We are a mere 2 days from Loudon Wainwright III’s Portland performance (Monday, September 17th at the Aladdin Theater), so in honor of this great—and tragically underrated—songwriter coming to town, we’re posting one song a day, all the way up until showtime. Yes, even on the weekend! If you are already a fan, you won’t mind hearing these songs again, but if you are not familiar with his work, consider this a crash course.

Ah, the weekend. When a young blogger rises at the break of down, off the clock, to scour YouTube for clips of one of his favorite singers.

Looking like Will Farrell on a bender, this live version of LWIII’s “Motel Blues” does an impeccable job of showing the desperation, and horniness, of a lonely rocker after the thrill of the stage lights have faded.

This promo for the new season of the occasionally very funny Talk Show with Spike Feresten (season premiere Saturday night on FOX, midnight) depicts the only kind of party worth having… and that’s a LEMON PARTY! (NSFW, if your boss has something against old naked men making out.)

FRIDAY
The Artistery–Team Evil, ioa, Andy Combs, 8 pm, $6, all ages
Ash Street Saloon–The Vibrators, MDC, Secret Army, Embrace the Kill, 9:30 pm, $8
Dante’s–Thor, The Punk Group, Dark Black, 9:30 pm, $8
Doug Fir–Qui, Lozen, Monkey Trick, 9 pm, $10-12
Funky Church–Mia & Jonah, 8 pm, free, all ages
Holocene–Yo Majesty, Atole, Captain Ahab, Foot Village, DJ Beyonda, 9 pm, $8
Mt. Hood Skibowl–3900 Ft. Festival: Oh Captain, The Skinnyz, Hillstomp, Sauce Policy, Loch Lomond, Oh Captain My Captain, Excellent Gentlemen, Mantis, Clampitt Gaddis & Buck, London & The Look, $25 (both days), all ages
PSU–Awareness Is Free Music Fest: Eet, Valet, Evolutionary Jass Band, Strategy, Armadillo Speedbump, Dead Air Fresheners, Grouper, Moodring, Rob Walmart, Soup Purse, Nequaquam Vacuum, Dash!, noon, free, all ages
Rererato–Pilgrims, Wroom, Hide & Go Hustle, sirius.fnord vs. The Clothing Collection, 7 pm, $4
Someday Lounge–TBA:07: Holcombe Waller, Larry Krone, 8:30 pm, $7-10
Towne Lounge–Paleo, Graves, Super XX Man, 9:30 pm
Wonder Ballroom–TBA:07’s The Works: Fred Frith, Zeena Parkins, Ikue Mori, 10:30 pm

Saturday and Sunday after the jump.

SATURDAY
Aladdin Theater–Live Wire!: Storm Large, Stars of Track & Field, The Sort Ofs, Ralph Huntley & The Mutton Chops, 8 pm, $12-15, all ages
The Artistery–Lucky Dragons, Fortress of Amplitude, Mudboy, 8 pm, $6, all ages
Ash Street Saloon–PDXPlore: The Lonely Forest, The Ramshackles, Stuporhero, 9:30 pm, $6
Berbati's Pan–Paul Green's School of Rock perform Freedom Rock, 6:30 pm, $13, all ages; Best of Our Burlesque, 10 pm, $10
Goodfoot–Skerik's Maelstrom Trio
Jackpot Records (Downtown)–John Medeski, Chris Wood, 3 pm, free, all ages
Mission Theater–Miz Kitty's Parlour: Red & Ruby, Maldon Meehan, The Portland Cello Project, 7 pm, $12
Mt. Hood Skibowl–3900 Ft. Festival: Advisory, No Go Know, Small Sails, The Builders & The Butchers, The Shaky Hands, Lima Charlie, Horse Feathers, Paper Rings, The Crosswalks, Caguama, China Room, Chickweed, Power of County, Paper Brain, The Young Immortals, Nick Caceres, The Antecedents, $25 (both days), all ages
Music Millennium Eastside–Kool & The Gang, 4 pm, free, all ages
NE Alberta St.–Alberta Street Fair: Lions of Batucada, Afro Qben, Andrea Algieri, Bad Dates, Braxton Bragg, Bubba Speed, Carl Weathers for Governor, Chimpy, Innisfree, Juke Joint Gamblers, Kazum!, Lefthand Monkeywrench, Nico Luminous, Nuborn Tribe, Optical Sockets, The Bang, Quoting Napoleon, R. Michael Torrey, Rio Con Brio, Soundspell, Stolen Rose, Stumptown Jug Thumpers, Sunchild Band, The Rhinestoners, Trashcan Joe, Tryptonic, Unity Music Collective, Uprite Dub Orchestra, Pogostick Fatality, 11 am, free, all ages
NW 23rd & Savier–Slabtown Community Festival: Jennifer Lynn, Sons of Thunder, The Wherewithals, Miriam's Well, Joe McMurrian, Still Pending, Michael Manning & The Carolina Pump Stations, David James, 11 am, free, all ages
O'Bryant Square–Juice Jam: DJ Wicked, Braille, Ohmega Watts, Barry Hampton & The Triple Grip, Dialek, Organic Flow, DJ Flip Flop, Commenter-e, DJ Sneakers, DJ Void, Lady Caseum, EPP, Mr. Matt Nelkin, Blitz the Ambassador, DJ Neil Armstrong, noon, free, all ages
Roseland–Medeski, Scofield, Martin & Wood, 9 pm, $26-28, all ages
Rotture–Strength, Sugar & Gold, Fleshtone, DJ Linger, 10 pm, $7
SE Foster (50th to 93rd)–Fun on Foster Festival: The Pink Snowflakes, The Slants, DJ Jimme Jamma, Dartgun & The Vignettes, Hello Cleveland, Jellyfishandbubbles, The Drop, The Grokkers, Nathan Day, Ross & The Hellpets, Curious Hands, Welsh Rabbit, Stuart Valentine, Scott Law, Usana Tron, Samba Soleil, Jeff Tubin, DJ Miles, Taming Marazul, 10 am, free, all ages
Someday Lounge–TBA:07: Holcombe Waller, Larry Krone, 8:30 pm, $7-10
Terry Schrunk Plaza–"Keep Your Coins, I Want Change" Fest: Colleague, Mr. Majestyk, The Dirt Merchant, DOS, Pins, MC Ridda, DJ Ronn-e, Eastern Sunz, Smug, noon, free, all ages

SUNDAY
Aladdin Theater–Cinematic Orchestra, Grey Reverend, 8 pm, $15-17, all ages
Crystal Ballroom–The New Pornographers, Lavender Diamond, Fancey, 9 pm, $20-22, all ages
Dekum Manor–Old Haunts
Doug Fir–Rebecca Gates, Tu Fawning, Eux Autres, 8:30 pm, $7
Grapedrink–Monster Sized Monsters, Ogo Pogo, Moral Panic, Puddletown Pussies, 4:30 pm, $5, all ages
Holocene–Sea Caves, Valediction, Multo, 9 pm, $5
Roseland–Animal Collective, Wizard Prison, Eric Copeland, 8 pm, $18, all ages
Rotture–Anniversary Show: Amber Asylum, Rabbits, Witch Mountain, Cicadas, Flying Fortress, 8 pm, $7
Satyricon–Planes Mistaken for Stars, Drunken Boat, Old Growth, Kingdom of Magic, 8 pm, $6-8, all ages
Valentine's–Here Comes a Big Black Cloud, Sugar Skulls, 9 pm
Wonder Ballroom–TBA:07's The Works: Atsurhiro Ito, Kanta Horio, Fuyuki Yamakawa, 10:30 pm, all ages

If you were at last week’s way sold-out Okkervil River show at Berbati’s, congratulations.
If you were not at last week’s way sold-out Okkervil River show at Berbati’s, my condolences.

