This email just came in, from someone claiming to be the son of Portland’s most hilarious city commissioner, Randy Leonard:

Dearest Portland Mercury,

I want to thank you for destroying what should have been a guilt free night. I was laying in my bed, watching Conan and making some Fantasy Football decisions (Hi, welcome to Losertown, I’m the Mayor. Oh, you’re seventeen? Maybe we should go get something to eat…but it’s my duty as an Inactive Reservist in the Coast Guard to tell Greg Oden about it).

Now, I’ve perused the LoveLab the last couple’ve weeks. The “I Saw U” section is always interesting and hopeful. Maybe a girl saw me buying comics and I smiled at her and now we need to make out. Or maybe I was riding my scooter and got busted checking out a girl who was walking down Hawthorne and now we need to make out. Anyway, Conan was taking a commercial break so I clicked on over to the Mercury. Scrolled down to click my ol’ buddy Love Lab…and…wait. What? Why do I feel the pangs of guilt. Like…like I’m being watched…judged.

Then I see a familiar face on your home page. Familiar to many I suppose. But not in a “have you done your homework” familiar. It’s my dad. On the very page that I’m on…that I was going to use to see if a girl wanted to recite lines from Preacher to me. Oh, and he’s covered in butter.

Thanks for that, Mercury.

I do have to say, I’m glad his butter hogging has finally come to public light. Now hopefully he’ll get the help he needs. Your photo of him covered in butter actually makes me thankful. It reminds me of the days that he used to have pictures of himself covered in mayonnaise. At least, he SAID it was mayonnaise. I miss Uncle Frank.

-Ryan Leonard

Funny story: People who go to see horror-action movies on opening day at 2:45 pm are creepy. Since the studio didn’t screen Resident Evil: Extinction for critics, I went to a matinée today so we’d have a review. (Also because I liked the last Resident Evil flick way more than I expected to. Even though it was pretty much awful, I had a surprisingly good time with the last one. Maybe it was the scene with mutant zombie firing a rocket launcher that did it.)

Anyway. Man, I thought I’d be the only guy sitting there alone, watching some hot chicks gorily kill zombies, but apparently there’s a real market for this sort of thing, as in addition to few teenagers and couples, there were like seven other guys in the theater, all alone, vaguely creepy/loner-y, eagerly waiting for Milla Jovovich to start hacking up the undead. The whole thing was really weird and kind of uncomfortable. What I’m getting at is that if you’re going to see Resident Evil: Extinction alone in the middle of the afternoon, maybe you should rethink your life a little bit. I know I have.

Anyway, here’s the short review from Found It!, where we also have all our other film shorts and showtimes.

Resident Evil: Extinction

By my rough calculations, Resident Evil: Extinction, the third and final film in the series about supermodels killing zombies, is roughly 98 percent horrible. A lifeless (HA!) hodgepodge of Mad Max, Return of the Jedi, Alien: Resurrection, Day of the Dead (actually, Extinction swipes from all of the Romero zombie movies, especially that shitty newest one), X-Men, The Birds, Jurassic Park, and (sure, why not?) Japanese tentacle porn, there’s a somewhat endearing sense of “Anything goes!” to this flat, desert-set action flick. But after about a half hour, “Anything goes!” begins to feel a lot like “Eh, what the fuck ever.” While I suppose one could make the argument that you really haven’t experienced all that modern cinema has to offer until you’ve seen zombies climbing the replica of the Eiffel Tower in post-apocalyptic Las Vegas, I think one could also make the argument that if you’re in the mood for stupid, stupid zombies-vs.-supermodels action, Resident Evil: Apocalypse is the film to rent. (Yes. I just recommended Resident Evil 2 over Resident Evil 3. I don’t know how I feel about that, either.) ERIK HENRIKSEN

Huh? Hüsker Dü on The Joan Rivers Show? This makes no sense to me.

The band performs a couple songs and suffers through a very awkward interview with a clearly disinterested Rivers. Also, how odd is it that the band (and a 85 year old marathon runner) were booked ahead of Sir Ian McKellen?

The best part is that you can see the boom mic drop into the frame during the interview.
That Joan Rivers Show, so professional.

Link courtesy of our big sister paper up north.

As reported last night, the Arbor Lodge Neighborhood Association voted 64-10 to actively oppose renaming Interstate Boulevard for César E. Chávez. A second motion, to support the rename, went down 11-67. (About 150 people attended, but not everyone was a resident or business owner in Arbor Lodge—the only folks able to vote.)

The meeting was tense, despite the assistance of a professional facilitator. There were ground rules—folks from Arbor Lodge would have 30 seconds to state whether they were pro or con on renaming, and why. The facilitator would jot down their points. Points weren’t supposed to be repeated. Be respectful. And my favorite—oh, Portland—no clapping allowed! If you agree with the speaker, wave your hand in the air.

Like the Overlook neighborhood, Arbor Lodge had paint sticks—only Arbor Lodge’s paint sticks were twice as large, and numbered to make the speaking lineup orderly.

But all that organization just seemed to further exacerbate the underlying problem: North Portland residents aren’t feeling listened to, and feel like this proposal, and the process surrounding the proposal, is being forced on them. Last night’s meeting structure was top down—and the Chávez Committee, after giving a brief presentation, sat down, and only answered a few questions.

Residents were frustrated at the short amount of time to speak, and were upset that the facilitator spent a good chunk of time interrupting explain that time was tight (the school we were in was set to kick us out at 8 pm sharp). “Then why are you talking?” one neighbor behind me muttered.

Lots more after the jump.

One woman wanted to read a comment in the form of a poem, which would have taken about 45 seconds. Several minutes were spent debating whether or not to allow it. (As neighbors pointed out from the back of the elementary school lunch room, the woman could have read it by the time they decided not to allow it. She eventually did read it, using another neighbor's allotted time.)

I've read other reports of racial slurs being used, or racial tension. To be sure, there was tension, as there usually is when race is discussed in Portland. We've got a lot of baggage in that arena. A few comments—like one from older guy who kicked off his 30 seconds by saying he'd had a "lady supervisor" who was Hispanic, and was the best supervisor he'd ever had—were a bit cringe worthy.

But the tension went both ways (I didn't personally hear any slurs or outright offensive comments). One woman spoke in support of the proposal, saying it would honor her Latino heritage. She cited the recent Portland Boulevard change to Rosa Parks Way, and asked the audience if anyone had really been adversely affected. An audible groan went through the crowd—I'm sure most folks in that neighborhood, which Rosa Parks Way cuts through, at least know of someone who's gotten lost due to the fairly sudden change. I've heard stories of others who've had issues with their credit bureau, mortgage company, and utilities because their address changed.

