this past weekend… -Eds.]

By this tactic, the homosexual lobby and their sympathizers are asking for a confrontation that they alone seek, and now appears necessary.

No more Placating, Appeasing, or Pacifying!
The days of appeasing, placating and pacifying the homosexual community are over. It doesn’t work. And neither will it work in Oregon.

Neville Chamberlain and the English people found out that appeasing Hitler and his Nazi sympathizers did not work. And neither has it worked with the communists, the Ayatollahs, Arafat, Castro, Chavez or North Korea.

Crowe signs off with another plea for his supporters to sign the petitions.

Can someone tell me when the Christian right ever placated or appeased the gays? Was it when they pushed Measure 36 by saying they weren’t opposed to extending basic rights—or when they turned around and balked at these basic rights, claiming they violate the ‘intent’ of Measure 36?

Got my tires rotated at Les Schwab this a.m., where they offer free rotations every 5,000 miles when you buy your tires from them. (Awesome, right? Right.) As I have driven almost exactly 10,000 miles since I bought my Jeep (and new tires for it), this a.m. I went in to get said rotation.

Once there, I realized I did not have any cash on me, which then became a dilemma as I tried to decide if I should tip the guy. Does tipping extend to automobile maintenance? Particularly free automobile maintenance? (It seems important to note that I feel no obligation to tip my regular mechanic, be it for an oil change or a new radiator, but this seems different somehow. Not sure why. Maybe because the service is free, I thereby feel guilty—like I should be giving something back in exchange?)

Also, related: As I shook the hand of the guy who rotated my tires, I discovered he was wearing blue latex gloves, as if he were a surgeon.

The tri-keyboard attack (ok, maybe “attack,” is not the correct term, it’s more like a “warm hug”) of Au Revoir Simone rolls through Portland tonight. I’m keen on The Bird Of Music, their playful debut album, which is full of breathy vocals, drifting keyboard notes and sweet melodies.

MP3: Au Revoir Simone - A Violent Yet Flammable World

Au Revoir Simone perform at Holocene tonight.

I am aghast: Men.Style.com has done a Fall 2007 trend report on apocalyptic fashion, filled with all sorts of delightful foolishness, such as a $1,485 Dsqaured jacket with the caption:

As the old saying goes, when living in a police state, wear a police jacket. (Or at least we think that’s how it goes.) And because looking this good is bound to attract unwanted attention, you’ll be happy to know that both jacket and pants have plenty of hidden pockets for stashing contraband.

But the point is: They solicited Portland’s own Urban Scout, and featured his Rewild Camp. As some of you recall, I wrote a feature on Urban Scout back in August of ‘06, wich I wittily titled, “Apocalypse Soon.” Since then he’s had more exposure, sure, but the difference here is that men.style.com stole my frigging headline, calling their whimsical featurette, uh… Apocalypse Soon.

My headline. Mine.

(In case you were wondering what the $1,485 Dsquared jacket looks like.)

Here’s what I saw on the way to the mayor’s sit/lie oversight committee, meeting this morning for the first time since the law was passed by city council last week. A closed restroom! Four have been closed since noon yesterday, and until noon tomorrow.RESTROOM ON NW BURNSIDE AND PARK: You better go take a poop on the Burnside bridge, mate…

And guess who was sitting on the sidewalk, right next to it? A rent-a-cop!RENT-A-COP: ARREST THAT MAN!

Anyway, who cares whether enough restrooms are open downtown. They were just a fop from the Portland Business Alliance to get this law passed. So. Onto the law…

1.COPS! Trained police officers will begin enforcement on August 30. They have to watch a 45-minute training DVD, broken down into five sections, first. All written warnings and citations issued will be referred to the oversight committee on a monthly basis.

2.RENT-A-COPS!…are already going around giving out verbal warnings. It’s not clear what training they’ve been given. District Attorneys will meet with downtown security officers next Tuesday. Gennie Nelson of homeless nonprofit Sisters of the Road told the committee: “That warning has been going around a lot—and because they’re in uniform and they look like police officers, and many of them are armed, I wanted to bring that up.”