But now, thanks to Down The Oubliette, you can download the entire show!! Wow!!!

MP3: Okkervil River - Westfall (live 9/8/07)

The recording quality isn’t pristine, the song is sloppy, and the drunken crowd is singing out of tune.
It was absolutely perfect.

Mmmm… this video makes me REALLY uncomfortable. You know… down there.

So yesterday—because apparently I have very little shame, too much time on my hands, and no better way to spend $1.99—I bought a slurpee in a Halo 3 cup.

I was going to do a post on how ridiculous it all was—and, on a related matter, what a tool I was for being all, “Eeee! A Halo 3 slurpee cup? Yes please!”—but then Penny Arcade beat me to it, talking about the Halo 3 Mountain Dew tie-in beverage, “Gamer Fuel,” and how Microsoft is spending over $10 million to market the game.

It’s one slice (or, perhaps, sip) of a ten hojillion dollar marketing campaign designed to project one of gaming’s biggest brands to people who already know about it. There is no way to escape the Goddamn thing. Over ninety percent of the surveyed crustaceans were “aware of the launch” and held a “strong desire to purchase,” even though their massive claws and aquatic habitat make using the product impossible. Lemurs are less bullish, but then lemurs are a notoriously tough demo.

Like Spider-Man 3’s marketing, it’s all kind of mind-blowing. (And delicious! I would give last night’s slurpee a 9 out of 10.)

One night last week, at around 1 a.m., the mannequins at Naked City, one of my favorite over-priced clothing stores on Hawthorne, were rudely awakened when a drunk man smashed the front window with a trash can lid and crawled through the hole. He then wrestled one of the mannequins to the floor and—according to an employee—raped her.

According to Matt Stanger, retail associate, the cops arrived to find the man still rolling around with her in the middle of the floor. The other mannequins were keening with horror, waving their arms like indignant sirens.

“I’m kind of mad about it,” Stanger said with sad tenderness. “Because I put her together and I wear these little white gloves when I dress her, and I painted her lips with model kit paint.”

“So she’s your favorite mannequin, huh?” I asked him.

“I guess she’s everyone’s favorite mannequin.”

-Jennifer Furniss

(Photo from bloling on Flickr.)

As a kid I was convinced that if I dared attend a Jesus Lizard concert, David Yow would leap from the stage and eat my very soul. But hey, maybe that’s just me.

The enigmatic, and a bit frightening, frontman for Qui (and formerly the Jesus Lizard), is known for his onstage (and offstage) antics, making him the center of attention at every live performance.

Plus bonus points go out to whoever booked Monkey Trick (the world’s only Jesus Lizard tribute band) to open the show.

MP3:
Qui - Gash

Bonus MP3:
The Jesus Lizard - Puss

Qui performs tonight at the Doug Fir. Guard your soul.

In a new poll released by Broadcast Newsroom, Americans have chosen TV star MacGyver as the action hero they’d choose if governmental help wasn’t available—which, as we all know, never is.

MacGyver, as played by Richard Dean Anderson on ABC (1985-92), was famous for getting out of tough spots by manipulating available objects like chewing gum and a ballpoint pen. If a hurricane, flood or other disaster struck and community and government services were overburdened, he’d be the choice of 27% of Americans seeking a fictional hero.

Others: Indiana Jones (16%), as portrayed by Harrison Ford; John McClane (14%), played by Bruce Willis in the Die Hard movies; Matt Damon’s Jason Bourne (8%); 24’s Jack Bauer (7%) and Tomb Raider heroine Lara Croft (7%).

Mmmmmm… personally, I think I’d have to go with McClane, if only because MacGyver would never say “Yippee-ki-yi-yay, motherfucker!”
YOUR CHOICE?

No matter the eloquent prose I write, sometimes a simple YouTube description says it all:

“Yo majesty threatens to fuck up the dude who licked titty.”

The above video is NSFW, so headphones on.
Also, I was at this show at SXSW and I want to go on record and say that I was not the guy in question. Lord as my witness, I licked no titty.

Yo! Majesty perform tonight at Holocene.

We are a mere 3 days from Loudon Wainwright III’s Portland performance (Monday, September 17th at the Aladdin Theater), so in honor of this great—and tragically underrated—songwriter coming to town, we’re posting one song a day, all the way up until showtime. Yes, even on the weekend! If you are already a fan, you won’t mind hearing these songs again, but if you are not familiar with his work, consider this a crash course.

In this ongoing tribute to LWIII I don’t want to ignore a large part of his lengthy catalog—his humorous songs. While I tend to prefer the more somber material, there is something very charming about the man’s painfully self-deprecating songwriting style.

MP3:
Loudon Wainwright III - Talking New Bob Dylan

Here LWIII rags on himself as just another in a long line of Dylan clones, tosses a couple jabs at Dylan’s weaker material (Self Portrait), and worries about hearing “Rainy Day Women #12 & 35” (with the classic lyric “Everybody must get stoned!”) coming from his daughter’s bedroom.

Little-known internet search engine Google is ponying up $30 million to encourage private space travel to the moon. Is this the kickoff of gmoon, or the beginning of Google’s Howard Hughes-like fall into ruin?

Everything appears to be going just fine in the life of O.J. Simpson, who was questioned in connection with a burglary at the Palace Station Casino in Las Vegas.

Prince is planning to sue businesses like YouTube and eBay that feature his work. His spokesperson says this is an indication that the singer “is ready to challenge the system in new ways to put artists and music first.” A similar tactic, of course, did wonders for Metallica.

The White House is reporting that Iraq leaders have been successful on only half of the goals that were laid out before “the surge.”

The British Fashion Council has decided against an all-out ban on thin models at London Fashion Week, but will request that models provide a “certificate of good health.”

I’ve grown accustomed to Restore America’s David Crowe popping up in my inbox. But last week, I started getting press releases from someone new, moaning and groaning about Oregon’s new gay rights laws (which folks like Crowe are trying to send to the ballot, in hopes of overturning them).

Just yesterday, Allan Erickson sent out “a response to pastors who think homosexuality is an acceptable lifestyle,” a Biblical-verse laced treatise on how gays “are headed for judgment,” and the best thing Christians can do is to intervene.