The most bizarre behavior I saw came from a table of women who supported the rename. Melanie Davis, Vice President of Sales & Marketing for El Hispanic News—whose offices are in Arbor Lodge—indicated that the group was affiliated with the publication. Their table, however, was a scene out of Heathers or Mean Girls, with stage whispering, loud giggling, and even sneers at some residents' comments.

In my opinion, as someone who's talked to a lot of neighbors and business owners about this proposal (and the Rosa Parks name change), I think we'd be seeing just as much emotion and tension if a group had come forward with the idea to rename Interstate for a dead white hero. It's easier to chalk this debate up to racial tensions—a conversation this city is used to having—than to discuss why the city ignores its own rules, or why a large swath of the city feels marginalized by their own city leaders.

A few more things that struck me: The Chávez Committee has yet to make a convincing case as to why a street rename—any street—is an apt honor. What makes a street name a better honor than a building or park?

They've also heard loud and clear from two neighborhoods that there's a lot of anger that the city's official name change process hasn't been followed. I can understand why the Chavez Committee would want the same treatment as those who wanted to honor Rosa Parks—a city council ushered fast track that usurped the official public process—but I'd think they'd understand that building goodwill by following the rules would only help their cause.

After Arbor Lodge voted against the proposal, neighbors had one big question—did their vote matter? "Is this another token meeting for us silly people who have an interest in our neighborhood? North Portland people are getting real tired of this," said one woman in a striped shirt.

Once again the Japanese have come up with a much more effective way of disciplining children, instead of using corporal punishment—dress them up as seals and put them in front of a hungry polar bear.

This look familiar?

Both of the Democratic candidates for the Senate, House Speaker Jeff Merkley and Portland lawyer Steve Novick, have repeatedly hammered at Smith for being a political ally of the president. At his campaign kickoff rally this week, Merkley sounded like he was giving Smith a new first name given how many times he referred to “Bush Smith.”

That’s from an entry yesterday evening by Jeff Mapes on the Oregonian’s politics blog.

Here’s what I wrote about the event in this week’s paper:

Flanked by state and local leaders, Merkley gave a speech that hinted at his upcoming campaign—repeatedly pointing out that Republican Senator Gordon Smith has voted with President Bush 90 percent of the time. (In fact, he said the words “Bush-Smith” so often that it sounded like Merkley had changed Smith’s name.)

I’ll get you, Mapes!!!

The Portland Tribune has just got their hands on a hefty bit of “gotcha,” giving Bob Ball back what he was spreading about Sam Adams. Turns out, earlier this year, the Portland Police Bureau opened a file on Ball, based on an unsubstantiated rumor that he was having a relationship with a minor.

As with the Adams allegation, there apparently wasn’t any evidence to back up the rumor, so the investigation died, with Ball never even being contacted by the police.

“Frankly I am shocked,” Ball said when the Tribune asked him about it. “Ai-yi-yi … that is absolutely not true.”

The rumor appears to have been based on the fact that Ball’s partner, Grant, is a “very young-looking 23-year-old man.” (Aside from Britney Spears, what 23-year-old isn’t young looking?)

The claim was made by former Multnomah County Sheriff Scott Aardappel, who told the police that it was just something he heard and that he had no firsthand knowledge, yet he felt obligated to report it. Sound familiar? The difference in this case is that Aardappel actually took it to the proper authorities—the police, or he also could have called child services—instead of a pair of politicians.

It’s official as far as I’m concerned—David Crowe kicked me off the Restore America email list. I just got his latest memo via my alias email address set up for this purpose, but not to my Mercury account.

But never fear, I can still share with you the hysteria gripping the Restore America campaign over the “marriage and immorality bills.” They’re trying to whip supporters into a frenzy, in the hopes of getting enough signatures by next Wednesday’s deadline (one chief petitioner, former state senator Marylin Shannon, told the Oregonian that she’s confident they’ll get just over 55K signatures, but they may not get the buffer they need to make sure they get over 55K valid signatures. “’It will take a miracle to get the buffer,’ Shannon said Thursday. ‘But we believe in miracles.’”).

[Oregonians] are infuriated that every democrat in the legislature chose to heed a well heeled, well financed, militant and intolerant special interest group instead of the voices of the people of Oregon when they passed HB 2007 creating marriage by another name, and Senate Bill 2, granting special rights, privileges and protections to homosexuals.

“A steady stream of people are showing up to sign the petitions in the last few days” said Perry Atkinson, owner of KDOV radio in Southern, Oregon. Similar reports from around the state are coming in on a regular basis.

Atkinson, former Chairman of the Oregon Republican Party is one of the few radio talk show hosts in the state who will talk with any factual depth or passion about what these bills entail, and what they will lead to.

“Opposition to these two bills is so strong that a volunteer courier system throughout the state has been established, allowing would be signers last minute opportunities to sign the petitions before the September 26th deadline,” said David Crowe of Concerned Oregonians.

Those who oppose the ‘marriage and immorality bills’, as they are being called, can go to the Concerned Oregonians web site to find a location near them in which they can sign no later than 2PM Sunday, the 23rd.

WHICH IS THE BETTER MOVIE:

Clueless

or Bring It On?

VOTE, PROVIDE EVIDENCE, ARGUE.

Greg Oden, damaged knee and all, has emerged from the operating table to video blog his recovery and make the promise that he’ll return “better than ever.”

Notice that his living room is absent of an arcade version of Dance Dance Revolution. So much for that theory.

So yeah, Kingdom Come fucking sucked, but hope springs eternal: Jay-Z’s new album hits in November, and it’s a concept album based on Ridley Scott’s upcoming film American Gangster. (Here are two pieces on the whole thing: A solid one by Tom Breihan over at the Village Voice, and a slightly less solid one over at The New York Times.)

Maybe more importantly, though, the first single from the album is out: “Blue Magic,” produced by Pharrell. It’s solid enough, if nothing mindblowing. (Then again, it’s better than anything on Kingdom Come, so at least there’s that.) I’ll be curious about this one, but at this point, at least for me, good ol’ Hova’s gonna have to put out something pretty amazing to break out of his has-been status.

Jay-Z - Blue Magic

Thanks to Chas for the heads up.

Did you know this about me? I like to collect weird old board games. (Such as my favorite, called TITANIC, where you’re the captain of the sinking luxury liner and have to choose who to save and who to let drown in the hull of the ship. FUN!) But I simply have to get this one called, “BALL BUSTER”! Check out this classic commercial for this hilariously named game, in which the wife delivers the best TV wink I’ve ever seen.

Barack Obama and Drowning Pool (aka, the “Let The Bodies Hit The Floor” band).

Hey candidates, don’t underestimate the powerful nu metal political lobby.
Remember when John Kerry snubbed Korn? It totally cost him the election.

God, I love IndyMedia.

They make Portland Cascadia a better place to live.

2. Dance, drum and chant for the person who sees only your body. Those who do not see the light of the Goddess in others do not see it in themselves.

