I had all of these plans this weekend: Read The Road. Watch Seven Samurai. Read Fables and Joss Whedon’s Runaways issues. Maybe cave in to this nagging sense of cultural obligation and see The Simpsons Movie. Drink beer. Etc.

But then I found possibly the most insane site in the history of the internet. So screw all that other crap, because I’m pretty sure I’ll be at FanFiction.net for the next few days.

This site is—and there’s no other way to put it—absolutely batshit fucking crazy. A repository for all the god-awful horrid fan fiction ever written by anyone ever, it features ye olde standbys in fan fic—geektastic amateur works based on Star Wars and Xena—but also has a whole bunch of unexpected confusion. Fan fiction about Pump Up the Volume? Cruel Intentions? Gilmore Girls? Felicity? Nash Bridges? American Beauty? Dharma & Greg?

WHO THE FUCK WATCHES DHARMA & GREG AND DECIDES TO WRITE STORIES ABOUT IT?

And let’s not even get into the Bridget Jones’ Diary fanfic. Or the SpongeBob SquarePants and Pirates of the Caribbean crossover. Or the really, really creepy My Chemical Romance one.

Thanks (I guess) to the blog of one Julianne Shepherd, former Mercury arts editrix.