It is not an act of love to standby and pat people on the back while they destroy themselves.

And it is not discrimination to courageously speak the truth in love.

On Tuesday, Erickson sent out a press release for Restore America, saying “Dirty Tricks, Intimidation [are] again the tactics of Homosexual Activists in Oregon,” and claiming that the allegations in a recent elections law complaint against the anti-gay campaign are untrue.

Who is this Erickson guy, anyway?

Here he is:

He’s from Newberg, and runs a business called TalentMatch. “I specialize in sales, management and service personnel recruiting for the document management industry,” his website says (an email address Erickson uses at TalentMatch matches the email address used to send out the press releases).

Why does this matter? Because one of the two laws Erickson and Crowe are so vehemenently fighting is an anti-discrimination law, which would bar firing someone (or denying them housing or other public accomodations) on the basis of their sexual orientation.

I find it ironic that someone who’s made a career out of staffing would fight against such a no-brainer law. Surely Erickson, of all people, realizes that a person’s sexual orientation has no bearing on their talent and skill in the workplace, and shouldn’t be used for hiring and firing decisions?

I’ve sent Allan an email, seeking an explanation (and asking if he screens potential document managment candidates based sexual orientation). I’ll let you know if he responds. (His entire “I have gay friends. It pains me to think they are headed for judgment.” note is after the cut.)

A response to pastors who think homosexuality is an acceptable lifestyle By Allan Erickson 9.12.07

God is very clear in His word. A person has the freedom to accept His word
or not. What does God's word say about homosexuality? Here are the most
often cited passages from both Old and New Testaments:

'Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.'
(Leviticus 18:22)

'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have
done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will
be on their own heads.' (Leviticus 20:13)

'Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their
women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way
the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed
with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men,
and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.'
(Romans 1:26-27)

'Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?
Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor
adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves
nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit
the kingdom of God.' (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

' . . . knowing this: that the law is not made for a righteous person, but
for
the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and for sinners, for
the unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of
mothers, for manslayers, for fornicators, for sodomites, for
kidnappers, for liars, for perjurers, and if there is any other thing
that is contrary to sound doctrine, '
(1 Timothy 1:9-10)

I have gay friends. It pains me to think they are headed for judgment.
What is the most loving thing I can do? Accommodate their sin as they
stumble into hell, or try to dissuade them from following a destructive and
unhealthy lifestyle?

The answer is obvious.

If my brother's house is on fire, do I stand on the sidewalk and wish him
well, or do I rush in to save him?

It is not an act of love to standby and pat people on the back while they
destroy themselves.

And it is not discrimination to courageously speak the truth in love.

As to political considerations divorced from theological considerations, we
have always held to the idea of community standards of morality as defined
by the majority.

All the current petitions seek to do is put the matter before the people.

What the Oregon legislature and the governor did was railroad their minority
view in opposition to the majority's will as expressed in passing Measure
36.

I'm constantly astounded at so-called pastors who ignore God's word,
accommodate sin which is killing people, and bow to tyrants.

Lord help us.

As always, the Lord of Love shows the way.

When the religious hypocrites threw the adulterous woman at Jesus' feet,
challenging him to give the order to stone her to death, the Master waited
for a teachable moment, challenged the sinners to cast the first stone,
loved the woman, and told her to "sin no more." He restored her, not by
accommodating her sin, not by looking the other way, but by protecting her,
and leading her into the light, by His grace.

We must "go and do likewise." We should neither condemn sinners, nor codify
sin into law.

I fear pastors who prefer accommodation to salvation lean to their own
understanding, lead people to destruction, and dishonor the Lord, all in the
same breath.

'There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to
death.'
(Proverbs 14:12-12)

'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths
straight.'
(Proverbs 3: 5,6)

Sincerely,

Allan Erickson
Newberg, OR

I’ve just watched this clip courtesy of WWTDD, and I can’t help thinking Jake Gyllenhaal likes the idea of torturing people. I couldn’t quite tell because he was talking a bunch of actor bullshit, but I got the feeling that yes, he really does love a bit of torture. Loves it. Judge for yourself:GYLLENHAAL: MANIAC!

Three years ago, the Measure 37 campaign had an enormously effective poster woman: golden girl Dorothy English.

All she wanted to do was build some houses for her family on the land she owned, and where does the government get off telling her she can’t? The message worked, and M37 passed resoundingly.

Things are a little different this time around. Measure 49, which seeks to amend Measure 37, allows for Dorothy English-type claims, but bars large housing developments, strip malls, commercial and industrial uses, etc. It’s difficult to find a sympathetic spokesperson for a timber company that wants to cut down forests to put up a Wal-Mart or a sea of track homes. Call me crazy, but I don’t think that message would really fly in Oregon, even among the die-hard property rights libertarians.

But, of course, Measure 49 does have opposition. And here’s who the new face of the campaign is for Stop 49:

A couple of nervous, anonymous white people. Who look like they’re confused by their insurance plan. I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that they won’t elicit the same gut reaction that Dorothy English elicited.

On the other hand, the Yes on 49 campaign has certainly learned a lesson from Measure 37—instead of the heady, theoretical campaign environmentalists ran three years ago, they’ve got a poop-ton of personal stories from people who’ve been negatively affected by M37 claims.

If I were to pit them against a couple of worried WASPs, I’m pretty sure the latter doesn’t stand a chance in the court of easily swayed public opinion.

I just finished putting the finishing touches to my application to Portland’s Citizens Police Academy!

Me and Steve Gutenberg: SEPARATED AT BIRTH…

The Academy, which starts on October 2, is “a continuing effort to help develop citizen awareness and understanding of the role of law enforcement in our communities,” says the Police Bureau.

The curriculum includes firearms training, patrol vehicle operations, scenario-based training, and police technology. Participants will also learn more about the Police Bureau’s policies and procedures, the internal affairs process, criminal investigations, drug/vice investigations and criminal law. Other classes include presentations from specialty units such as the Special Emergency Reaction Team and the Explosive Disposal Unit.

Tell me that doesn’t sound like a hell of a lot of fun. There are nine classes on Tuesday nights and two on Sundays, and you have to pass a criminal background check to get in, wherein I’ve had to confess to my heinous drug use and multiple arrests for bank robbery. Joke. But they do ask for eight references. So I think they’re pretty serious.

I’m interested in doing the course because it’s a rare opportunity to get an understanding of how the police bureau works. I’ve said it to people before, but I genuinely like most cops. They’re usually very straight talking and have a sharp sense of humor. It’s just hard for me when things do go wrong to listen to the city talk about transparency and then see it try to keep internal affairs investigations secret, or have scenarios where it seems an officer has clearly done wrong and either doesn’t admit it, or does admit it, but gets exonerated somehow. So I’m interested to learn more about the challenges faced by officers in their jobs.

And yes, I suppose I’m out to cause a bit of trouble. But not enough not to get accepted, officer. Honest. Let’s hope they take me.

