Blogtown, PDX

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Food False Advertising

Posted by Matt Davis on Tue, Aug 21 at 5:26 PM

I have spent the last ten minutes eating my way through a 140g packet of Gensoy Smart Hearts. They’re baked soy crackers, courtesy of Brad, our office manager. And I think he’s trying to tell me something:Heart Healthy Snacks: I love you too, Brad.

Whatever their significance, these Smart Hearts smell like babies. But I can’t stop eating them anyway. My only issue is the false advertising on the packet, which reads:Packet: BULLSHIT.

I’ve eaten 9 handfuls….no….ten. And my “snack craving” is just as fucking large as it was before I started. So in case you’re tempted to sacrifice a fatty snack for something low in sodium and cholesterol given to you by an officemate in the near future, my advice is: don’t. But thanks anyway, Brad. It’s the thought that counts. I guess…

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Comments

assuming you ate the 10 "heart-healthy" handfuls 1 handful at a time, where's the bullshit? or was this a stoner with the munchies post?.

Posted by >>> | August 21, 2007 7:24 PM

Probably. Sorry.

Posted by Matt Davis | August 21, 2007 7:41 PM

Maybe the problem isn't with the product, but with the newly Americanized (read: fat-assed) size of your cravings.

BTW: Matt, get a productive hobby.

Posted by Scott Moore | August 21, 2007 11:09 PM

That cuts, Scott. That cuts me to the bone. Ouch! Did you hear that? That was the noise of me recoiling in pain because my bone had been cut. By you.

Posted by Matt Davis | August 21, 2007 11:14 PM

Actually Matt, I gave you the heart smarts because they were given to me and they smell like babies -if babies smell like toe-jam. Besides, I hate to see things go to waste and I know you'll eat almost anything. The health aspect of what are really just toe-jam flavored chex cereal is just a miraculous side-benefit. Bon apetit!

Posted by Brad Buckner Office Manager | August 22, 2007 10:08 AM

Merci, Brad. Merci.

Posted by Matt Davis | August 22, 2007 11:54 AM

This is really all MY fault. I was the one who gave them to Brad. I was swayed to purchase them because they were purported to taste like "White Cheddar". After one taste (well, 4 handfuls) of the heart-shaped crud bombs, I gave them to Brad, because I too hate to waste food. And, well...you know the rest.

Sorry.

Posted by autumn | August 22, 2007 12:12 PM

Oh my GOD! This goes deeper than I thought! And I still have at least four handfuls left in the bag on MY DESK. Where will it end?!

Posted by Matt Davis | August 22, 2007 1:58 PM

If you still have them, I'll take 'em.

Posted by RT | August 22, 2007 4:24 PM

Go for it.

Posted by Matt Davis | August 22, 2007 11:17 PM

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