3.WRONG NUMBER! The phone number for the Julia West day access center given on the sidewalk obstruction written warnings is WRONG. “If they call that number, they’ll get no response,” says the center’s executive director. Although enforcement hasn’t even begun, the center, which is supposed to have capacity for 50 people, is regularly getting at least 90 people showing up. “We’re definitely at capacity,” he says. “We’re at a max.” The committee may have to open another center. Julia West’s director is suggesting another location downtown—the PBA’s Mike Kuykendall doesn’t seem to like that idea. He’s rocking back and forth in his chair.

4.BOG OFF! The committee has no intention of opening another 24-hour restroom in Pioneer Square, on top of the one at City Hall. “I suppose the individual council person could do it,” says Kyle Chisek, of the mayor’s office—referring to Commissioner Randy Leonard, who pushed for it last week in council. “Pioneer Square is a park, so anyone with a park exclusion can’t use that restroom,” he adds.

Monica Goracke of the Oregon Law Center has asked him for a whole list of what the barriers may or may not be to opening the restroom. There are also no toilet seats at the restrooms in the city-owned parking structure at 1st and Davis—the committee may also look into opening that one on a 24 hour basis. Commissioner Randy Leonard says he’ll push for money to fund security in either place, according to the PBA’s Mike Kuykendall. But don’t hold your breath.

5.DEFENSE! John Connors, of the Metropolitan Public Defenders office, has shown up. I’m not sure what his interest is (I’ll ask him when I get the chance…) but I just googled him, and he sat on a Multnomah county task force on racial over-representation in the criminal justice system in 2002. He graduated from Lewis and Clark in 1981, and is 2006-07 president of the Oregon Criminal Defense Lawyers Association. In other words? He’s really interested in oversight…

6.ARGUMENT! Sisters of the Road representative Patrick Nolen says aspects of the way the SAFE oversight committee’s presentation was delivered to city council “feels to me like we’re being dishonest.”NOLEN: “It feels to me like we’re being dishonest…

Nolen’s first gripe was that his organization was listed third in the list of the committee’s partcipants, right underneath the two co-chairs. He had previously asked that the list be presented in alphabetical order. It wasn’t—and obviously, that made it look like Sisters supported the ordinance. It’s the only member of the committee that hasn’t.

Nolen is also concerned that John Connors was listed as a committee member—when “I have never met John Connors.” As a public defender, Connors’ involvement might have ensured more balance, but he’s never shown up until today.

The presentation also said 18 lockers were available at the Salvation Army, when they weren’t. And he is also concerned about the presentation of some of the facts about the ordinance on the city’s website. All in all, I don’t think Nolen is too happy about his organization being used by the PBA as a political justification for moving people along. The PBA did not respond to any of his concerns.

Another music section to flip through as you kill time before your NFL fantasy draft. This young rookie quarterback looks promising. Odds are he’s better than Joey Harrington.

We journey deep into the weird world of The Epoxies, where everything sort of looks like this.
MP3: The Epoxies - My New World

If The Builders and The Butchers make funeral music, put some coins over my eyes and throw me in the ground. Just kidding. Please cremate me, I’d hate to take up more space on this earth. Plus, the whole zombie thing. I don’t want to be responsible for what my body eats after my soul dies. Brains are not vegan.
MP3: The Builders and The Butchers - Spanish Death Song

Oh sure, when Mister F.A.B. and Turf Talk ghostride the whip it’s cool. But when I crash the Mercury delivery van doing it, I get “suspended without pay.” Not fair.
MP3: Turf Talk - Groupie

Sure, Bert Jansch is considered to be a “Guitar God,” but my cousin Kyle could play Van Halen’s “Eruption” when he was just 12 years old. Hey music writer man, where’s his article?
MP3: Bert Jansch - M’Lady Nancy

(Wm. Steven Humphrey is away today. It takes TWO staffers to fill his Good Morning, News shoes!)