Calling all fashion lovers! Truck on out to Mississippi Ave. tonight for the Flourish fashion show featuring looks from the hottest, cutest boutiques in town, including Pin Me Apparel, Black Wagon, Sameunderneath, Blue, Amalee, Gypsy Chic, and Phlox. They’re debuting some of the hot new fall fashion you’ll find in their shops—plus you’ll get a big 15% off at all participating stores!
And I’ll be emceeing the event, which is great, because I have this “thing” for sexy people.
See you tonight at the Flourish Fashion Spectacular, corner of N Mississippi & Beech, 7 pm, $2 suggested donation with the proceeds going to the Albina Youth Opportunity School!

Want more fashion fun? Check out the Mercury’s style blog, MOD!

Last night I checked out the Death Proof DVD, which—like apparently every DVD released these days—is being marketed as an “unrated and extended” edition, though it’s really just the slightly longer director’s cut that Tarantino showed at Cannes last year.

Tarantino’s one of my favorite filmmakers, and there’s a lot to like about Death Proof. But this is the third time I’ve seen it (I saw Grindhouse twice in theaters), and yeah, there’s also a lot to dislike. Namely, its pacing and structure continue to confound me; while Tarantino seems in some ways to be making a grindhouse tribute, he’s also just making a self-indulgent Tarantino flick, and Death Proof shows off a lot of his worst tendencies. It doesn’t help that a lot of the film’s characters are fantastically annoying/unlikeable (Jungle Julie, I’m looking at you), and that the stuff that really works in the picture (everything w/ Kurt Russell, and almost everything w/ the second batch of girls, including Zoe Bell and Rosario Dawson) isn’t the film’s focal point.

But still: Forgive the first half hour or so of the movie, get yourself a beer during some of the more rambly dialogue (I like Tarantino’s dialogue as much as anybody, but a lot of it in Death Proof is just dialogue for the sake of dialogue), and you’re left with a pretty kickass picture with one of the best car chases in movie history.

Hit the jump for more.

The Weinstein Co. is splitting the DVD release of Grindhouse into two DVDs (probably to try and recoup the bajillion dollars they lost when they released the film as a double feature), which is crummy for a couple of reasons: It's more expensive to buy two DVDs rather than one, and it splits the film up from how Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez meant it to be seen. (Also MIA are the excellent trailers that buffered the films in the theater. No doubt there'll be a big, expensive, two-film set from the Weinsteins at some point, but making fans of the film buy it twice is pretty crummy.)

But on the other hand, Death Proof kinda benefits from the splitting up of Grindhouse--following Rodriguez's frenetic and goofy Planet Terror in theaters, it couldn't help but feel less fun and draggy, but watching it on its own helps fix that. The longer cut helps too, with a few solid/funny/sharp/sexy scenes that Tarantino should have left in his theatrical cut, including one in which Russell gets a pretty awesome lap dance. Let it be known that I will always approve of directors cuts, so long as they contain heretofore unseen lap dances.

I'm gonna write up both Grindhouse DVDs in the Mercury when Planet Terror is released in October, but in the meantime, Death Proof comes out on DVD next Tuesday, the 18th. Worth picking up, obviously. I'm pretty sure it's Tarantino's worst film, but shit, considering his other works, that's the faintest of condemnations--any and all qualms and complaints aside, it's still one of the coolest flicks to come out in a long time.

Well, this is some horrible news.

No Sam Bowie jokes, okay? It’s just too soon.

At least we didn’t put him on our cover. Good call, Mercury!

Despite eating food daily (three times a day, often more), I seldom write restaurant reviews. Not only are they difficult to write (I secretly fear my review will end up here), it’s also a world I don’t know too much about.

But when offered the chance to write about Nutshell, I was more than willing, seeing as the North Portland restaurant just might be my new favorite dining option in town. The review ran this week, but due to space issues, we had to cut my Q&A with chef Sean Coryell, the mad genius behind the restaurant’s wildly inventive menu. But if you are interested in what he has to say, it’s after the jump. Enjoy.

As a longtime chef (and vegan), why do you feel that so much vegetarian food is aimed at calling attention to what it is not (burgers, hot dogs, etc)?

Sean Coryell: It's silly how it has to come to a meat-based orientation for foods that reach way too far into trying to be something that they're not. As to why, I think that it's a marketability and familiarity approach, so that the public can find their way. It's unnecessary though, and perhaps it's a detriment to the reputation of this food because as far as I'm concerned, most of those processed foods are not nutritious and they're nothing like actual meat. There are some exceptions, but for the most part it's true, and people know it.

Since Nutshell is far from your typical vegan restaurant, did you ever think about not including the word "vegan" in its description? The word often has a negative stigma to it, especially to close-minded carnivores.

As for the word "vegan," I agree, it's stigmatic. In fact, I never use the word on the menu for just that reason, except in the case of defining some wines and beers as such. I believe that this food is good enough to stand up to anyones cooking—vegan or not. So why mention it if people have a different approach to eating this food? Stigma-free as we are, this is just excellent food, and again, people know it. I don't think you can fool people when it comes to that.

One last question. Do you have any plans for the back of the restaurant, the empty area where the sofa and ATM are?

Yes, we do have plans for the back of the restaurant. The existing art gallery will continue to grow, and a pizza kitchen is being installed. The pizza will be vegan, and I will also serve Stromboli. Additionally, I will incorporate my 100-grain flour into the dough for a far more nutritious and flavorful experience. Conceivably, you could eat a slice of pizza that has 120 ingredients in it. Furthermore, we're negotiating with graffiti artists "The London Police" to do an installation in our restaurant that will probably be in our back room, and giant, much the same size as the "Bigfoot" mural that graces our dining room. A very special bar will also be added soon, and we're designing it now. I can tell you that we will be featuring Sake drinks and the same quality food that Nutshell has become known for. Keep an eye out.

Who wouldn’t be! It’s unpaid… the intern’s desk is conveniently located near both the garbage can AND the bathroom… and Scott Moore is always on hand to discuss the latest goings-on at City Hall!

Ha, ha. But seriously, folks.

We’re currently seeking an arts intern who can commit to 10-15 hours a week, Mon-Wed (Tuesday afternoons a must, other hours are flexible). Most office hours will be spent doing thankless bitch work such entering data into our online film and music calendars, updating our restaurant database, and transcribing interviews. You’ll also be asked to write short music and film reviews, and do the occasional blog post. The internship itself is unpaid, but you’ll be paid (a pittance!) for anything we publish. Plus, it’s a great way to have published clips when you apply for that job at the National Review.

Please e-mail resumes to ahallett@portlandmercury.com (include writing samples if you have them, or write a really kick-ass cover letter. Also let us know what kind of arts stuff interests you most!)

MERCURY INTERNSHIPS: The Toughest Job You’ll Ever Not Get Paid For.

Join Us…

Another Mercury music section to flip through while you work on your Melrose Place fan fiction.