So true. So true.

photo: Rita Badalamenti

Tonight, the Snuggle Ups will pack up the cuteness and say goodbye forever. But before they disappear into the horizon, the band took some time to chat with Our Town Can Be Your Life columnist Cary Clarke about their run as a band, the importance of not taking yourself too seriously and a shirtless Liam Kenna.

MP3:
The Snuggle Ups - Dancing in the Dark

The Snuggle Ups perform tonight at Berbati’s Pan.

Why is this the last Snuggle-Ups show? Is the romance over?
The decision to end the Snuggleups was due to our individual musical directions, time constraints, logistics, and the fact that we hate each other (just kidding). Honestly, we came to the conclusion that if we were to collaborate again it would make more sense to start with a different band. The Snuggle Ups have been the most important first step for both of us as musicians, and partially as people. However, there comes a time for change. We had been sitting on our hands for so long with this that our enthusiasm dwindled (which obviously is the core of this project). We are still best friends, and still support and love one another. We are each others biggest fans.

Are there any plans to release any final recordings?
Yes, we have been tirelessly working on recording the unreleased jams. We will be giving CDR's away at the show on Friday. There will be about 4 new (old) songs. Also there will be a greatest hits album coming out late fall of 2015.

What's next for both of you, musically speaking? New projects? Concentrating on old ones?
Liam is currently involved in two active projects, MegaDome (electro R&B jams), and Pocket Parade with good friend Kate Walsh. Brett is working on two active projects also, Fleshtone with long time friend Jayme Hansen, and B*RETTA (remix/electro jams)

What can people expect from the final Snuggle Ups performance?
Sweat. Mostly from Liam. It's been a long tradition for Liam to take his shirt off, but he swears after every show he won't do it at the next. We'll see!

Any relationship suggestions? For bands?
Long walks on the beach, little surprises. Make dinner, it works! Seriously, make music with friends, if you don't love the people you are creative with than what's the point.

Lessons learned? Wisdom gained?
People will dance if you give them a reason, everyone is so ready to have a good time. The important first step is breaking down the barrier between performer and spectator. There are many ways to do this, we've found that acting as stupid as possible on and off stage usually does the trick. We have also learned that one of the many beautiful things about Portland is the hugely supportive music scene. If you have some crazy idea for a music project there is most likely a venue or a house out there that will let you play a show.

Some have questioned whether this band has been a joke all along, we would say that it has been no more of a joke than we are. We both came to the conclusion when we formed the Snuggle Ups that it was time for us to stop taking ourselves so seriously as musicians and as people, I don't think either of us have regretted that decision.

Two students at Delaware State University were shot earlier today, and the gunman is still at large. The campus went into lock down mode.

Wow, remember how excited we were when the Democrats took both the House and Senate, because that surely meant it was only a matter of time before the U.S. would get out of Iraq? Ha ha. How naive were we? Yesterday, Sen. Russ Feingold’s plan to end funding for the war and bring troops home failed 70-28, with 20 Dems voting to kill it.

Still no verdict in the Phil Spector trial, and the judge has given the jury new instructions, with a laundry list of scenarios under which Spector could be found guilty of Lana Clarkson’s death.

Remember that cop who was caught on video yelling and threatening 20-year-old Brett Darrow in St. Louis? Yeah, his shit has been fired.

Local activist Chris Smith looks like he’s all but announced his candidacy for city commissioner, setting a tentative announcement for Wednesday at 9am. Given that he’s pledged to not run unless Sam Adams vacates his seat, what does he know? Yesterday, Smith wouldn’t say.

The vote was 64-10 to actively oppose the idea. Details in the morning!

As threatened, Philip Lim debuted his collaborative efforts with Birkenstock on New York’s runways:

Do you love them, or hate them?

Get more fashion over on M.O.D.

Besides ruining the world for the rest of us, butter gluttons are also exposing themselves to the deadly disease known as Butter Lung—which is basically the same as punishment from the hand of God.

Butter Lung, or bronchiolitis obliterans, affects people who gorge themselves on popcorn soaked in chemical butter. It also blights those unfortunate souls who work in microwavable popcorn factory or behind the cinema popcorn machine, a.k.a butter slaves.

Earlier this month, the New York Times published an article about self-proclaimed “Mr. Popcorn,” who was diagnosed with this disease. Mr. Popcorn had eaten microwavable popcorn twice a day for over ten years, often deeply inhaling its buttery aroma of death.

According to the article and Representative Rosa DeLauro, unsurprisingly, “The government is not doing anything.”

Mr. Popcorn is currently recovering.

-Jennifer Furniss

On Tuesday night, the Overlook neighborhood overwhelmingly voted against renaming Interstate Boulevard for César E. Chávez. Tonight, the Arbor Lodge neighborhood is holding a meeting to decide whether or not to support the proposal (6:30 tonight, Chief Joseph Elementary School Library, 2409 N Saratoga).

I fielded a late night phone call from Bill Mildenberger Jr., manager of the Nite Hawk Cafe & Lounge on Interstate, who wanted to report that he’d spent the afternoon handing out a thousand flyers about tonight’s meeting. Mildenberger thinks a ‘no’ vote from Arbor Lodge—coupled with the strong ‘no’ vote from Overlook—would in turn cause New Seasons, one of Interstate’s most prominant businesses, to decline to support the proposal.

In the comments to my write-up of Tuesday night’s meeting, someone asked why neighbors are so passionately against the idea to rename Interstate. I got the sense from Tuesday’s meeting that neighbors were most angry that the idea was being “shoved down our throats,” as one resident put it. The Chávez committee didn’t follow the city’s official process—which an Overlook neighbor asked them about. “There’s a lot of people still upset about Rosa Parks Way because it broke the process,” the neighbor said.

Chávez Committee member Sonny Montes gave an answer that made the crowd groan: “What [the city wants] to do now is to treat us differently from the other groups, and we said that’s not fair.” In other words, the Chávez Committee saw the rushed Rosa Parks Way name change ushered in with Commissioner Dan Saltzman’s help—to the chagrin of the neighborhood—and they want the same speedy, direct service. While that’s understandable, it’s also politically naive—the Chávez Committee would have been smarter (and possibly more successful) had they taken the high road, and followed a process that’s in place to ensure community support.

Will, another one of our commenters, summed up why the neighborhood is upset, and how following the proper process might have alleviated that:

Let’s run it down again:

Street name changes impact peoples’ lives. City Code (Chapter 17.93) recognizes that. That process is in place to avoid the lingering bitterness we’re STILL hearing in North Portland about the change of Union Avenue in 1989, much less Rosa Parks Way last year.

What’s lost when Council doesn’t follow Code?

- A serious threshold of public interest in the name change — 2,500 signatures from the City at large, or 75 percent of property owners on the street.