1.IRAQ-NAM! President Bush encourages a hostile crowd (er…) of veterans from foreign wars to “resist the allure of retreat in Iraq,” arguing that to pull out now would echo the Americans’ failure in Vietnam, effectively accusing his critics of forgetting the mass killings in Cambodia that followed the American retreat. Historians say Bush is full of shit, because the Khmer Rouge would never have risen to power in Cambodia in the first place, were it not for the tsunami of anti-American sentiment caused by this country’s presence in Vietnam.

“The same thing has happened in the Middle East today. Foreign occupation of Iraq has created far more terrorists than it deterred..”

Says an expert on the history of American policy.Still, nice try, George.
Saigon, 1975: President Bush is just out of shot, in Texas…

2.TOO POOR FOR A DOCTOR? GO TO WALMART. Where the standard of care will be identical to that of a traditional family doctor, no fuck-ups will be made due to confused regulation, and the doctors are in no way, whatsoever, shilling for the drug companies. Honest.

3.WATERGATE-GATE. Republican consultant Roger Stone, who cut his political teeth working for the Committee to Reelect the President (NIXON) in the early 1970s…yes, the same CREEP that paid for the Watergate break-ins, and who-knows what else…has resigned as consultant to New York Senate majority leader Joseph Bruno, after being accused of making a threatening anonymous phone call to Governor Eliot Spitzer’s father, calling him a “phony” and a “psycho.” The Republicans are trying to investigate Spitzer for alleged issues over his campaign financing when he was running for Attorney General in 1994. Stone is what’s known as an “aggressive political strategist,” who “knows the gritty underside of American politics.” Since you’re out of a job, Roger, I hear the Portland Business Alliance is recruiting.

4.PUTIN’S TITS! Wow. I guess the KGB had a pretty aggressive PT instructor, Vladimir:
PUTIN:Buffsky Buffsky. Grr.

5.LOH-AA-N. America’s true princess has arranged for OK! magazine to do a photo-shoot with her in rehab. I wonder if they need any assistants. [Sigh…]

Good day!

Your grandparents are still getting their freak on. “The research found that sexual appetite declines only slightly between the ages of 50 and 70, with many men and women practising vaginal intercourse, oral sex and masturbation well into their 70s and 80s.” Good morning!

Bank of America gave Countrywide Financial “a $2 billion injection of cash” to shore up the mortgage lender. Hey BofA! Can I have $100? It would really shore up my weekend plans.

Is Britney Spears going to take the li’l Federlines and run off to France? “Kevin feels she could pull it off with enough money and the right connections!”

Liberals read more books than conservatives: “The Karl Roves of the world have built a generation that just wants a couple slogans: ‘No, don’t raise my taxes, no new taxes,’” Pat Schroeder, president of the American Association of Publishers, said in a recent interview. “It’s pretty hard to write a book saying, ‘No new taxes, no new taxes, no new taxes’ on every page.”

Bush finally wakes up, realizes that situation we’ve got in Iraq is a lot like Vietnam. “Bush’s historic examples also included a negative reference to Vietnam and Cambodia, which he said collapsed into chaos after U.S. troops left. Bush said that would happen in Iraq if U.S. forces withdrew prematurely and left a terrorist state that could threaten the United States.”

Portland vacancy rates and condo conversions are putting the squeeze on renters, says the Oregonian. Who knew? (Oh, wait… we did. Last December, and in half a dozen follow up stories. But I digress.)

Well, two of us are doing jury duty. In a weird coincidence, Music Editor Ezra Caraeff and I were both summoned to the Multnomah County Courthouse to be on a jury of our peers (or, more accurately, to sit in a room that resembles an airport gate lounge until our name is called).

Ezra’s ancient computer can’t get wifi, so he’s screwed. But I can show you a picture of our juror badges (and check out the guy reading the Mercury, sitting in front of us! Yep, he’s reading the news section.)

I’m just returned from a gala night for the Northwest Institute For Social Change (NWIFSC?!), directed by former Mercury managing editor, Phil Busse. Students from around the country have collaborated over the summer to produce two mini-documentaries, as well as create a community media website. Tonight was all about showing it off, and a lot of the work was very impressive.

