1.MATTEL’S METAL! The toymaker is recalling a Chinese-made toy based on a character in Cars because of “unacceptable levels of lead.” Its full-page New York Times ad is headlined, “Because Your Children Are Our Children Too.” They obviously ruled out “Mattel: We’re Killing Your Kids.”
LEAD POISONING: Not toying about…

2.CONGESTION CHARGE! New York will get $350m from the federal government to institute Mayor Bloomberg’s controversial (for you backward Americans) congestion charging plan. “Mayor Bloomberg has stepped forward with a plan as bold and brass as New York City itself,” says the secretary of transportation. She obviously ruled out: “We’re glad somebody’s willing to take the rap for this.”

3.WATER-FIGHT! An apparently unplanned water fight between Virgin Airlines boss Richard Branson and Stephen Colbert will air on August 22. “It was all in good fun,” said a Comedy Central staffer. They obviously ruled out “Richard Branson is a cock.”

4.BRIDGE MUDDLE! The Oregonian runs a red-faced lede on route problems with the bridge pedal this weekend, that left as many as 1500 riders unable to finish. Paragraph four reads as follows:

“I don’t think anyone in my group will ever do it again,” said Terri Taylor, who biked the Bridge Pedal, of which The Oregonian is a sponsor, for the first time with four friends. “It really was not fun.”

They obviously ruled out waiting for less charitable local newspapers to make the connection, first. Probably wise. Still, for the record, the Oregonian couldn’t organize a piss-up in a brewery.

Good day!