If you have a tendency to poop your pants upon hearing exciting news, DO NOT READ THIS POST! This urgent media alert just in: Sex and the City star SARAH JESSICA PARKER is coming to TIGARD. (Whoops… guess who just made poopy. ME!!) That’s right, Carrie Bradshaw herself will be at the Washington Square Macy’s (9300 SW Washington Square Road) in the fragrance department this FRIDAY, August 17 at noon to promote her new horribly named perfume, COVET. (But c’mon… with a honker like the one she has, how could it smell bad?)
Now personally, I’m allergic to perfume, which is why I will be leering from roughly 50 yards away. But if I weren’t? I would surely be seduced by Covet’s “hypnotic bouquet of crushed geranium leaves, fresh Sicilian lemon… sensuous musk, exotic woods and smoldering amber that leave an intoxicating afterglow.” YES! I don’t care if I am allergic, I’m going to smell the SHIT out of that perfume!!
And even better, the first 300 people to purchase the $140 Deluxe Gift Set will receive the opportunity to have Sarah personally sign their bottle of Covet! (I only wish I could get her to sign this horrifying YouTube video of the Covet commercial, where Sarah is going batshit crazy.) See you Friday, Sarah! I’ll be the drooling fan on the right side of your nose!!

Need more fashion fun? Check out the Mercury’s style blog, MOD!