My favorite piece of the night was a documentary called Yellow Ribbons with the strap line: “What Does It Really Mean To Support The Troops?” While a team effort, it seemed to me (and I could be wrong, of course) that one of chap in particular, Portlander Jacob Sherman, was the guy responsible for its drive and sense of purpose. He was really engaging while talking about the documentary, and hopes to become a producer and director-something I hope he now seriously pursues.Watching “YELLOW RIBBONS”: Moving, insightful, grounded…

The documentary featured testimony from Iraq veterans, one of whom had watched a fellow squad-member die in his arms. But rather than be flat-out anti-war, the work made an effort to get both sides of the story, talking also to serving troops as well as families of those currently serving. It changed my perspective a little, which for a 15-minute film, is most unusual. The short movie made the point that supporting the troops is really about “not letting them become invisible again as they walk down the sidewalk,” and had some provocative footage of veterans begging by the highway exits around Portland. It reminded me that while we can be “against the war” in principle, when it comes down to it, most of us won’t give money or a second thought to a guy with a sign that says “disabled veteran.” And that’s wrong.

There were also interesting podcasts on the sit/lie ordinance, and racial profiling. Both issues I’m thrilled were touched on. Marc Jolin of homeless non-profit JOIN was quoted in the podcast on the sit/lie as saying the mayor’s Street Access For Everyone committee could “go very wrong.” He added that it could “go very right,” too, but since SAFE has already resulted in the sit/lie passing, it’s refreshing to hear a homeless advocate querying the experimental work of the committee so candidly.

Last of all, a documentary entitled “What is Ink For, Anyway?” explored the relationship between TV, internet and print media, and quoted Mercury news editors Scott Moore and Amy Ruiz extensively on the power of blogs. The theme of the film seemed to be that new media is good for old media, and that where bloggers intersect with old-fashioned print journalism, everybody should, in theory, win. Nice work, guys.MOORE: Began his appearance on film with the immortal phrase, “Not to be a dick about it, but…” And ended with, “I’m going to live forever!”RUIZ: A powerful screen presence…a beacon in the darkness…a lighthouse for lost media souls…

Here’s hoping the NWISC, or whatever it’s acronym is, has as much success next year.

At a press conference tomorrow, Gov. Ted Kulongoski is announcing that he’s appointed Ed Asner—yes, Ed Asner, as in Lou Grant—to Oregon’s Film and Video Board.

But even though the official announcement won’t happen until tomorrow, the Mercury has learned that he’s already on the job. Here’s how he deals with interlopers who snoop through the Oregon Film and Video Board’s files:

Weekend plans shaping up nicely? If you still have room on your Friday calendar, keep in mind that Olio United (1028 SE Water) is having their grand opening from 5 pm-late. Considering their a-bit-off-the-grid location, you may not have been down to this store. You can read about it here, but basically it’s a store that specializes in ethically produced goods (environmentally friendly and/or non-sweatshop), without feeling preachy or dorky—it’s clear that ethics are not the only criteria for the curation of the store. With clothing for men, women and children, paper products, kids’ toys, and a bit of home decor, it’s got something for just about everyone, and during Friday’s bash everything is discounted by 20 percent!! I’ll be there checking out their selection of TOMS Shoes—you can read up on the company’s program in which they donate a pair of shoes to a needy child for every pair that you buy in the site. They’re inspired by traditional Argentine shoes, but they remind me of the little flats I’d buy in SF Chinatown to schlep to and from ballet class, but sturdier and in better colors.

(Find more local fashion dirt over on M.O.D.)