The Flaming Lips make the kids say “YEAH,” plus they further the aggressive Furry agenda. Beware the “fursuit.”
MP3: The Flaming Lips - Race for the Prize

This will count as “Your Daily Loudon - Day #4.” From the Strange Weirdos album (it’s the soundtrack to this movie), “Grey In L.A.” finds Loudon Wainwright III battling with the love/hate relationship of living in the City of Angels.
MP3: Loudon Wainwright III - Grey In L.A.

Time to celebrate the oddities of Animal Collective, but first, someone needs to get those boys a napkin.
MP3: - Animal Collective - For Reverend Green

Hey dummy, the New Pornographers make pop music look easy. Stop thinking about it and just start enjoying it.
MP3: The New Pornographers - All The Things That Go To Make Heaven And Earth

Last chance to catch Planes Mistaken For Stars before they go tits up. Don’t blow it.
MP3: Planes Mistaken For Stars - One Fucked Pony

You know you’re a lame duck mayor when the Portland Business Alliance would rather go to Commissioner Randy Leonard for money. SPOT THE DIFFERENCE.

The mayor’s sit/lie committee has just voted to ask for Leonard’s help in funding restrooms at 1st and Davis and in the Rose Quarter Transit Center, because the mayor’s office has been working with a “phlush” committee to site restrooms for the last nine million years, and they still can’t put their finger on where one should go, let alone get the dollars for it. Seriously, the incompetence of that group is mind-boggling. And nobody has called it.

Leonard apparently told PBA vice president Mike Kuykendall he “didn’t want to work with any restroom committee,” according to Kuykendall. He just wants Kuyendall to tell him where he wants a restroom, and where to bloody put it. Smart move.

The PBA is happy to work with Leonard to get the money, “given the current situation,” said Kuykendall. That would be the current lame duck situation. With the mayor.

Honestly this committee has been spectacular. Hearing the mayor’s staffer, Kyle Chisek, take tons of shit from pretty much everyone, has been bloody hilarious. Every time the mayor’s office makes a comment, everybody pretty much rolls their eyes and almost comes out and says, “shut up, go and get someone who matters.”

• GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE: Oil prices hit a new record high!

• REPUBLICAN BUTT-LICKER: Due to her glowing recitation of the Bush Administration’s talking points, CBS anchor Katie Couric is the newest “conservative’s sweetheart.”

• “I JUST NEED MORE TIME!”: President Bush is preparing to ask the country for more time to let “success bloom” in Iraq. Tell that to the Sunni sheik who was just assassinated by al Qaida. Oh… you can’t. HE’S DEAD.

• SHOCKING REVELATION: For her botched performance at the VMAs, it has been revealed that Britney Spears’ abs were painted on. Fine by me… where do I sign up??

Patrick Nolen of Sisters of the Road: “There was an article in the paper the other day and I’ve spoken to a couple of people about early enforcement, and in particular, PPI officers enforcing early.”
PREMATURE EVACUATION: Sit/Lie Comes Early for Rent-A-Cops…

Mike Kuykendall of the Portland Business Alliance: “Well, they’re not enforcing at all, so I can assure you we haven’t done that.”

Earth to Mike…This is Earth to the Portland Business Alliance….more after the jump.

Nolen: "The people I've spoken to say they were."

Kuykendall: "Well my understanding is that this group was here two hours before, and that when he came back two hours later, he asked them if they'd mind moving along for the benefit of Rite Aid. I can assure you that those officers have been trained, they haven't started talking about it yet. Are you aware that there's a new ordinance? Can I ask you why you're sitting here? Then the Clean & Safe Officers are calling the police bureau."

Nolen: "I obviously didn't speak to the officer, but I did speak to some of the people involved, and it definitely seemed like he was asking them to move along."

Kuykendall: "Well we have made it clear to the Clean & Safe officers that they are not to do that. Those complaints need to come to us. I can't investigate those things unless people let us know. I think there probably will be mistakes made, to be perfectly frank, but I'm hopeful. I need to hear things like that directly from the people and they will be investigated, and I'll take appropriate action if that happens."

Central Precinct Commander Mike Reese: "And I know John Hren [chief executive of PPI] immediately investigated once he saw the picture in the paper, I don't know that the PPI was talking about the ordinance as much as saying the business is continually calling, can you give them a break, here."

Genny Nelson of Sisters of the Road:"What are the two lines again, that the officers are allowed to use?"

Kuykendall: "'Are you aware there's a new ordinance that prohibits people in certain situations from sitting or lying on the sidewalk?', and 'Would you mind telling me why you are sitting here?'. They're not going be going beyond that in terms of anything. Then the security officer, if they feel it's appropriate, will contact PPB to follow up."

Monica Goracke of the Oregon Law Center: "I think it is really important for the police to follow up and do regular investigations, but I think it's also why we as an oversight committee exist. I know from my own experience it's hard to get people to give their follow-up information, but I guess I would just encourage all of us that if we do hear of problems, to get as much information as we can and bring it to this group as part of our regular oversight responsibilities. I think that's really important."

Kuykendall: "PPI started keeping track of all conversations where the ordinance is mentioned, starting yesterday. I also think it's important to look at the veracity of the accounts on one side or the other."

Nolen: "I think to imply that one side is any more likely to tell the truth about their experience of the ordinance may be a bit much."

Kuykendall: "That's true. Both sides could be doing it."

Nelson: "Given the nature of this whole issue, that's what's going to happen. People are going to have an experience and convey their truth about what happened. That's just a given, and I appreciate that you're honoring that both sides are capable of making mistakes and of not telling the truth. But in light of all that, what do we need?"

Reese: "I think, from an oversight perspective, you need facts. Time, date, officer involved, the location. And then if you start seeing patterns or that same name coming up, then certainly we will address and investigate every complaint, but if you start seeing patterns develop then we can start homing in on individuals and what may be some interaction problems. I think the situations need to be investigated by the police or PPI or PPS or whoever. But if we see patterns starting to develop then I would expect us to take a more systematic approach."

Kuykendall: "If they're not handing out their cards, I want to know about that."

Doreen Binder of TPI asked that PPI monitor its staff using grievance forms.

Nolen: "If somebody refuses to get up, is there a chance that that's going to be charged as disobeying a police officer?"

Reese: "It could, but I've asked officers to bring those issues back to this committee. And then we can give some guidance. But having said that, the officer's going to have to use some discretion, and they certainly could do that without calling me and checking first."

Deputy District Attorney Laurie Abraham: "Some people perceive what people say to them differently than how it was intended. People perceive that somebody is telling them to do that and it turns out, the person really wasn't intending their statement that way at all. You're not going to have a video tape."

We don't have video tapes, although the complaints about rent-a-cops are stacking up. But video tapes. Now, that's an idea...somebody also just mentioned "decoys." Any volunteers?

This pretty much speaks for itself.

What does it say?

“I am awesome.”

Thank you, used DVD rack at Videorama.

I’ve been pretty consumed with covering TBA this past week, so I haven’t had much time to troll the food blogs. I have no idea if any of this news is news or not (I’m sure someone will promptly inform me if it isn’t, gosh I’ve missed you guys). But here it is anyway.