- Criteria for what streets may be renamed — streets that are “significant in their own right” cannot be renamed.

- Independent review by a panel of historians, to establish “significance.”

- At least two mailings to property owners, paid for by the applicants.

- Review and at least one public hearing by the Planning Commission.

- And THEN it goes to City Council, for (at least) one more public hearing.

There’s more in the Code. It’s all there for a purpose, and it’s a lot to lose. We lost it in the N Portland Boulevard proceedings, mostly because the public didn’t know it was there. Now we know (thanks, Amy).

That’s just the Code. Note the 70-0 vote in Overlook to support some other honor for Chavez. Had the Chavez Committee come to the neighborhoods without a fixed agenda, we could have worked through this together and found something realistic. As it is there’s been lots of talk but no real dialog. Maybe it can still happen.

It’s easy to trivialize it all when you don’t live in the middle of it.

What does a crying Britney fan do when his viral video goes international (gathering over 4 million views)? Not only does he get approached to do his own TV show, he gets interviewed by the biggest names in the business. (And by biggest, I naturally mean MAURY POVICH.)
Ladies and gentlemen, your internet crush until another freak comes along to replace him, CHRIS CROCKER. (Can someone please tell me why they keep bleeping him?)

Last night I checked out Peter, Bjorn & John at the Crystal Ballroom. This Swedish band exceeded my expectations with a high-energy performance. Most of the tracks on their third album, Writer’s Block are indie easy listening, perfect for a Sunday morning, though they get all hyper on their catchy pop hit, “Young Folks,” or, as I usually think of it, “The Whistle Song.”

Last night felt like anything but easy listening, with Peter Moren, lead singer bouncing around the stage like an excited, short-necked gnome, though, strangely enough, he seemed unable to take off or put on a guitar without the assistance of a techie.

Don’t know who-the-hell I’m talking about? Check out their Myspace: www.myspace.com/peterbjornandjohn.

And watch this cutesy cut-in-paste music video of “Young Folks:” Ahh, doesn’t it make you wish you were at a ’60s birthday bash too?

-Jennifer Furniss

The letters are already pouring in to the Mercury office regarding this week’s inflammatory (but incredibly important) feature article about Portland’s local “BUTTER HOGS.” And while it would be easy to blame the gluttonous pigs who hide in the shadows of society, devouring butter by the stick, we should remember that excessive butter eating is a DISEASE—one that’s fed and promoted by the MEDIA and the ultra-powerful BUTTER LOBBY. Don’t believe me? Check out this commercial for butter, which plays like porn to the poor hogs addicted to the stuff. SHAME “MEDIA” AND BUTTER LOBBY! SHAME!!

The last time I saw Built to Spill I fell into a deep coma induced by Doug Martsch’s wanky solos and out of control guitarsturbation.

Personally, I miss the old quirky BTS (pre-Warner Bros), where the songs were shorter and less involved, but judging by the band’s large fanbase, I might be in the minority here. Anyone else feel the same way?

The best mixtape jam of 1998? Oh, that’s easy:
Built to Spill - Car

Built to Spill perform tonight, and tomorrow night, at the Crystal Ballroom, so no need to take those Ambien you got from the “Canadian Pharmacy.”

“If I don’t find this cat before my wife comes home, I am in big trouble.”

Found on a utility pole on NE 21st, a few blocks south of Alameda.

todayinpdx@portlandmercury.com

Richard Kelly’s Southland Tales has a trailer.

David

Age: 28

Occupation: Fire Department Administrator

Education: Double major in Physics and Astronomy at Wesleyan University

Hobbies: LARPing (Live-Action Role-Playing), board games and video games

In Five Years: “I don’t even know what I’m going to be doing on Friday let alone five years from now.”

David is just one of the many geeks on this season of Beauty and the Geek, a crappy TV show that I shouldn’t even like but I kind of love. (I have the same relationship with America’s Next Top Model, and I’d like to take this opportunity to note that Tyra Banks is [A] fucking crazy and [B] shockingly stupid.) I did a whole three-hour block of drinking beer and watching reality TV last night, with the premiere of Top Model and the two-hour premiere of Beauty and the Geek. David is so far my favorite, in part because he’s an asshole, and in part because he apparently really doesn’t give a shit that everyone makes fun of his dorky LARPing, and mostly because he’s not this geek, who really creeps my shit out.

So anyway. I’m not sure what it is about Beauty and the Geek that I find so captivating. It’s a bunch of super-nerds acting super-nerdy while a bunch of silicone-stuffed waitresses/future amateur porn stars act really stupid and confused. When the show—which is, either excellently or terribly, executive produced by Ashton Kutcher—started, it was billed as a “social experiment,” which was obviously bullshit, but there were still some surprisingly wholesome and rewarding elements: By season’s end, nerds tentatively came out of their shells, a borderline-retarded Hooters waitress or two realized that in addition to fashion magazines, there were also things called “books,” and everyone felt a little bit better about themselves. But in the past few years, shit has devolved into contestants working the show’s system, pretty effectively stripping any and all merit from the show, other than as kind of a lurid “Ooh, look what a nerd!” (see above) or “Ooh, she’s stupid!” (One wannabe contestant, when asked what her I.Q. was, said something like “Oh, I don’t know… it’s, ah, slightly above not too dumb?”) I still find something awesome about this, but I can’t put my finger on what it is.

In other news about crappy TV shows, on last night’s premiere of Top Model, Tyra said something like “Being America’s Next Top Model isn’t just about being a model. It’s about being a role model.” Oh, fuck you, Tyra. Which reminds me: I’d like to take this opportunity to reiterate that Tyra is (A) fucking crazy, and (B) shockingly stupid. She is also (C) afraid of dolphins.

Mashing old Sesame Street footage with the voices of Joe Pesci and Robert DeNiro may not be the newest idea to come down the pike… but HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, is it effing HEEE-LARIOUS!
(As you can imagine, audio is NSFW.)

Backspace–No Age, Yellow Swans, Eat Skull, Landlord, $8, all ages
Branx–So Hot Right Now Party: DJ Mike Williams, DJ Joee Irwin, 10 pm, $3
Crush–Booty: Puppet, Stormy, DJ Dragnfire, Camacho, 9 pm, $3-5
Crystal Ballroom–Built to Spill, Camper van Beethoven, The Delusions, 9 pm, $17-20, all ages
Ground Kontrol–Fun World: Chores, Modernstate, Lebanon, 9 pm, $5
Holocene–Pseudosix, The Builders & The Butchers, Death Songs, 9 pm, $6
Rotture–Family Sampler: Kaetlin Kennedy, X/H, Garland Ray Project, Tina Fae Knutson, Jessie Montaigne, Allegra M., Angela Campbell, Andrew Ox, Karin Lehman, Splendora & The Gender Fluids, Rush’n Disco, DJ Solomon, 9 pm, $7
Satyricon–Die Young, I Quit, Fast Times, Dead Giveaway, 7:30 pm, $8, all ages
Someday Lounge–The Fix: Ohmega Watts, Rev. Shines, DJ Kez, DJ Dun Diggy, 9 pm, free

Another Mercury music section to casually flip through while this creepy photo of Alex Rodriguez haunts your dreams. He looks like the Patrick Bateman of baseball players.