Acclaimed Portland street artist Klutch (it’s OK—I’d not heard of him either until I heard about this) is selling copies of the print he’s made, entitled Warhead, below, to pay the $35,000 hospital bills from his recent heart attack. I’m not sure if this is a great, noble thing to be doing, or a sad commentary on the state of this country (blahblahSickoblah). Or both. But it’s a striking image, in my un-educated artsy opinion (hey, I took art A-level in college, even made “a sculpture,” once…) and for $70, you’d be doing the guy a big favor. “WARHEAD”:Perfect for the wall in a child’s nursery…

If you’re not sure about buying one, I suggest you think of it like the restaurant in that movie Big Night, where Stanley Tucci takes artists’ paintings in exchange for a good meal. Except you wouldn’t be cooking for this artist—you’d be keeping him alive. If that doesn’t send a nice dose of karma pulsing through your veins, you’re probably eating too much cholesterol. Which, come to think of it, we should probably have a word about…

When I was an inebriated, art-obsessed student in Denton, TX in the mid-90s, fewer events were a “sure thing” than a concert by Denton weirdo Corn Mo, who now lives in New York. Corn Mo was one guy with an accordion and occasionally a bag of magic tricks (literally), who walked the line between musician and performance artist so finely that we frequently stood, jaws agape, as ‘Mo played Motley Crue on the squeezebox and did those tricky interlocking rings during the bridge. As gimmicky as that sounds (and is), his brilliance was in keeping the schtick from being two-dimensional, mostly by infusing his songs with a ton of emotion. He has one song about a relation ship gone boring and another about how much he misses his dead dog that get me every time. Then, to balance it out, he has an amazing accordion tribute to Texas wrestling legend Kerry Von Erich.

The last time he was in Portland, he was opening for the Polyphonic Spree (of which he was also a member), and my friend, whom I dragged along to catch Corn Mo as the first act on the bill, was blown away by showmanship and songs.

He’s in town again as part of the Monsters of Accordion show at the Kennedy School tonight (5736 NE 33rd, 7 pm, $10, kids free), and if you’re not driving out to see Wilco tonight, this is going to be the sleeper show of the week. Here’s Corn Mo on Jimmy Kimmel doing “Busey Boy,” a song about a kid who glues rice and cranberries to his face, then gets mistaken for Gary Busey when he goes out in public.

I ran across a link to the Christian Domestic Discipline homepage over at Salon’s Broadsheet—the site is a reference for those who practice “Loving Wife Spanking in a Christian Marriage.”

A domestic discipline marriage is one in which one partner in the marriage is given authority over the other and has the means to back the authority, usually by spanking.

A Christian Domestic Discipline marriage is one that is set up according to Biblical standards; that is, the husband is the authority in the household. The wife is submissive to her husband as is fit in the Lord and her husband loves her as himself. He has the ultimate authority in his household, but it is tempered with the knowledge that he must answer to God for his actions and decisions. He has the authority to spank his wife for punishment, but in real CDD marriages this is taken very seriously and usually happens only rarely. CDD is so much more than just spanking. It is the husband loving the wife enough to guide and teach her, and the wife loving the husband enough to follow his leadership. A Christian marriage embodies true romance and a Christian man a true hero.

This shit is fascinating—borderline S&M couched in really patriarchal, repressive terms. I particularly recommend the blogs.

Here’s the Portland Business Alliance’s take on the passage of the Sit-Lie Ordinance, from their August members’ newsletter:

City Council moves to implement SAFE Committee recommendations

On Wednesday, August 15, the Portland City Council voted to implement the Sidewalk Access for Everyone (SAFE) Committee recommendations. The recommendations, created by a broad group of stakeholders including city government representatives, residents, homeless advocates and local businesses, take a holistic approach to ensure Portland’s streets are welcoming and open to all who use them.

“The city’s leaders created a process by which a diverse, cross-section of our city could come together and develop a way to make Portland’s sidewalks and streets more accessible while helping to meet the needs of the homeless population,” said Sandra McDonough, President and CEO of the Alliance. “Today’s vote to implement the recommendations is not only good for business, but is also good for all people living, working and visiting Portland. We thank Mayor Potter and the City Council for their tremendous work to make SAFE a reality.”

The SAFE recommendations include enactment of an ordinance prohibiting sitting or lying on sidewalks in downtown and the Lloyd District during business hours while providing homeless individuals with additional services in the Central City, including:

A day access service center;

Additional public bench seating;

Access to public restrooms, including a 24-hour restroom; and

Shower and locker facilities.

