I received a box of brownies in the mail today.

“More than 1,300 journalists across America received “Sweet News” today in a surprise package with over a dozen delicious brownies inside, hand-baked by a professional pastry chef. Their challenge: to see if they can tell which brownies were made with Controltrim, a revolutionary new fat replacement developed by the USDA, available exclusively at LA Weight Loss, that replaces fat and calories, but not flavor. The results of the Contoltrim Challenge will be provided exclusively to participating reporters.”

The text on the box encouraged me to share the brownies around the newsroom, take a survey to see which brownies my colleagues think are “healthier” (the brownies are identical, save that there are yellow stickers on the bottoms of some of them), and report the results back to LA Weight loss.

Surprisingly, the brownies remain untouched. My colleagues here at the Mercury have been dismayingly unwilling to participate in the Control Trim Challenge, and have in fact done nothing but mumble phrases like “anal leakage” and “not your cancerous guinea pig.”