Stumptown got a major shoutout in the Times today, in an article about direct-trade coffee buying.

The Little Red Bike Cafe (4828 N. Lombard) is now open, serving breakfast and lunch until 3 or so. In addition to a menu that is appropriately local/organic, they love bikes, “hope to promote bike riding by offering cash incentives to those who ride to [their] cafe,” have a take-out bike window, and sell tubes and repair kits. Amy says their breakfast sandwiches are delish, and I am looking forward to both ordering and eating the BLAT: applewood bacon, brie, lettuce, tomato, avocado aoili, on a croissant.

From the owners of the Delta Cafe, Miss Delta (get it?) opened a couple weeks ago on Mississippi (3950 N Mississippi, to be precise). Similar to the Delta, Southern food, with more of an emphasis on the bar side. Anybody been there? I haven’t been to the Delta in years, but it has the distinction of being the only bar at which I’ve ever been cut off (although to this day I’m still not sure if I was actually cut off, or if the service was just really, really bad).

Had lunch at Nu Cafe (621 SE Morrison) the other day, nice little lunch spot serving salads and sandwiches. My smoked salmon panini was decent; nothing special, but nothing to complain about either, and I like that they have a salad with roast beef on it.

And speaking of sandwiches on Morrison, Gretchen's Kitchen (930 SE Morrison) just opened back up for biz (hooray).

I've yet to eat here, but I've heard good things about E'Nioni Cafe (910 N. Killingsworth), serving "African-Mediterranean cuisine" from breakfast through dinner. I'm keen to try the breakfast: fuul, an "all time favorite dish of freshly made fava beans in delicious sauce [which] can be enjoyed with a variety of freshly diced onions, tomatoes, jalapeno peppers; and plain or garlic flavored yogurt; olive oil and hot pepper topping," sounds pretty awesome.

And finally, in news from Montavilla, get ready for Romo's...!

Amy sent me this:

Romo's Latin Quarter located at 7915 SE Stark has applied for a
New Outlet Full On premises sales license (which allows the sale of liquor,
malt beverages, wine and cider for consumption on the premises). The
contact for this application is Romalo Rivera 503-774-8416

Following is the information captured on the business information form:
Seating capacity - 38 In Restaurant, 10 in Lounge
Entertainment - Recorded Music
Menu - Latin Cuisine
Hours - Sunday thru Thursday 11:00am to 11:00pm, Friday & Saturday 11:00am
to 12:00am

Alex the Parrot, who, let’s face it, is smarter than 80 percent of the U.S. population, died last week at the age of 31.

Alex “had the communicative abilities of a young child” and was able to comprehend and express concepts, needs, and emotions.

Oh, and he could tolerate Alan Alda without pecking out his eyes. See for yourself here.

His last words: “You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you.”

This is why I don’t eat animals.

We are a mere 5 days from Loudon Wainwright III’s Portland performance (Monday, September 17th at the Aladdin Theater), so in honor of this great—and tragically underrated—songwriter coming to town, we’re posting one song a day, all the way up until showtime. Yes, even on the weekend! If you are already a fan, you won’t mind hearing these songs again, but if you are not familiar with his work, consider this a crash course.

This was the song for me. I had heard various Loudon Wainwright III tunes over the years, but the second I heard “White Winos” it was like a minor epiphany. Dealing with the drinking habits of both himself and his mother (who passed shortly before this recording was made), it’s emotionally heavy, a bit lighthearted and has a very interesting Oedipal tone throughout the entire song.

MP3:
Loudon Wainwright III - White Winos

Collateral, 2004.

Christ this movie’s amazing. 1995.

Originally aired September 16, 1984.

Whoever came up with the idea to film an amputee Kung Fu fight is the most brilliant person in the world. And by the way… “Person”? Thanks for the greatest fight scene ever committed to celluloid!

Tonight’s Dinosaur Jr. show is part of some sponsorship deal with Camel, where it’s free to attend if you get your hands on one of the bazillions of free passes going around town. Between the lung cancer and the tinnitus, this show is an excellent opportunity for you to damage your body in all sorts of ways.

MP3:
Dinosaur Jr. - Start Choppin’

When Where You Been came out in 1993, I walked straight from my last class at junior high to the local record store (um, Wherehouse Music), where I bought the cassette the day it came out. I then walked home blasting it on my sweet yellow Sony Cassette Walkman. Yup, the ladies loved me.

Dinosaur Jr. is performing at the Crystal Ballroom tonight (Band of Horses, too!)

This didn’t happen in Portland, because as anybody will tell you, they’d rather get beaten up or threatened by a police officer here than pretty much anywhere else in the United States. But it’s an interesting insight into the mindset of a law enforcement officer somewhere in this country. The video was shot by a suspect.

It definitely looks like Britney Spears’ personal 9/11 came a couple days early when she moped her way through a lackluster performance at the VMAs. And the gossip surrounding the debacle is really starting to flow in! For example…
• Before the performance, Britney spats with celeb hairstylist Ken Paves who storms out in one of those dramatic huffs that only a hairstylist can successfully pull off!
• After seeing herself in the monitors while dancing (?) onstage, Britney leaves the stage screaming, “I look like a fat pig!” (Even though pigs rarely wear sparkly bikinis.)
• This report accuses Brit of snorting cocaine before the show. (Ummm… doesn’t cocaine make you move faster?)
• One of the world’s most annoying performers, Fergie, tells us we should “give Britney Spears a break.” Hey Fergie, why don’t you go PEE YOUR PANTS?
• You know, when the speed of Britney Spears’ performance is doubled… IT’S ACTUALLY NOT HALF BAD!

If it’s not obvious already, I’ve been really stoked for a while about Richard Kelly’s long-awaited follow-up to Donnie Darko, Southland Tales, which is supposedly (and finally) coming out on November 9th. Now Cinematical has the final theatrical poster for the film, which is below. Click for a bigger version.

I have no idea whether this movie’s going to be any good or not, but I can’t think of very many others that I’m this excited to see.

Like Rep. Bob Allen before him, Sen Larry Craig has blamed his restroom sex scandal on “fear.” But where Allen says he offered to suck off an undercover cop for money because he was scared of all the African Americans around (yeah, what?), Craig claims he was so scared about the Idaho Statesman Journal’s months-long investigation into whether he’s gay that he just had to plead guilt to soliciting sex in a men’s room.

Biggest news of the day: Guitar Hero III, which is in the works, will be released for PC and Mac, meaning two things—1. You won’t have to go out and buy an expensive console to play it, and 2. You (and by “you,” I mean “employees of the Mercury”) can now play at your desk while you’re pretending to work.

Hey, maybe polygamy isn’t as awesome as it looks on Big Love. Warren Steed Jeffs, “prophet” of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, is on trial for being an accomplice to rape after allegedly forcing a 14-year-old girl to marry a 19-year-old. Sounds like he’s more Roman Grant than Bill Henrickson.

Obama: Troops out by the end of 2008.