The Alliance and the Downtown and Lloyd Business Improvement Districts are contributing $150,000 over a two-year period to support implementation of the new homeless services. Approximately $79,000 of those funds will be used to operate Transition Projects’ day shelter with the remaining funds to support other services as recommended by the SAFE Oversight Committee during the next two years.

Wondering how much those charity screenings of Serenity made for Equality Now and the Women’s Film Initiative? Here’s the word from b!X, one of the event’s organizers:

Off of http://www.pdxbrowncoats.com/about

As first announced at Firefly at the Mission on 21 August 2007, PDX Browncoats raised more than $13,000 for Equality Now at this year’s Cant Stop The Serenity charity screenings (and over $1,000 for the Women’s Film Initiative). That’s a combined total that nearly doubles last year’s take of $7,200.

Nice work. That’s a lot of money going to some good causes.

What with Lindsay Lohan, Britney & Co darting in and our of rehab with their shiny hair and perfect teeth, it’s nice to have Amy Winehouse (or, as my BF affectionately calls her, Amy WineHORSE (get it?)) around to be a good example for today’s youth, and to show them that you don’t need perfect teeth—or teeth at all—to be able to go to rehab, or to get people to try to make you go to rehab, or to go to rehab and then say you didn’t, and also that smoking is bad. Thanks, Amy.

So John Edwards “performed” for free at the Longshoremen’s Hall back in May, and drew a crowd of about 500 people. Blue Oregon reports that Barack Obama is coming to the Oregon Convention Center on September 7, and charging $25 a ticket. I didn’t go see Edwards for free, but for only $25, seeing Obama is a steal. And they’re also looking for people to join his campaign here. Anybody else going?

IGN has a brief trailer up for Todd Haynes’ film about Bob Dylan, I’m Not There, in which a whole slew of people—including Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett, Richard Gere, and Heath Ledger—all play Dylan. Though it’s really pretty, the teaser doesn’t show much of anything—but it does affirm that regardless of how it turns out, I’m Not There is probably going to be one of the most talked about and interesting films of the year.

Before Wilco became the bloated creature they are today, Jeff Tweedy and company where absolutely untouchable. For the past decade or so, the band has been the high water mark for professional musicians who achieve great success without selling their very souls to do so.

The new record, Sky Blue Sky, is a bit “Dad Rock” for my tastes, but hey, someone likes it, since the band had no trouble selling out tonight’s show at Edgefield.

Let’s use modern technology to take us back a few years, to when Wilco was the best damn band on the planet, and Tweedy was the closest thing our generation would have to a Dylan.

If you can get past the intro, courtesy of a woman in a funny hat, you’ll see Tweedy performing a gorgeous rendition of “Sunken Treasure,” off 1996’s Being There. God, I love that record.

Update: Our big sister paper in Seattle posted an excellent concert review of last night’s Wilco show.

I’m in a navel-gazing mood this morning, so I’m going to subject you to some soapboxing.

1. Children: “We have health care?” This article points out an interesting problem with health care for low-income children, which is to say that a significant portion of this demographic has eligibility yet remains uninsured. The problem? Marketing that information to the eligible children. Oregon recently passed a bill that was meant to expand health care coverage to this same demographic; this article is relevant because we could be facing the same problem as North Carolina right now.

2. On a lighter note… The free lunch is finally over at YouTube. Ads are coming to sully videos like “I Am Ninja” and Lonelygirl15 forever. These new ads are supposed to be unobtrusive… but that’s what they always say in the beginning. Before they need money.

3. Will Hurricane Dean Affect Gas Prices? The storm, which weakened from Category 5 to Category 1, is still crashing down on Mexico. It’s moved over on top of offshore oil and gas facilities in the Gulf of Mexico, but we probably won’t know until afterward what sort of damage has been done.

Aight, now I’m going to go enjoy YouTube before tickers for “7th Heaven” start appearing in the middle of “Trapped in the Closet.” I’d advise you to do the same.