Thanks to the kind words of a homeless street musician, we now have Old Time Relijun and their fantastic new album, Catharsis In Crisis. No word on if he was also responsible for their matching blue outfits.
MP3: Old Time Relijun - The Tightest Cage

Pseudosix believe that less is more, and their restrained inide/country tunes are proof that their philosophy is working.
MP3: Pseudosix - Enclave

Remember when Billy Corgan first shaved his head and then David Spade called him Powder on SNL, and then I got all pissed and hated Spade for like 5 years because of that? I can now admit that the joke was sort of funny. Know what else is a joke? Zeitgeist, the new album from The Smashing Pumpkins.
MP3: The Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonnaise

Besnard Lakes are the dark horses of the peppy Canadian pop music scene. I like horses. Lakes, too.
MP3: Besnard Lakes - And You Lied to Me

Is Against Me! the new Clash? The new Big Audio Dynamite? None of the above?
MP3: Against Me! - White People For Peace

Last year, Justin Hocking replaced Pablo de Ocampo as the director of the IPRC, moving here from Williamsburg to run the truly independent Publishing Resource Center. Earlier this week, we received a very nifty Fall Workshop Catalog in the mail, and it certainly indicates that Hocking has not been napping on the job. The catalog’s a handsome little affair, and since making booklets is essentially what the IPRC excels at, it makes me wonder why these hadn’t been arriving in my mailbox on a regular basis before now.

The IPRC has two new staff members in addition to Hocking: Nickey Robare, who is coordinating workshops, and Carye Bye, who will be handling events and publications. That means 75% of the staff there is less than a year old, and their enthusiastic new blood shows: They currently have over 40 workshops scheduled over the next few months! A lot of these are conventional zinester-type workshops about bookbinding, comics, photocopiers, and block printing, but there are a few surprising workshops being offered, too: Shut Up Your Inner Critic; Adobe InDesign; Pinhole Camera Portraits; and DIY Fundraising were all intriguing, fresh ideas.

What I’m getting at is this: If the IPRC has been off your radar for a while, or if you’ve grown so comfortable in Portland that you take it for granted, as so many of us do, now is a good time to get reacquainted with this incredible resource. Sometimes some new blood and fresh faces can do wonders for an organization.

• Bush tries to calm down a jittery America about the nation’s economy by impersonating Kevin Bacon in Animal House: “There is nothing to fear! All is well!”

• Thousands of black activists flood a small Louisiana town to protest how six black teenagers were (SURPRISE!) treated differently than their white counterparts.

• Bush calls for an expansion of the spying law that would make it easier for the government to eavesdrop without obtaining warrants. GOD! Am I the only person who’s really getting sick of this guy? Who’s with me?

• O.J. Simpson is free on bail! If you see him wearing gloves, run the other way!

• Pictures of a cross-dressing Oscar De La Hoya are FAKE! (Oh “truth,” why must you always ruin our fun?)

God, finally. Portland has spent how many years proving to the world that pirates are, like, the coolest, and just now we’re getting a Pirate Store?

Portland, OR — Those with a love of all things Pirate, are finally in luch. [I think they mean “luck.” —ed.] Portland will soon have its first pirate store, packed with pirate themed gifts, novelties, flags, hats, costumes, toys, party supplies, and fun offered up by the staff from Scream at the Beach, the Northwest’s top ranked Halloween event. All the Pirate fun begins Saturday, September 22 (inside the Jantzen BeachSuper Center mall). The Pirate Store is run by the same company that produces Scream at the Beach. Located inside the mall, near the food court, this will not be an ordinary store with aisles of shelves and display racks. This will look more like something out of an amusement park. Pirate ships, large scale sets and costumed guest services personnel will create a fun atmosphere that’s as much fun to explore as the merchandise is to play with. It will be the only pirate store serving the metro area, saving local pirate club members from a long trip to the Oregon coast or to Seattle to buy period clothing and supplies. Plus, pirates are one of the most popular themes for parties, so local party planners will find all the supplies they need for birthdays and special occasions.

… to convert to Christianity!

If this thing takes off, I’ve written another wild, crazy action piece. It’s actually wilder than Shoot ’Em Up. And if the public embraces this sort of style from me, I would love to continue on to be like a writer/director of these action movies.

That’s one of the things writer/director Michael Davis told me when I interviewed him about Shoot ‘Em Up. Man, I’m hoping he gets his wish.

I just looked up how Shoot ‘Em Up’s doing, though, and it’s not doing so hot. Which blows: Not only was Shoot ‘Em Up a whole lot of fun, but I got the sense that Davis was genuinely passionate about it, and really enthused about the idea of doing some more action flicks. So if you’re at all partial to crazy, funny, balls-out action (who isn’t?!), go see Shoot ‘Em Up. Not enough people are going, and the action genre will be better—in the near future, and overall—if Davis can keep making the sort of action flick he made with Shoot ‘Em Up. Here’s a quick clip, just to give you a taste.

There’s also this. (Skip past the lame PR stuff [the first minute and 15 seconds] to the actual gunfight.)

The Oregon Humane Society “End Petlessness” campaign is pretty spot-on, especially the billboard on NE Sandy, where the crumb-faced kid is assisted by a lick-happy dog.

But if you thought that was cute, get ready for the Laura Gibson-assisted video (below), where thanks to pets, the world becomes a much better place.

Although, not everyone agrees with me about this.

All this talk about the awesomeness of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! has got me thinking (once again) about my favorite video game ever.

I love the music, the characters (Soda Popinski!) and the idea that a severely undersized 17-year-old named Little Mac could overcome the odds and defeat Mike Tyson. That is, if you could even make it to Tyson. The game was the source of more youthful frustration than algebra and puberty combined.

Although it’s over 33 minutes (as if you have anything better to do today), the below clip shows the entire game (from Glass Joe to Tyson himself) from start to finish, played as quickly as possible.

This really makes me want to get an NES and a copy of the game (which I’ll surely have to blow on for about five minutes before it finally works) as soon as possible.

See? I told you someone other than myself thought this phrase was funny. But buy your t-shirt quick, because in five minutes, it won’t be!

Here’s a fun little piece from Gawker noting that reviews by “guys named Mark” appear more frequently on Pitchfork than reviews by women of any name.