A new case of Foot and Mouth disease has been confirmed at a cattle farm in southern England. I know there’s a Matt Davis joke in there somewhere.

The White Stripes have canceled their U.S. tour, citing Meg White’s “acute anxiety.” Which is apparently medical speak for “crappy drumming.”

Time to toss more love to the kind souls at Daytrotter, whose love affair with our city continues to grow. They just did a recording session with Blitzen Trapper, where the much buzzed about band (and newest members of the Sub Pop crew) laid down four songs for your downloading pleasure.

MP3:
Blitzen Trapper - Jericho (Daytrotter Session)

Okay, FINE. This guy never explicitly says that making fun of Britney Spears is worse than 9/11. But I can’t imagine this guy being more upset about anything—and that includes the attacks on the Twin Towers. So for the love of God…
STOP MAKING FUN OF BRITNEY!!!

We just wanted to give everyone an early heads up about September’s Debate Club—I know I’m going to need the next two weeks to prepare for it if I plan to ask any intelligent questions.

We’re going to dissect Measure 49 (ooo, sexy!), the initiative on this fall’s ballot that modifies Measure 37. Frankly, I’m still quite confused about M37, so I’m looking forward to a pro and con debate that gets me up to speed on M49 and helps me decide how to vote.

More details next week, including our debaters. But pencil in rontoms, 7 pm, September 25.

In case you didn’t catch this in the Oregonian this morning, here’s an excerpt from Anna Griffin’s piece on Tom Potter, “Legacy is nebulous but nonetheless real”:

For proof of his popularity, witness his poll numbers, which still routinely top 60 percent. Or witness the group of young activists who showed up on his doorstep a month ago asking him to run again.

“We told him that we were inspired by him, that he had opened up the door to people of color and said, ‘Not only can you sit at the table, but you can take part in the conversation, and I’ll actually listen to what you have to say,’ ” said Charles McGee, a college student, former Portland School Board candidate and founder of the fledging Black Parent Initiative. “We told him he had to run again.”

Potter responded by telling a story from the Walt Disney movie “Dumbo.”

The big-eared baby elephant was ashamed of his appearance until one day a friend gave him a magic feather and told him it would help him fly. Dumbo gripped the feather tight in his trunk, took a leap of faith and became the sensation of the circus.

Then one day, he got careless and the feather floated away.

That’s when he realized: He didn’t need the feather to fly. He could do it all by himself.

In hindsight, the message seems clear: You don’t need me to make Portland great.

Remember earlier today when I was grousing about people comparing their problems to 9/11? Well, look at the letter I just received via email!

Dear Editor:

On this sixth anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the United States, a much larger threat to our nation is rearing its ugly head. Researchers at Atlanta’s Morehouse School of Medicine have just reported a rising rate of high blood pressure among America’s children.

I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS REAL. And you know what that means: Whenever someone compares their pet problem to the terrorist attacks, I get to add another item to my personal list of things that are “comparable to or worse than 9/11.”
Like… ohhhh, I don’t know… this trampoline accident.

http://view.break.com/364120 - Watch more free videos

Way worse than 9/11!!

Basic Rights Oregon just weighed in to David Crowe’s tasteless “Oregon’s Own 9-11” email sent this morning, calling the note “bizarre and disgusting.”

John Hummel, Executive Director of Basic Rights Oregon, today condemned comments made by anti-gay activist David Crowe, who called an elections complaint against his group “Oregon’s Own 9-11” and “an attack within our borders.” The complaint was filed last week against Crowe’s group, “Concerned Oregonians” and another organization gathering signatures to force a vote on Oregon’s new family fairness and anti-discrimination laws.

“This comparison is incredibly disrespectful not only to the mourning of our nation but to the families of those who died and to those who fought so hard to saves lives at Ground Zero,” Hummel said. “For David Crowe to compare his own self-inflicted legal troubles to the events of 9/11 is beyond comprehension, purely reprehensible and downright bizarre.”

BRO’s entire statement is after the cut.

Basic Rights Oregon Condemns Bizarre and Disgusting 9/11 Comparison Made By Anti-Gay Petition Backers

(Portland, Oregon) John Hummel, Executive Director of Basic Rights Oregon, today condemned comments made by anti-gay activist David Crowe, who called an elections complaint against his group "Oregon's Own 9-11" and "an attack within our borders." The complaint was filed last week against Crowe's group, "Concerned Oregonians" and another organization gathering signatures to force a vote on Oregon's new family fairness and anti-discrimination laws.

"This comparison is incredibly disrespectful not only to the mourning of our nation but to the families of those who died and to those who fought so hard to saves lives at Ground Zero," Hummel said. "For David Crowe to compare his own self-inflicted legal troubles to the events of 9/11 is beyond comprehension, purely reprehensible and downright bizarre."

In an e-mail with the subject line "Defaming To Destroy: Oregon's Own 9-11," Concerned Oregonians leader David Crowe complains of a "September Day of Infamy" occasioned by the elections complaint. The complaint, filed last week by ballot watchdog Ellen Lowe, alleges that Concerned Oregonians is violating the law by soliciting campaign donations while unlawfully promising donors that they are eligible for a "dollar for dollar" political tax credit. The Secretary of State has said that it plans to investigate the complaint.

Crowe's email also singled out a Eugene, OR pastor who has alerted other churches to the complaint. Rev. Dr. Dan Bryant, of First Christian Church in Eugene, sent a letter to 3,000 pastors last week sharing his concerns about the group. Crowe's email says that Rev. Bryant is "part of a cabal that begins with the Governor, extends through Basic Rights Oregon, the law firm of Smith, Diamond and Olney, and into 'ecumenical' church leadership in Oregon."

"This bizarre attack only reinforces my deep concern about these groups that are trying to use our churches for their campaign purposes," Rev. Dr. Bryant said today. "If you disagree with them on any issue or question their methods, they come after you with absurd claims and malicious accusations."

Basic Rights Oregon will continue to closely monitor the petition process and still expects the referenda to qualify for the ballot. "We are are saddened these groups, which are so out of step with Oregonian values of fairness and basic decency, continue to push their extremist agenda," Hummel said.

I checked Facebook earlier while at City Hall, and changed the “is…” part to “Matthew Davis is sitting in an excruciatingly hypocritical meeting at city hall.” So my mate (I do have one friend on Facebook) sent me this YouTube video. The two weirdos miming to the video are kind of funny, but it’s the song I’m really interested in. Tenacious D, apparently. I particularly like the first verse.
CITY HALL: We’ll rule like two kings…

My mate also sent me this video of Sting getting spat on to cheer me up. 1:35 is classic.

(Ha ha! Get it? “Rolls” Along? Brilliant.)

Yesterday, when I happened to mention to city hall staffers that I was headed to the Rose Parade Duct Tape Policy Committee meeting, the responses were—across the board—automatic chuckles.

I don’t know if that says more about the issue, about the Mercury’s awesome intervention in the duct taping, or about the fact that city council would have to create a committee to figure out what brand of toilet paper to buy for the city hall bathrooms.

