It turns out that President Bush has Lyme Disease. He got it from a tick, which is a switch, since he’s been sucking the blood out of everyone in the nation for years.

First Lady Laura Bush and daughter Jenna are penning a children’s book together… about a tick that grows up to be president and sucks the blood from the entire nation.

Presidential candidate Barack Obama launches a website only for GAYS. Next, Mitt Romney will launch a website for furries.

Hugh Hefner’s Playboy mansion is the subject of a sexual assault investigation. For some reason I’m stunned.

Lindsay Lohan’s bodyguard blames her parents for her untoward behavior. LiLo drank in front of mom at age 16, and daddy called her a slut. For some reason I’m NOT stunned.