Our Intern Sheila checked genders on 10 business days of Pitchfork’s bylined reviews from each of the last two months, as well as from March, 2007 and from September, 2006. In each of those periods, reviews by men named Mark appeared at least twice as frequently than any reviews by women. The good news: Pitchfork appears to have doubled its contributions by women in the last year—their lady-numbers have jumped from 4% to 8% of all bylines! Wowza!

September 2007
50 reviews sampled
4 by women - 8%
7 by dudes named Mark - 14%

March 2007
50 reviews sampled
2 by women - 4%
10 by dudes named Mark - 20%

What? Music writing? A boys club?

Can’t muster up any genuine indignance about it, though. ‘Cause honestly, not sure I’d want to be in that club, even if I was invited. As one commenter put it:

We ladies shouldn’t really sweat it. All this proves is that we’re not as good at making a living as pretentious ass clowns who probably make up most of their obscure allusions, and are laughed at by anyone with half a brain.

Also, maybe we get laid once in awhile, unlike Mark.

He may not enjoy the position, but City Commissioner Randy Leonard has found himself square in the middle of the Bob Ball/Sam Adams rumor story. That much has been reported by us and others, but the backstory, which has been floated over deserves its own space.

Leonard and Ball have been close friends for years, through Leonard’s campaigns and even through Ball’s last charter reform campaign, which Leonard strongly opposed. Ball brought his allegations against Adams to Leonard at an August 2nd sustainability fair at Ball’s Wyatt Condominium project where Leonard was showing off the city’s biodiesel vehicles.

“If you’ve got an allegation like this that you’re serious about, you don’t tell me at the end of a biodiesel parade,” Leonard said. Rather, if Ball had a legitimate concern, Leonard added, he should have taken it to the police or child services.

Even though Ball told Leonard to “not tell anyone else,” Leonard says he “did what Ball wouldn’t and didn’t do—ask Sam directly.” Leonard was convinced that Adams’ denials of any wrongdoing were honest, and lacking any substance to the allegations, Leonard told Ball to drop the issue.

Only, Ball didn’t drop the issue. He brought it up again to Leonard multiple times, and Leonard again advised him to not spread the rumor around, since it “will get really bad, not just for Adams, but for [Ball].” As confirmed by many, Ball continued to drop allegations to reporters that he had dirt on Adams that would end his career. And then he told Vera Katz. By the time the Oregonian’s Anna Griffin began working on her profile of Adams (which ran a couple weeks ago), the rumor had already made it around the city, coming to Griffin from someone who was adamant that they didn’t hear it from Ball.

Meaning, Leonard was right in his warning that the more people Ball told, the more it would get around, and all fingers would point back at him.

Leonard now considers Ball a “former friend.”.

On the upside, if Ball and Adams both ran for mayor, Leonard would have been in a bit of a pickle, having to decide on an endorsement between two men he respected both personally and professionally, and considered friends. Not so much a problem anymore.

“Bob just made that decision really easy for me,” Leonard said yesterday.

Here is the newest PSA from PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) featuring a nude Alicia Silverstone describing why she’s a vegetarian.
Uhh… HUH???

On one hand, I understand that PETA is trying to grab your attention. My problem is that once they have your attention, they never seem to do anything with it. PETA’s goal, more often than not, seems to be promoting their brand rather than stopping people from eating animals. Need proof? After seeing that PSA I really want to eat some meat. In particular, a piece of Alicia Silverstone’s juicy booty. Lookin’ sexy, grandma!

Don’t Tase him, bro: Was University of Florida student Andrew Meyer putting on an act?

But one of the officers said that “his demeanor completely changed once the cameras were not in sight,” shifting in a matter of minutes from the kicking-and-screaming coiner of the new catchphrase “Don’t Tase me, bro” to “laughing and being lighthearted.” Then, they say, he asked them whether the news media would be on hand when he arrived at the police station.

Moreover, one of the widely circulated videos of the incident was filmed with his own camera. As he pushed his way toward the microphone to put his questions to Senator Kerry, he handed his camera to Clarissa Jessup, a student he didn’t know, and asked her to record him.

Regardless, 200 students protested over the incident yesterday.

Sen. Larry Craig returns to the Senate. His colleages, presumably, spend an uncomfortable day ‘holding it,’ so as not to run into Craig in the restroom.

Thousands are expected in Jena, Louisiana tomorrow for a protest over the unfair treatment of six students—who are accused of beating up a white student, but were charged with attempted murder—known as the Jena 6.

Britney Spears has to undergo random drug tests, after an LA court found that “there was evidence that the pop star was “a habitual, frequent and continuous” user of drugs and alcohol.”

Is the lower interest rate the Feds delivered yesterday just going to push people further into debt?

A brand new missive just landed n our inbox from a man who’s quickly becoming my favorite candidate for Senate: Pavel Goberman.

Goberman runs a program called “Get Energized!” It’s a kind of fitness regime that he’s been trying to get the City of Portland to contract with in order to lower city health care costs. He’s also trying to run for Senate, and he’s pissed—absolutely pissed!—that the Oregonian has so far ignored his campaign. On August 8, he appeared before city council in an attempt to have the O’s business license revoked because they wouldn’t write about him. The video is here (fast forward to 10:44, unless you want to see a performance by the finalists of Portland Teen Idol).

Get Energized. Or else…

Since I don’t want to repeat the same horrible mistakes the newspaper of record has made, here’s what the future junior Senator from Oregon has to say:

Candidates for Mayor of Portland and City Council: Change Dirty Diapers!

Portland Police violated my civil and human rights: made me criminal without any evidence, without prove, without any court order. My many Complaints to Portland Police, Mayor Portland and City Council left without any action. It is support criminal actions of Portland Police.

The Oregonian newspaper did discrimination against me, violated my Freedom of Speech. My Complaint to Mayor Potter and City Council to suspend business license left without any action. It is support of crime of the Oregonian. What a garbage Mayor Potter and all members of City Council. They do NOT support the Constitution of the USA, and on base of Amendment Seventh they can’t hold any office and must be fired.

Also Mayor Potter and all members of City Council are very poor managers: do NOT care about city spending. I spoke before City Council and offered my 3-min workout and my fitness program for all city employees, which may save city / taxpayers up to 50% on medical spending, but …… who care? They are spending not own money.

Candidates for city Mayor and Council: change dirty diapers. All members of current Council must go. Change dirty diapers. All of you may use this my testimony against your opponents.

I’m going to file a lawsuit against Mayor Potter.

Pavel Goberman - Candidate for US Senator.

Perhaps if Bob Ball wants to salvage his run for mayor, he should join forces with Goberman. Together, they can change dirty diapers.

Goberman’s campaign message can be found here. If you read only one bizarre missive from a perennial candidate today, make it that one.