Some history: Last June, Commissioner Randy Leonard proposed a ban on the irritating, blight-creating practice of parade-goers marking off their spots with duct tape up to weeks in advance of the parade. But in a mind-blowing, totally cliche move, Leonard was forced by Mayor Potter and Commissioner Dan Saltzman to create a damn committee in order to spend the next six months talking about it.

Unlike some other committees I could name, this one has actually met a handful of times, and could have a policy recommendation to bring to city council in the next month—well earlier than the proposed six-month timeline.

The basics: Duct taping, spray painting, and chalking off “reserved” spots will be forbidden, and treated like the vandalism/littering it is. But in order to not simply be “taking something away from people,” the committee is considering extra amenities—bleachers at certain points along the parade route, special activity fun-time areas for kids (Face painting! And, uhhh, other stuff kids like!), more Honey Buckets, and numerous reserved spots for disabled and elderly viewers and their families.

A handful of questions remain: If someone camps out, can they save spots for family members? If so, how many family members? Is there a certain physical limitation to how much space they can save? What about tents and canopies? (The current idea is to allow tents from midnight the Thursday before the parade until 7 or 8 am Saturday morning, at which point they’ll need to be folded up to make room for parade watchers.) What about hotels and businesses that set out chairs for their customers? Can they hire people to physically occupy the space until the parade starts? Can they apply for something like the Sidewalk Cafe permits, which allow seats and tables on the sidewalk? Or should hotel guests be required to do the same thing as the rest of the town—show up early and hang out?

What do you think the committee should do? They’ll be meeting again in a couple of weeks with a draft of a proposed policy—feel free to sound off in the comments, as I’m sure the committee members will see them.

Leonard says he can't walk into a meeting without someone having duct taped his seat, and now they've started adding a can of spray paint to the makeshift shrines. Here's what he does with the stash.

Part two. Wherein the author buys something weird he has no idea how to cook, and begs for your help, before the damn things go rancid. Today? The escargots! Thanks to the Mercury’s former distribution director, Lance Chess, I managed to pick some up on the weekend at Om Seafood on SE Powell. Great store: the guy at the counter (after conferring in a foreign language with an old lady also stood there) suggested I broil the little blighters, then pick them out of the shell with a toothpick and add my choice of spices. What do you suggest?SNAILS: In a nice bowl of fresh water…

People love to compare their own problems to 9/11—especially today, and especially THIS HOMOPHOBE who declared that working to establish gay rights is like “Oregon’s 9/11.” So as long as we’re comparing disastrous apples to catastrophic apples, I’ll be starting my own list of things that are “comparable to or worse than 9/11.”
Such as this midget bullfighter being sodomized by a bull.

Hmmm… I’d call that “worse than 9/11.”

We are a mere 6 days from Loudon Wainwright III’s Portland performance (Monday, September 17th at the Aladdin Theater), so in honor of this great—and tragically underrated—songwriter coming to town, we’re posting one song a day, all the way up until showtime. Yes, even on the weekend! If you are already a fan, you won’t mind hearing these songs again, but if you are not familiar with his work, consider this a crash course.

My goal today was to post a song of deep meaning from Wainwright III, something that would wow the casual listener…aw fuck that! It’s supposed to be 90 degrees today and all I want to do is flee this office, find a swimming hole and submerge myself underwater. Maybe I’ll even figure out how to swim the “Old Australian Crawl,” whatever that is.

MP3:
Loudon Wainwright - The Swimming Song

Yes, this is the song from The Squid and the Whale. God, I love that movie.

Surely you’ve heard by now (because we’ve certainly repeated it often enough) that Battlestar Galactica, the new remake of the cheesy ’70s series, is the most thrilling and trenchant dramatic series on TV at the moment (except, of course, for The Wire). Maybe you still haven’t given it a shot because you just can’t believe a show set on a spaceship could possibly engage you when you can watch the simpering narcissists of Grey’s Anatomy instead—in which case, you are an idiot. But if you’ve simply not yet gotten around to it, hurry: Rent the DVDs of Seasons 1 and 2 (they’re short), and then hasten over to iTunes to catch up on the first handful of episodes for Season 3 because this one is not just about other planets; it’s about our own.

So speaketh Salon.com last November, and they’re still right. It astonishes (and, frankly, kind of angers) me that more people aren’t watching Battlestar. The fact that most people I know don’t watch it further confounded me on Sunday, when critic Laura Miller was on Studio 360 to speak about about why “one of the first, most surprising attempts to deal with the [Iraq] war” was in the “wasteland of Friday night basic cable programming, on a channel otherwise devoted to no-budget thrillers about killer centipedes.”

Regardless of whether you’re dumb and haven’t started watching it yet, or if you already love Battlestar, Miller’s piece on Salon.com and her appearance on Studio 360 are well worth a read and/or listen. The Salon.com piece is here; the 360 segment is below.

Wow. David Crowe—of Restore America—is even more frustrated than I thought. Usually, he sends out one email a week, rallying the troops to sign those petitions that would put the new domestic partnership and non-discrimination laws on the ballot for a public vote.

But hey, it’s September 11! A perfect chance for Crowe to send out another email, this time to draw the parallels between an elections complaint filed against his group—and the deaths of nearly 3,000 people. It’s like the same thing!

I’ll let him explain (and all bolds are his):

Defaming To Destroy: Oregon’s Own 9-11 September 11, 2007

Oregon faces a less obvious September Day of Infamy, an attack from within our borders by those who seek to change Oregonians view of marriage and morality, no matter what we say or how we VOTE, and whether we like it or not.

Intolerance Knows No Moral or Ethical Boundaries Margaret Olney is an attorney with Smith, Diamond & Olney in downtown Portland. She was appointed by Governor Kulongoski to his LAW COMMISSION GOVERNMENT ETHICS WORK GROUP in November, 2005, after threatening petition signature gatherers with felony charges, imprisonment and fines amounting to $100,000. The reason? She was working to erase all opposition to the re-election of the most ‘gay’ friendly candidate to the Presidency.

Why do I mention this? Because Olney’s latest campaign is to stop or void the signature gathering efforts of Concerned Oregonians using the same tactics. Olney recently filed a complaint with the Elections Division of the Secretary of State’s office that is filled with deceitful and erroneous allegations, all for the purpose of destroying our efforts to place same sex marriage and special rights for homosexuals legislation on the November 2008 General Election.

Defaming Letter: Stratagem of Deception Complicit in this stratagem to defame, delude and destroy is Pastor Dan Bryant, Senior pastor of First Christian Church, Disciples of Christ, in Eugene, Oregon. Bryant organized Twin Rivers Interfaith Ministries (TRIM), an ecumenical group that meets regularly and openly supports the ‘gay’ agenda.

Bryant served on the Governor’s panel in 2006 to prepare a report whose purpose was to provide a rationale for the introduction of SB 2 granting special rights, privileges and protections for homosexuals and lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders and the ge