1.GUANTANA-GO-GO! The British government has asked the US to release 5 prisoners from Guantánamo Bay, on the basis that “they are not terrorists.” Yes. That seems fair to me. The US State Department has refused comment.

2.DIRTY HARRY! Radar Magazine has pics of Prince Harry in his underwear. I don’t know about you, but I probably “would.” If he was offering, I mean. Which let’s face it, is unlikely:PRINCE HARRY: Better looking than his dad…coughcough…DOUBTFULPATERNITY…cough..

3.FLIP-FLOP-A-COKE-OH…It turns out Keith Richards did snort his dad’s ashes, after all.

4.HELLO, COPPY! Thai police officers who misbehave are being ordered to wear cute “Hello Kitty!” pink armbands. “Kitty is a cute icon for young girls. It’s not something macho police officers want covering their biceps,” says the police oversight body there. Hmm. Perhaps we could use those in Portland?

5.HITLER’S SECRET RECORD COLLECTION! Is full of Russian and Jewish music.

6.COMMUNISTS! A Florida grocery store is going to give out drug prescriptions for free to people that need them.

7.TRIB-TASTIC! The Portland Cop-Loving Tribune finally writes a story about the mayor’s sit/lie ordinance, which goes to a vote on August 15th: “At the request of the American Civil Liberties Union and others, the council even delayed enforcing the new ordinance until Potter’s initiative was fully in place.” As ever, first with the news! They also have a hard-hitting story about people stealing badges from the police museum, following their “I love you” profile of Police Information Officer Brian Schmautz a couple of weeks ago. And they never did publish this letter. I don’t know about you, but I trust them not to pull punches when it comes to the questions that matter. Oh, no, scratch that. It’s a lie.

GOOD DAY!