*In case it’s not obvious, I’m pretty sure I was joking about the endorsement. Though, the more I read from Goberman, the more he makes sense…

Just got back from a screening of Good Luck Chuck, which you should really go see this weekend, assuming you’re in the market for a movie with cutting-edge humor (“Fat chicks are gross! HA HA HA HA!”), or one that follows Fantastic Four’s lead in making Jessica Alba look less like her hot Sin City self and more like a plasticine bobble-head, or if you want to see a romantic comedy that is neither romantic nor comedic, or a big, multi-million dollar vanity project for star Dane Cook, who has somehow managed to become enormously popular despite the fact that he’s not funny at all.

I know some people don’t like Dane Cook’s standup, but I’ve never had too much exposure to him—so I figured maybe I was missing the funny stuff, and just hearing all the haters. Like I was late to the party, and walked in right when the backlash was happening, you know? That happens, right? I mean, he’s not funny in Good Luck Chuck (or in its trailer), and he was mostly just annoying in Mr. Brooks, but a lot of people like him, apparently—the crowd at the screening I went to thought everything he said was fucking hilarious. I remember reading somewhere that he was one of the first people to harness YouTube and MySpace to create a career, so I figured, hey, maybe his good stuff is on YouTube, right?

The following video has 2,345,797 views. 2,345,797. It is nine minutes and 39 seconds long, and as far as I can tell, there’s not a single joke in there.

The fuck is that? I made it all the way through, because I’m apparently a masochist with too little self respect and too much time. But 2,345,797 views? That means a lot of people find that shit funny, right?

My confusion continues after the jump. I just want someone to explain this to me.

So then this, from the same show, and jesusfuckingchrist look how many people are in the audience.

THE FUCK ARE THEY LAUGHING AT? He's not even giving them the credit to understand what the word "snarky" means, and they're standing up and cheering.

I'm honestly not trying to be a dick here, I'm just trying to understand. I know there are a lot of people who just outright hate this guy, which is fine, good for them, whatever. But what interests me is why people like him--what it is about his shtick that I'm missing, that warrants hundreds of millions of YouTube views. It's just... really confusing. There's something big I'm missing here, I suspect. If any of you Dane Cook fans can tell me what that is, exactly, I'd be grateful. 'Cause right now... yeah. It's just confusing.

According to the 30-second story KOIN just ran on the Bob Ball smear story (it’s listed on their site as the “top story,” but during the 11pm broadcast it aired at 11:16), Ball himself apparently doesn’t even believe the rumor he spread about Sam Adams.

Unsurprisingly, they didn’t spend any time asking Ball why he a.) changed his mind or b.) decided he needed to tell a story he didn’t believe in the first place. KOIN did have a clip of Ball saying, “We’ve had recent history here in Portland of people knowing something but not saying anything, and I didn’t want that to happen to me.”

In other words, Goldschmidt.

Preciously—God I love TV news—KOIN ended their broadcast with these words: “Both men are considering runs for mayor next year, and they’re both openly gay.”

Anybody catch the other stations’ coverage? I don’t normally tune in, but I’m curious as to how quickly this story has fallen off their radar.

Yowsa, Overlookians are fiesty!

We’re 20 minutes into testimony over the proposal to rename Interstate, and one neighbor has already declared: “You cannot have the avenue, it’s Interstate and always will be.” She got thundering applause from the crowd of roughly 200. Those who are residents or business owners in Overlook are clutching Miller Paint sticks, which let them vote.

So far, one neighbor has testified in support of it, many more have spoken against it. One resident called into question the committee’s integrity, given that reports have already circulated saying the neighborhood supports the idea. Others suggested the committee consider other ways to honor Chavez, while still others—including one man who says he owns two businesses on Interstate—asked the committee why they didn’t follow the city’s official name change process. “Will the city council and the mayor break the city’s own laws again?” he asked, referring to how Portland Boulevard was changed to Rosa Parks Way last year. (A Chavez committee rep basically said, if the folks who wanted to change Portland Boulevard didn’t have to, why should they? Thanks, city council, for setting such a shitty precedent.)

A motion to support renaming Interstate for Cesar Chavez just went down. Only six paint sticks went up for it, while 86 were against it.

But that’s not enough—there’s now a motion to actively oppose the proposal, to write a letter to the city going on record as being against this idea. That won, 92 to 12.

Overlook officially does not want Interstate’s name changed.

But there’s a third motion—the neighborhood wants to show their support for honoring Cesar Chavez in some other way… it looks like everyone has their paint stick up (the official vote was 70-0)

In a little over an hour, residents of the Overlook neighborhood in North Portland are getting together to debate the proposal to rename Interstate for César E. Chávez. On Thursday night, the Arbor Lodge neighborhood is doing the same thing. Both meetings promise to be doozies—and their outcome could be more important than neighbors believe.

New Seasons Market, which has a store on Interstate, had thrown their considerable weight behind the proposal in July, on the basis that the three neighborhood associations along Interstate were into the idea. Trouble is, they hadn’t decided yet. On New Seasons’ blog, the CEO has qualified the market’s support—if the neighborhoods support it, they will.

We’ll find out tonight if Overlook supports the idea. Arbor Lodge weighs in later this week. On Friday, opponents of the idea hope both neighborhoods will have rejected the plan, and New Seasons will follow suit. (Here’s a sneak peek at my story this week, which goes even more in depth.)

Meanwhile, Jose Romero of the Chavéz committee says he hopes the opposite will happen—that the neighborhoods will sign on, and New Seasons will support the project. Plus, he says, New Seasons’ CEO Brian Rohter “promised that when it was all said and done we’re going to have a big party in his parking lot,” Romero says.

What happens when you run out of commercial real estate in Bangkok? You build your store on the train track, and move everything before and after the train arrives! Hey Portland city planners! Now THIS is what I call “density.”

Train Runs Through Bangkok Market - Watch more free videos

The anti-gay campaign is working overtime to squeeze out as many signatures as they can before the September 26 deadline. And they’ve crafted a relay race of sorts, to get the signed petitions to the right spot in time.

Here’s the weird thing—they’ve posted the “Final Petition Collection Plan 2: Collection Plan” (oooo, I hope it’s a trilogy!) for all the world to see, in the hopes of getting volunteers to shuttle the petitions toward Portland this upcoming Sunday.

This will allow petitioners to gather signatures as long as possible and will ensure that we have adequate time to process petitions and get them to the Secretary of State for submittal.

For example, they need someone to take petitions from Pendlton to Hermiston at 2:30, from Hermison to Arlington at 3:30, from Arlington to Hood River at 4:45, and from Hood River to Clackamas at 6:15. Synchronize those watches! (There’s even a handy Google Map of the pick up and drop off locations.)

Far be it from me to suggest any crazy antics, but… are they screening these potential volunteers who are going to be carting around such precious cargo? What’s to stop someone from signing up for a run, then “forgetting” to show, or claiming God told them to baptise the petitions in a river? (Again… I’m NOT suggesting this. Just hypothesizing.) They definitely are lacking volunteers—only two of the 20 slots have been filled, and it’s by the same person.

