Here at the Portland Mercury Laboratories™, we’re always working on super-secret stories for our super-secret upcoming issues. No, I can’t give you any more details. This shit’s super-secret, yo.

But I can tell you one thing: For an upcoming issue, we’re looking for anonymously-written stories from teachers, or professors, or teacher’s aides. Teachers who love kids, hate kids, or had a kid do something really gross in their classroom. Teachers who have funny stories, sad stories, or just want to vent about how much they despise that one red-headed kid who won’t stop picking his nose and flicking it into other kids’ hair. Etc.

SO: Are you a teacher? Do you know a teacher? Do you (or this teacher you know) have awesome stories that deserve to be shared? Or furious, bitter diatribes? Or snarky exposes on how stupid parents or other teachers or or teenagers or kids can be? (Let’s admit it. Kids can be stupid. A lot of the time.) If so, email me here, with the subject line “teachers’ stories.” Fame (sort of) awaits!