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Friday, August 10, 2007
Mercury From the I, Anonymous Mailbag
Posted by on Fri, Aug 10 at 11:01 AM
Scum sucking piece of crap: I mean that literally! You get on the buses without any regard for anyone else. Your body hasn’t felt water & soap since the first of the year and the only moisture your mouth has seen is from your own caked-on spit. You never have money for fare and beg and ask others for pity into paying your way. You sit on our seats spreading your vileness. You haven’t a clue as to what’s in your environment besides your own pathetic, self-serving bile. Didn’t you notice the little children sitting in front of you or the grandmotherly woman across the asile? OF course not! You have the audacity to sit on my seats and scream out “FUCK!” -over and over again-like it’s the only word in your vocabulary while you shit and piss your pants so the kids and grandmothers can share your filthy smell and bodily fluids.And you hand me this (poorly written -ed.) note [Bus driver,
Your an ugly bitch, no one will ever love you because you have no per sonality and your hideous. _Remember, your nothing, a bus driver -so stay in your place and dont even think you can talk to me or anyone close to my Rank. fuck you - oh wait… no one ever will. -a concerned citizen] on your way out saying “I’m not close to your rank”? At least you have THAT part correcto mundo.What’s worse than your vile presence on my bus is that big ol’ noodle man Fred the Head, way up in TriMetsville said I gotta take you for the ride or I’ll end up sitting back where the likes of you hide.
—A Concerned Bus Operator
Lots of funny I, Anonymouses pouring in lately, check ‘em out, add yer own.
Comments
consistently impressed by trimet operators, first hating on teen lesbians and now the (probably) mentally ill
I, Anonymi?
This was posted to the Trimet operators' list recently, somewhat hating on "That's right, an Asian!" who's 6 foot 6.
Not much shakes me up these days driving the bus. But recently I have run into one passenger who definitely makes me a little bit nervous.This passenger is about 25-30 years old, about 6 foot 6 inches with a sort of Mohawk haircut, and he is ASIAN! That's right, an Asian! I don't know about the rest of you but I have never met an Asian that was that tall.
The weird part about all of this is that when he gets on the bus he sits in the co-pilot (aka creep seat) and STARES AT ME THE WHOLE WAY TILL HIS STOP! And he's got that look in his eyes, you know, the mad psycho look! Every time I open the door I glance at this guy to see what he is doing, And he is always staring at me! Now he is not HI-C cause when he gets on the bus he always has a transfer.
I am nervous to engage this guy in conversation, who knows what will happen if I do!
I've met all kinds of crazy people since being a bus driver, but this guy really creeps me out!
God I love being a bus driver, you just never know what's coming at you, EVER!
What's "HI-C"?
>>>What's "HI-C"?
It's a soft drink. When faced with a potentially dangerous passenger, TriMet drivers are instructed to douse the offender with fruit punch.
This is a hateful note.
Generally, I feel for the bus drivers most of them are decent although I've come across a couple real assholes (I mean this figuratively in case Beaton is confused). Seriously Bus drivers have to deal with some of the the vilest, rudest, worst-smelling idiots on a daily basis. It's a stressful job, I wouldn't want it. I've witnessed behavior on the bus that would never be tolerated anywhere else and the driver generally has to take it. That's why I always say "thank you" even if the driver is an asshole. When they try to run me off the road, that's another story.
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Weirdly enough, the worst part of this letter, to me, is the misuse of the word "literally".
You meant "scum sucking piece of crap" literally? Literally? So you're saying that you composed this letter to a portion of feces that has somehow gained the ability to suck scum. No mean feat, considering that most pieces of crap lack mouths or the mandibular muscles required for sucking. And that this sentient, apparently thirsty piece of crap boarded your bus, begged for fare, shouted profanity, soiled itself, and then wrote you a rude note?
Taken literally, this is a bona fide miracle! A disgusting one, granted, but undeniably supernatural. The Holy Father should really be notified, don't you think?
[I believe you actually meant that colorful phrase figuratively, O wise and kindly TriMet driver.]