The influence Avail had on modern day punk bands is pretty immeasurable. They were the ultimate blue-collar punk act that was always in the van, and no matter how small your hometown, it hosted an Avail show at one time or another. This documentary looks promising, and just watching that footage made me remember the legendary Beau Beau, the band’s cheerleader/designated mosher. He was sort of like a punk rock Fred Nemo.

Anyway, Avail frontman Tim Barry is now touring on a solo album, Rivanna Junction, doing the whole raspy voice, songs about booze and hard living thing. Basically it’s just a slower, sadder, version of his other band.

MP3:
Tim Barry - Church of Level Track

Tim Barry performs tonight at Dante’s.

Does the OLCC know about this?

What:
With much to celebrate -including the April, 2008 opening of the Portland pub and The Abyss being named the world’s best stout in the new issue of Men’s Journal- Deschutes Brewery is rolling out the barrel and introducing a new traveling pub to share their signature pub culture with the rest of the Pacific Northwest.

The custom-made truck-sized wooden barrel was created by renowned Hollywood designer Eddie Paul and will be stopping in Portland before heading north to Seattle as part of its new Neighborhood Hops Traveling Beer Festival.

When:
Tuesday, September 18th, 6:00 p.m.

Where:
The future home of the Portland Deschutes Brew Pub
The corner of Davis and 11th, Portland

Leaving city hall a bit ago, I ran into a member of the local news media, getting ready to broadcast a report on Bob Ball’s rumors about Sam Adams.

“I hate this story,” he confessed. “I feel like I’m being used.”

That honest assessment pretty well sums up the story so far, as everyone I’ve talked to in the city sees it. Ball not only spread the rumors around about Adams (his claim that he only told Randy Leonard and Vera Katz simply isn’t true; he dropped that story, or allusions to it, to numerous people in the city), but he also lied about who he told, and then promptly split town, offering only one faxed response that said the story wasn’t about him.

But, certainly, the media picked up the gossip and ran with it. Nigel Jaquiss is now the toast of the KXL set; on his show two hours ago, Lars Larson effectively made the claim that Adams was having sex with a minor.

Adams is used to getting hit from the right—especially Lars. But this hit came from Ball, another openly gay man.

“If this had come from the right wing—and it probably will now—that would have been one thing,” Adams told me this morning. “But to come from another gay man is something more hurtful. It plays into the worst, deep-seeded fears society has about gay men: You can’t trust them with your young.”

With the exception of the Oregonian’s level-headed piece this morning, I haven’t seen much in the way of anyone trying to peel back the layers of the story. So here’s an attempt:

Bob Ball—the most potential rival to face off against Adams if they both run for mayor—heard a story from a former Adams staffer that the commissioner had befriended 17-year-old Beau Breedlove. They had dinner a couple of times—which the boy’s boyfriend picked him up from—and he even went to the young man’s family birthday party. That’s the extent of the allegation—that Adams befriended a 17-year-old who approached him looking for advice on coming out of the closet and whether it was possible to be a gay man in politics.

Ball is incommunicado, so we’ll have to guess at his motivations. He anticipated a certain amount of ingrained societal homophobia, such that a story in which nothing inappropriate is even alleged would gain political traction and throw Adams out of the race for mayor. All indications, though, are that the story has backfired on Ball, and I, personally, would be shocked if he can salvage any kind of political future for himself.

It’s not just the unfounded allegation or whisper campaign, but the fact that he’s been caught in at least two lies about the story. First, he told the Oregonian that he knew nothing about the rumor last week, which was blatantly false. Then, he called Leonard and asked him if he had told the Oregonian, because Leonard was the only person he had told about it. That, too, was blatantly false—Ball had met days before with Vera Katz, and Leonard knew it.

Ball has backed himself into a corner, and there’s not much of a way out. On the flip side, all Adams has to do is be upfront (“open and honest, and to give verifiable proof” says Adams) and the net political gain vis a vis Ball could be huge.

Perhaps the most startling thing about the story is Willamette Week's piece, penned by Nigel Jaquiss. The easiest way to read it is through Jaquiss's apparent Goldschmidt fixation and, by extension, his fixation on his Pulitzer. Even though the two stories aren't analogous in the least, Jaquiss appears to believe that this is simply a retelling of the Goldschmidt story. In Jaquiss's world, a gay man can't have contact with an underage male without there being a sexual advance, or without everyone worrying about the appearance of salaciousness. When you're a hammer, as they say, everything looks like a nail.

WW's quick buy-in to the homophobic frame--that of course all gay men are sexual predators!--also speaks volumes.

"The ironic part of this is that even Big Brothers and Big Sisters frequently pairs Queer adults with Queer youth," says Adams. "Not that a straight Big Brother wouldn't be great for a Queer youth, or vice versa, but they have a shared experience. I hope this doesn't have a chilling effect on the mentoring that should go on between Queer youth and adults."

"I'm hoping that this gives me an opportunity to talk about the bigger issues here," he added. "Like the fact that it's apparently still not okay to be gay in certain situations. It's as if, because I'm gay, I can't have any meaningful interaction with males under the age of 18."

Two final thoughts on talking points you'll be hearing in the next couple of weeks, as debuted on the Lars show today:

1. If Adams was a heterosexual man who met with a 17-year-old girl to talk about her sexual activities, all you Portland liberals would be demanding his resignation instead of coming to his support.

First, Adams wasn't discussing anyone's sexual activities, but giving Breedlove advice on coming out to his family and how to navigate politics while being an out gay man. The Lars set is so fixated on sex that any discussion of orientation must, of course, be salacious. Second, the reason Breedlove approached Adams is because he needed advice on being out in the political world. Who was he going to talk to? His substitute math teacher? His priest? No--he's going to seek advice from someone who's similarly situated.

2. All you liberals who called for the resignation of Marc Foley should demand the same from Sam Adams.

Foley was a despicable perv because he was sexually soliciting his pages through emails and text messages. According to both Adams and Breedlove, there was nothing even remotely sexual about their exchanges. End of story.

Or, as our tipster writes, “Crazy how you can find anyone on MySpace.”

Meet Beau Breedlove, the former Adams intern at the center of today’s rumor mill.

Lars Larson spent some of his show on the drama du jour, the Sam Adams mudslinging. Nigel of WW-Goldschmidt fame was apparently on at 11:30, but I didn’t tune in until closer to noon, when Lars was ranting solo.

Highlight: “Sam Adams is homosexual, he likes men. So if Sam Adams a homosexual is mentoring a boy, it would be the equivilent of a 40 something year old man taking a teenage girl out to dinner to talk about her sex life.”

Enjoy the right wing foaming at the mouth. (The first few seconds are about a “meth mom,” but it’s a Sam fest right afterward.)