1.IRAQ-CONTRA! Federal agencies are investigating a massive ring of fraud and kickbacks surrounding the delivery of weapons, supplies and other materials to Iraqi and American forces in Iraq. Part of the criminal investigation is focused on Lt.Col Levonda Selph, who reported directly to General David Petraeus, the army’s man in charge of training and equipping Iraqi forces in 2004 and 2005. Petraeus has refused comment on the investigation, but has said in the past that he did not want to wait for formal tracking systems to be in place before distributing weapons to Iraqis who said they wanted to “fight for their country.”

2.MUSLIM! A devout Muslim, Abdullah Gul, will become Turkey’s 11th president, after a drawn-out confrontation with the country’s secular establishment.

3.WINE SAVES MAN FROM FIRE! A Greek Man, George Dimopoulos, sprayed 200 liters of wine from a hand-pump onto a fire that threatened to burn his house in the raging fires there this weekend. 63 others are reported dead.

4.BEING RICH SAVES MAN FROM FIRE! The New York Times finally gets with the Zeitgeist and rips off a story (already ripped off from somewhere else) from Blogtown.

5.SMACK! Afghan smack poppy production rose by 17% this year, despite a $600m US effort to slow it down. Areas of Afghanistan used for poppy production now exceed those used to grow Cocoa in all of South America. Keith Richards has no plans to re-release the Rolling Stones single “Happy,” to mark the news:RICHARDS: Will have spare change left over for downers, now, too…*

*Just kidding, libel attorneys. Honest.

Good day!